Transitioning Sleeping in Our Room to Her Own Room...

I too was very close to my first born daughter. She was held whenever I could. So when it came to putting her in her own bed; it was a nightmare. She would cry and scream. I finally got the habit of setting a chair in the doorway until she fell asleep. Gradually, moving the chair closer and closer to the hallway. It took awhile, but it was done that way without much drama. When my son came along, he would wake up, play for awhile; then I would pick him up, change him, feed him, play with him and put him down in his crib. He would play for awhile and then go asleep. Consquently, my daughter has trouble sleeping and my son can sleep anywhere. Both are very well, adjusted adults now. So I must have done something correct. Good luck

Transitioning her to her own room is going to be hard for both of you, I would not wean her at the same time. My advice would be to wait until she is used to her room before you start to wean her, she is going to need that comfort and you probably will too. You are definitely doing the right thing, just don't try to take too much away from her all at once. Cood luck!

I think it's great that you're still nursing your 20mo old. The WHO says until at least 2 years and beyond. Keep up the good work! Trust me, as a mom who has long-term nursed and known a lot of long-term nursers, they wean themselves. It happens naturally with both of you guiding it. As far as moving her out of your room, find out why your husband doesn't want her in there anymore. She really does not NEED her own room, that's just society's pressure on you. I know especially full time working moms find that the night time closeness helps fill in the gaps when they don't feel like they get enough together time. On the other hand, if it is putting a strain on your marriage, try to come up with a compromise, putting her to bed in your room, but moving her when you guys go to bed or something like that. Remember, just because you've never heard of it being done, that doesn't mean it hasn't. You can do anything, as long as it works for your family.

As for my story, My first started sleeping with us at about 6 months (I thought I had to have a separate room for her, because that was all I had heard of) and did until about 2 months after my second was born (she was 2.5). My second slept with us until about 20 months, and now she goes to bed in their room (it's much easier, since they get to room together, they love it), but usually ends up in our bed by morning. She still nurses much more than your daughter, which is fine by me. I've seen the weaning process happen naturally, and it is so peaceful that way. For us, it was the way to go.

Anyway, just keep in mind, do what is right for YOUR family (which includes all of you, not just your kids). Think outside the box to find what is right, and don't buy into someone who tells you that your kids must have their own rooms and you must use CIO OR someone who tells you that cosleeping is the only way. You'll find your way. It sounds like you're a great mom, trusting your instincts, and you'll figure it out. Remember, things change. Don't think if you do one thing that's how it will always be (even CIO, sometimes they get up anyway!)

K.

Check out "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It has some really good advice and you can pick and choose what works for you (without upsetting your little one more than necessary). I also recommend any books by Dr. William Sears (and family). He really advocates listening to your instincts and maintaining a strong bond with your child so you can do what works best for BOTH you and your child. Good luck with everything!!

I SOOOO understand where you are coming from! I also do not like the cry it out method and have never used it with my boys. If you do not wish to use this method, then you can continue to nurse your child to sleep (just put her crib in her room and when she is asleep, put her in bed). Now, I realize that a lot of ladies out there will claim that I have created another problem (how to get her to sleep on her own). She will learn eventually; if you wish not to use the cry it out method, you must sacrifice in this manner. My son was four before he would go to sleep on his own (either withour nursing or when he got older, without being read to sleep), but one day he just decided on his own that he was ready and now goes to bed on his own every night. Although I realize few will probably agree with me, it worked for us and in the big picture of life, it was a relatively short time. I wouldn't trade it for the world. The memories of happy sleeping and the evening cuddles make his newly acquired independence doubly sweet. Good Luck! K.

My 13 month old is still in our room, so I don't have any personal experience with transitioning. However, I did come across this idea from Dr. Sears (http://www.askdrsears.com/faq/sl20.asp) that might be an idea to try. Other than that,I have heard slowing moving baby's bed away from yours into his/her own room is another way to ease the transition. Good Luck.

Hi J. - I know that this will sound like a pain, but my aunt and uncle did it with my cousin and I know another couple that did it as well. Move her bed a little farther away from yours each night until it's in her room. My counsins bed was in the hallway for awhile, but my aunt said it worked, Jill was able to gradually get use to mom and dad being farther away from her.

Good Luck!

First of all, don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing a great job! Next, it might not be as hard as you think. I wouldn't wean and move her at the same time. Just try moving her first, and wean her when she's used to being in her own room.
My littlest one would wake up to nurse every night, and I thought it was going to be hard to move her out of my room. The very first night, she slept all night, so it IS possible. You might want to try putting on some soft music or something, though, so she doesn't feel totally alone.
I hope this helps.

Not sure what the others have said, but can you try the same bedtime routine, just do it in her room instead? You can nurse her in her room, then lay her in her crib. Or, you can still nurse her in your room, then put her in her crib in her room. Doing that last suggestion, though, might confuse her if she goes to sleep in your room and wakes up in her own room. I would try to make as few changes as possible in her routine, just do it in her room instead. You don't have to stop nursing her now. That might be too many changes at once for her. Can you try incorporating a predictable bed time routine if you haven't already, maybe include getting jammies on, reading books, nursing etc. all done in her room so she gets used to starting her routine in there?

A dim night light might be helpful too.

If you are not comfortable with her crying it out, then don't try it. There are other ways to get through this. You can also try rocking her until she falls asleep then laying her in her crib. Every so often, try putting in her crib a little earlier, like when she has just fallen asleep. Then after she is used to that, do it when she is drowsy, but still barely awake, etc. until she is comfortable sleeping in her own bed and falling asleep on her own.

This can be frustrating, but be consistent. Naps should be in her room too. Going back and forth might be confusing to her or make her think you are unsure about putting her to sleep in her own room. Stay positive with her about it and try not to sound apologetic for having her sleep in her own room. Staying positive will help her feel safe and secure about your decision.
Best wishes

First of all I would agree with moving her out of her room and getting her as far away from nursing as possible. Shes almost 2 and youre still nursing, you cant baby them forever! And I know its hard because you feel that bond between mother and child and same with being in the same room. But its long past time.

I would NOT have her sleep in her room, then yours, then hers, etc, etc. It confuses kids and you ARE going to have problems. Put her crib in her room and just do it. Have her in there 100% of the night. Keep the door open, come in several times before she goes to sleep so she knows you havent left. As far as the weaning goes, I would get to it ASAP. I dried up so I didnt have a choice. If shes on sippy cups all day long you know shes ready. She it too OLD to be on a bottle! She should have been off the bottle months ago. I dont mean to be harsh Im just trying to be honest. I know how you feel not wanting to let her do these things but all children grow up and they cant be sleeping with mommy or nursing forever. How is it going to be when she goes to school, or wants to spend the night at a friend's house, or wants to go on a date? Its time to loosen up a bit and let her grow up just a little. Good luck. Dont worry, she still loves you and you will still have a very special bond. After all, youre mommy and no one can replace that!!

Something that I had heard (and did use) was each night, move her bed about a foot or two away from you. Yes it looks stupid having a bed in the hallway, but after a few days or so, she will gradually be in her own room! I was amazed at how it worked!! Our doctor gave us that idea. I know it's hard to do, but it's time. Good luck with it!!

Hi Jenn,
I know I'll probably catch flack for this, but I just wanted to say that you don't have to buy into the "kids need to be in their own room" syndrome. Yes, we value individualism in our culture, and we like to think we're teaching our kids how to soothe themselves, but in reality, I don't think we harm our kids by allowing them to stay in our rooms. I think it just depends on your family needs, what works or what doesn't. I used the CIO method, and there are no residual effects on my now 8 year old daughter, but I've come to realize that you know your kids best, so as your daughter grows up, don't feel bullied into forcing her into her own room if you don't think it's best at the time. Follow your instincts, and don't feel bad! :)
Angie

I had moved my kids out of my room as soon as they started sleeping thru the night, so I can only offer what I have heard others say that has helped. Put her in her bed and if she cries come into the room each time so that she knows you are there. but each time(or each night) the time you come back to her room takes longer to where you are eventualy not coming into her room at all. A friend would use this time to read the paper, so she would pace the hall reading come in maybe every 2 mins, 4, mins, 6 mins, so on. Or you could start by sitting by her bed and slowing moving away from the bed each night-never making eye contact. Hope this helps. The sooner you move her out the better, she has been in your room a long time, its going to take her a long time to stay in hers.

Hey J.! You've got a couple of issues going on; weaning and moving your daughter to her own room. Now, I was not nursing my daughter when we moved her to her own room; she was 2 and I was also pregnant with #2. We set up her toddler bed, but she did not like it. She would nap in it sometimes, but would NOT sleep overnight in it. Maybe it was the combo of the new bed and that mommy is having another baby. After baby came, we got her a full-size mattress and transitioned her toddler bed to fit and she LOVES it!! I thought she would continue to have a hard time, but she didn't.

Not sure what advice to give about weaning. My daughter, much to my dismay, weaned herself way before I was ready for her to.

Good luck to you!

I think you need to spend some time envisioning your child at 16, 17 years old. Your problems are not weaning and moving your child into her own room. You need to understand that you are doing her no favors by not letting her change and grow. All of life is transitions, some are easy, some are hard, but they are not avoidable, both for you and her.

Either let her be part of the process of buying her a new bed that only goes in her room, and if you already have the bed, let her pick out some new bedding for it. Making her own it will make her want it more. Take it a step further and also let he help unpack it, launder it and then even make the bed up. All the while talking about sleeping in the new bed with the new bedding. Maybe even letting her be a part of taking down the old bed out of your room.....

Nursing - I would recommend stopping the night one and starting a whole new routine with her new bed and getting her to sleep in there. Starting a routine that envolves just a couple of things, a small drink of water, a bedtime storey, then a prayer and hugs and kisses and lights out and off to bed...

Good Luck.

Hi J.,

Having had a sea going Navy husband and living on a Navy base, this mistake has been made many many times, you are not the first. Unfortunately for you, the only real remedy is the good ole grin and bear it.

We had this issue with our Granddaughter when her daddy came home from Iraq...he was gone for 18 months and not only did she sleep in moms room - she slept in moms bed... This is a good time to find her a new animal or blanket to love. I have actually found a great website for lovies - it's www.lovems1.etsy.com. We bought a couple of them for our grand daughter who now sleeps in her own bed UNLESS she is at Grandmas! (PaPa is such an old softie)

About the nursing - if you are not ready to give it up, then don't, or maybe move a rocking chair into her room and make it a once a day nursing while you rock her before bedtime.

I think the most important thing to remember is routine - no matter what you decide to do, stick with it. Babies all respond the best when they know what to expect.

Don't beat yourself up about the things you think you may have done wrong - instead pat yourself on the back for all the things you have done right. I think our first child is always the "practice" child - mine is a Dr. so I wouldn't worry too much!

Good Luck!

N.