Toddler Wanting Mom Only

who knows if you're still sitting there listening to her, but i have been there! ours was different reasons, but the worst feeling in the world is sitting listening to them cry, knowing you can't help. that said...sometimes you just need mama. her little world is pretty screwed up right now. there's a fine line between sticking to your guns, or if she really needs you, and a new baby in the house and mommy being unavailable is a pretty big upheaval for her. don't know what you chose to do...but if it was me i would have tried to get up there. but then it sounds like my c-section was a lot easier than yours, i didn't have the trouble with stairs it sounds like you're having. it's not easy mama, and there's no easy answer. but just know that all us moms know what it's like to sit there listening to it...you feel nauseus and want to cry yourself (or maybe you do). it does break your heart. good luck with this big transition, just remember she might need a little extra comfort and lovin right now.

I see nothing wrong with allowing her to sleep next to you even though you will be getting up often w/the baby. It sounds like she just needs to be reassured, especially after a nightmare. After a few hours or days in mamas arms she might be more willing to have Daddy console her. I know you are tired but having her sleep next to you will allow you to sleep more soundly too! Don't worry, she won't end up sleeping with you forever, she'll sleep in her own bed before she graduates high school. ;-D

I believe there is nothing wrong in comforting your child.

Regardless, you do what your heart tells you.

Good luck,
J.

Hi J., congrats on the new baby! Sometimes kids just need their mommy. My little guy is the same way. Also, she's probably jealous that she's losing some of your attention and having to share it. I would go up to her or let her sleep by you. She's not manipulating--she just wants to know mommy still loves her too even though she's got a new baby. Good luck!

I would let her sleep next to you. You have to remember there was just a new baby brought into the house. She might feel like you dont love her anymore because of the new baby. We know thats ridiculous but to her its scary. Just keep reassuring her of how much you love her and say a lot of great things about the new baby. Try to get her to help with the baby. That way she will be spending time with you and you can take care of the baby.

Maybe your husband could bring her downstairs and you could hug her, tell her you love her, let her lay by you for a minute and then explain that soon you will be up stairs and around again and she needs to sleep so she can help you with her little sister during the day. It's a big change for toddler and some do well and others just don't like it. How you handle this makes all the difference in the coming days and her feelings for this little baby. Be loving, gentle, etc. but firm too. When you're ready tell her she needs to go back up to bed and you'll see her tomorrow. I'd try to get back upstairs as soon as you can as that will help solve the issue I would think. Things would be back to normal. I always tried to keep things as normal as possible when I went home with a baby and other than taking care of the baby I tried to do the same things or at least be there in the room or put them bed, etc. That really will help.

Yes a new baby brings change into the home, and I do think before its her bed time, sit with her tell her a story, lots of hugs and a kiss goodnight, and daddy can put her to bed, she needs to know that daddy can comfort her also, but if you interfere then you are saying to your husband and daughter only momma can fix this. The crying which is hard to listen to, but understand its what a child uses to manipulate parents. They know if they cry long enough a parent usually gives in, if you let them cry it out without interfereing it will get better, but before you begin this battle MAKE SURE YOU ARE READY TO WIN, because if you go back even one time during this battle, then the next night becomes and even bigger battle. This is true with any battle you chose to confront. Make sure your ready to win, this is so important for you and your child, they need to know you mean what you say and that they can trust your words, this is important all through their life. A wishy washy parent can't be trusted, think about how you feel with people you know that don't keep their word, you can't depend on them to do what they say or trust them to get a job done. Same with your children they need a firm authority in their life it brings them peace and comfort to know that you mean what you say. Stick to your decisions and don't give in.

Good Morning J.,

I know this doesn't help now, but it does get better. Our daughter (now 15!) was the same way. I honestly don't remember what we did at the time, I'm sure a mixture of letting her cry and comforting her too since I never could let my kids cry.

But I wanted to share a quick little story with you that hopefully will make you grin and get you though at least a few minutes of today. Just a couple of years ago we were at one of our daughter's volleyball tournaments. For some reason we had to drive separate, so when my husband came in later she ran between courts and jumped into his arms! *It was between matches. Anyway, I asked her later what that was all about and being a 13 year old girl she smiled and said, "I love daddy best" thinking she was yanking my chain. I told her that for the first 5 years of her life, (probably closer to 10) she was attached to my hip. She can be daddy's girl now for the emotional and expensive teen years! We of course were just teasing each other. . . she is a good girl and very respectful and we still laugh about it.

It will get better, hang in there. Everyone is just going through big changes!

In good health,

Lori

J.-

I went through the same thing last night with my daughter! But at the same time, my 3 month old had gas and kept waking up!! I am pretty sure my daughter has an ear infection because she's pulling on her ears and her cries are different than normal. This may be a result of many things, the new baby, the lack of time with you, being sick, etc. If it doesn't happen that much (like with my daughter), I just give in and let her sleep with me. But that is just me!

Good luck and try to get some sleep. I know I need it badly today. Think I'm going to be taking a cat nap at lunch!

Good Morning J.. Congratulations on your New little Angel!! Stick to your guns hon, she will love you just the same. During the day let her help you with her baby sister, at bedtime let her kiss and hug her maybe tell them a story together. Let her know dad is putting her to night night so you can get her baby sister to sleep cause she is so tiny (just like she was) and needs to be cuddled a little longer or fed soon. Let her know you did the same for her when she was so tiny. And now she is such a big girl and a terrific big sister!!
When your baby is napping maybe have special time with Big sister. Or snuggle with her for a while and both of you rest on the couch.

If she cries at bedtime, J. she cries. Even though you are basically healed from the C-Sec your body isn't back to "Normal" yet. I never had a C-Sec but I remember being so tired and worn out for a long time after both deliveries. Almost like now watching 2 gr sons daily... lol

If your able to help tuck her in to begin with by all means do that, just let her know if she wakes up Daddy will be there to help her get back to sleep. Mama still needs to care for and feed her baby sister until she gets bigger and sleeps more.

I think (in my mind anyway and it's still early lol) if you let children know ahead of time how things are going to happen they are a lot more excepting. If I take the boys to the park I tell them we will stay for 30 minutes then go back home. I also tell them we have 15 more minutes to play or 10 whatever. When I say lets go they don't normally give me trouble leaving.

God Bless you J. and your precious family. Congrats again for your new little Angel.

K. Nana of 5

I haven't read others responses, so I might be repeating them.

I can TOTALLY relate with you though. I have a 2 yr old and a 5 wk old, so things have been crazy at our house too. It seems impossible trying to balance enough time for each child, especially when a newborn needs more care and takes so much time to do it. I would say just try to spend enough time/give enough attention to her during the day, so she isn't feeling shafted then also make sure YOU are the one to read her a story, sing her a song, and cuddle on the couch a little bit before bed.

I agree with your husband in a way about not going to her when she's throwing fits and such because then it teaches her that she can do that and get her way. YES her life has been turned upside down and she may feel a little resentment, but that does NOT mean she can throw fits and misbehave in that way to get her way. She still needs structure and rules. If she truly needs comfort and needs some loving, daddy can and should be the one to do that. You need to remember that you can't do everything. Even if she seems like she just wants you, daddy is going to have to do. Life is different right now and she can have you at other times, but daddy can be the one to comfort her at night. So she will just need to learn that she gets daddy or no one at that time. It'll take some adjustment for her, but if you're consistent, she'll get the idea. (and it's not "i can't go upstairs", its "daddy is the one to help you at nighttime" and I would try not to say "because I need to be with the baby" because then I think they learn to resent the baby because they are the reason mommy's not coming.)

You need to focus on the baby at night and try to get the sleep that you can.

Our son was doing fine when the baby first came home, but then after a week or so bedtime turned into a horrible 2 hour ordeal of screaming and throwing fits, but daddy was the one to help out. He is better now. But has given up his nap, so he has meltdowns in the evenings. So that is still something we're trying to work through.

Do what you feel is right, but you need to remember you can't do everything and she can't always have you! If you give her love and reassurance during the day, she'll be fine. Remember the "terrible twos" are the times of throwing fits and power struggles.

Good luck.