Hi! I have another question that deals with personal space. A friend of mine has a little girl who is the same age as my daughter (2 yr). They are both sweet and loving girls. My daughter has been talking for awhile and speaks in sentences, so it is easy for her to express herself. The other little girl has just begun talking, but seems to be much more hands on with others (in a VERY good natured way). This little girl REALLY likes to hug and kiss others, which is so sweet. However, my daughter seems to be put off after she has been hugged/kissed several times and wants to be left alone to play. There most recent interaction ended in my daughter pushing her down and slapping her (we left afterwards). I felt so terrible that it happened, especially since I saw it all coming. But, I really felt like I didn't know what to do. I could tell that the hugging/kissing was really bothering my child, but I didn't know how to ask the other mom to get the child to stop. It just seemed like an awful request "Um...can you please ask your kid to stop being so loving to mine?" Both my husband and I are very affectionate with our daughter, so it's not like she doesn't enjoy affection. Any ideas for dealing more positively with overly affectionate children?
Thanks so much!
I make them stop. I don't wait for the parent to step in. I separate the children and then look right at the mom and explain that this sort of thing tends to lead to hurt feelings from children. It seems simple to me and not hard to understand. But there are a lot of people out there that simply have very little experience with little ones beyond their own. They don't know.
Separate the kids, no need to wait for the other mom. Learn to anticipate your daughter's slapping and hitting, especially since you knew she was growing agitated. From this and the other post, she needs to be taught that slapping/hitting is not okay and you need to anticipate when to intervene, even putting her in time out as well.
Just tell the mom, "My daughter isn't too fond of being touched a lot, so let's get them separated for a bit."
Or distract the child and very nicely say, "No more kissing for now, we already did that when we greeted each other. How about we play with the dollies instead."
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Imagine if you had to hug everyone that just really wanted to hug you and you didn't want to do it back! I'm sure I'd end up smacking someone down, too. Maybe next time you see that child coming in for some hugs say to the child within ear shot of their mom/dad, "_____ would really like a high five today instead of a hug." I really don't think that's rude. And if the other child still tries to engage in a hug, you should tell the other kids parent that your child just needs a little space today... they should get the hint after that.? That's what I would do anyway.
My oldest son is the REALLY really affectionate one, and my youngest can't stand anyone touching him (outside of me and the hubby) so I quite familiar with both.
For my oldest I always felt weird telling him he can't hug, can't kiss etc, but I noticed how many other kids, including his own bro, just need their space. So at about 2 yrs I basically stopped him and explain others need their space and redirected to a high five or blowing a kiss--it really hasn't kicked in until now (3.5 yrs) to where it he does it on his own, but a quick reminder when he was younger would always work. I would just interject for the other parent and just explain your daughter likes 'high fives' or 'blown kisses' or whatever you think would be okay with your daughter.
If that doesn't work, and what I often have to do with my youngest when brother gets overly affectionate, is I just go pick him up, tell him that 'brother just wants to give you 'loves' its okay to not want it, but let's not hit'...So 9 times out of 10 he will come running to me (screaming 1/2 the time) when someones invading his personal space, but at least he's not hitting or biting :)
Good luck its a hard one, especially when so many other adults keep encouraging my oldest to be affectionate. I always have to interject that I know they're okay with it, but we're working on his 'personal space' issues, since not everyone likes it, most importantly his own brother :)
Updated
My oldest son is the REALLY really affectionate one, and my youngest can't stand anyone touching him (outside of me and the hubby) so I quite familiar with both.
For my oldest I always felt weird telling him he can't hug, can't kiss etc, but I noticed how many other kids, including his own bro, just need their space. So at about 2 yrs I basically stopped him and explain others need their space and redirected to a high five or blowing a kiss--it really hasn't kicked in until now (3.5 yrs) to where it he does it on his own, but a quick reminder when he was younger would always work. I would just interject for the other parent and just explain your daughter likes 'high fives' or 'blown kisses' or whatever you think would be okay with your daughter.
If that doesn't work, and what I often have to do with my youngest when brother gets overly affectionate, is I just go pick him up, tell him that 'brother just wants to give you 'loves' its okay to not want it, but let's not hit'...So 9 times out of 10 he will come running to me (screaming 1/2 the time) when someones invading his personal space, but at least he's not hitting or biting :)
Good luck its a hard one, especially when so many other adults keep encouraging my oldest to be affectionate. I always have to interject that I know they're okay with it, but we're working on his 'personal space' issues, since not everyone likes it, most importantly his own brother :)
At 2 years old... they do not yet, play "interactively."
They are still, developmentally, at "parallel play" stages.
So don't expect her to totally want to or to actually play interactively all the time with other kids.
Being hugged/kissed all the time, is also a personal preference.
And personal space.
Don't force it.
But teach her how to nicely, distance herself or to say, "thank you but that's enough now..."
ALL people, adults or children, can just get irked, by being hugged and kissed all the time.
But a child ALSO has to learn, their own boundaries AND how to say it.
It is okay, for a child to say "that is enough..."
I don't believe, that kids should be taught, to just let everyone hug or kiss them, IF they are not wanting it or are not comfortable with it.
This teaches them boundaries and how to say it.... in the larger picture. Even with "Strangers."
Some kids are like glue... always having to hug or kiss.
Fine.
But it is okay just to say "okay, that's enough now...." and that it is overwhelming.
it is a tough one You dont want to be rude but by being to polite it can lead to something far more than just beiong rude. I think a redirection is a good approach after maybe a hug and a kiss if the little girl goes in to give more siply say sweetheart you already gave her(your daughters name) lovins lets play instead. If the mother is present she will hear your politeness and asking the child to not continue loving all over your child and HOPEFULLY if the friend trys it again the mother of that child will redirect her attention and stop her. To me that is the best way to go about it. Good Luck
Since your child is verbal, you can role play with her what she can do/say next time. She can practice saying something like - please don't hug me anymore today, let's play (insert whatever she likes to play). The other child clearly can't read minds and most likely cannot yet read subtle social cues either. So clear instructions will help her. Her feelings will likely be hurt less by ' stop hugging me, let's play' than by being knocked over and hit.
My youngest is such a lovebug and always has been - she loves to hug, kiss, etc. When she was that age, we had to tell her that people like to get a hug when we greet them and before we leave their house, but other than that, no hugging! By the time she was 3ish, she understood that. You just have to keep reminding them (which is tough when it's not your kid!). You may be able to coach your daughter that she uses her words, "I don't want a hug right now" is a good way to start. That's what we had our older daughter say when her little sister would get a little too lovey. It's good for kids, girls especially, to understand that they can and should say "no" when a friend gets into their personal space, even if it's in a nice way. That way in junior high when some boy gets into their personal space, they will be fine with saying "no" and not feeling badly about it!
You could say to the baby next time while holding back yours, "Ok molly, Samantha doesn't want anymore hugs and kisses right now" and pull your daughter away. When your daughter pushes, let her know it's not polite to push.
