THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I was so moved and touched and warmed by the enormous outpouring of women who responded to my post about thinking of calling off my wedding. I literally cried while reading over the responses and heavily weighing my options. It meant the world to me, along with all the PMs I received. Thank you all so much... you have no idea how much I appreciate all your kind words and thoughtfulness!! My own words can not express my thanks enough :)
The update: We spoke briefly. I'm physically exhausted (found out yesterday I have strep throat, AWESOME) and talking takes a lot out of me (well, THINKING takes a lot out, LOL)... but he's very apologetic and ashamed and embarrassed about the way he's been acting. He admitted it's the stress and apologized; he knows he's wrong. He knows it's never okay to call names... and he's not just blowing smoke up my @ss... the man CRIED and he neverrr cries (seen him cry ONCE and that was when he thought his dad was severely injured in a car accident). He opened his heart, released the hate, and is now back to himself. We've agreed to stay open and honest and communicate better... we know how to, and we're both making more of an effort to be polite and courteous to each other and stay on the same team!... THIS is what we're all about... the stress got the better of him, but that's in the past now. It was a very hard, heartfelt conversation. It took a lot for him to say/admit these things, and it was hard for me to hear, harder to have faith in him... but that faith is restored, and I genuinely believe that regardless of the ups and downs life brings us, we'll be able to conquer everything together. There WILL indeed be a wedding, one week from today :)
My question is this... did you ever feel like you weren't going to make it together? What was the outcome? Were your friends surprised? Supportive? How did you know that you did what was right for your heart, mind, and soul?
Thank you all again, so much... you ladies mean everything to me :)
OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I LEFT THAT PART OUT!!
No, he's NOT going shooting, he's staying home and helping me with a the wedding chaos ;)
yay! and grr I thought the wedding was THIS weekend! Get it done girl, this is what makes a marriage work and last so keep it going.
So, so happy to see this. Awful about the strep throat but awesome that you are working things out with Rob. So great to see you are on the same team...I wish I had been that hardworking and persistent with my ex-husband. Feel better soon!!
Congrats!
Just know, that there will always be difficulty.
BUT... if the progress continues upward and for the best.. and BOTH partners are working on it... then that bodes for a better relationship. Because it can't ever be, just one sided.
Regression will also occur.
And 'forgetting' the goal.
But, again, if BOTH partners, can talk and agree despite differences to BOTH work on the marriage.. then that contributes, to overall, betterment for both partners and the marriage.
Because- a marriage is a partnership. Not a solo flight.
Aw congrats!! I am so happy everything worked out! So excited for you!!
And yes, I have felt like my husband and I wouldn't make it on several different occasions, to be honest. We are from two different worlds (literally, he was born and raised in Amsterdam, I was born and raised in Southern California). So many opinions and cultural differences clash between us, and sometimes I felt like it was too much. At the end of the day, though, no one gets me like he does and no one gets him like I do. As easy as it may be to just throw in the towel, we stuck by each other and are getting stronger and stronger in our relationship every day. Through better or for worse, right? =)
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Aw, I'm so glad things worked out for you. :) And sorry about the strep--I've gotten it a lot, and it sucks. Ice cold Arizona green tea always hits the spot for me when I've got strep--and I hope you feel better by this time next week!
To answer your question, honestly..No, I've never felt like my husband and I would not make it. From the day we started dating, we both just knew we were right together, and we just fit. I'm not a person who is all puppy dogs and candy canes either..I'm very much a realist and I see things for how they are. And we fight sometimes, and get in bad moods and disagree..But we both strongly believe in honesty and communication to carry us through. Of course, things can always change, and we are well aware of that..but we're stronger now than we were when we first started out.
I am soo happy you were able work it out.
have fun at your wedding
R.,
I am sooo happy to hear that everything is ok with you and your fiance now!!!! I have been praying for you.....Alot of people didn't have faith that my husband and I would be good for eachother or make it. We have proven them wrong with being happily married for the past several years. We have a loving home and yes, some were suprised. Alot of people will judge because they think its in your best interest---but just don't worry about comments. You know what is right for you---do what is right for you no matter what anyone else says.
Take care,
M
Hi R., Glad to hear you guys worked things out. Relationships are a funny thing...always a full time job really. I think as long as you are open and honest with each other, you can work thru anything. I think more problems are caused when we DON'T say anything, then you get resentful and that is VERY hard to deal with. This is an extremely stressful time...weddings are so stressful to deal with. When I got married for the second time almost 2 years ago, we almost dropped all our plans (and we even had a small wedding!!!) and just eloped because it would have been easier! Anyway, I'm glad you guys worked thru it...thats whats most important. And remember its the marriage your are in for the long haul, not the details of the wedding. :o) Good luck! xoxo
I'm so glad things are going better. Take care of yourself so that you will feel great for the wedding next week!
How wonderful for you! May God Bless your marriage!! :)
I'm glad you were able to move past it too! It sounds like you've had a rough week! I think that in every marriage there are things that stretch you to the limits. With your fiance it sounds like one of those things is the way that he "fights" or deals with stress. I have one big issue with my husband and there have been times where I just wondered how the heck I was going to deal with it. Yes, I knew about this issue before hand and knew it would be difficult for me, but at one point it came to a whole new level. I can't say that I thought I would divorce him in the moment, but I did sort of realize that i had no plan if we couldn't get through it. That freaked me out to no end. So we had a major talk and we sort of came up with a plan. It sounds like maybe you're hitting that point right now with this issue and that is great! This issue will never go away, but you can make it better. I liked the way SH put it too, about sometimes you forget (willingly or unwillingly) about working towards you goal and it may become a setback. It's hard to know what's "right", but I think deep down we all know what we want and sometimes we just don't want to listen to that inner voice, I know I've tried to tune her out more than once! ;) I'm glad to hear the wedding is still on and I'm sending you hugs!!
Everytime we are hit with another ''Crisis'' so to speak....We have had alot thrown at us from the start of our marriage on.
I have packed up and left countless times. I take comfort in the fact that HE was the one after two Failed engagements that I made it down the isle with. I believe all things happen for a reason. Whether I see the reasoning or understand can make things tough for me..but I know at the end of everyday, I couldn't handle life without Cory.
I think that having this ''TEST'' right before the wedding is a good thing for you. It is gonna allow you guys to really have to work together and meet in the middle on stuff.
He probably has no clue how self-center he was being. The added mean name calling was just childish on his part (all guys have there moments..whether it be name calling or a insensitive gesture). I am not saying you should roll over and take him calling you names. I am saying you need to call him on it. You wouldnt allow your kids to call you hurtful things...dont let the man who loves you do it either.
Both of you have a huge amount of stress on you shoulders. You have the brunt of it because you are the one getting everything in order.
Try and get some rest mama! You will need it. A wedding can be a marathon. Make sure you take sometime for you. I am praying your day will come in peace and you start feeling better soon:)
Wow- away from my computer for three days & I missed so much! First- I am glad that the two of you had a real conversation about what has been going on. I don't think that there are any couples who would honestly say that they have never questioned theitmr marriage. Participating in a marriage is work, but it shouldn't be hard all the time. If there are things about your partner that you don't like you have to decide to be okay with them b/c things really don't get better or easier after marriage.
Really think about this. There seem to be so many things going on & you aren't married yet. Are you having the same arguments over & over? There is a difference b/w cold feet & abut feeling.
My neighbor had "cold feet" (knew something was wrong) & the whole thing implored w/in months of their wedding after having lived together for years.
Don't worry about what others think. Your private thoughts are the only ones you should listening to.
I'm so happy the 2 of you worked it out!! I love happy resolutions :o)
Have a wonderful wedding R. !!!!
I am so happy for you!! Remember to always keep the communication lines open. This is also best for you guys and your kids.
So glad to hear you two were able to work through this ~ it will now make your relationship that much stronger!
Hopefully you can find time this week to get some much needed rest before the big day!! Hope you feel better soon.
:) <3
Hope you feel better ASAP!!!
Yay! Good! I'm SO happy for you! Usually these REALLY tough things we go through, when worked out TOGETHER, make our relationships stronger!
Good luck with the rest of the last minute wedding details! I hope it's wonderful! :o)
I am so glad that everything worked out and that you both spoke, and he apologized. I hope his heart is sincere, but only you can know that for sure.
Without respect, love is hard to keep alive in my opinion. So as long as he is respecting you, and not calling you names and all that then at least there is a chance.
You have to be your own advocate and if you dont like the way you are being treated then do something about it. Only YOU can put a stop to it, and only YOU know when enough is enough. You deserve good things, and to always be treated nicely.
Follow both your heart and your mind. But just do what is right for you. I hope whatever you choose makes you happy. Thats whats important.
My husband and I have been through so much together, and we have so much respect and trust for each other, that the love comes and stays naturally. It grows with every kind word, thank you's, apologies, and so much more. When we first got together, no one thought we would make it. The odds were quite against us. My family didnt approve of us, and cut us off, we lost a lot of friends and many more things made it hard. But we are still together, and love each other more and more everyday. We knew it was right, and even though it can get really hard, sometimes feels like too much, at the end of the day I still know that he is the one I want to be with at the end of each day, and I for him.
If its right, then you just know. You feel it deep down and nothings going to stop you.
Take some real time to think about what you want, and need and make the best decision you can for you.
The best of wishes to you.
Yeah - I'm so happy for you - I didn't get on all weekend, and just went searching back through all the questions to see if you had posted anything. Everyone was wondering where you were on Friday!
Glad you are doing well ~
SO GLAD you guys Talked !!!!!!!! I'm really Glad he Cried !!! he should feel terrible for the way he was acting and Treating you !!!!!!!!!!
Its not easy, never is, but its All worth it :-) xoxoxoxox
So, are you going to be "R. D." after you get married? I mean, I'm sure we will all be able to find you just from your "voice" alone. But just in case, make sure you let us know what your new last initial will be if you're changing your name!!
