Two Almost Three Year Old Won't Poop on Potty

D.

When she poops in her diaper, leave it on her (for 10 - 15 min). That way she may be uncomfortable and not do it again.
When you take it off her, dump the poop in the pottie, and let her know 'that's where poop goes' then sit her on the toilet for 5 minutes or so, even if she just farts. Do NOT be negative. I always say things like 'we'll try again next time' or if she tells me she has to go but doesn't make it, still let her sit on the pottie and read, etc.
HTH
L. (Brianna & Shannon) in Collegeville
butterflylindamarie at yahoo dot com

My daughter did the exact same thing when she was almost three. She peed on the potty just fine, but was very scared to poop on it and would hold it for days. I finally stopped worrying and would let her put on a diaper when she said she had to poop. This went on for several weeks. One day, she asked for a diaper and I said, "You know, you can go on the potty" and she said, "Okay" and that was it. She never asked for a diaper again. They truly do hit a point when they are ready and if they're not, no amount of bribes, pushing, or reasoning will work. Be patient, even though it's hard, and she will go when she is ready.

Same thing happened to me with my son at that age. I stopped bugging him about it and when he had to poop I put a pull-up on..he pooped...I then took it off and put his underwear back. Then one day out of the blue he was ready for the potty and never looked back. And he has NEVER had any kind of accident in his pants or bed -poop OR pee.

I think the really big thing to remember is to NOT push it. This will just upset him and will delay the whole process. Never make a child feel a bit bad about their bathroom habits. My four year old now cannot poop unless he strips naked. This is no fun at a dirty fast food restaurant let me tell you! I am really hoping that he outgrows this and soon!

Well-good luck. Seriously...before you know it this will all be resolved.

Aimee

At first when my daughter wouldn't poop on the potty, it was very difficult to gage when she needed to, and to sit there long enough with her, but once I figured out when she had to go, I had to spend a few times with her forcing her to sit-(they say not to do that, but there was NO WAY to make her stay on there and go) so I would hold her down usually giving her a huge hug while she was crying, but using the hug to hold her down and encourage her, saying comforting things, and when she wasn't forcibly trying to wrestle off, I would sing songs and count and have her favorite books near by distracting her, and if she tried to hop off, I'd "hug her down" again and tell her firmly she HAD to wait until the poops came out, being very sympathetic, and sweet etc. I knew if I could just get her to do it a few times, she wouldn't be scared anymore. You're right, it takes forever, and you don't have time (I thought we would never get through it), but it's only temporary, she WILL get it. I was just about to start implementing discipline -even though they say NEVER do THAT-but there was simply no reason for her to try when she got nothing but praise no matter what, and she was pooping in her panties a lot. However, she suddenly got it and it clicked, so I never had to scold her etc.

At one point, she said through her tears while on the potty, "Is it good for my body?" Which is something I tell her when she's eating. It really helps her want to eat things when I tell her they are good for her body, so I said, "YES! IT'S VERY GOOD FOR YOUR BODY to poop, you feel so much happier and better, and you'll get big and strong with lovely hair..." For some reason, this really helped her to want to poop on the potty. "Now she'll say, I have to go poop, it's good for my body."
I know it's frustrating, but hang in there! She will get it. Definitely give a reward and celebrate when she goes-I'm sure you already know that. My daughter never gets sweets, but if she goes poop in the potty she gets dark chocolate m&ms, so that's fun for her too.
Good Luck!

My son is almost 3 and we've had the exact same problem except he would just go in his underwear. I tried everything and the only thing that finally worked was letting him run around with nothing on the bottom. He pooped twice on the floor and was very disturbed by this and has pooped in the potty every time since (it's been about 3 weeks). He would hold it a bit in the beginning too (when he had a bare bottom) so I started feeding him about 4 prunes a day and that helped with that. I don't know if this would work for you because it sounds like she's really good at holding it. Good luck!

I have an aunt ...her child wouldn't poop on toilet either and she had carpets but...she taped plastic sheets all over her carpets then let him go without ...its gross but it worked for her.......in a week he mastered the toilet....

We had the same problem. When our daughter finally went in the toilet or her diaper, it hurt because she had held it in so long. We explained why it was hurting and told her that we were going to eat salads with dinner to help it not hurt. At that point, I think she was pretty desperate because she did as we asked and was excited/relieved when her poos did not hurt.

I think what surprised her most was that she had no control over the fact she had a poo on the toilet. She could not sit there and hold it in. Maybe adding more greens will help your daughter. Good luck. :)

have you tried dumping the poop in the potty from her diaper so she sees that is where it goes? My friend did this wiht ehr son and gave him a special treat everytime he poops in the potty. He was afraid because the water had splashed him then he refused to go after that. After a few weeks he was over it. Good luck!

I went through the same thing with one of my boys who is now 5. My pediatrician said to stop trying to force him. Children can control their bowel movements much before they can control their pee, so it is a total control issue. For my son, he had a fear of the pain, b/c at first he was scared to go on the potty, he held it, then it became painful for him to go. He had to take Miralax for nearly a year to get him to be able to go comfortably because his colon was so stretched out from holding it so long. We gave him his diaper back (they fit better and were cheaper than pull ups) and did that until he was ready to try. We would ask, but never force, then one day he asked if he could get a sticker for trying to go poop on the potty (we had a reward chart for certain things), then it went to actually going poop on the potty, now he's fine. He was over 4 years old because of how long we let it go. Good luck.

Hi D.,
I had the same issue with my daughter who is now 3 1/2. She was afraid of pooping. My pediatrician said that some kids think that it is part of them and they are scared when they see a part of them in the potty. She held it in to the point that she was barely going at all. They had me start using Miralax to soften her stools so that they would pass easier. The problem that occurs when they hold it in is that the stool gets hard and then it hurts to go, so it becomes a vicious cycle. They did tell me to back off the potty training during this issue until I had her going regularly. She did the same thing with the diaper. I did ultimately push the potty training once she was going again. I still have to monitor her pooping and check in with my mom(who watches them) whether or not she went. There are days when I have to sit in the bathroom and tell her she can't get up until she poops.

I wish you luck. It is very frustrating when this happens, but hang in there.

A.

i feel your pain--i just went through it w/my 3 y.o. daughter. my pediatrician suggested just laying off of her for a couple of weeks. she said sometimes we put too much pressure on them which makes them not want to do it even more. that seemed to help the most. i just told her that when she was ready to do it, tell me and then she would be a big girl. it's really something your child needs to decide to do on their own as much as we want to control it! i also played elmo's potty time video. she loved that and it seemed to help. we also tried negative reinforcement. every time she pooped in her pants we took away a baby doll and put them on top of the fridge. once she started going in the potty she got them back. good luck!!

As a mother of 5 grown adult children my advice is to relax. She may be feeding off of your anxiety. when she is ready she will be ready to use the potty. More concrete steps would be: Make sure she is drinking plenty of water, getting enough fiber (oatmeal, whole grains, raw fruit and vegetables) and put her on the potty at the same time each day whether she goes or not...again relax - have you ever seen a normal child going to school with a diaper bag?

I had the same situation with my son who turned 3 in July. Right around his birthday, he started peeing on the pot with no problem. But, he held his poop. After agonizing, letting him go without underwear, forcing him to sit on the pot, etc., etc., I read something that changed my way of thinking. You cannot control your kid's pooping. It's a battle you will never win. And, forcing them into it can create problems with consitipation, fissures, etc. So, I just decided to let him go in a pull up. I told him that he didn't have to worry about pooping on the pot, but when he had to poop tell me, and he can have a diaper or a pull-up. He also was told that he could do that at daycare (in-home, so had the flexibility to do that). So, that's what he did for a few weeks, and was back to having regular bowel movements. Then, I put a potty chair in the living room (with a waterproof sheet underneath), and he eventually said he wanted to try to poop on that. He did that sporadically for a couple weeks (sometimes wanted a pull-up, sometimes the potty chair). Then, one day he said he wanted the potty chair, and I said, let's try the big potty (where he was peeing a lot anyway), and low and behold, he went on that, and has been going there ever since. It probably takes a good 15-20 minutes each time. But, it's worth it. I also did a dance and sang "I'm so proud of you" which he liked a lot. The whole process from holding poop till pooping on the pot took 2 months, which flew by.

So, my advice is just to let her do it on her own time.

I think you're doing really well to have her going on the potty for wees. My son was nearly potty trained at 19 months(by his choice, not mine!), but just after his 2nd birthday he made a connection between using the potty and stopping play. He refused to use the potty until just after his 3rd birthday, when he said to me one morning Mummy I am a big boy, I don't need diapers anymore. We have not used a diaper since - day or night and very few accidents!
The thing that I did do was talk to him about the potty and have one around, and let him be Bare bum as much as possible (this included considering my patience for cleaning up each day!)
He chose every day whether he would wear a diaper, a cloth nappy, pull ups or undies. If he chose the diaper, he wore the diaper. I think eventually he just didn't like being changed. Your little girl is still little, she'll get the hang of it. For us the key was letting him have control over the process.

D.,
I think your daughter is old enough to master this so I don't think you should be using diapers at all on her. Maybe a Pull Up at night til she's dry in the mornings for about a week or two. Ditch the diapers during the day & get ready for a bit of a mess. I'm betting she'll go on the potty before she goes in her undies! Have you tried the "Once Upon A Potty" book (girl version!) and/or DVD. My son had the pee part mastered first and the book really helped him turn the corner for the poop part. Also, do you use a potty chair that she can sit on (and sit and sit and sit!) and watch TV or look at a book for a nice long time. You could always put a towel/sheet under the potty chair if it's in a carpeted area. I'm sure once she does it it will be smoooooth sailing! Good luck.

She may not be ready yet my little girl is 2 1/2 she will be three in Feb and she knows the whole routine of going on the potty but refuses to go in the potty she will also tell you when she pooped but won't poop or pee on the potty she is in day care all day and they even practice potty training 4 times a day but anytime i try to put her on the potty she says all done i need a diaper so just let her do it on her own time and make her where pull ups that why they made them

hi,

I have 2 friends who had the same problem with their kids--you are not alone! My one friend promised her son a pet fish if he would go poop on the potty (same thing, he would ask for a pull-up and go in there but refused the potty). He finally, after a month or 2 of pooping in the diaper/pull-up went on the potty. He got over his fear and didn't look back from there. Another friend had a daughter who was afraid to poop on the potty. the dr told her to just be patient, that it was a psychological thing and if she pressured her child it would make it worse. One day, they were on vacation and her daughter said she had to go and used a public restroom to poop for the first time. With both kids (also about the same age as your daughter) it was just a matter of patience on the parents side (not easy) and the child deciding s/he was ready.

It will happen, just give your daughter time. I know it's frustrating!! Best of luck!

I think every child does this. You are not alone! It will take weeks or even months before she is ready, but you just have to stick with it and hide your frustrations. I have a great book that says, they usually go around the same time everyday and they show signs of needing to go. When they do, put them on the potty. They may need to stay a long time, but they need to realize that this is what happens until the poop comes out into the potty. The book also says not to keep putting diapers/pullups on them because it just confuses them on what you want them to do (go in the potty or go in the diaper). Good luck and stick with it, you will see the rewards of it in the end.

I have been going through the same thing with my son (almost 4). He was pee trained in 2 days, but has some fear of going poop on the pot. From what he tells me, 'it hurts' to sit on the big potty since his feet can't rest on the floor (although I have tried putting foot stools under his feet, and tried the kid potties & they don't work either). But, as I did with getting him to pee, I am just waiting until he is ready. Yes, it's a pain to have to give him a diaper to poop in when I know he could do it on the pot, but I want him to do it when he is ready, not because I am pressuring him. When he tells me he has to go, I always ask him if he wants to go on the potty, even try to bribe him, but if he gets upset & asks for a diaper, I give in. I know some parents think this is wrong, but everybody has to do what is best for their own child. I did that with pee, everyday asking if he wanted to wear underwear, and finally one day he said yes. He had about 2 accidents that first day, and by the next day, I didn't even have to remind him to go, he automatically went when he had to. I have been hoping the same will happen with the pooping (though it has been 6 months). But I think this week we are finally having a breakthrough.
All this to say, if you can handle just putting a diaper on her to do her pooping, it's okay to do it. Keep encouraging her to use the potty, but try not to pressure. I know it is frustrating, but just remember eventually she will get it. They all do in their own time.

Hi. Sorry I don't have any answers for you but I did want to commiserate---I have a daughter who just turned 4 and she sounds EXACTLY like that! I hope some other mothers out there can help us!
Good luck, D.