Turning 40 - Eaton,OH

I think there are times when it's good to reflect on where you are and where you want to be. Instead of questioning everything and coming to the conclusion that none of it is good enough how about writing a list of everything that's great in your life right now. Then a list of stuff that could be better with an action plan of what you need to do to move it into the great list. And finally a list of crappy stuff and what you need to do to move it into the could be better or great list.

I'm over 50 and I gotta tell ya that it's great. In my 20's and 30's I was so busy raising little kids and in my 40's I was working like a dog to make sure those little kids who transformed overnight into teens had what they needed to succeed in life. Now in my 50's I can sit back a bit. I no longer have to keep up with any trends or feel the need to wear anything other than comfortable shoes. I have time for my hubby, pets, kids, and grandkids.

So go easy on yourself as you turn 40. It's a tough decade of birthdays but it'll get better.

I'm 43. When I was 39 I found out some things about my now ex husband. I thought, do I want to deal with this the rest of my life? Am I happy? Are my kids happy? I really did a 360. It was like a light going off in my head! I didn't want to talk to people I didn't like, I didn't want to do things I didn't want to do, etc. I felt like my life was passing me by and it was too SHORT to waste it being unhappy. So I started my own business and 4 months later I kicked out my husband and divorced him. Lost my home in a short sale, had to move in with my mom (ugh!) with my kids. Not my ideal situation but I felt FREE! I was a WOMAN...hear me ROAR! I have now married a wonderful man who is great for me and my kids. I still don't do anything I don't want to do, I say what's on my mind, etc. Not sure if its the big 4-0 that did that or not, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

A classic mid-life crisis. Don't waste this wonderful opportunity to question reality – it's not what most people think it is. You don't have to dump everything you've chosen so far, but you may have to inquire into why not.

Find the real value of everything you do, and everything you have, and all your relationships. (By the way, this doesn't happen overnight, and counseling and/or a spiritual practice/support group, if you don't already have one, will help.) Speaking as one who's still investigating these important answers, this can be the beginning of a whole new adventure.

An excerpt from a favorite poem by Mary Oliver:

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

Your not crazy, you are taking a look at what 40 years looks like and now wondering what you would like to do with your life for the next 40.

I believe in learning from your life and having no regrets. Be fearless but use the common sense you have earned.

I like what some of the moms have said. Make a list of all the wonderful blessings in your life. Then look at the things that are not that great. What can YOU do to make these things better? What is out of your hands?

Do not waste your time on the negative. Get rid of things , people and situations, that waste your time. If you can not change it, change your attitude or change the direction you are headed in. This is your life, you deserve to be happy. You also need goals so you do not loose track of the path you are choosing.

Look at your children and figure out how much longer you will have them in your home and make sure you do not squander time away from them. They will need to know what freedom is, but they will also need to know they are always loved and have your support, so that when they leave for college or their own lives, none of you will have regrets. This is what will mend your heart when they are no longer in your home.

Happy Birthday!

I think many people, at certain age junctures do that.
Even kids. LOL as we well know.

The one tip I can say is this: even if you are going through this and questioning everything/life/quality of life/fun v.s. boredom etc... please do not make it the 'responsibility' of your Spouse or others to fulfill.
I don't mean to be curt... but my Husband went through that... and he pretty much made *me* the reason/origin for everything he was feeling... or not feeling... and just DISPLACED his age-crisis onto ME.
It was very very not fun, for me. I almost thought of leaving him... it was miserable.

He FINALLY realized, it is IN him, that has to feel at peace, not 'blame' others or make others responsibe nor take it out on others, especially your Spouse.

Again, I sympathize, but that is my tip, having been on the other-end-receiving-end of it, with my Hubby.

all the best,
Susan

I am 43 so I know what you are talking about. Try to remember that there is not a whole lot we can do about the past but learn from it. I think it would be a really good idea to write down all of the milestones in your life and see how you can learn from them or what kind of blessings you have been given. This will help you reflect on so many things and focus on what you need to change. Everyone around you will benefit from this self examination. Most people are afraid to look deep inside themselves but it can be so beneficial. I feel so much better now then I did when I was younger. I felt like my life was on a spin cycle and I was trying to please everyone BUT myself. I have my two boys at home still and I think we have a lot more fun together now then we did. I also went to a doctor that specializes in bio-identical hormones and got the bloodwork done My body does not hold on to progesterone very well and I was experiencing a lot of the moodiness you are talking about. I think that taking progesterone will also clear your mind.

Diane D., you couldn't have said it better. Take this time to reflect and don't regret what you've done, just look for ways to get where you want to be from this point forward.

I felt like something was missing when I turned 40. I've gone back to school and I'm working on a master's degree. The satisfaction that I am getting is just what I needed. My disposition is brighter and that benefits my family!

It's not so much about finding the positive in everything, just try to find the balance that will bring you new goals for this new phase of life. You will find your way, just give yourself time and patience.

Oh, and a glass of wine helps.

You need some magnesium and vit b complex if you are irritable!

I think mediation is a good place to start to find inner happiness. Leaving your husband might feel like it worked but many times its been proven people go on and make the same mistakes with marriage number 2#. When you think of your husband surround him with positive energy. Don't focus on his negative qualities..because thats what you need to get away from doing. Why did you marry him? What are his endearing qualities?
I listen to lots of Wayne Dwyer and similar authors. (book on CD) This will help change your outlook.
Be thankful for the good things you currently have. Do you have any hobbies? If not find something for you and your husband to do together.
I just turned 42. I feel young. I feel lucky to be living this life. No my life is from perfect. I make my share of dumb mistakes. I get mad at my kids or husband sometimes. I am grateful for all the wondeful things in my life..and I have learned not to take them for grated.
What is the alternative being sad. Also some type of regular exercise would help getting you in a happier place.

There is something about turning 40 that says........hey, I don't care what other people think anymore. I'm going to do just what I want and not worry about it! For me the thought of turning 40 was scary (realizing how many years I had lived) but it was awesome too!

I wouldn't recommend ditching your present life, but why not do a little exploring? Don't panic or feel in a rush, but do take steps. Try something new. Learn something new. Take care of your family, but take care of yourself too.

Here is a book that is really a program into a sort of self realization that I really enjoyed. See if this is something that might help you get started.
"Soul Coaching" by Denise Linn

I went through this at 30. Many of us go where life takes us and when we hit some milestone we have the epiphany that we aren't where we wanted to be or with the kind of people we wanted to be with. Then we begin the process of trying to extract ourselves from the people, places and things that we just don't like. If we haven't put much thought or work behind our extraction and make a dramatic shift we are deemed as having a midlife crisis but when done well we are just recognized as having gotten ourselves together.

No you are not crazy and it doesn't sound like a midlife crisis. Regular exercise and spending some time devoted to being quiet with your private thoughts will really help get you farther towards having a life that is satisfying and fulfilling even if it isn't perfect and stresses come along.

Since I am a praying woman, I love to pick some scripture to meditate and consider all week long. This keep me closer to God and sane. It is wonderful that you are going through this process. Treat it like a great adventure and ask family and friends to come along with you but whoever finds your journey frustrating for them invite them to watch you from the wings as you take off and soar toward a new horizon.

How about it's a phase AND a mid-life crisis?
You could also be beginning peri-menopause, thus the irritability.

Look at what you're doubting. You can make changes. It's never too late. You're not stuck with your lot in life.

You might get in for a physical for your OB to see if your hormones are on par. My mom began perimenopause that early, and it took her 10 yrs to get through it! Thank god for hormones! I'm 33, so I'm "looking forward" to that sooner rather than later as well.

Absent of hormones, it's normal to hit a milestone and evaluate your life. It's also perfectly OK to make changes and do what makes you happy!

I'm 46 so I've been there and it sounds to me like a hormone thing. Before you make any major decisions talk to your dr., get your hormones checked and maybe get some antidepressants (not necessarily because you are depressed, just helps even things out a bit) and/or some replacement hormones. It's amazing how hormones can have such an effect on our minds and emotions.

It is a good think that you are asking yourself these questions. We all get to this point. Make sure you are spending quality time with everyone, including yourself. I know this seems hard but don't think you have to spend time with everyone every day. Since babysitters are scarce for us, my husband and I typically take vacation days together and still have the kids got to daycare. This way we get uninterrupted time together that is very relaxing. Concentrate on spending 1 hour two days during the week with the kids (afterschool, before bedtime) and then more on weekends. Take a weeknight to do something for yourself. I just signed up to take golf lessons one night a week. It is something I've said I was going to do for a long time. I think that goes a long way to making you feel like you are spending your time wisely.