Troubles with My 5 Year Old..

Some may disagree with me, but at this age I believe that if she fusses and cries b/c she won't sleep in her bed, you need to let her CIO. For example, do a bedtime routine, put her to bed. If she comes out a few minutes later, calmly guide her back to bed, tuck her in, and only say, "It's time to go to bed now." That is all! No other talking...even if she's crying and wanting water or wanting anything else. Then if she keeps coming out, which she could do for a while, don't talk to her next time. Just put her back, tuck her in, and walk away. If you keep doing this, and DON'T GIVE IN, then she will realize she is not getting attention and will eventually go to sleep. It may take a few days and some long nights, but it will mean that you and her get a better nights rest in the long run.

Just a suggestion. I know some people will think it's cruel maybe? But she is old enough now to sleep on her own, and it will not have any psychological effects on her. Like you said, she has just gotten used to sleeping one way, and now she needs to learn to self-soothe.

I suggest that it's alright to sleep with her if you want to do so. She'll not be sleeping with you forever. She'll reach an age at which she won't want to do so.

However, if you want to stop sleeping with her then you have to take action. First talk with her about how she's a big girl now and you want her to go to sleep by herself in her own bed. I would start gradually and sit with her by her bed at first. Whoops, sounds like you need to get her in her own bed first. Make a rule that she sleeps in her own bed and stick with it. Never let her get in bed with you. Then sit with her the first week or two. Then move to the door for a few nights. Then outside the door for a couple of nights.

Be sure to have a calming bed time routine that you stick with every night. Perhaps a bath, a book or two, some quiet conversation. Provide a night light and soft music.

Once you've made the transition to her bed then continue to insist that she sleep in her bed. When she gets up quietly, calmly put her back in bed.

The key to getting her to sleep in her bed without you staying with her is to gradually get her used to her bed, to have a set routine that you go thru every night, provide helps, such as a night light and music, and consistently put her back in bed.

Some have suggested first moving her to a pallet beside your bed and slowly move that pallet across the room and out the door and then into her bed.

Again, tho, if you want her to continue sleeping in your bed, that's OK. It's called co-sleeping. Co-sleeping is not wrong. It's a matter of personal preference.

We went through the same thing w/our oldest. I love her dearly, but she was a nightmare of a baby, many health issues therefore, many many sleep issues so we took on all of the worst sleep habits. But I'm happy to say, there is hope! She had a very difficult time sleeping alone, we actually ended up buying the futon twin over full size bunk beds because it became extremely tight when my husband or I ended up in her bed a majority of the night. I know...people called me crazy, but it worked. Her ped told us to try the CIO method when she was a little one but she perfected the whole crying til she make herself vomit thing in no time, so there went that one. Anyways, when she was about 6 my dh had gone away on a business trip & we had just moved into our new home w/her baby sister. I was up a # of times w/night time feedings so that started the weening, but what finally did it was my husband bringing home this shirt from the resort he had gone to that had a somewhat silky feel that soothed her (kind of like a blanky from when she was little). Do you know that from that night she confiscated that shirt from him she did fine in her own bed. And....she just turned 15 Wed & still bunches it up & sleeps w/it at night :) Maybe try doing something like that, a pillow, something like that. Who knows, it may be worth a shot, best of luck to you.

I agree with Marda. Why would you punish your child for wanting to be with you? It's not like she is doing something "wrong". I think it is completely NORMAL to stay with your child while he or she falls asleep...what's wrong with it? As for what to do with the waking, you have to do what is in your heart. Most people will either let the child sleep in their bed, sleep in the child's bed, or put a cot or mattress in their room for the child. You can also try leading them back to their room and staying there until the child is asleep and then leaving again. But in our case, it just meant the child coming back a few hours later and bad sleep for all. I have been stayin in my son's room lately (he is almost 5) and he is one of the most confident, loving, intelligent children around. When you teach a child that you are ok with not listening to their needs, really, what are you teaching them?)

One of my son's was like this. In our case, it was an anxiety thing. Do you have a dog/cat that could sleep with her? Maybe she could pick out a "special" stuffed animal/doll that she could take care of at night? There is nothing like taking care of something/someone else to get you out of yourself. I think that could really help...

She should be able to cry it out at this age.

Are there any other developmental issues that have taken place over the yrs?

Did she ever go to sleep on her own?

Is it a habit that has been carried all the way through.

She is 5. So, sit her down one day when everybody is in a good mood and have a sort of a mtg with her. Tell her that starting on Friday night the bedtime routine will be as follows--She will brush her teeth, get into her jammies, have a story read and a few minutes of you sitting w/ her, but, this will take place in her own bed. Have her pick out a stuffed animal at the "mtg". You can even ask her if she sleeps through the night w/ her stuffed animal--That you will up the bedtime routing to 2 stories(If she loves stories). Perhaps a prize--but, I would try to forgo a material thing, if possible.

Let her know at the "mtg" that if she wakes up in the middle of the night, you will walk her back to her bed to go to sleep.

I have a friend who has a senior in HS. Her daughter never slept by herself and it ended up to be anxiety. So, by what you said it sounded as if you have been doing this right along and it's a habit.

Dr. Brazelton has a few gd bks out (from yrs ago) and sleep is discussed nicely in them.