Trying to save Marriage

Maybe he's feeling guilty about something, or he's met some one else. Unfortunately, if he's already made up his mind that he wants a divorce there's not a lot you can do to stop him and if he really isn't in love with you anymore then there's not much point to try. But I agree with Dee T., make him file for divorce... Don't do it for him. Don't do anything to make him think that you want the divorce, and if you really think that there is a chance he is still in love with you keep trying to talk to him. Keep trying to get him into marriage counseling. Keep showing him how much you still love him.

First off I am so sorry for what you are going through. Marriage is so hard, and it takes a lot of continuous hard work to make it work. I agree with the rest of the comments, I would seek our Christian counseling. If you can't convince your husband to go, just go by yourself. Trust in the Lord, and pray for your husband's heart to be changed. Only God can change a heart, HE truly can. I would also encourage you to read the bible, God's wisdom can give you peace like nothing else. He is always with you, turn to Him and give it to Him. His plan for you is perfect. I will pray for you. I have been married for 12 years, and it is so hard sometimes, but God has given me strength. He has even changed my cold heart towards my husband, and I love him more than ever now.
I hope this helps, God Bless.

Perhaps watch Fireproof (with or without him) and do the Love Dare Book on him!

Get some Christian counseling. I have a cousin who had many struggles in her marriage and they started in non-Christian counseling and she said that almost did them in! Then they switched to a pastor and it saved their marriage.

WOW, It sounds like you have both waited to long for repairs, but he might be trying to push u away becuase he doesnt trust himself on the road to stay true to u and he might be thinking he doesnt want to bring more then a flu bug home, try to get him to agree maybe for insurance or kids or finances, sake to legally seperate or u just hang in there and make him file, not u. take my word he will regret it later. ITS not GREENER on the other side its very lonely and non loveing , people just use people, Until one day he wakes up to see, I trusted this woman with my life, love, my heart, and i broke it. I have for kids that are grown and they talk about their dad and i still ache for us both, we trully loved each other and now its to late, love him give him space and time if not then let go good luck honey im hurting for u

First off you and your husband need to sit down and find out what your real problems are! After a marriage has lasted this many years and then problems like this occur, there is something more to it.

I do not condone letting people on the web lead me in a marital decision. I highly suggest that you contact your clergy and talk to them before you both head to the lawyers.

M.

1st what makes you thank you can try or make him quit smoking?
If he is willing to not to do it in the house where it effect your and or children leave it be.It and when he will try or quit it will have to be on his terms. I was addictive to watching sports on the tube, then it became possible to watch sports every night and all week end. I had a project and realized I would never get it done. I turned off the tv with the intention of only watching football. The wife wanted to know if I was ok.

You say at one time he was a church going man, did you go with him?
Tell him from time to time, while both of you are in a good mood that you love him and let him be. Remember you can not teach a dog when he is in a tension mood.

Pray and leave it up to the Lord as it looks like your life with him his move from love to not wanted. If he messes around pray that he gets burned, then his thought should revert to what you to had and what you could have together.

God Bless

Men tend to want to quit marriages in order to avoid talking about it or before the "we should see a therapist" sentence leaves your mouth. I agree with you and think it would be tragic to give up on a long standing marriage just because of one bad year. The more you bring up repairing your marriage the more he is going to shut you out. Maybe the best thing to do is fiIe for seperation and leave him alone for awhile and wait and see if he comes to you. I am no expert it is just a thought. I hate to say this, but has it crossed your mind that maybe there is someone else?

Could it be that there is a dynamic going on here. Quite possibly he is more private with his feelings and struggles with knowing what he feels in general.. You on the other hand may be open and honest like in your post. It may overwhelm him at times although he may not say so. So he could be getting his toes stepped on all the time. And not sharing his feelings and how he is experiencing you . and before you know it says we need to end our relationship.
It is a very hard thing. The part about his lying is painful. But if you punish him for doing these things, that granted, he should not, you may be pushing away the very thing that you want to promote. Honesty. You have to become more gracious yourself and not reactive. It is hard to do. I have this dynamic with my husband. Try to develop empathy (why is he doing these things what is his background etc..) But don't expect him to admit this. Just use your intellect to figure this out not trying to get him to admit anything. Be gracious and patient with him. THe reality is that this dynamic is not ideal. Try to deal with disappointment of the relationship conflict and that it is there at all is hard to come to grips with. But to endure and to thrive in marriage is the right thing. I don't know if you pray. But this may be a good time to lean on God and ask his help.

also be cautious of the parent child role you could be playing in the relationship. This is not something to bring up especially if you are the one that is taking on the role of the parent . Even if he seems to need parental help and have many lacks. Of course we all do. But that is a real joy killer and intimacy buster.

You have to admit your part of this become less reactive and more safe and notice that you may be pushing away the connection that you so badly want to have with him. If this is not helpful I am sorry. I am reading a little between the lines here and hoping it helps.

ask him if you can both start over... we have been married 21 years.. and about 2 years ago.. it was terrible.. we fought a lot... and were angry.. but i wanted it to work.. and i begged him... let's start over.. let's start to date, take walks, have loving sex!!, talk to one another and find what we used to have.... well, we are doing great.... we had to work at it.. make time for each other, talk and getting back to loving each other... good luck... if he won't go see someone.. you go see someone---- if he is really going to get a divorce.... make sure you and your money , home.. is protected.... and tell him a divorce will be hard.. money, fighting and he will probably have to pay a lot... ask him not to throw away all those years.. tell him you both need to change... good luck..

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through in your marriage. I heard a great message series on this just last month at our church. If you would like you can watch them online. They are all good, but I think week 4 will most fit what you are going through. http://www.lifechurch.tv/message-archive/watch/once-upon-...
Hope this helps!
T.

Hi J.,
I was about to leave my husband because of his anger. But being a Christian, I know a covenant promise is forever. As someone recommended, the movie Fireproof is excellent and there is a workbook that you can do. I think this is what saved us. There is also a book and seminar that is good called Love and Respect.
I hope you can find a good counselor also. But if your gut tells you that counselor is not helping find another one. My experience is that most aren't very good.
Good luck!
Victoria

Look into going to marriage counseling, if he won't go with you then look into seeing one on your own.

Also take a look at this online line program called Save My marriage Today. http://www.fixamarriage.net/promote/savemymarriage