Toddler Will Not Eat

Honestly--I would not get wrapped up in the game of making something special or giving in to his requests. I have 2 boys ages 3 and 5 and if they could run my life they would. I have to be consistent with them or they get out of hand. I make an effort to make something they will eat everynight--BUT when I want something like potroast, veggies and potatoes then I make it. They are good eaters except for chewy meat consistency. A friend of mine went throught the deal of --ok you don't like dinner you can eat cereal or pb&j. It got WAY out of control for her. IF he is hungy he will eat. I make my kids eat what I give them--they have to at least try it--I usually put very little of what they do not like on their plate--also if they are still hungry their ONLY choice is what was for dinner. Once they have eaten and still hungry they can have seconds of green beans, rice etc...
A few nights of going to bed a little hungry will show him that we all sit down together for dinner, mom is not making anything special and that is IF for the night. Then reward with a healthy snack before bed if you would like.
Hope this helps
A.

I have a very independant 4 year old little girl. When she was about 3 1/2 she started the same thing. I was even concerned enough to take her to the doctor over it. What I did was hard at first but has definately worked. Have him sit at the table while you eat. Act as though you dont care whether he eats or not. At this point my little girl would make it a point to let me know she was not going to eat dinner. I would just say ok then continue with family conversation. Dont let him down until you are done eating then give him no snacks or desert for rest of the night (or the next meal). This truly is a battle of the wills and the cold hard truth is you cant make him eat and he knows it. Once you take the emphasis of the food and he knows he will not get a snack later then he will eat on his own. I do offer a small reward as desert if she eats everything. Sometimes yogurt, fruit, or something small and sweet. One day it was even more brocoli. One other thing you can do is make the portions on the plate smaller. He may be getting overwhelmed by the amount of food on the plate. Put just a couple bites of each thing on the plate and let him know he can have more if he wants. This has tipled my daughters food intake at meal time. I hope this helps :)

They're called food jags. It's when a child refuses to eat any food except one or two. Put a reasonable (small) amount of what ever it is he wants on a plate, but also put other stuff with it. He may refuse for a while, then he'll touch it and play with it, then he'll touch it to his lips, then he might try it. This is completly normal for his age. "It's a phase" I know how we mother's hate hearing that, but it really is. It can last from a couple weeks to months, you just have to be patient. He's trying to figure out how to make decisions on his own, testing your limits and learning what he can and can't do and seeing how far he can get. This too will pass, I promise!

J. I was actually taught by my own child not to compare the things I like to eat with his. I forced him to eat green beans as a child, until he told me that I didn't force my daughter to eat pizza b/c she didn't like it ever. Today he still does not eat green beans, however, he does eat others. There are ways to be creative with the vegies. Fried zucchini sticks are great, carrot sticks and celery sticks are great with ketchup. I do not like for children to go to bed hungry. If he wasn't eating anything, what would you do then?

My 15 month old is well on his way to the same situation. He is also very strong willed. I completely understand your frustration. I give a little of both. Something I know he likes and what we're having. That way, I know he's not starving, but he only gets more of his stuff, if he ate a little of everything else. It's still hard for me because he can't tell me what he wants or doesn't.

Have you tried including him in the preparation of the meal? This worked wonders for my kids. I would let them "help" and they each had certain "jobs" that they would do as we prepared dinner. Then they wanted to eat what they had actually "cooked" and were so busy basking in the praise for their delicious meal that they ate without any fuss at all. My oldest son now wants to be a chef! I couldn't be prouder. Then he can cook for momma!

I have a 4 yr old and a 6 yr old. Our rule is that they have to TRY it. That means they have to chew it up and swallow one bite. If they don't like it, I will get them something else. However, if I know it is a food they like and they are just being uncooperative, then they can go hungry if they choose not to eat it. If the child chooses not to eat, then he/she is excused from the table. No dessert or snacks. Sometimes we will give them a second chance later but if they cause problems they are excused. Hope this helps.

he will not starve if he misses a few meals. if you start making special meals now, then he has the upper hand. and it will only get worse as he gets older. just tell him, this what is for dinner. if he refuses to eat, fine, but he has to sit with the family for the meal and no treats after ward. if he's hungry later ,,he gets reheated left overs. just make sure to limit snacks during the day, so he's not filling up before dinner.

Hi J.,
You might benefit from some of the responses I received to my request earlier this week. I have a toddler that is pretty much the same way, and I got some great advice from my post. I have learned it is pretty much a battle of wills...
Good luck...

I also have a 3 year old that is very stubborn when it comes to eating. I fix it and put it in front of him, if he is hungry he will eat. My son also likes pancakes and chicken nuggets, so we have the same problem. I think it is just a phase dont worry about it to much. ALso does he eat breakfast and lunch good, and just not supper?

My 4 year old is the same way. He will not try anything. They say He will eat when he is hungry, but I feel bad b/c I know he is hungry. My child only eats, Cheese dip, cornbread, chips and choc milk, Thats about it. but he is growing fine and not loosing weight so I am not worried about it. He will eat as he gets older. Pediatric nurse J.

As hard as it is and as loud as he'll scream about it, let the boy go hungry. My 20yo did the exact same thing, around that age too. He would eat a huge breakfast, then nothing the rest of the day. The pediatrician told me to NOT fix him anything special, NOT give him only what he wants and the he WOULD eventually eat. No child has ever starved themselves to death. And it worked. I'd cook lunch/dinner and we'd all sit down, he'd refuse to eat, we'd eat, get up & it was over. That's it till breakfast.

Now here are the rules:
he had to sit at the table with us w/out complaining, whining or crying
he did not get anything else, 1 small glass of milk...maybe...absolutely no dessert (we didn't do desserts much anyway)
he couldn't eat later..it was now or not at all
he had to stay at the table till we were all done...we still do this...no one gets up till the last person is done...we have a lot of great conversations this way

I would suggest before you get to the table and have a possible melt down, that you make some sort of behavior chart for him. Go over this chart when it's no where near meal time, giving you time to explain it to him. At his age, for every 5 or 10 minutes he sits at the table w/o throwing a fit/whining/complaining...he gets a star (keep the paper at the table). The amount of start of course depends on how long the meal is. Then you decide how many stars he needs to collect before he gets a reward. You can make a grid for the week & tell him that if he gets these squares filled in, he gets to go do something special with you on Saturday...park, McDonald's, zoo...whatever you choose. And during that time, just put food out there for him, don't make a huge issue of it...just lay it out there & talk about how good it is but don't make it the main issue of your meal.

Be firm. I know it's hard, especially when you're away from him all day. But it's important. Kids are smart, they learn quickly just how far they can push a person, even mama, and what it takes to get you to do what he wants you to.

Last thing, we have another rule in our house, that actually has backfired on me a couple of times. You have to try everything, 3 good sized bites & then if you don't like it, you don't have to eat it...but you don't get anything else. One day we were eating out & I ordered fried catfish. My 7yo son (he's 10 now) took a look at it and wanted to try it, I said no, you have yours. Then he said 'but mom...try everything"...LOL, so he did and he loved it, still does.

Hang in there!! This too shall pass.

J.,

I wouldn't punish with regards to eating (gives a negative connotation) but maybe try a reward program. My 5 1/2 yr. old son is a picky eater too so I can empathize. Alan Kazdin has a great book out right now that utilizes a fantastic reward program that I am using with my kids with great success. It uses stickers and cheap little things that kids love and it is positive in nature which I love as well. We have just been telling our son that he won't get anything else to eat and that it's so hard to be hungry. But we don't get mad or yell. We just tell him we are sorry but that is all for dinner. When we decided to do it, it took about a week before he adjusted. That week was hard and we had to use much patience. And I felt like I was killing him but he's doing great now and will even eat 6-7 green beans now!!

M. P.