Too Flirty??

Hi -
I have a hard time with this because my husband and I are both ultra passionate people, and he is the biggest flirt. However, I know that his heart belongs to me and that his mind never even crosses over to thinking about another woman past the "wow, she's hot" phase. If they are chatty, he let's them talk, is nice, and then introduces me. He is proud to have me as his wife, which I am totally grateful for. I don't think I am ugly in any way, but I know that I am not the hottie/looker that some ladies are, and it's okay. I am not the barbie doll or the dating type. I am what guys call the marrying type, and the wife that everyone wants to have according to my hubby's single friends.
I think you should have a sit down with him again, tell him that it's not about the flirting, it's about what's behind it. If he is not happy being with you, then maybe it's time to move on. If he is, he needs to show it, and that means introducing you to the ladies and not being jealous or overprotective. There has to be a line of trust going both ways. There also has to be respect and honor. If you are giving but he is not, please let him know that you need that from him. If he is unwilling to give it, you may need to evaluate the relationship and seek some counseling for an unbiased, outside opinion to help the both of you.
Good luck!
-E.

I would be calling him my EX boyfriend - like now...
Why would you even tolerate this for a moment? If you are smart enough to see this behavior happening right in front of you, you are smart enough to know it's not the only time he's flirting.......Don't ignore it. Don't try and convince yourself it will improve or go away. Accept it for what it is.....he's not just a flirt, he's a young man who hasn't finished growing up and needs to see what else is out there. This is completely disrespectful to you.

May I ask all young women on here, why not just accept behavior for what it is and MOVE ON....Who taught people today that they can change others?

This is just the way that some people are: they enjoy the view. I personally view people like art. I can feast my eyes in a museum, but I'm not going to ry and take the pieces off the wall and take them home with me.

I also enjoy talking with people.

Some people see both as flirting. I certainly don't. When I flirt, I mean business... I'm not a tease.

When I date people those are two non-negotiable things. I enjoy looking and I enjoy talking. For those who have really "fit" / "worked" with me, they ALSO enjoy that I love looking at the world around me, and that I'm friendly and outgoing. Ditto, I have no problem with others who share the same traits... as long as they're not being disrespectful (I'm not disrespectful about it, I never abandon or slight my host... whoever I'm with has highest priority. But that doesn't mean that I'm blind to the world).

If the way I naturally am hurts the person that I'm with, we need to not be together... because while many things are negotiable... "naturally" just isn't one of them. Either they trust me, or they don't. And if they don't trust me... if we don't have the kind of relationship where we both feel free being who we are... we need to not be together. "Best behavior" only lasts for a short period of time.

i do the same thing.. im just a very flirtatcious woman. i dont mean to be and i have worked to calm it because i know it bothers my husband. its not you its just a trait he has. try to ignore it and ask him to be more cautious of it. this is coming from someone who does it herself. my husband knows that i do not plan on ever acting on my flirtiness. i have even gone as far as verbally flirting with another but i never ever accept a number nor give out mine. im not sure if this helps you or not. hoping things get better.

Let me say that one person's "flirty" may be another person's "nice." It is about perspective. Why does your age have anything to do with it? If he is "just being friendly" that is one thing but to ogle someone else when you are on a "date" is a definite no-no. If the man cannot keep his eyes on you when it is "your time", then do not give him anymore of it. Especially if he is just going to dismiss your feelings. If you happen to be married to the clog, then give him a taste of his own medicine. If you look younger than your age, then "rock it." He will get the picture that he is not the only attractive one in the group. Good luck to you!

If your boyfriend respects and cherishes you, he will take heart, that you feel uncomfortable and less than. If not, what are you getting out of this? He is showing your concerns and feelings little respect and gets defensive. Don't accept his behavior. If you do, he will continue it. If he continues this behavior, he doesn't have much regard for you. If he will be so blatant in front of you, I wonder how he behaves without you there...

ok maybe i'm just weird, my husband does that too...but here's the catch SO DO I....before the night is over, he'll say...holy #$#%#$%, she is HOT! and i'll be like where? where? and we're looking together? and even vise verse; i also take notes of what he gets attracted to and do my best to pull out in me what he saw in them...makes if fun

turn it into a frisky fun game, as long as he comes home with you by the end of the night, who cares if he's getting turned on looking at other women, you get the benefit of it in the long run right?

Hmmmm...I wonder why it does bother you? Maybe because he lies about it and denies it? Would it be better if he was just honest about his appreciation of beautiful women?
I think it might be:
A. a sign that he is not committed to the relationship.
B. a sign that he is not concerned about hurting your feelings
C. a sign that you feel insecure about your relationship
or
D. a way of letting you know he's not "done looking" just yet.

Hmm, stop going out with him? Seriously I don't think there is anything wrong with looking. I see it like window shopping, just because I am looking doesn't mean I would ever buy it...
Also I don't think a "wandering eye" is flirty... now if he tries to make eye contact with another woman or somehow else get her attention, that would be too much and I would kick him to the curb, but just looking after a pretty woman... even I will do that sometimes (even though I am hetero).
So maybe just loosen up a bit?

Even when you know without a doubt in your heart that he loves you and only wants you, you have to ask yourself why would he be that disrespectful? I could care less if my husband stares and takes second looks at pretty gals as long as I'm not with him. Tell him to do it till his hearts content when you arent around.... took me a while to make my husband "get that" because he and I both knew it was harmless..... but when I was able to explain to him that it made him look like an @ss when in my presence he decided he didnt want to be that. It's all about maturity. Do it to him a couple of times so he can feel how it feels and how it would make you look trampy.... he might get it then.

A.,
this man is not considerate of you. Do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling like this? If not, move on now. It is my opinion that he is disrespectful. If he is now, then unless something changes drasticaly, it may get even worse. Run. There are better men out there.

Everyone looks..........it is not something new. Figure out why it bothers you so much.

I also look much younger for my age, I also have a flirtatious side about me and that does not mean I am going to leave my husband. He does the same thing and I know we go home together.

Don't let it get to you and ruin your self esteem. If it is truly that bothersome, maybe you need to move on.

There is nothing wrong with you, sounds like he is very normal.......ALL men (and women) look.

Give him a taste of his own medicine. Next time you are out do exactly what he does with other women to the men you see out that night. No more, no less. See what he says then. Don't tolerate a double standard. Hopefully he will see how hurtful, annoying and embarassing his behavior is to you.

I must say that in my opinion, men with a wandering eye are bad news. I have been on the receiving end many times of the wandering man-eye and I can tell you it is not innocent. Now that being said, you have to take it within reason, my husband is not dead, if a beautiful woman walks by he is going to notice and even look, but he does not make it obvious, he does not stare, and it happens maybe once in a great while - like months apart.

The bad news is, you cannot change this behavior, some men do it some med don't. You just have to establish if he is out of control with it or if it is just a once and a while thing. In other words is he being disrespectful or are you being oversensitive? My guess is your feelings are valid.

Good luck to you!

They are going to look at others and if you think they don't you are only fooling yourself. Ignore it/don't make an issue of it and they will stop. Most will only do it because they know it will get a rise out of you.

All men look. All women look. All people look. But if it is constant when you go into bars, that's not good. I'm sure the people he is looking at are not drop dead gorgeous. If you have told him this offends you, and you obviously have a reason to not trust him, then either try bringing it up again, or tell him that if he keeps doing it then it's not worth the stress/hassle to you to continue seeing him, and see where he goes with it.

I wonder why he doesn't like to be called out on this. If it is something he does on a regular basis, why wont he let it be brought up? You don't sound comfortable with the situation (and rightly so) and he wont admit what he is doing. I don't think you can expect to make any headway on this topic. Try to find a new way to bring up your concern so that it will be addressed, and if you can't ,decide if you can deal with his behavior, because he probably wont change it.

If you want the behavior to stop, you should probably figure out a boundary revolving around this. "If you do such and such, I'm going home for the night". Then keep your boundary to he can experience some consequences to his actions.

I'm sorry, but this is not the man for you. Please value yourself.

People are what they are. Just ask yourself if this is something that you can learn to live with. If it makes you feel bad about yourself, then it sounds like you already know the answer. He can be the nicest guy in the world, but if he doesn't make you feel like you are the queen of his universe, then he is just a nice guy, not the right guy for you. Do you want to spend any more time with someone that you can talk to about any issue and he just makes excuses or denies it? There will be more issues that will come up.

You should continue to let him know how it makes you feel when he is looking at everyone else. Is he trying to find his next girlfriend? See what else is out there? When he does it when you are out, say, "Hello, I'm over here!" If it is a habit, he may be honest and say he will work on it (not so much the looking, but letting his focus wander). If he isn't willing to do anything about it, do you want a relationship with someone that doesn't care how you feel?

Update - Even if he says that he isn't interested in any of the women, how would you feel if you were with a girlfriend that kept checking out everyone around them. Are they there with YOU or not?

How long have you been together? Can you bring it up jokingly? If he can't laugh about it, then he's got an issue. If you're not married or living together, then you have room to pull out and just date someone else. There's enough to have to think about in these relationships; you should spend your time with someone who is beyond certain things that you don't like. Just like you reach a certain age when you no longer sneak in and out of someone's house (um, high school?), you want to have some things behind you and never again "hang out" with anyone who brings that back to your life.

find someone you like. this isnt just a "toliet seat" issue. this is making you feel insecure. you cannot change a person. so find someone that will treat you the way you want to be treated. good luck.

Ask yourself why it bothers you so much... is it because he is denying it and in effect denying your concern? Or is it because you are feeling insecure about the relationship... or both.

Odds are pretty good that you won't be able to stop this behavior. You may want to talk with him when you are not "out" about how it makes you feel. Make it more about your feelings and less about his behavior. It may help. Don't nag or whine, just state it as a "feeling fact".

If it really bothers you and he can't stop doing it, then ask yourself if this is a secure relationship (he's not at-risk for cheating) and whether or not you can live with it. If it's not or you can't then consider the fact that this may not be the right person for you!