Hi Mamas,
My son was invited to two parties at the same time on the same day. I verbally RSVP'd "yes" to the 1st invite (for a child whose family we socialize with) but we just got the 2nd invite and my son really wants to go to the 2nd party. What do I do?
Thanks for all your responses, Mamas! I've decided that we will attend the party I verbally RSVPd to. It's the right thing to do and I (and my son) would be upset if a friend ditched my son's party for someone else's. I will explain it to my son this way. The other thing I'll do is take my son and his friend (who also will be going to the 1st party and not the 2nd) to the party place on another day as a special outing (it's Robot Galaxy) or take him there as one of his Hanukkah presents.
Just explain that you've already committed to the 1st party and that you can't go to both. That works with my 2yr old, so I'd assume it would work for a 4yr old.
Hi F.
Welcome to the world of choices we make for our children that we should not. First commitments(if the children are friends then it is first commitment, if you asked your son if he wanted to go and he agreed it is first commitment) should be kept barring funerals, but sometimes it depends on who was really invited & why. Was your son invited because you socialize so the invite was really to you. That is the way it sounds to me and that is the way I am responding.
In my opinion, it is often best to wait til about 3 days before an event or at the last possible RSVP date when it is for your children especially as they get older and have an opinion. Yes, I, like you, learned that the hard way.
I know that my children would not be angels at the first party if they wanted to be at the second. I know that my friends are not theirs. I also know that most people realize your children have friends so I would call my socializing friend and tell her that your son has a commitment and you have gotten his "grandmother" or whoever to take him to that party so he will not be in attendance. Be sure to tell the hostess who will be attending with your son because of your prior commitment.
I'll check the calendar and get back to you is always a good verbal response to remember for verbal invitations.
Hope you find the right answer.
K.
Your son is only 4 years old. You tell him which party he is going to. And if he doesn't like it, tell him he can stay home from both of them. If you don't start doing things like this now you will have real problems by the time he is a teenager.
No matter how you toss this, you will be rude to the hostess you've already committed to if you try to squeeze in both. Regardless of the relationship, I would feel slighted by a guest saying, hey, we got another (better?) invitation so we'll be coming late/leaving early. Its happened and it hurt. Do the right thing and stick to your commitment.
I would call the mother with whom you have the relationship. If the parties have different times, try to attend both. Considering that your son is the one invited to the parties and he wants to go the the 2nd I would make sure that he gets to that one. I know you already committed, but the odds are pretty good that he'll make a comment. Call her and let her know that you'll be there, but need to leave early/come late.
You have to go to the 1st party as you already RSVP'd. If the parties are close in location you could go to the 1st one and stop in at the end of the second. Or tell your son that both parties are at the same time you can only be at one place at one time and he obviously is friends with your neighbors so that's where you are going as you already told them yes. He can go to his other friends party next time or plan a play date with that mom. Even at this young age kids need to know to do the right thing. Have fun!
Is it possible you can go to the second part first, stay for a short while and then go to the second? When you respond explain that you will only be able to stay for a short while because you have a prior commitment but your son really would like to be there. This way you can go to the party of the family that you socialize with and not have to rush off early.
Hi F.,
If the parties are at times where you can manage to attend the one you rsvp'ed to and part of the other one, then great. If not, sad as your son may be to miss a party, this is a time for a lesson about manners and commitment. It would be rude to un-rsvp to a party because you got a "better invitation." As your son gets older, there will be times that this happens, and they do need to learn that you just can't do everything. My 10 year old is currently unhappy because he will miss his best friend's birthday party this month, because we committed to and paid for a Cub Scout overnight trip back in August.
Good luck, I hope you can manage to squeeze both in, but if not, it's okay for kids to discover that you just can't do everything.
Assuming you cannot go to both parties, even if it means just a 1/2 hour at one, then the other one, you need to honor your YES RSVP to the 1st one. Just because your son prefers to go to the 2nd party is no reason to forget your manners, and is actually a very bad lesson to teach your child. Turn it into a good lesson and explain why you need to go to the 1st party. Then plan an extra special playdate with the 2nd birthday person to make up for missing the party.
Go to the one you RSVP for and cal and let the 2nd party planner that you are sorry but already commited to another funtion. If your son is good friends with the second party child then you may still want to send a gift. A.
if they are not at the same time, or have some of the time overlapping. then do a split party where you go to one for part of the time and the other for the rest of the time.
Hmm, some of these answers seem a bit scolding. I know you said you've decided what you're going to do but I didn't see the suggestion I'd make in the responses I read.
Definitely attend the first party because you did agree to go to it. But that doesn't mean you have to stay the entire time. Stay an hour and then go to the other party for an hour (assuming the kids parties are about two hours average). Explain to both moms that your son really wanted to go to both parties so you've decided to split the time so he can celebrate with both friends.
If your son wants to go to the second party simply because of where it's located (Robot World? Don't have one here) then I'd stick with your plan to go to the first and take him and his friend who'll be at the first party to Robot World another day.
No matter what you do, don't feel bad because you're trying to offer the best of both worlds to your son. There's nothin wrong with giving to our children or "spoiling" them when WE want. It's when the children start to throw a fit because they're not getting their ways and we feel compelled to break our backs to make them happy that it becomes a problem. It's absolutely possible to treat them to something special without them throwing a fit to get what they want next time. Kids can and will learn to appreciate the little extras as long as we're consistent with our parenting during those "every day" times. I've done just that with my older two (teenagers) and they're great kids.
