I know you have all heard this but I need advice badly!!! My 16 mo old is dependent on breastfeeding to fall asleep. I've created a very bad habit early on and now it's becoming harder to break. She breastfeeds nightly and just as she is drifting off to sleep, I'll put her in the crib. Sometimes she wakes and I pat her back and watch her stand up and lie down over and over until she falls asleep. Sometimes she falls right off to sleep. 3 hours later, she's up calling me and I'll try to not breastfeed her but rather hold her, however oftentimes she is fighting to get back to the breast to help get her to sleep. Most times, I put her in our bed because I'm so darn tired, I can't think straight. She is waking up at least 2-3 times during the night. She only slept 8 hours once! I thought about just stopping the middle of the night feeds cold turkey but continiuing the right before bedtime feed. I know it will be rough as she will cry and scram. I'm find to try to hold her or pat her back to comfort her. As it is, my hustand and I cannot sleep (we all share a room) but we are losing so much sleep that it's affecting our relationship. My pediatrician said just stop cold turkey totally (it'll also help me as we are trying to have another child). I also think that in the long run, my little one will sleep through the night if we make these changes. Any thoughts as to how we should go about it? I've created this situation and now feel bad about it as my husband gets no sleep and neither do I, although I can deal with it.
The middle of the night is the best time to transition. They are groggy (like us) and you can more easily fool them into taking a bottle instead of the breast and sleeping in their own bed. I do understand about you being soo tired though. Consistency is the key. If you dont ever give-in, she wont expect you to. It's hard, to say the least. best of luck to you.
K.,
First I need to say - congratulations for nursing this long. You have not created BAD habits. You have provided your daughter with nourishment and comfort. As nature intended! Bottles and pacifiers are false and just replace the actual mother from being there. The 'addiction' to sucking still exits!. My baby sounds like yours. Although he's finally at 19 months sleeping through the night more often or only waking once (unless he's cutting a tooth) We co-slept until 12 months. I would have gone longer, but he was waking about 6-8 times each night to nurse! So we transitioned him to his own crib in his room. Now he sleeps there at night. I think your pediatrician sounds harsh. Just stopping is cruel. Get the book "The Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning" by Kathleen Huggins. It lays out a great way to wean when you are ready. I think when she wakes, your husband needs to go in, not you. She will always want the breast from you - not patting or rocking. Or, if you have your mother or someone she is close to stay over a few nights and be the one to get her back down. Email me if you want more suggestions. Good Luck!
Hi K.,
At 16 months old, babies still have that "sucking" need, and unfortunately it goes into the night when they need to be soothed the most. It's hard tell if it's hunger or nurture that they need during those midnight hours, so we usually give it all just to get some rest.
In your case, it could be a combination. If she takes to a bottle also, then your situation might be eaiser. But if she's strictly a breast baby, then you're in for a little more difficult time. You may have to wein her completely in order to get her off your breast. I agree with your husband helping for a week. There will be tears, but it's really the only way :o(
Just listen to your instincts and they will always help you.
~N. :o)
Hi K.,
So, sleep has been a huge challenge for us as well. I am still nursing my 25 month old. He was in bed with us and nursing all night long (sometimes waking up more than 5 times a night). About 2 months ago, I stopped the night nursing cold turkey. I knew there would be crying but I also knew that he would not be crying alone. I slept in a separate room for 1 week and had my husband put our son back to sleep throughout the night every time he woke up. I would then take over around 4:30/5:00am. This helped so much. He stayed in our bed with us at that point but was only waking up a couple of times. He would still ask for milkies but I would just say that he could have it in the morning when Mr. Sun came up. And don't get me wrong, I have given in a number of times from sheer exhaustion. But have tried to be consistent. At least I would try to make it until 5am or so without nursing him. Then about 1 month ago we transitioned him to his "big" boy bed in his room. Granted he is older than your daughter and understands the concept a bit more and is actually excited about his bed and his Cat in the Hat sheets. He now sleeps anywhere from 7 to 8 1/2 interrupted hours and we are still working on getting him to stay in his bed past 5:15am!! But looking at the big picture, it is amazing that he is sleeping so much better. I was extremely sleep deprived and it is very difficult to make changes when you are so tired so I would always just resort to nursing in my exhausted state. And don't feel bad about the situation you've created. It is a wonderful thing that you have been able nurse her for so long and meet her needs. And some babies just are higher need than others in this area. But I completely understand how hard it is to not sleep and the feeling like it will be so hard to make a change. If possible, I think enlisting your hubby for 1 week (more if necessary) could help alot because she will want to breastfeed with you. And then after that week (or whatever time period it is) you have to really prevent her from nursing at night even though you will still be exhausted. I hope this helps you a little. I can't give any advice on weaning completely since I have still not weaned but I think I'd like to within the next month or so. I've been trying to tell him that he is a big boy now and milkies are going to go bye-bye. But I know this is going to be a challenge as well. Good luck!
OMG you poor thing!! I have to agree with your pedi- just stop cold turkey. Start putting her in her own crib for nap time (unless you are already doing that). You should start a new night timeroutine - ours is bathtime, put PJ's on,read stories, brush teeth, water, turn soft music on and then put into the crib.
I also think one of the BEST things for your baby is a full nights sleep!! You know how you feel when you don't get a full nights sleep, imagine how your baby feels!
One of the best things you can help your baby with is learning to fall asleep on their own. You need to do this now before she is 2 or 3 and still in your bed and not sleeping. The 1st night or 2 may be tough - but I always say, babies are tough and adaptable (sometimes much more than us!!) - she may cry for 10 minutes... and it'll seem like the longest 10 min. ever but she will go to sleep! If she wakes up, go in there, but DONT bring her in your room - rock her if needed or just rub her back. Leave again, she will cry... but eventually it will work. You can do this!!!!! Keep us posted!!
Hi K.,
I know how hard this is for you, but it will get better. I just went through this with my 23 month old. She kept waking just to nurse every 2-3 hours. It was just out of habit because she would only nurse for a few minutes and fall back asleep. It was tough for 3 days, and that's it! I just held her when she wanted to nurse, and didn't give in. It was the hardest thing i had to do. Every time she woke up, she slept quicker and quicker. It was 3 days and each day got easier. The best part is that she has never slept better. She has slept through the night ever since. It will be tough, but just know that it will not take long! Best of luck to you and your baby!
Does she take a bottle? My twins still nurse at 16 months and I know they are supposed to be off the bottle, but at around 12 am when I am soooo tired I make a bottle and give it to them. One will sleep through the night and one typically wakes around 4 am. I usually get up nurse and he goes back to sleep. I hope you find what works for you because it is so difficult to be sleep deprived.
We just weaned our 18 month old boy from night time nursing. And are getting much better sleep! What worked for us is setting a "nursing" time at night. For instance, in the beginning I wouldn't feed him if it was after 3 am, then once that was well established and he was sleeping through that feeding, we would move it to 5 am. And now the rule is that ninnies are for wake-up time (usually 7 am). I just didn't like the idea of going cold turkey and nights of crying. You'll definitely need your husband's help with this. If he could sleep near the baby, that's best. I swear that they can smell the milk! Plus, they are used to getting you to give in, but know that the rules will be different with Dad.
My situation was like yours, my daughter sleep ate with me the whole night. I wanted to wean her at 1 year but could never break the habit. At 14 months I was scheduled for a business trip for 2 nights. That was the best thing ever. My husband was with her and she slept well, most of all when I came back she had totally forgotton about my boobs. Everything was completely normal and I was able to sleep again. If you consider this option wear a sports bra 24/7 to ease the engorgement.
Good luck!
i stopped the night feedings cold turkey at about 15 mos. and my daughter adjusted really well. she cried 20 minutes the first night and 5 the second. that was it. she was in a different room, though.
maybe i'm just justifying my own behavior, but please don't give yourself such a hard time about breastfeeding her to sleep and during the night. yeah, it's annoying, and i'll probably do it differently next time, but it did help keep up my milk so i'm still nursing 3 times a day at 21 months, which is great for her health and for my breast health.
so good luck, but don't give yourself a hard time. you've given your baby a most precious gift: your breastmilk. work out the glitches, but feel proud of what you've done so far.
