My husband is 12 years older than I am, and sometime's has a hard time, well, getting and staying hard. He does have factors against him, like he smokes and drinks, and age (almost 40). It bothers him far more than it bothers me (though I'd be a liar if I said sometime's it's tough not to take it personally). It's not a constant issue, but we've both noticed it's getting slightly worse.
He recently had a physical and everything checked out okay, BUT, they did not specifically test him for low testosterone (which I kind of doubt is the problem, but who knows?) He was initially too embarrassed to ask the doctor about Viagra or Cialis, but now wishes he had.
Has anyone else's husband's had issues with this? What was the cause of the problem? Does anyone else's husband's take Viagra or Cialis? Was your husband embarrassed about asking for it? Does it make a big difference?
I just want to hear some personal stories, good or bad, before helping him make his decision... and yes, he wants to do something about it, but he's nervous because a few of his buddies get 'the shot' for Low T, and he's kind of a pansy when it comes to shots ;)
ETA*** Ladies, some of you are mentioning a topical creme... is that going to hurt ME?
@Lisa, HA, yes, yes they did, no issues there...
I also tried to compare his issue with me going to the gyno... except us women have to talk about these things more openly and more often! I think that's why he's ready to open up a bit about it, that, and once he mentioned it to his guy friends, it seemed like every single one of them had the same issue in one form or another...
Not with my H, but some older BFs in the past. Get some blood work. If all is normal:
Little. Blue. Pill.
Or a cockring.
(hint: VELCRO OR SNAPS. Because one doesn't want to get 'stuck'. Ruins the glow.)
My husband did! He was tested and does have low testosterone and his dr gave him a medicine called Axiron and WOW it's like when we were first dating 8 years ago:) Added: the medicine my hubby gets is like a liquid that he puts on his armpits after he showers, and it dries really fast. So no needles...
Smoking and alcohol will totally do that, especially on nights of excess. My husband will never have a problem BESIDES on nights where he chain smokes and drinks.
yes it is frustrating and our husbands should quit smoking.
what better reason could they have ?
Please tell him that there is NOTHING to be embarrassed about. My hubby thinks it is hilarious that his patients are so shy about asking for it. He says that the guys usually wait until the VERY end of the appointment, and then just kinda look at their shoes & mutter something like, "What have you heard about Viagra?" My hubby smiles at them, says, "If you'd like to try it, no problem, I will give you a prescription." He spares them the clinical diagnosis process (as long as he knows that taking it won't cause problems for them with other medications or conditions).
ETA: I just wanted to add that NOTHING he can say will shock a doctor. You should hear the kinds of dinner conversations that we have when we go out to dinner with some of his colleagues. I have to keep reminding them to keep their voices down because the other diners are not used to discussing pap smears, prostate exams, rectals, etc at the dinner table in a 4 star restaurant :)
40 is not an age where it should imact him in that way. I'm 52 and my husband is 47 - now that he takes blood pressure medication there's a slight difference in that it's not as um - viril - but he still can get it going with success although it's not quite what it used to be. But my husband doesn't smoke or drink - which I think is probably the bigger factor than age.
I suggest you find articles about the impact of smoking and drinking on virility - since it would probabaly be a good thing for him to give those up anyway. Medication is never the perfect answer - and since the smoking will impact blood flow that's probably the biggest thing he should try to work on. Put it to him this way - what's more important - getting and keeping a b0ner or smoking. Since their woody is more important to most men than anything else I'd think it would serve as a huge (excuse the pun) incentive. ;o)
Good luck mama!
Hi R.
My husband was 11 yrs older than me. We were together for 11 yrs. He was 45 when we got together and had an issue with ED. He was always a smoker and a drinker. I am using past tense because he just passed away last month from a massive heart attack.
He had high cholesterol. But other than that he did not look unhealthy. He was very slim and muscular. Over the years he would go in for check ups. His blood pressure was always good, never high. He complained of indegestion ALL THE TIME. He had numbing and tingling in his finertips. One doctor told him it was Reinalts (sp?) disease which has to do with blood flow but only to specific body part, like a hand or foot. Continual testing was expensive so he blew it off. He thought he had low testosterone but never would get it tested. Now I wish I had pushed for more testing. But guys just hate going to the doctor. I am not sure if ED can be linked to heart issues. His family has heart issues and according to him all his brothers have ED.
Hope your hubby will continue to talk to his doctor. He would be amazed how much better he would feel if he just quit smoking! Can you imagine how many guys would quit if they could prove smoking causes ED!!??
Good luck, be patient with him.
D.
My husband has had that issue. He is almost 50. He always says it is because he's tired or stressed. At times, I've also taken it personally. I've also wondered if it was "Low T" - but he never seems to want to pursue it. He's gotten sample packs of Viagra and it works well. So we got a prescription and found out that insurance won't cover it and it would be over $200, so we never filled it.
We have sex only 3 or 4 times a month and I wish it was more - hubby is a fantastic lover. But if I'm really wanting it, he will "take care of" things for me. :-)
He had that problem and it caused real problems in our relationship. He would lose his erection or have trouble getting it and insinuate it was because he could tell I wasn't really into it and I'm thinking, well, I'm not very into it, because you aren't even there! So, guilt, enbarassment, and frustration on both our parts. He started buying the over the counter blue pills. They made him nauseous. I asked him and asked him to talk to the dr. He goes to VA drs that see vets all day, so he was extra shy about this particular subject. He eventually did ask and they gave him Cialis. It turned out not to be the big deal he made it out to be. They didn't embarass him and they definately took him serious about it. One of the things that helped was my telling him, 20 yr old guys that don't need it buy it on the street just to enhance the sex, why not give it a try. If they'll give you a script, just get one and try it out. Well he did and it's not like a miracle or anything, but it's much much better. More enjoyable and more reliable for both of us.
My husband had the lowest testosterone his endo had ever seen, but he never had issues getting or holding an erection.
He has to have steroid/testosterone replacements for the rest of his life. He doesn't like shots either so right now he is using the gel for the testosterone replacement (called AndroGel). He has been on it for almost 2 years and is almost up into the normal ranges again.
Heart issues, diabetes, circulation issues, even other diseases can help cause this. I would get all these things checked and see if any of them help. Maybe more exercise to get the circulation going would help too. It's nothing to mess around with really. Some places have special medical doctors for this issue, there is one where we live I think. You might check around and see if there is anyone near you who specializes in finding the cause.
I would not attribute it to age at all, ED usually effects men around 50 not 40. (My husband is 47-no problems) Tell him you are worried about his HEALTH and he needs an honest discussion with his doctor, this could be an indication of an undiagnosed serious health problem.
It's always something, isn't it? I don't have any experience with this. My husband and I are both 45. We enjoy "adult time" about 4-5 times a week and we've never had a problem. It might take slightly longer for my husband to be at 100%, but it's hardly a problem. My husband is of normal weight and doesn't smoke. He has maybe a small glass of wine some nights with dinner (good for the heart I think?). I've heard (was it Dr. Oz?) that the problem you describe can be caused by problems with arteries - as in they are starting to get blocked little by little. I think smoking might contribute to it too, although I'm not sure. I would encourage your husband to have another discussion with his doctor - maybe you want to go with him? I think women are just better at talking about these kinds of things with doctors - I mean - we're used to regular exams while we're spread eagle on a cold table - what could be more embarrassing? Try to explain to hubby that this is all part of life and doctors hear way worse stuff than this. A doctor can't help if he doesn't know a problem exists. Good luck!
The first step is to talk to your doctor....and you missed THE perfect opportunity to do so. Please, please, please, don't be embarrassed..Call your doctors office back, since he was there so recently, and leave a message. Tell the staff your uncomfortable leaving specifics, but you do have questions regarding erectile function and possible dysfunction. This is something that should be checked out medically first, like the low testosterone test. And chances are, your doctor will send you to a specialist anyhow.
It's good that you both are noticing the change. Keep searching for answers....you are so not alone...believe, the medical professionals will not bat an eye, or think twice about your questions...as they are completely every day, normal, run of the mill concerns...only to you two do they seem so private.
I have no experience but wanted to say , it's great your husband is willing to accept & try to figure out what's going on . Most men wouldn't be so open. He must really love you & want to make your relationship the best it can be. Good for him!
My husband is 53 and he too has this problem from time to time. He has tried Viagra from time to time with success. A lot of things can contribute to it, weight, age, low testosterone, maybe even high blood pressure, and yes smoking and drinking. But 40 is not old so I would encourage him to have his testosterone levels checked. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. A lot of men have this issue at all ages. Good luck!! Maybe they have something other than a shot to give him.
I was reading and I can't remember (sorry) where but they did a study that linked that problem to heart problems. I would look into the testosterone first and if its normal i would ask about the heart theory. My husband has had low testosterone and so has my brother. My brother also recieved a rub in creme that helped and my husband was just given DHEA as a supplement. It sounds like low testosterone is a common problem. Best wishes!
I think that your hubby should talk to the Dr. He is not the only one, if he was they wouldn't make stuff to help it. I also think first he needs to stop smoking (my hubby and I are former smokers) and cut back on the drinking. These can contribute to this issue. We haven’t had any issues with it but I would support my hubby and always remind hin that there is no need to feel embarrassed.
They also have testosterone creams. And did they check his prostate?
