Tough Decision About Early Kindergarten. Helpful Opinions? Experiences?

No, don't push her! My father-in-law is VERY intelligent and was the top in his high school class. He went to kindergarten at age 4 due to his birthday. Once college came, he dropped out for 2 years because he was not ready for it; simply too young at 17. He is one of the most intelligent people I know, but there is no need to start a child early. It can do more harm than good. No matter how smart they are, they are not always emotionally ready.

J.,
I know how hard this decision is. I lived in an area where you didn't have to be 5 until March 1 to start kindergarten, so I didn't turn five until February. Many of my friends were much older than me, I think I turned out okay. My husband had a few problems, a very smart man, but he had an english class the fall of this freshman year in college, that he needed to see a movie and do a contrast and comparison with. The problem was he wasn't old enough to get into the movie! Had to get special permission from the dean of the school to hand the assignment in late.
We decided to have our children away from the birthday cut off date just to make things easier for them. We thought we suceeded. Then we moved. The area we moved to had a June 1 date so every one, was in the middle of the cut of date. Our oldest daughter, who had already started school and had been tested, grandma is an educational psychologist, well into the gifted range. She has always done well in school, socially it was a bit harder as she was a bit of an introvert. She went away as a freshman this fall at 17 and is studying Pharmacy, a very hard program to get into. She has blossomed at college and is no longer an introvert.
Child #2, a boy, met the birthday cut off. Went to preschool and is a smart boy but...he is very ADHD and has a learning disability. We decided after 1st grade, that he was a little too immature and having difficulties and to retain him in 1st grade. The teacher somewhat agreed but the principal at that school wouldn't retain him (those things look bad on the school). He is now in 10th grade and one of the oldest in his class. Still struggles in school.
Child #3, a girl, missed the cut off date and we decided to appeal. She was so past ready for school. She has a very social personality and we have never had her tested but I wouldn't be surprised if her IQ was just as high as her sisters. She is 13 now and attends a conservatory program where she does academics 1/2 the day and dances the other. She has asperations to be a professional dancer and is well on her way. Academically she is in 8th grade but is taking several classes above her grade level.
The bottom line is every child is different and you there mom knows them the best. Do what is right for them, give them a lot of external interests other than school. We have to musicians and a dancer. Our son tried almost every sport known to man, he loves fencing best. I'm sure you will make the best choices.
Good luck

I have been in your shoes.
You did NOT say how old your younger daughter is or when her birthday is.
If it were me I would probably put her in the better preschool challenge class and go from there.
Also, does your school system have an academically talented track?
Is that where your older daughter is?
Just do whatever you can to insure that the girls are challenged, whether at home or at school.

As someone who sounds exactly like your younger daughter i would say wait. i was intelligent, and did well academically but did not do well socially, and really although elementary school was not so bad (i did struggle some) it was middle and high school that were worse. Think about the fact that her body will mature slower than her peers because she is younger, she won't get a drivers license and have that kind of freedom at the same age etc... tht was really hard in an environment like middle school and high school where every kid just wants to fit in and be like everyone else. you have some other options, several of my friends have done a kindergarden program at a private school for the early year and then switched to a public school and do kindergarden again, as long as the school is willing to work with you it should be fine, and really the kid is too young to understand that they are "repeating" a grade. i think those kids have adjusted really well and have excelled academically. even if you do it a year early, your child will probably be bored at some point in her academic career so really it is working with her to make sure that she understands why things have to be done that way and that although we don't always agree with an assignment or want to do it we have to, which really is a great life lesson as well. Listen to your gut, it sounds like you already know what the right decision is.

I wholeheartedly agree with the comments of the Kindergarten Teacher. As a former 1st grade teacher (now sahm), I would say wait. I had a student in my 1st grade class who started the year at 5 years old. Academically she excelled. But, she was so much more immature than all the other kids that she had trouble making friends, even though she was sweet, pleasant and outgoing. She just enjoyed things that 5 year olds should enjoy and my 6 going on 7 year olds didn't enjoy anymore. So it was a battle. Emotional experience and social experiences are at least as important as the academics because it sets the way the child feels about school. Don't worry about her being challenged. You can challenge her at home without pushing her ahead. For example, if she is learning about leaves at preschool, search the internet for activities to do involving leaves to extend her learning at home. This will be so much fun for all of you.

You are having doubts about sending her, so that would say wait!

I say, do as you are doing, look at all of the variables, look at what your gut is telling you to do, then make the decision. Don't look back. You will never know if you made the right decision, you just have to trust in yourself that you made the best decision you can make given the info you have. Only time will tell how the decision you made works out for you. You will never know how the other choice would have worked. You will hear support and horror stories, no matter which you choose.
Personally, I have seen children struggle who are the youngest, I have seen some who you could never tell they are younger.
Again, good luck to you. Go with your gut. Make your decision, then don't look back!
R.

Personally, I'd wait. School is more than learning letter writing and academic stuff, it's where you learn to socialize and function with other people. If you wait, she'll be as big as the other kids and probably more likely to take on leadership type roles. The people I know now that did Kindergarten early are less confident and outgoing than those who waited, even though they may be just as smart. Plus, if you go early now, you'll have a 17-year-old ready to move out and go to college, and that definitely involves skills other than book smart. You can always challenge her with outside activities -- piano lessons, get someone fluent in a foreign language to tutor her, work through higher level math books with her, or just introduce her to a wide variety of books. And if she's bored because she's smarter than anyone else around her, you'd better help her develop a positive attitude about it because it sounds she'll spend most of her life feeling that way!!

I'll agree with several others who said -- when in doubt, don't send her.

I was actually moved from kindergarten up to first grade because I was academically more advanced than my peers. I have a May birthday, though, which means that I was essentially going into first grade at just over 5 years old. I graduated from high school one week after my 17th birthday. I graduated from college two weeks before my 21st birthday.

I will say that I was fortunate to have plenty of friends and had a good social life throughout high school and college, but it was definitely more challenging. All through school, I wasn't quite ready for some of the things that my friends were. I believed in Santa the longest, I wasn't ready to be done playing with dolls, I was among the last to be really interested in boys even though I had "boyfriends," I was the last to drive -- summer before my senior year of HS, etc. I couldn't even get in to a rated R movie at the theater with my friends until I was a senior. During my freshman year of college, I was the only one whose parents had to sign a permission slip for me to attend a weekend trip since I was the only one still legally a child. None of those things are a major issue in the eyes of an adult, but they were a big deal to me at the time.

Most schools now are able to find ways to challenge students of varying abilities all in the same classroom. And more and more parents are actually choosing to hold their kids back a year, even their smart kids, if their birthdays are too near the cut-off. I was surprised at how many kids starting school with my oldest were already 6 before kindergarten. And three of the youngest kids in her class ended up repeating K for maturity issues, not academic ones.

My oldest is a June b-day, so she's one of the youngest in her first grade class, and she's also very advanced -- was reading at a third grade level at the beginning of kindergarten last year, is already doing multiplication/division, etc. She does complain once in a while about being bored with some of the busywork, but her teacher works hard to keep her challenged, and overall, she really loves school. Although she's clearly ready to do second-grade work or beyond, I don't know that she'd thrive there socially or emotionally.

Obviously, only you know your daughter, and it may be worth talking to her current teachers and the K teacher at your local elementary to see what they suggest. Good luck to you.

I have seen too many girls struggle in the middle and high school years that were started younger. YOu can't just look at elementary levels but look ahead to what could happen when they are older. Socialization is a big component of school. Your daughters are young. A lot can happen by the middle school age that can affect them down the road. If your kids are in a good school district the academics will meet their needs. Also find other nonacademic activities to challenge them and help them be well rounded. (art classes, music, sports, book clubs, youth groups). Why are parents afraid to let their kids get bored? Then show them how to look for something constructive to do when they are bored. The most important thing you can teach or model to your child is a desire to learn. Too many kids are out there not wanting to learn that are smart. I haven't figured out why I am seeing this type of attitude and mostly with the boys. Be thank ful you have girls. Remember learning is not only happening in the school setting. You are their master teacher.

I'm a former school teacher and have also helped with kindergarten screening. One of the things we saw was kids who had no issues with the cognitive, but rather the social development. Trust me........you'll be better off, and so will she, if you
WAIT and let her develop a little more socially. If she is a people pleaser, she might be intimidated by any child who decides that she's "a baby". Your daughter will spend her time trying to please this child and live up to their expectations vs doing school work with confidence.

WAIT IT OUT! I'm speaking from a teacher's perspective! She'll get along MUCH better if you do. Just continue to challenger her at home until she has the opportunity at school.

As a kindergarten teacher, I always say, when in doubt-DON'T send them!!!! I have pretty strong feelings about this. I know she is very intelligent, and that is wonderful, but she will be very intelligent whether you send her early or not...I would never force the issue early, especially if you have some socialization concerns. It is true not to think of kindergarten/elementary, but later on in life...thinking about her always hanging out with kids older than her...including when it is time for driving, college, drinking, etc!!! I always say I would rather my child be one of the oldest than youngest...and you can't hurt them by waiting, but you sure can by sending too early. I have 1.5 y/o girl twins who have a May bday and I have already decided I will wait until they are 6 for kindergarten...and I already think they are pretty smart...but they have sooo many years to be in school, I do not want to rush it. Good luck!!!

Hello J. I have two granddaughters just like your daughters. Like you not bragging but this is the way it is. Sometimes a child needs the time to for better words 'adjust' in their own envirement so I would not push her on until she is ready for it. My nieces skipped a grade at 4th grade level and that shows you can do this at anytime. Both nieces have excelled clear through high school. Good Luck it is in your court.

My mom taught early-ed her whole career. She just retired after 32 years of teaching, the majority of which was in kindergarten and 2nd grade.. She had a special early-ed certificate on her diploma. Her Masters degree was in early-ed and she studied the effects of starting kids early. If anyone knows what she's talking about with your issue, it's her. Here is what she would tell you:

Size almost never matters, social readiness does. If your daughter is already shy, you'll make it worse.

You may not see a big difference now, but the difference between a 2nd and a 3rd grader, a 5th and a 6th grader, an 8th and a 9th grader, and a 15- and a 16-year-old is immeasurable. It doesn't matter if they have grown up together, aging takes place no matter what the social setting is, and while her friends will be growing out of things, she won't be ready.

She may do just fine if you put her in early. But she could have been AMAZING if you left her back.

An early readiness for kindergarten is no proof that they will stay ahead. There's actually a lot of research that shows that it doesn't matter if you start the child early, they won't do any better later on than they would have if you had held them back.

Lastly, you can always skip a grade later on if she really turns out to be "gifted". It's really hard to test for a true IQ at her age, so anything you've done to get that score doesn't mean too much. If she gets to 2nd or 3rd grade and is so far ahead that she's bored, you can skip her and she'll get an ego boost. But, if it turns out you are wrong and she struggles for B's and C's, or worse, has to be held back, it will be your fault when she suffers from self-esteem issues, and I promise you, she will suffer.

No one will care when she is applying for college if she's a year ahead of schedule, especially if she's getting solid B's. But if you keep her back, let her be in accelerated programs, and get all A's, colleges will be jumping at the chance to get her.

Good luck with your decision. Talk to the schools and make sure you listen to their suggestions. You are looking at one child compared to a few others you've seen. The school and the teachers have seen THOUSANDS, and in this case, know what's best for your child better than you do (unless I missed the fact that you are an early-ed teacher, which obviously would have some sway).