Ugh. Teenage Love.

Hi K.,

Well, my kids are 3 & 4 and while I don't have those issues yet, I really sympathize with you!

Being open and honest is best, and like you have said, you have been. Maybe a little "refresher" in the sex talk to keep it at the top of his mind will help.

With being the first girlfriend he's experiencing SO many new emotions and feelings and I think it would help to talk to him about all that (if he's willing).

I completely don't blame you for being weirded out. I would be the same way! (Thank god my son is still in the "mommy, i'm going to marry you when I grow up" phase-haha)

I think what's best is to refresh his memory on the sex talk and maybe a little reminder to NOT be swapping spit in front of the whole family. Although, you really don't want him doing it OUT of your site either, but maybe let him know that it's not really appropriate to "make out" right in front of everyone.

I think leaving the door open is a SMART desision as well. It shows that you are firm but understanding. I wouldn't want you to be the overbearing mom either.

I think you are doing a great job! And, it's Friday, go get yourself a margarita to calm your nerves!!

Hope you have a wonderful (kiss free) weekend!!

M.

Hi K.,

Well I thought I would give you another flipside to this coin. I am 32 now and I have a 16 year old son. So if you do the math you will figure out that I had my son when I was 16 yrs old. I met my husband when I was 14. I don't want to freak you out BUT, I will say this where there is a will there is a way. I have the proof in my living room. My husbands parents and my parents didn't really stop us but they didn't allow us either. Theres alot that can happen in a bedroom. It is one of the rules that I have for my 4 kids as they become teenagers, the opposite sex can not be in their bedrooms. They can't go to the movies either without my husband and I going. Oh and the only thing you can't stop is when he is finally driving. Dark parking lots behind buildings arre very usefull for teenagers along with carwashes and the like.

So what is my advice.......be there, if you are going to allow them in his room make frequent checks. Talk to him about what road he is taking and where he wants his life to end up. I believe in God and have a very personal spirtual relationship with him BUT (and even when I was a teenager) that goes out the window when hormones take over.

Oh and the first time I had sex was in my now husbands bedroom in a lazy boy recliner that he had in his room....so like I said where there is a will there is a way. Oh and by the way I had sex for the first time in October 90' I wasn't pregnant with my son until May of 91", I then had him in Jan of 92'. I wasn't sneaking out or doing drugs, I camw from a 2 parent household. Dad worked fulltime at the school I went to and mom worked part time. But I made my oen choices in life and took the responsibilites. In this day and age I don't think nieve to the fact of waiting till marriage, sure it's a good plan but even the best made plans sometimes don't go as planned. So I think now you should take the time to explain what "they" should do in the case that they should want to have sex. Where to get BC, condoms and such. I would rather send my child out in the world fully knowledge on what his options are and what resources he has then send him out there blinded and not know where to turn and end up with a pregnant girlfriend or a disease. In the past it has always been talk about safe sex now it should be of how to have safe sex should it arise. I know I don't want to think about my 16 yr old kissing someone and having sex but at the sametime I don't want to think about him getting a disease and dying because I was a little to scared to put my feelings aside. Knowledge is power and they are coming to the age to steer their own ship, we have to let them do that as scary as it is for us the parents. I don't know that what I am doing my kids is right or wrong, only time will tell. But if I can get him to graduate high school without having a pregnant girlfriend or even a child, I will have succeeded. If I can get him to go on to college and be a responsible adult, I will have succeeded even more. When you are looking at the fact that my husbands older brother had a child at 18, his sister was 16 when she had her son, I was 16 when I had my son and my sister was 17 when she had her daughter, yeah I'm a little scared. Hope this helped you in some way W. mother of 4, 16 yrs, 7 yrs, 3 yrs, and 1 yr.

K.,
My daughters are 7, 17, 20 and 23. We have been going through this now for so long I can't hardly remember a time one of my oldest daughters wasn't making me crazy. I guess I've finally let go. It's not a matter of being the cool mom. We always talked frank about it. I always thought they would at least try to wait til marriage. Sadly, none of them have. We have gone through the sneaking around stages and them doing it all right in front of us like you just described. One thing for certain, they will NOT wait if the tounge and the lips are already involved. That's the true and sad fact. We have many sensory nerves in our lips and they can not kiss on each other all the time and then abstain. They will find a time to do this behind your back. But, I'm not saying you can really stop them. I've tried every way I know to be everything from overbearing all the way down to just excepting it. In the end, they all still slept with their guy friends. So far I think they have each only had the one guys each. The oldest girls have been in committed relationships for a couple of years. But, I do know for a fact one of them had a one night stand...or one sneak out stand at the age of 14 so technically she is with her 2nd guy. I didn't find out about that til recently.

What's WORSE... the 17 year old just started having sex with her guy this summer and they broke up. So now I have to worry about her having others. All I can do is be thankful she is moving out sometime this year. We so need for her to be doing her adult things out of this house and away from her little sis. I am hoping that the long break will help us think of some different strategies.

By the way, we homeschooled the kids using a great Christian curriculum. It obviously didn't help!

Sorry I can't be more helpful. All I can say is I understand how you feel.

Suzi

OK, they were making out, not having...well you know! I was making out at that age and was one of the last one of my friends to go all the way. So just because they're kissing, doesn't mean they are "fast". BUT---I agree with the others.....there is no reason for them to be a bedroom together! That was absolutely out of the question in my house growing up because TONS can happen there. We also can't be naive.

I would have a frank discussion about responsiblibly, sex, choices in life ect...establish boundaries on what is acceptible and what is not (being in bedroom alone) and just lay it all out on the table now. That way you don't have to nag and be "uncool". Just be observant and there if he needs to talk!

Good luck! My kids are small, but my 17 year old sister just lived with us for a while and gave me a taste of teenagers! I wish they could stay little and sweet forever!!

I am afraid that I am of the "Old School" of raising children. One of my main rules was that no children (15 is still a child)would be permited to have any physical contact such as kissing, petting (told you, "Old School")or any other such stuff while in the home. There should be no room for dicussion/debate. Children these days have way too much freedom and need to have rules, boundries and limitations, especially at home.

K.,

Here is what I think! I believe it ok to have a girlfriend at his age, I don't agree with them hanging out in the bedroom. Do you all have a family room, tv room something not so persoanl as the bedroom. They may not agree or understand why but to me the bedroom is my personal space. When I have company we hang out in the other areas I mention above, not the bedroom. I have an 8 year old and I am not looking forward to those days to come. Best of Luck to you...These are some tought choices in life