Upset Wife Leaves Husband

I would definitely be mad for the fact that he hasn't called or come home. I understand mingling and socializing with old friends. However, usually that is something you do together. I don't see any problem in him going off by himself for a little while but, he should have been spending time with you and introducing you to his friends. It is hard being around people you don't know. I hope you are able to work things out. I would definitely be mad and concerned that he is gone. Is this typical behavior?

I dont think you were overreacting at all. I would ob been quite upset myself at that kind of occassion couples usually stay somewhat together while socializing ...at least thats what I always thought....Good Luck to you..

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I dont think you were overreacting at all. I would ob been quite upset myself at that kind of occassion couples usually stay somewhat together while socializing ...at least thats what I always thought....Good Luck to you..

Are you saying you haven't seen or heard from your husband in almost a day? No contact at all? Is this a normal thing for him to do? If it were my husband, I would have stopped being pissed about 9 hours ago and started getting worried. Really worried. His behavior at the wedding is unacceptable, but I think right now, you need to track him down and make sure everything's ok. When you find him and see that he's fine, THEN hand him his a$$ on a platter, because you are not overreacting. He owes you an apology and needs to make it up to you BIGTIME! Seriously, what is it about guys that they turn into total inconsiderate jacka$$es around their friends?

If my husband and I were at any sort of function (or heck.. even sitting around at home) I cannot fathom a situation, .... ANY situation... where my husband would leave in the car without talking to me/letting me know, first. He would come find me. Call me on my cell. Have someone reliable take me a message (in a DIRE EMERGENCY only). He would NEVER essentially abandon me away from home. Most especially in a place where I basically knew no one! It just wouldn't happen. And if I read your post correctly, you had a child in diapers with you at this event??

So... no. You are not overreacting to that. The fact that he hasn't called or come home is a HUGE concern too. Could he have taken some sort of drugs that you didn't know about upon arriving at this wedding reception? Or is this more run of the mill behavior for him?

I would be one of 2 things: Petrified calling every ER in the state trying to locate what happened to him; or so furious that he would be very very afraid to come home.

Am I understanding correctly that your husband has not come home from the wedding and the last time you saw or heard from him was when you left? Him going off to chat to poeple at the reception is fine , I don't see the harm in that , I don't understand why he needed to go off in the car?? I say no your not reacting and I would be well pissed off about him being awol!

My answer may not be popular, but its based on getting along with my wife and and loving her dearly. I've been doing it for almost 37 years.

Abraham Lincoln said, "If you look for the good OR bad in your fellow man, you will surely find it."

Is your glass half empty or half full?

Half empty . . . he's having an affair. He's doing drugs. He doesn't love me. I'm a victim. Poor me. Poor me ! ! !
Half full . . . he was talking to friends. He went to get stuff to decorate the car. He was making friends. He went on an errand for the bride or groom.

My glass is at least half full. You sat at a table and were ignored. Your choice. You could have gotten up and hooked your arm in his and went with him. You chose to stay at the table. He came back to you and told you to get up and get some food. You chose to stay seated instead. Unless the reception was being held in a multi-acre site like Dodger Stadium, finding the food wouldn't be hard to find for any adult. If you couldn't find the food after searching for it, you might have a barely valid complaint. Did you not see anyone with food? They could have told you where they got it.

You chose to be the poor, deserted, suffering-in-silence wife. You said it was his friends wedding. Just because it wasn't your friends wedding, so what! Grow up. By your behavior you told him he wasn't important enough in your life to do something for him you didn't want to do. (I suspect you argued with him about going in the first place.) He chose to use the car without your permission or to tell you before he left with it. Does he need your permission to use the car when he is at home? Does he have to tell you when and where he is going when he uses the car? Do you need his permission to use the car? Do you have to tell him when and where you are going when you choose to use the car?

Had it been my wife's friend's wedding, I would have been at her arm so she could introduce me and her friends could find out what a good choice she made, or at least I would have tried to make that impression. I would have carried the baby with me so her friends could have complemented her on our beautiful baby. OR I would have found a babysitter and left the baby at home.

Now you are trying to justify your poor-me, I'm-a-victim position with the people who read mamapedia. I hope you are more mature than to throw the answers that support your position in your husband's face.

Had you driven off and left me with some of my friends I would have looked and looked and looked for you. If I'd have found that you thought so little of me to have abondoned me I would have been given several invitations by my friends to spend the night. I'm not one to get mad and hold a grudge, but your husband may. My brother would. He'd stay away until his wife apologized. Maybe that's why he had three wives? Is this your first marriage?

You should call and find where your husband is. You should be prepared for him to be very angry at you. You should listen while he vents his anger. If he doesn't vent his anger, you should be extremely happy and you are extremely lucky . When he pauses for a breath, you should apologize profusely and repeatedly.

Everyone makes mistakes. This one is yours. What ever it takes to make it up to your husband you should do.

Good luck to you.

Okay, so he was pretty much AWOL ('absent without leave/permission'), once you BOTH sat down at the reception. The majority of the time, in other words, he was gone.
AND it seems by your description... he did not tell you where he was going (even if to talk to friends/the new couple), and he just left... then he came back told you to get food then left again. Then comes back after 1 hour... and did not say WHERE he went or what he was doing. Right? Then, then your CAR was gone... which you found out accidently. AND you were with your baby.
So then, you left with the car, when he came back, at that instant. Since then he has NOT shown ANY indication of where he is... or anything.

1) Did he call you?
2) At the wedding... how come you didn't just ASK him why he was coming and going so often and for so long...???? That is what most couples do... even if married or not. It is just courtesy to say something.
3) WHY was the car gone, when you discovered that by accident when you went to get diapers from the car? DID you ask him, WHY the car AND him was gone???

4) It is usual, at a social function, that people mingle. Even couples. You do NOT have to sit at the table idle. BUT you said you didn't know anyone there besides the bride/groom... AND you were also with your baby. SO.... then naturally, a Mom, would just be sitting at the table... at a social gathering. That is normal.

* BUT... MOST couples... will tell each other, head's up, on what the heck they are doing or WHY they have been gone so long and FREQUENTLY.... sporadically. BUT, it is also the choice of the other Spouse to ASK "where" they are going... even if just for curiosity. AND you BOTH have a baby, which was stuck with you... at the table. AND at a social gathering/wedding reception.

So, regardless, I think your Husband... was TOTALLY in error of his behavior... and rude, to you/your baby. BECAUSE, to me, he was acting sort of "weird" and not telling you anything. Just taking off and disappearing sporadically for various lengths of time... AND NOT TELLING YOU ANYTHING, NOR WHERE THE CAR WAS AND WHY HE LEFT WITH THE CAR... SECRETLY, and did not tell you he left the premises. Meanwhile, you are just sitting there.

NOW, your Husband is MISSING. Have you called the POLICE???? Filed a missing persons report???
Checked the hospitals???

Aren't you worried? Have you told ANYONE he is MISSING????
AND he has NOT called you? HAVE YOU TRIED TO CALL HIM ON HIS CELL PHONE??? At all?????

You need to tell the Police.... NOW.

Is this your Husband's "typical" behavior??? Or not?

have you called anyone at the wedding/the new bride or groom or anyone who was at the party and might have seen your Husband????

If it were me... I would be PISSED for how he behaved at the reception... but I would now be REAL worried, about where the heck he is and IF he is safe and alive... or what???

He has been gone a LONNNNNNGGGG time.
YOU need to find out and call the police.

Next, IF you find him and IF he returns home... (and he is fine)... I WOULD BE TOTALLY PISSED OFF ROYAL! AND you need to tell him BLUNTLY... that he pretty much abandoned you and your baby.... and this is NOT NOT NOT acceptable... AND he better damn well make it up to you, or else.

BUT you really need to find him. Has he reported to WORK? Does he work? CALL HIS BOSS. Think smart and do something.

good luck,
Susan

No, you have every right to be concerned and pissed.

Socializing and going off to chat with people is one thing, but he left you there for an hour, then you had enough of it and left him there when he got back with the car, and you haven't heard or seen from him since and that was yesterday.

Where has he been and what has he been doing all this time, and what is his excuse going to be when he gets home?
I definately agree with Victoria, especially when she said "I would be one of 2 things: Petrified calling every ER in the state trying to locate what happened to him; or so furious that he would be very very afraid to come home."

Good luck to you!

Hi, I know you have already received TONS of responses, as I read through most of them. I won't be repetitive, because you don't need that, but I did want to tell you that I agree with Everybody who said that your husband was completely out of line!!! The response from Julie calling you a bump on the log (or something like that) - ignore it sweetheart. No boyfriend and especially husband should ever leave their partner at any function for a long period of time. I understand the concept of mingling etc., but his behavior was unacceptable.

My immediate gut told me affair as well. sorry, I'm sure it's hard to hear. My heart goes out to you. Quickly - my husband use to be the 'life of the party' type and after I told him that leaving me was not okay, he quickly shaped up. We still mingle separately, but we still check up on each other also to make the other is comfortable. I wish you all the best!

you were definitely over reacting.
this is a classic case of poor communication.
im sorry that your husband was inattentive, its very rude of him for sure, but being your husband, he has the right to hear that it makes you upset and that you wanted him to spend time with you at this special and romantic event.
you should apologize for leaving him there and let him know (in non accusatory words) that it hurt your feelings and left you feeling abandoned.

just talk it out, with love and patience.

good luck!

I would have tried to figure out where he'd gone before I blew up. I would have tired to talk it over before leaving. You could just tell him you don't want to be left alone so much at a wedding and want his company. Its hard to tell from your descrition if you are unable to hold your own in a group of people and are overly needy, or if you husband really was up to no good. But if you know him to be a man up to no good, then I guess it really doesn't matter what you do.

I don't think you did anything wrong, I would have left too but I first would have asked where he had been and what the heck he was doing! His behavior was out of line.

I would really like to know what happened with your husband. I'm sure responding to this site is the last thing from your mind but we all care that's why we have responded to your question. Please update us when you can.

Hi F.,
NO! you were _NOT over reacting.
I'd be well beyond "upset"
But, like most other moms&wives, I would check and make sure he's alive.
And then run him through the mill. That is totally BS and he should be the one appologizing for his behavior.
Please really consider the facts and if he has been with another woman, don't make up by making love. I say that because he could have any number of STDs and who knows what else.
You know your situation better than any of us ever would. But, don't be a doormat. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your baby. And if you have family close by I would ask them to help you with baby for a few hours so that baby isn't caught up in the arguing that is inevitable upon his return. Even verry small babies can be traumatized by parental disputes. I know that first hand.
Please let us know what happened, since many of us are truly concerned for you.
Best to you and baby.

Good heavens.. Does he have a cell phone? Have you tried to call him? Have you called his friends? How did you get home? Did you call his work today?
Have you called his parents?
Is this the first time this has ever happened?

If you have tried all of that, call 911..

I have known my husband since we were 13 and nothing like this has EVER happened.. If my husband disappeared, I would have had every person I knew on the phone and if none of them had heard from him and he had not returned my calls, I would have placed my first call to the police..
And I would still be calling any and every person I could think of and demand the police come and take a report in person..

i would be really mad my husbands male friends are like that, they go to parties and as soon as they arrive they disappear from their wives they just check on them once in awhile but wont leave and dont come back. have u tried calling him maybe god forbid had some trouble ask around

.

Don't do anything until you too have talked. he may not even be aware of his behavior. Prayfuly he will be home soon. Let him know how you felt in a non argumentive way. J.

I can imagine sitting at a wedding reception with a cute baby and people coming up and talking to you and maybe not being so alone but for him to just go off seems odd to me. At a reception I went to a while back a husband ran to Walmart to get shaving cream and stuff to decorate the car because everyone forgot to bring stuff. But even then he should have called your cell to let you know what he was doing. What if the baby had gotten sick or needed a bottle...I assume everything was in the car since the diapers were there.

As for right now, it makes you look bad to not be calling around trying to find him. All he has to do is tell everyone..."look I was gone for 3 days and she didn't even report me missing"..."I went to work, she could have called me if she wanted to"...see what I mean? It's been 24 hours and he hasn't been seen or heard from according to you but he may have lived life normally otherwise. He isn't missing if you can find him with a few phone calls....

I feel really bad for you and I hope things can be resolved in a good way for you and your baby.

I am sorry you had such a bad time at what should have been a fun day. Given the weird circumstances - have other things been going on in your marriage? It seems like something very strange if everything has truly been going well in your marriage.

Going back over yesterday's activities won't help - what's done is done. However, do you have close friends ( preferably a couple) who could get in there with the two of you ?

I would say there is more than the wedding to discuss and work out.

Pray a lot for clarity, seeing things you maybe did not before, and for God and good friends to help you both through this.

Love and prayers to you!

Sounds awfully suspicious to me - either an affair going on, or doing drugs with friends.

You did not over react! First off, have you heard from him, is he okay? Secondly, if you have & he is okay. It sounds to me as though, he has another hobby. Be it women or drugs, you make want to check it out. Oh, and don't be surprised when he comes home, this situation will be turned around on you. It will be your fault.

OH HELL TO THE NO!!!
My husband would leave me sitting at a table at his high school reunions while he went around "socializing". I now refuse to go to them. He wants to visit with friends that I don't really even like. I'm happier to say home and watch a movie. If you don't suspect an affair let him know you and the baby will no longer be attending any functions with him. He can go alone. Sorry he did this too you been there done that! It is embarrassing and hurtful and even scary. People who love you don't try and make you feel this way! Good luck!

Whoa! That's NOT an acceptable way for a married man to act! I'd be mad (once I made sure he was OK). Very disrespectful and rude. You shouldn't treat an acquaintance, a friend OR a spouse like that!

The title of your post is, Upset wife leaves husband. It sounds like he left you! Any decent husband would not leave you behind anywhere.

There has to be more to this......

You're not over-reacting. He was rude. You were right to leave.

I'm worried that he still hasn't called or come home. Has he ever done anything like this (been missing without you knowing where) before?

Call the police and file a missing person report. Seriously. On the off chance he's actually missing (rather than sulking) you should let the authorities know.

If he's not hurt, having something official will also make it easier to prove his abandonment (in case you decide to make the "separation" permanent). If he is hurt, you need to get someone looking for him.

Good luck, and let us know what happens!

Sounds like AFFAIR to me. Maybe he thinks you saw or heard something that gave him up, which made you leave. If he was not doing anything wrong, he would have just come home pissed, but if he was up to no good, then it explains this behaviour and the not coming hone or calling home. He thinks he was caught.

He is not even worried about you or the baby. Somthing to think about. Step back and think about recent months. Any odd behaviour? Does he seem to cause fights for no good reason? Has he been unsexual with you, unaffectionate. Google for signs of an affair and do some serious soul searching.

If he does do what others say he might do, turn it around on you and try to make it all your fault, just say, look, I was wrong for just leaving you without a word, but where the @#$! have you been and with who? Do not back down, because if he can make you feel bad about it once, it will become a pattern until you become one of those women whose husbands walk all over them with their blatant affairs.

Read Women and Money by Suze Orman. Learn and be prepared to take care of yourself.

You are completely right for leaving. He leaves you by yourself with a bunch of strangers and even takes off with all the baby's things without saying anything first-he's an a**. I think you should call him, even if he hasn't tried calling you, to tell him that if he doesn't get home immediately, it's going to get even worse for him when he does get back. That is unacceptable. Sounds like he's taking advantage of the fact that you're already upset with him (might even turn it around on you by saying you were the one that left him) to just be on his own and do what he wants. That's adding insult to injury and you should not just sit back and let him get away with it. Don't let him enjoy a little vacation when he should be home with you and your baby, helping you with the baby and explaining his behavior. Good luck!