My father in law found out yesterday that his prostate cancer has spread. It's up his spine and other places. He goes to the radiologist in a week or so and then he'll know what his prognosis is. I don't think he has a lot of time. I can say he's old and lived a long full life but that doesn't say what I would say. I'd say I want him around another 20 years if I could have him. He's amazing and awesome and if I could have hand picked a father in law I would have chosen him and my mother in law.
My husband won't likely live through having his shoulder surgery. The heart transplant team won't put him on the transplant list until his weight is down. When it is he'll be put on and get a heart.
But then, if he lives, he has to take medication that will stop his immune system so that it won't attack his heart since it's a foreign body inside his body. Our immune system fights off disease every single day. Such as cancer, colds, flu, viruses, and more.
His mother died of small cell cancer on her liver, that metastasized to lots of places. Now his dad has cancer. I assume he's at risk for it in a bigger way since both of his parents have/had it. One small part of me wants him to not have the transplant because cancer is a worse way to go but the rest of me wants him to have the transplant so he can have a healthy heart again and we can have a life.
My granddaughter was inpatient for part of the month last month due to depressions and she's not a lot better.
Me? Ummm, I feel sort of dead inside. I'm stressed out to the max and don't have anyone that I really want to share stuff with so here I am, anonymously telling strangers about my day.
I feel so overwhelmed sometimes that I want to go crawl under the dining room table and then put a huge king size blanket over it so no one can find me. But that would be hell on my hips and knees and body so no, I can't do that.
I'm going to be fine eventually but I don't know when that will happen.
Question.....I don't know. I don't really have a question, I just have an update.
Gamma, I have no words of wisdom, just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry you have so much pain going on with the ones you love. We are here whenever you need to vent.
That's so much for one person to handle. We don't always know the burdens that another is carrying, and you've been so open about sharing that you have carried a lot for many years. You've got 4 generations of people to worry about - in-laws, husband, daughter, grandchild. And there's not really anyone to sympathize with you. Except us. We're here for you. Please look into respite care services that may be available to help caregivers have a break.
Sending you hugs and prayers.
It's ok to vent here Gamma. You need to get it out.
I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
Sometimes we don't understand the hand we were dealt and it seems very unfair. Hang in there and keep looking up!!!
Thank you for sharing on here. You certainly have a lot to deal with, and I'm sorry that so many people you love are going through such difficult health problems.
You're important to many of us on this site, and we appreciate you.
Try to take care of yourself (eating and sleeping and getting out for a walk or something).
We'll join you (virtually) under that cyber dining room table and that king size blanket!
Oh my my cyber friend. How do you get through this? One step at a time. Right now you are on the inside of the forest and cannot see a way out. Take a deep breath, hold it 10 seconds, then exhale. Repeat again if necessary.
I have been going through what your FIL has been diagnosed with for the last eight years with my husband. He has had several different types of chemo and hormones and he is still with me. It has not always been nice and pretty but he is still here. In the middle of all of this I had lung surgery three years ago and all is fine with me. No radiation or chemo needed.
What I do for me is work a job to keep myself separate from hubby and not a caregiver. I also sew and try to keep busy with local women who do quilting and have a store where I can sell my finished products.
Know that you are not alone. Ask for help from your church or other local organizations in your area. Get a notebook and do journal all of your thoughts to help you get through the rough patches. This way you don't hold those feelings inside to cause you physical issues.
You have always been a person I admire for your strength and your wisdom in responses. I will keep your family in my thoughts. May you have a peaceful weekend.
the other S.
PS PM if you need to vent.
That's overwhelming. Sometimes we shut down so we can cope. Compartmentalize. It's important to let it out though - otherwise as you say, we become 'dead' inside.
Feel free to vent on here and get it all out.
When I've gone through things in my life, friends aren't always exactly what you think you need them to be. It's like we want them to be able to change, so they can handle this stuff you need to dump - so you can breathe. I took it personally the first time I went through loss. I thought why is no one helping me? The thing is, they remain constant - it's you and your life that has changed. Your loved one who is ailing. They don't get it.
I would encourage you to keep doing 'friend' stuff with your friends or neighbors, or whoever you connect with. Share your thoughts - the sad ones, the deep ones, the depressed ones - with a journal, here, or if it helps you (it helped me) a counsellor. I saw a therapist for just a few sessions not long ago - and it was the best thing ever. In the end, I realized I am doing great. I felt like I wasn't, but I was dealing really well - and how wonderful to have a person who has to listen to your stuff for an hour. It felt great. I felt like I got it all out - and then I didn't have the need to share it again.
I hope things improve for you. I get how lonely and scary it can be going through this stuff. I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you. Look after yourself - take time to give back to you so that you can be there for your loved ones too.
I am so sorry about all the difficulties that you and your family are going through.
Oh Gamma, I hurt for you reading this. I am SO sorry.
I don't have any words of wisdom. I think that perhaps fate will decide what will happen with your husband. I will tell you that years ago, my uncle had a slow growing brain tumor and had surgery to remove it. He was "different" for a while afterwards, and his wife had to learn how to do the business of the family. She had never even written a check before, so she had a big learning curve. But she did it with him there with her, as best as he could help her. Five years later, the cancer returned in an aggressive form. He had a heart attack one morning sitting in a chair while she cooked. He had just told her that he loved her, when he closed his eyes and that was it. It was so hard on her, but she had gift of 5 years with him, and he didn't suffer from the return of the cancer. And she was able to take care of herself and the kids because she had learned to manage.
I guess what I am trying to tell you is that your feelings are valid, partly based on common sense and knowledge of what others experience, people like my aunt and uncle. Whether this helps or not, I don't know, but I do think that there is benefit in acknowledging that your feelings are valid.
I do hope that you will tell your FIL what you have told us. It's a huge testament to the kind of man he is, that you feel this way. I understand because I felt this way about my FIL, who I lost this year, and we were not expecting it, though he was elderly. You have time to tell him how you feel. My FIL knew I felt this way, but if I had known that he was going to die, I would have told him right before that.
Wow Gamma - you've got a lot going on in your life.
Please remember to breathe. I'm sorry you don't have friends you can meet up with near you.
You are welcome to send me messages here so you can vent. I know how important venting is. Please know you are NOT alone.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
Gamma,
Wow! That's a lot to process. I'm so sorry you have so much at once. Please be kind to yourself. Maybe you can find a place at a park that has a beautiful surrounding and just be. It's a necessary thing to have a break.
Cancer is an awful thief. I've lost many to it. My very favorite aunt at 59. I still miss her and it's been 23 years. Hers metastasized to her spine. All I can say is enjoy whatever time he has left and know you are blessed to have loved and been loved so deeply. It leaves a huge hole, but so worth it.
Sometimes journaling helps to get your thoughts and feelings out. We are here for you to listen any time.
Wishing you better days ahead and peace and strength for today.
Oh Gamma, I'm so sorry that you have all this on your plate. Sometimes we have to turn off our feelings to get through things. It's normal and okay, just try to stay aware of it, so it doesn't surprise you by exploding out at random later.
Feeling numb and kinda shutting down is actually a coping mechanism. So try and hang onto the numb for a while...denial is a nice place not just in Egypt (my weak attempt at a small going through the stages of grief joke).
Sometimes life is just so overwhelming and I want you to know that some stranger out here in internet land is thinking of and praying for you. I hope you can find a sense of peace to carry you through it all.
Big hugs!!!
It does sound like your brain is taking care of you right now through the numbness. There must be a ton of things for you to do in any given day, and it would be hard to do them if you were actually feeling every emotions which the situations would bring up for you. Perhaps God is giving you a demo of how to live one minute at a time? Wishing you much strength and the opportunity to make every moment with your father-in-law count from now forward. Sending many good thoughts and prayers to you and your family members!
Prayers for you... and a virtual hug, too!
Hugs and prayers for you!!!
Gamma,
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. We are all here to help you weather these storms and hope the sun is shining upon you again very soon.
Keep your faith it will get you through everything and anything.
Please keep us posted because you are in our prayers.
Thanks so much for sharing with us. We all adore you and the insight you share here.
Three things:
1. Take some me time (mandatory not optional).
2. Like Wild Woman said, "breathe".
3. Count your blessings.
I'm praying for your too.
