Trouble with Homework

I always let my kids have a snack after school - banana, cereal, toast with peanut butter, something fairly healthy. Then right to homework. My one daughter in 6th grade is good about getting right down to work. My other in 4th grade will drag it out too. We try to set a timer for how long we think it should take. If she gets it done by then, we put a marble in a jar and do the same with the next subject. When the marble jar is full we'll go see or rent a movie or have a sleep-over. She seems to get her homework done quicker on the days she has after school activities, probably because she knows she has a time restriction. Good luck.

There was recently (not the current issue, but previous) a very good article in Mothering magazine about our kids having too much homework. Talk to the teacher. Is this homework meant to reinforce concepts already taught? Teach new ones? If your son already has a grasp on things, does he NEED to drudge through busy work to prove it?

First grade is still very young for a boy to sit down and do worksheets for an hour. IF the teacher insists and has no advice, sit with him so he knows help is right there.

Tread carefully. I'd hate to set up a boy to hate school and be a "problem" student so early.

I'm not sure if the article is available online, but the website is just http://www.mothering.com
The article confirmed many of the reasons I chose to homeschool.

I'm a member of www.FLYlady.com, which really helps me keep my house clean and keep routines and have a healthy attitude towards it all. It's geared towards adults getting their homes and lives in order, but she provides a "control journal" for children to keep track of their homework, chores, etc, on their own without their parents nagging, which might really help. Kids (and husbands!) automatically resist us when we're telling them what to do, even if it's for their own good. The student control journal helps them stay organized and establish routines. Here's the link to the control journal: http://www.flylady.net/images/student_CJ.pdf#search=%22st...

Also check out her homepage flylady.net Her systems might really help you find peace in your own life like it did for me.

Flylady is an advocate of her colleague's website, www.housefairy.org, which is a website to help motivate and encourage children to clean their rooms. On the website there's a video of The Housefairy where she talks to your kids and tells them she's going to stop by unexpectedly every once in awhile and check on their rooms and see if they've been cleaning it like their parents have asked and leave little notes and rewards if they have. The website also helps give you ideas on how to make a game out of cleaning, and turn it into a positive experience so they can develop good habits for life. Praise and rewards are usually bigger incentives than punishment, and much more positive and help their self-esteem. In fact, while studying for his Master's in Business, my husband learned that people performed better with the incentive of receiving recognition and praise than they did with the motivation of monetary rewards in the workplace. You can plan family activities as rewards, doing what she wants, which she most likely prefers over material things, plus it sends a better message. The housefairy.org website has a LONG list of incentive ideas, posted by other parents.

Good luck! Be firm and make sure there are consequences, both positive and negative, for their behavior. Consistency pays off. I am a BIG advocate of the Love and Logic parenting style of letting your children suffer the natural consequences of their choices and enforcing limits, but doing so in a loving, empathetic way. Love and Logic also stresses the importance of reinforcing a warm parent/child relationship by being involved and spending time together. They offer awesome parenting classes that I strongly encourage taking (www.keriparentcoach.com is their excellent local instructor here in AZ), have some great books ("Parenting with Love and Logic"), and DVDs and CDs. Check them out at the library or purchase at www.loveandlogic.com When I attended the parenting classes it became apparent that this approach to parenting is very similar to how I was raised, and I really appreciate my upbringing and always had a fantastic relationship with my mom, even during my teenage years.

Hi Sarah,
I have a second grader and had the same problem with her last year, when she was in first. I tried sitting with her and trying to encourage her but she'd just whine and fuss. What finally worked for me was making her realize she was responsible for getting her work done and not me. She'd cry that she couldn't get it done so I began telling her, "okay, tomorrow you can explain to Mrs. Ortiz that you just couldn't do it." I'd leave it at that and walk away. She would sit down and do it. It was hard for me to do but I really didn't know what else to do. She eventually quit complaining about her work and would sit down by herself and do it which gave her some free time. Good luck!!
E.

I am unusual in that I always allowed my kids some free time when they came home from school... sort of like recess before having to go back to school work. I know when I get home from work now that my kids are gone, I don't want to answer the phone or look at the computer, having been at it all day. I need a break, so I figured that my kids did, too. They could tell me all about their day and then play and be happy for awhile. After dinner is when chores and homework got done. And, if I had a child that was having trouble doing it, he and I would set a goal - say, doing homework in less than an hour a day for a week - then they would get a reward. A favorite place to go on Saturday or a favorite dessert, whatever. Set the timer for the hour so the child understands when it is over. Anyway, all of my kids are intelligent, goal-setting, hard-working, independent individuals and they are great with their own kids now, so it seems to have worked! Good luck!

Sarah,

I would highly recommend a private tutor, being a mom and a student - you shouldn't have to be everything to everbody. outsourcing and teaching your young child now how to effectively get his homework done will set him up for success later in life. I am not a fan of the larger learning centers like Huntington & Silvan because of their "broad" approach and their astronomical prices. One of my clients is a tutor that specializes in English, spelling, reading, and total comprehension (which will help in EVERY subject)...she's very reasonable, fun, and kids love her.

Her ideal client is also a parent who's willing to be involved and create accountability and a system for their child to succeed. Let me know if you'd like her information, email me at ____@____.com!

Thanks,
R. J

Hi Sarah,

My first suggestion, go talk to his teacher/or email/or call right away.
I am a firm believer that open communication with your child's teacher is the best option.
They are with our children all day, they see how our children work and how they handle stress in the classroom.
In the mean time, do you sit with him while he does his homework? Maybe that's all he needs, knowing that you're right there to help if he gets stuck. As far as the reading goes, my son reads easier and is more enthusiastic if he reads out loud to either myself or my husband. We've also noticed his comprehension go up!
Hope that helps.

Homework after a long day of school IS hard! I don't like it as much as my kids don't like it :). I've tried many different things. 1) - get a little "treat" dish and have it by you and your child. Let them grab a pretzel, or an m&m or a sticker or some other kind of treat each time he finishes a page. That has really helped my daughter. 2) Let him come home and "earn" a tv show because he finishes his homework. 3) Pick a time that works best for him (after school? after bath? before bed?, etc). What "time" will work for him to be successful at his homework? I hope this helps! Remember, you are not alone! Homework is hard! And, these kids have long days! Whether, it is easy for them or not :). Good luck!

Sarah - I read some of the responses from other moms and apparently we all pretty much agree that the routine is so... important. I don't have different advice other than to keep the lines of communication open with his teacher. My words of wisdom were to share with you that you are not alone. I recently listened to an audio book by Kevin Lehman that suggested you getting up and walking away from the undesirable behavior - (not acknowledging the behavior) although allowing the child to learn that there was consequences for his/her actions. He can choose not to do the homework but then we cant do "x" The suggestion was that later when he asks for "x" you tell him that he can't because he doesn't have his homework done.

Hope this helps - I also have a question for you - how are you managing nursing school and small children? (my neice is currently doing her prereqs and will be applying in the spring - AND will be trying to get pregnant next fall) So, I just was curious how you managed? If you have picked up an tricks to balance things?

Hi Sarah. I have 2 kids. A 5th grader and a 1st grader. Its normally for the battle of homework after all its brand new. Just keep at it and stick to a schedule that works for them. My older one constantly complained. She was in a private school and had a lot of homework. She has been independent with her work since third grade. I also took a class on helping your children with homework. A good peice of advice. If their hanging upside down on the chair let them. Its their way of programing everything. Sounds funny but my daughter did just that. My son so far so good. He complained the first few weeks. Keep your cool,allow breaks. A snack first is a good thing. Be positive and enjoy the ride. These young years will shape their schooling for the future.

Hello Sarah,
If you can let him have some down time (1/2 hour always works) to unwind after school and then designate a time - the same time everyday to do homework. Let him know that if he sits and gets it done quickly without fighting he will have more play time after. You can also do a reward chart that if he follows the plan he can put a sticker on the chart; use a calendar or something as such and at the end of the week he can have a special treat like a nice card game with you of Go Fish or something like that. Good luck
L.

We are having similar issues, although our daughter does not necessarily complain. It is mainly my H and I who are complaining. We are educators and firmly believe kids should NOT be innudated with homework espcecially in the lower grades. Everything we've read shows that it does not improve test scores in the long run verses those who do not do homework. And when it is just too much, you see what is happening with your child. Rule of thumb, 10 minutes of homework per grade level. Therefore, 1st grade is 10 minutes a night max! We are meeting with the teacher on Friday about this issue, as some nights it is close to an hour of homework. While we want to support the school, we also are supporting our child's need to relax, play, detox, be in a family, etc. We will not have her do the weekend homework and will stop at 20 minutes each night (compromise).

Do look at if the work is too hard? Is he struggling with reading/writing/spelling or math? Kids will often show aggression or behavior issues or flat out refusal when they are struggling, but are trying to hide it. Also, do you have a set time that it is done each night? Routine is key. Some need movement first when out of school, a snack, then can settle in. Our daughter can do it right when she gets home. Each child is different. Good luck and I recommend you bring this up to the teacher...she/he may have suggestions. :)

I agree that you should begin by talking with his teacher--tell her the difficulties he is having and see what suggestions she might have. As a former first grade teacher, I can tell you that some kids need to have work broken into smaller work-time segments. Play time and a snack before beginning may help, then try having him do one assignment (like math), then have a 15-30 minute break, then complete spelling and have him read you his story after dinner. It is still the beginning of the school year. Some kids are ready to come home after being focused all day at school and still do work, some are not. You could probably decrease the break time as the school year progresses. Just find what works best for your child and your family. Good luck!

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for being a parent that helps their children stay on top of things. I taught 1st grade for a few years and I know that students can sometimes feel overwhelmed by homework. Getting started is usually the hardest part. This is one idea that seemed to work with many children. (It works with adults too and it is not my own. You can check out FlyLady.net for more free organization ideas). It works on the principle that you can do anything for 15 minutes. So when it is time to do homework, use a timer and give him permission to take a break when it goes off. It works because he will know he can stop. What usually happens is the pressure is off and so they often finish up what needs to be done. If more time is needed, keep using the timer. 15 minutes of work, 15 minute break. It is important not to suggest to him that he is racing the timer. That is not the point. If he thinks of that it is okay, but your support is just allowing him to take a break when the timer goes off after 15 minutes. Hope that helps.

My son is a 2nd grader and my daughter is a 1st grader. This year is much easier for all of us as we have established a routine with homework. They get home from school and have a snack. Then they must finish all their homework before they can go play with their friends. My daughter has a 6 page phonics/ reading skills packet that she gets on Monday that is due back on Friday. Along with that, she has to write her spelling words 3 times each and write 3 sentences using at least two spelling words per sentence. She has 2-4 readers to read each night and daily math homework. This all takes about 30 minutes a day. On Mondays, (Mondays take a little longer, but shorten the time the rest of the week) she does her daily math homework, phonics/ reading skills packet, and reads her readers. On Tuesday, she does her daily math, reads her readers, and writes her spelling words 3 times each. On Wednesday, daily math, reads readers, and writes 3 sentences. On Thursday, daily math and reads readers. I sit down with her to read her readers and help her when she is struggling with something. We developed this routine with my son last year and they seem to like it because they know after Monday, homework will only take about 15 minutes. You can also talk to his teacher and she can adjust his homework to fit his needs. Good luck! It does get easier once they become accustomed to doing homework. I found last year, that the load lightened the second half of the year.

Sarah,

I know this isn't your fault...please don't take it personally. BUT....1st graders SHOULD NOT HAVE HOMEWORK!!! The first few years of school really should be about having fun, learning how to get along with others, learning basics, and loving to learn....kids don't get that through homework. These days, all school age kids are inundated with too much homework anyway, and it's really not helping them that much. We want our children to become life long learners - we want them to WANT to learn. a 1st grader getting tired and stressed about homework - how is that encouraging him to want to be a life long learner? I understand some homework when they are older...but really it doesn't require that much. Ok..since I got that off my chest, here is what I suggest. You are a busy lady I see, but if you can find some extra time to do some research on education and homework for the little ones then do it, and take it to the teacher, the principal and the school board to show them how homework is causing stress on little kids, how it really doesn't help them in the long run. Talk to other parents - because I guarantee, your son is not the only one experiencing this. If they want your child to read - GREAT!! I'm a HUGE believer in reading. But, reading should be fun. Go to the libray check out some books and read together, or listen to some children's books on tape so they can listen and follow along by themselves if you just don't have the time to sit down with him sometimes. Encourage him to read street signs, read the boxes in the grocery store...you get the idea.
What does your inner wise woman/mamma think and feel about all the homework placed on your 5 yr old?
Second suggestion, if the school or teacher policy on homework won't budge or lessen, then I would just stretch out his homework time. Instead of getting it all done at once, then just do one thing now. Another thing after snack. Another thing -like reading right before bedtime. Are you able to sit down with him and help him with it? Since you too are in school, how about making a special "HOMELEARINIG" area and both of you doing your work together. Maybe he might get a kick out of doing homework with mommy. Your attitude about this is going to make a HUGE difference. What other ways can you make homework fun for him now? What kind of games can be made out of wanting him to learn math or spelling? Really, if you can't get the school or teacher to change their homework policy, then you need to encourage your son to have a healthy non-stressed attitude about homework NOW...so that when he gets older- when homework is going to become harder (which I assume it will), it won't be such a struggle. He will already have some good strategies under his belt. Also, everyone learns differently. Is he an auditory, visual, or kinesthetic learner? How things are approached to him could make a big difference in how he approaches homelearning. I know you must be terribly busy - I get that. But it really is one of our jobs as parents to be an advocate for our little ones, so they will learn how to advocate for themselves as they grow.

**Another idea for his teacher. Instead of giving little ones boring rote exercises to learn...how about FUN homework. Like helping mom or dad with cooking. Count out the scoops of flour, or how many carrots do we need? Encourging him to read some words on a recipe card. Counting out the forks and plates and napkins and cups when he helps set the table. "Now how much is that all together?" Come up with some other fun ways for kids to do thier "homework". Does it take more time on our part? YES!!! Will it be worth it in the end???? I'm sure you know the answer;)
You can probably get some fun learning activities on a homeschooling website.

Much good energy to you and your son...and keep up the good work of being a committed mom and going to school for your RN!

In peace,
A.
mom of 4, Birth and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com

Hi Sarah -

It may be time to have a talk with his teacher. If he is feeling overwhelmed in 1st grade, it will only get worse as he gets older. Is there a reason the work can't be done in class? Is he behind in his class work and having to bring it home to be done? Put yourself in your son's place. You just spent 6-8 hours working (depending on the school) and now you have to come home and put another 2-3 hours in homework. Then you have to eat dinner and get ready for bed and do it all again tomorrow. When do you get a chance to relax and play? At 5, a child should be spending more time being creative and playful than entrenched in mind work. There are many years ahead for that. Talk with your son. Find out why he is feeling so overwhelmed. Does he find the work too difficult or boring? Many children resent doing homework because they feel like they have already gotten the concept, why waste time repeating the work. They won't to move on to something new. If he has not gotten the concepts, ask him if there is another way to do the work that would be easier and faster for him? If you involve him now in his education, he will find success a much easier road to follow.

Blessings,

M. M. Ernsberger
Certified Life Coach

I'm with you sister! There isn't anything we can do though. It's that "No Child Left Behind" Law that has put pressure on the teachers which in turn has put pressure on the parents who now put pressure on our children and it is just so overwhelming! I have a 6th and a 3rd grader who used to like school and now with them doing school work 24-7, they are learning to hate it!

Well I am a first grade teacher and WOW! I am shocked at how much homework your first grader has...We haven't even started our spelling stuff, that starts later in the year for our program that we use. The only homework my students get it math which shouldn't take more than 5-10 minutes (depending on the child) because we did similar stuff on the other side, and then I ask them to read for about 5 minutes to someone.

Hope this helps, but of course every teacher is different, but that seems like a lot of homework for a 1st grader.

I am really concerned about this homework in first grade thing. I have an almost 4 yr old and I one of the criteria for her next school (beyond pre-school) is that they don't have homework in first grade! A little project here or there is one thing, but hours of homework every night seems unnecessary. I have heard that Keystone and Horizon are good about this.

You so totally could have written my letter at the beginning of this school year (we started Aug 5th)!!! My 6yo son is in 1st grade as well and has homework every day (Monday and Thursday he has 16 spelling words which he needs to write 3x each, and each day (except Friday/wknds) he has a packet in which he does one page (or two, with story on one and questions on the 2nd) page of language and one page of math, and reads a few pages in his school reading textbook. So, Mon through Thurs he has: a page of math & page (or two) of language, book reading, plus spelling on Mon & Thurs.

The first 3-4 weeks were horrible!! He would take sooooooooo l o n g to do it! Occasionally he still does, taking 30 mins to write the first 3 words then 10 mins to write the remaining 12 words!!

I make sure he has a snack when he gets home then get him going on his homework. I agree on the accountability thing as mentioned by another mom where if he cant/wont do it, he will have to tell the teacher he didnt do it (that is what the teacher herself said to do)

My son likes it when I make a checklist for him - you could do this if being distracted or not knowing where to start or whatever. a box or line to put a check mark on may motivate him to get the next check mark on, and so on.

Thankfully, the hard part is done for me which is having my son realize that whining and dawdling just makes it take forever as opposed to just doing it and getting it done and over with! (not that he isnt ever slow, especially on Mondays but HE knows it will take as long as he makes it)

With your son, maybe you can take his homework, and give him one page to do at a time. as he finishes it, give him the next. Eventually you'll be able to leave the stack on the table/desk and he can move on to the next himself. But not until he has the hang of doing one thing at a time.

One last thought - the first week of class, the homework packet was *really* easy (tracing ABC's!!) while the teacher figured out who was at what level. He just *hated* it and really, I couldnt blame him, it wasn't interesting or challenging but I did notice an improvement one day after I said that if he didn't want to always have letters for homework (as opposed to words) he needed to SHOW the teacher he could do it, then he could move on to more interesting homework. Too easy is just as bad as too hard/too much.

And one last comment - I do not mind that he has homework in first grade. It mainly is teaching him good study habits he'll need for the rest of his life.

Sarah, I have a 1st grader this year. Her homework consists of reading one book a night and one math page a week. The amount they are sending home with your son seems to be quite a bit for a 1st grader.

Have you talked to his teacher? Is it truly homework, or is it classwork that he didn't get done during the day? I would talk to the teacher.

Good Luck.

Sarah, 1st graders should have about 20 minutes per night of homework. Some kids will take a little longer, some shorter, depending on how speedy they are. These things are important when doing homework:

Have a quiet, private place for him to work.
Turn off TV and radio

It may be an issue of the teacher giving too much homework, in which case, you will need to talk to the teacher about this to see if she can modify it for him. The purpose of homework is too teach them homework habits for the future and they should be able to do it on their own.

I made a list of things to do for my son and when he gets up in the morning (or after school), he reads then does some homework. If he does this on his own, he marks a check on his Responsibility Chart. At the end of the week, he gets his allowance, minus 1 quarter for any "no" marks he had on his Responsiblity Chart. Money motivates him because he like to buy Lego kits. Find out what motivates your son and that can be his reward.

I'm a little curious about why he is only 5 and in 1st grade - does he have a late birthday? Boys tend to need a little more time to mature, and this may be why he is having some trouble.

My daughter is 6 1/2 and in 1st grade. Occasionally, I even have her lay down for 10 minutes if she gets overwhelmed. We definitely take a break after school and get a snack, maybe an active chore here and there or if they really need it, some outdoor running time. Her homework is only 1 page of spelling, one short page of math and "reading out loud". She generally does the work after snacktime and then reads aloud to her brother at bedtime.

Good luck.

Hi Sarah, You didn't mention if he is in after care or if you get him right after school is out so I'm not sure how much time you have. Here is what we do:

I get home with my 2 kids at 5:15. They are 4th grade and Kindergarten. I start to cook dinner while they watch TV and/or play. Dinner is usually done by 5:45 which is when my boyfriends daughter gets brought home by her care giver (she is special needs) and then all 3 of them play while I get dinner on the table. By then my boyfriend is home from work and he gets the kids to wash their hands and set the table and get ready to eat. After dinner, my 2 have homework so we all sit down at the counter to do it while our oldest watches her favorite TV show in the other room (she is in a special needs class that does all their homework before school is out). So my boyfriend and I sit with my daughter and son and help with their homework. neither of them like to do it either but it helps for us to sit with them and encourage them thru it. my daughter in 4th grade has about 6 pages or more each night and even my kindergardner has 2 pages including writing his name or letters out several times. My boyfriend and I also take this time to go thru our mail or any other paperwork or things that need to be done. Then after homework is done, we all do something together like swim, read stories or watch Tv or have some down time before the baths start. Since we get them so late, we sort of have to keep a tight schedule or it gets too late and if they go to bed past 8:30, it is not pretty in the mornings trying to get them up! Also, at my kids school, they have about 30-45 minutes in after care where they have the 'option' to do their homework. sometimes they do it and sometimes not, but you can talk to the after care teachers and ask them to help get some of it done before he even gets home. I hope you find something that works for you, but start getting him used to it...it only gets worse! Good luck!!

My daughter just turend 6 on August 24th and is also in 1st grade. She goes to afterschool care until I pick her up. We get home around 5 and have a routine of doing homework immediately after we get home. She knows that this is the routine and is prepared for it. We go over what homework needs to be done that day so she isn't surprised if it is more than one page. She looses focus sometimes but I sit there with her and remind her that if she doesn't get it done then she can't watch her favorite tv show or eat dinner or do anything else she wants to do. She knows this is how it goes so it is much easier to get it done. Also, sometimes we will go to the park or swimming or something fun like that after she gets her homework done so reminding her that she can't do those things if she doesn't finish her homework motivates her to get it done. I don't think it is fair to ask the teacher to reduce the homework or do it differently as some of the other moms have suggested. The teacher has more than just your student in their class and everybody should be responsible to do the same work and do it in the same amount of time. If he is able to do the work that is required to do in class then he should be able to complete the homework assignments. Sometimes if you give them some sort of reward (a snack, a piece of candy, getting to watch their favorite show or movie) for getting it done it helps motivate them to do it without the fight. Try to be patient because the more impatient you get with it the less he will want to do it and the more frustrated you will get. Good luck!

My son is also in 1st grade and does the same thing. He even tells me he hates homework, which I'm sure is coming from the fact that he'd rather be playing than sitting down and focusing after having to focus all day at school. I pretty much ignore it and tell him that he cannot go play until he does it. I try to do it when he first gets home while his momentum is in full speed that way he'll have the entire evening to do other things. The homework only should take 15 to 30 minutes, so make it a game and tell him what time it is that you start and tell him you will make it a challenge to get it done in 30 minutes...correctly. Then have fun doing it. Good luck.

Hello,

Just an idea, but maybe since you are a student as well you could make it a special mommy and son study time. The two of you could sit down and do your work together. If he sees you focused and involved then it might help him a little.

Hi Sarah-
I always let my kids have free time right after school for a while and a great snack, of course!... , then I would break up homework into small chunks, one thing, then more free time, one more thing, then dinner, one more thing... etc.... that really seemed to help my boys.
I know some people incentive charts, but that really helped my boys as well... a sticker for each night homework was complete.. 20 stickers to a chart... then the dollar store! Once a month to the dollar store didn't "break" our budget, and it certainly helped keep them motivated... or you can make your own "fun" boxes with fun stuff from Oriental Trading Co and let them pick a prize.
I know homework is important, and it's good to learn the discipline, but hopefully it won't become too overwhelming if he can get into a routine and stick with it.If it's gets to be too much, you may consider a different school or different options such as homeschooling.
Best of luck to you.
toni

I had that problem last year with my son when he was in 1st grade. What I did, is I gave him a break in between each thing and gave him something he really wanted like a friend over for 1/2 hour in between the segments of homework. I started this around 1/2 way through the year and it worked great. Sometimes he only got to talk to a friend on the phone and such if they couldn't come for the play date. Find something he really wants and during breaks make sure he gets something special for doing the part he did. I am not sure if it will work for you, but I continued it into 2nd grade and he is doing a lot better.

D.

I see that you are a student, can you find a time to sit at the same table and work on your homework as he works on his?

So many folks try the reward system, like 1/2 hour tv after homework is finished...