Toddler Problems. HELP

Hi J.,
I have a 3.5 yo, 2yo, and 8 mo- and I feel your pain!!!! I would definitely put your foot down. I find it helps at night to tell them that after I turn off the light I do not expect to hear from them until it is light out. I have left the 3 yo screaming in her bed for hours while I pull the 2 yo in bed with us. Then she wakes up like nothing ever happened...
Anyway, I also found it very helpful to play "baby". I let my older girls pretend to be babies (twins sometimes), and I rock them, and "change" them and give them water from a sippy cup while I sing lullabies to them. Usually they are bored within 15 minutes. Or the oldest suggests SHE be the mommy now and the other can be her baby and I go clean the kitchen!
Good luck- and don't forget that your baby won't remember if you leave him crying in his crib for a few minutes while you tend to your older child's needs first. But she will.

Oh dear, J., you've sure got your hands full. It sounds to me like you're describing a sick, uncomfortable little person who doesn't really know what she needs to feel better. She's probably not sleeping as well as usual, or eating as regularly because of the illness, she could be a little dehydrated, all which can keep the brain/emotions from operating well. Plus she's got a new brother, and has begun to realize that's a permanent adjustment to her status in the family. (And what about teething – could that be part of the picture?)

Your little girl is not manipulating you in a planned, intentional way. She is, quite naturally, trying out every kind of behavior that might help her meet her needs, which, at her age and in her present state of health, are probably all quite legitimate. You can leave a sippy cup in or beside her bed and encourage her to use it at night. This might relieve one of your nightly disruptions, but if she's waking feeling generally miserable, it may not help much.

Of course, that doesn't help you meet your needs, but perhaps, as an adult who brought this child (and her brother) into the world, you can hunker down and make the heroic effort that's being required of you now. It won't last forever, it will only feel like it.

Hang in there. If you have a relative or good friend who could shoulder some of the burden of the new baby, this is the time to ask. Even a couple of hours help could make a positive difference for you. If there's something peaceful you like to do, like take walks or listen to music, try that, too. A few minutes of meditation or prayer, practiced several times a day, help many folks.

I would also like to mention that I've known parents who have had good results with homeopathic remedies. Pulsatilla might help if you'd describe your daughter as clingy and changeable (moods all over the place). Or if she's primarily just plain angry, then Chamomilla might be the best remedy. There are no side effects when used in the small amounts needed, and these are available inexpensively over the counter at many drug stores. If one or two doses don't result in a positive change, then stop treating, maybe try the other remedy. See more on this here: http://www.saskworld.com/bodymindspirit/edition23/do-it-y...

I can sympathize with you, you poor thing. You have got to be exhausted!! I too have two that are months apart and it seems that they each try & get every ounce of you they can. My advice is this the newborn needs to be attended too but really doesn't need your undivided attention. So I would really concentrate on your oldest, she had no control in these kids joining her family so she is trying to find some control within the family and unless you want to cater to her every whim, you gotta redirect her. Give her no time to think about controlling you. Take some time to make a schedule. Give her big girl outlets that neither of the other two can do such as playdoh, colors, paints. Add reading time etc. Outdoor play while the baby is sleeping. Now with mine, I have my older daughter help with laundry & dishes while my youngest plays with his toys and I try and give her at least 30-45 a day of one on one and really try to point out during the day things she is doing right or good. As for the acting out, I sit my daughter down make eye contact and tell her why I hunk she's acting that way. Such as I think your having a hard time adjusting to having another family member. You may be worried that I or dad won't love you as much and let her know that jut isn't possible. Let her know what is possible is y'all not liking her very much while she is choosing to act out but you love her no matter what. Let her know that If she feels the need to grow a tantrum then that is fine but she needs to go to her room because nobody in the house wants to see or hear it. Let her know that from now on that bed time is bed time and that means sleep. If she wants water tissues etc it needs to be done before bed. Once lights are out she is not to get up unless she has to go to the potty. I even tell my kids that if they wake up in the morning then they are not to wake anyone else up but may play quietly in their rooms only. Let her know too that time outs will be her consequence for rule breaking and then review your rules. Consistency is the key.

Wow, you really have your hands full. It sounds to me like she's suffering from both being sick and being jealous. It's very difficult having a newborn and a toddler. I remember going thru it. It took a long time for us to get into a good routine but the two things that helped the most were getting my toddler to help with the baby and spending some time with just my toddler so he gets his "Mommy time" daily.

You can have thour daughter help by bringing you diapers, taking clothes to the laundry room and picking out the baby's outfit. My son also has a little Mickey Mouse that he would call his baby and he would use a paper towel to "diaper" his baby Mickey when I changed the baby's diaper. Now my older son insists that his baby brother is HIS baby not mine.

The other thing that helped is spending some alone time with my older son. Since my younger son took 2-3 naps a day and my toddler takes one nap, I use that extra naptime to play games with my toddler or paint or some other activity he likes. I know right now you are probably too sleep deprived to even imagine trying to fit that into your day but with time you will all get into a good routine and it will get easier.

Also, try not to give into your daughter's silly requests. She won't starve or dehydrate overnight unless she is seriously ill. I tell my boys that the kitchen and mommy are closed between the hours of midnight and six am. All requests must be made before or after those hours. LOL! I do make exceptions to that rule if they are sick or under the age of six months.

Good luck. I hope it gets better soon.

She sounds like a bright kid, and a jealous one. You know it's worse because of her being sick. Hopefully it improves a bit by the time that she feels better. She's used to getting all the attention, so a new baby is a big adjustement. (then add Daddy being gone, and her being sick) As for the jealousy, I have found that having the older kid help with the baby works well. It gives the older kid a feeling of importance. She gets to be the big girl and help Mommy. Some 22 mo olds might not be able to swing it, but since she communicates well, I would figure that it might work for her. Have her pick out clothes for the baby, get a diaper/wipes, etc.

poor dear, i'm so sorry all this hit the fan at once. here are my thoughts. first, your baby is only 6 weeks old. combine that with "the two's", AND being sick, and yes, i bet your daughter is turning into little nightmare child! six weeks is not really long enough to work out the kinks with the new baby, feelings of abandonment, being pushed out of the only child status, etc. this could take months, not weeks. so i feel like it's predictable she would be acting like this, especially combined with the awful timing of being sick.

having said that, you have GOT to put your foot down with her. i understand that she hasn't felt great, that's mostly over now, and i don't care how sick you are, being a brat is still not acceptable. "that is enough." was what came to my mind reading your post. it will be hard, i can tell this has been a huge strain on you. but you have to impress upon her that certain behaviors just aren't acceptable. the hitting, biting, tantrums, etc, all need stopped. no tolerance. whatever discipline you use (because i know this is a hot topic), first off you HAVE to stick with it like glue and be completely consistent. if/when that stops working (it stopped with my three year old, i finally did have to resort to a swift swat on the bottom when he insisted he wanted to go to time out, when he didn't want to pick up his toys), you may have to up the ante on discipline. eventually all kids will try to push beyond your normal consequences. don't ever lay a hand on her in anger of course, but just have that tool in your arsenal for when she really pulls out the stops. for most of her behaviors at this point i would do timeouts, but you have to stick with them. if she's in time out for two minutes and is still having a tanrum, let her know that she's earned another time out. if the noise is too much place her in a safe room away from you for awhile. this is about wanting attention and feeling bad about not being the "baby" anymore (a lot of it anyway) so unfortunately, attention and closeness to you is what is going to speak to her. when she's being good cover her with kisses and praise and GOOD attention, so that she learns the difference. but when she's misbehaving take away the attention, good or bad. good luck, i hope she gets better soon!

You must be completely exhausted and emotionally/mentally drained. I feel for you.

I only have a 2-year old but I know that after he has been sick we usually have some work to do to get back on our normal schedule. When he's sick we do tend to baby him more - rock him to sleep, extra cuddle time, more books before bed, etc. This helps everyone make it through the illness a little bit more easily. However, he gets used to the extra "benefits" and doesn't want them to end. At some point I have to decide that he's feeling well enough to go back to his normal routine and I have to apply some tough love. This usually means a few days of struggle but then things calm down again.

I agree with the other moms that it sounds like she's also jealous of the baby. And, as tired as you are, you may not have the energy to carve out 30-60 minutes of one-on-one time with her. But I do really think that can make the difference. It seems that when my son is acting up it's usually because we aren't paying enough attention to him. So I will sit down and color with him or my husband with play basketball with him and then suddenly he gets distracted by something else is playing on his own without us even realizing it. I also agree that getting her to help with the baby would be a great way to draw her in to the mix. She'll feel needed and that she's helping rather than feeling left out.

Good luck to you. You're doing a great job!

Just a couple of things, I think that my toddlers were most difficult right before they turned 2, then around 24 months things seemed to calm down a bit. Remember that you are the "Boss" and don't let her tantrums get her way!

However, whenever I think I cannot handle the "craziness" of fit throwing, sleepness nights, etc. I usually take them to the doctor and discove that the whole time they really had an ear infection. My children do not have them frequently, so I am alway surprised. So, I just thought I would put that out there, that maybe her fever last week was because of her ears??