So, here's the situation: My 5 y/o son is invited to 2 parties on the same day. One is over an hour away, for the daughter of my best friend. My son is friends with this little girl, but the other party is for a girl his age, whom he went to preschool with and I babysat over the summer (so they spent a lot of time together, but go to different schools now). He wants to go to his friend's party. But, we recieved my friend's invitation first. Which one do we go to? On the one hand, I feel he's at an age where he should get a say. On the other hand, I think it's ettiquette to go to the one where we received the invitation first. I just don't know what to do! If we choose his friend's party, what do I say to my friend? I do have some concerns about driving out of town also. I will be 33 weeks pregnant, which isn't close to my due date but my son was premature and I'm high risk this time so....who knows if I can travel for sure that day?
edit: I have not RSVP'd or implied we would attend either party.
Thanks for your responses. It turns out he also has a soccer game that day which additionally prohibits us from going to the first party. She is my best friend, and will understand. We haven't missed one of her daughter's parties yet, even though she's unable to come to my son's parties because she works on weekends (not that that matters, but my point is it's okay to miss a party--it doesn't define our friendship!). And, I disagree with the person who said it's silly to let my son decide. The parties are for the kids, not the adults. My son is school age and also getting away from playing with girls, even. It happens!
Go with your son's choice and pin it on the baby. I wouldn't want to drive for two hours total just before having another child. You need to be getting as much "quiet time" as you possibly can.
I wouldn't necessarily go to the one you received first...unless your already RSVP'd. This is hard but if you haven't replied yet, I would take your son to his friend's party...sounds like it is a better choice for you.
I say go with your sons choice. Plus with you being pregnant it looks like it works better for you too.
as long as you didnt already commit, or imply you would be going, i would just say that you already rsvped to the preschool friends party and so sorry you will be missing hers. since its your best friend, i would send a gift.
if you feel strange about that since its not exactly the truth, you could instead just be honest with your friend that going over an hour away is a lile frightening considering your high risk pregnancy and you premature delivery in the past. dont even have the other invitation be part of the decision.
as long as you didnt already rsvp, i see nothing wrong with picking the better choice for your situation on that particular day. if my child were invited first to a party of a classmate, then one of their closest friends, i would pick whoever they were closest to.
I would let your son pick which party he would like to go to. If he doesn't pick your friends party, you don't have to tell your friend you got her invite first. Just let her know he has another birthday party he is going to that day. Maybe you guys can meet at a park so they can play and give her a gift.
If you have already sent an RSVP that your son would attend to the first party, etiquette would dictate that your son attend the party. And you're to be commended for paying attention to proper etiquette; you know your son is learning from you!
However, you shouldn't be doing a lot of driving. So your high-risk pregnancy would be a reason, not an excuse, for asking to be excused from party #1, even if you have already accepted. It is certainly one I would think about if I were you, and something I would understand if I were your best friend giving a party for my child.
Be sure to call your friend right away, so she can plan accordingly; then send the long-distance girl a nice card, or even a nice present, and let your son go to the party close by.
I would go to your son's friends party. Tell her you have already accepted the invitation to another party and also are concerned since you are high risk and close to due date, and feel the need to stay close to home. Don't make too many excuses, but do apologize and tell her how sad you are to miss out on the fun, and tell her how much her friendship means to you and how awesome you think her kid is. If possible, spend a lot of time and effort (not necessarily money, it's the thought that counts) coming up with a unique present for your daughters friend, and see if you can get it there before the party, specify 'to be opened at party'. Afterward, ask lots of questions about how the party went, tell her you were sad to miss it, maybe show a lot of interest in seeing photos or video of the party.
I say go with letting your son choose. Doesn't matter who invited first as long as you didn't RSVP to one already.
Tell your friend that your son has accepted an invitation to another party and you can't make it. Sens your friends daughter a card and gift card through the mail. Take a gift to your son's friend's party.
Son's Friend party if you have not already responded to the other. I don't think it matters which one you got first. I think it matters if you already responded.
Tell your friend the truth. Your son was invited to another party he is excited about and you are not excited about the drive.
Go to the party your child wants to go to and send a nice gift and card to your best friend. She's a mom and should understand...the two of you can do lunch another time.
Blessings......
Okay, my first thought was that he should choose and your friend would understand...but the more I thought about it and considered what if it were my best friend, etc. etc...the decision got a lot trickier! ;) I do think in the end though, that if your BF is an hour away and you're pregnant and high risk and there are two parties, you should probably stick close to home. Just explain to your friend the situation and see if you can meet in the middle on another day in the near future to give her a present and have lunch or ice cream. If she really is your BF then she will understand despite her disappointment.
Hi K., I really don't think it matters which invite you got first...that just means your friend is a little more organized than mom from preschool ;-)!! Go to the party that is more convienent for you....your son will be happier and you won't have to do all that driving in your condition (too much stress). Your friend will understand. Have fun.
If you RSVP'd already that you will attend, then you've made a commitment. To change it would be bad etiquette (unless there was an emergency).
If you have not yet RSVP'd, you are free to choose between them.
Be sure to RSVP them both, one with regrets that you must decline due to a previous engagement, and the other you will be attending.
Your son's friends party sounds like it would be the better choice with his age and your condition.
Friends party, since you haven't rsvp'd, is just fine. Your friend has no way of knowing her invitation may have arrived a short time before the other one. Just politely decline your friend's party because your son is already planning to attend another party on the same day and time.
Go ahead and let your son attend his friend's party. At age 5, he is certainly going to notice which party he goes to! And, since the other one is much farther away and you have a high-rish pregnancy, I think you have the perfect excuse to give your regrets to your friend's child. If it makes you feel better, you can mail a gift. Sure, you received that invitation first, but since you haven't RSVPd yet, I say it doesn't matter. You don't even have to tell her you got the other one later. Just tell your friend that because of the travel distance and an obligation in town, you are unable to attend. And don't beat yourself up over it. :)
U have alot of responses already and I haven't read thru them all. But when kids hit school age this will happen and they will get b-day invites and alot of times they will tell the kids they are coming even before they give the invite to you. Believe me, I have 2 boys and both of them have done it to me and we had to have alittle talk! But we have not gone to my bff's kid's b-days because they had friends from school whos was the sameday and if she was a true friend she would understand of your high risk pregnancy. Good Luck and I hope your son has a great time.
my opinion is that, I would go to my friend's party an hr away. I know the last few weeks are rough, so if you are very worried, don't go. Everyone will understand. Your friend will certainly understand that you don't want to drive for an hr, it is not even healthy to sit in one position that long. So, if he wants to go to the other party and it is in town, do that if you feel up to it. Do what you feel up to right now.
I would call your friend that lives out of town and explain the situation about your concern for travel. I would send a gift and call on the day of the party to let them know that you're sending birthday wishes. Then let your son enjoy going to the party he wants to attend.
i would go to the one your son wants to go to, especially with your high risk situation. just explain that to your friend and i'm sure she will understand.
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I feel that birthday party ettiquette is a little different that you stated. I feel that when you got the invite is not the key, it is who you RSVP to. If you had RSVP'd to your friend, i would say go there, but since you haven't i suggest going to the other party. It sounds like you don't want to travel 1 hour out of town anyway.
how much do you cherish this friendship? if your doc. say's no that is one thing. on the other hand if you try to tell her you are afraid to travel see how she reacts. i would think it is the first one is the one. R.
No one but you knows which invite you received first, so I'd count that as irrelevant. Go to whichever party makes sense for YOU. Given the distance issue, I'd go for the closer, but you can weigh your own considerations. If you feel strongly about the far-away friend, you could always mail a gift.
I once schlepped 3 very young kids to 3 different slightly overlapping parties at extreme corners of town (my husband was out of town)... I vowed NEVER again, and realized these kid parties are so chaotic, no one hardly cares when (and if) you even show up! So, relax and have FUN.
I would kindly respond to the first invitation and say thank you and maybe even include a card with a gift card to the child's favorite store but explain that because of the previous conditions regarding your sons birth that the drive is a bit too much and allow your son to go to the second party. The friend should understand your concens
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I would go to the second party. I would also send a birthday card with a git card to the first invite and explain because of the distance and the conditions of your first pregnancy you must decline. I am sure the friend would understand
I just think it is interesting that the majority of the responses say to let you son choose. I'm sure I would do what pleases my son, as that's what we moms do, but when reading it from an outside perspective I realize how silly that is. He's only 5 and we are letting him make decisions that involve multiple people. Silly!
That said, I would stick with your sons friend but primarily because of proximity and you not needing to drive. Your friend will understand and she will likely be quite busy running a party for older children. In your pregnant state you wouldn't need to be helping her with that either. No guilt - you are a good friend for caring.
