Toddler Constantly Cranky

I hope you will NOT to think of your little guy's feelings as "wrong." He really doesn't choose them, any more than you "choose" to feel upset when his behavior puzzles you. Anger and frustration are natural, and completely legitimate. If you discourage them, the feelings won't go away, they'll just go underground and emerge in some other way.

If you stand in his shoes and consider life from his angle, you'll be staggered by all the frustrating, controlling, maddening and discouraging situations for a new little person with little choice and limited skills or language. From there, you might find creative ways to reduce as many of those frustrations as possible. This in turn should reduce your son's negative strategies to deal with his own frustration. He needs lots of empathy and guidance to help him navigate the next couple of years, which are indeed challenging ones for both child and parent.

One of the best guides in accomplishing compassionate communication is the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. Read part of this really practical approach here: http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081....

One other thought: Inhaled chemicals are a big problem for me and for a growing number of children. I've been in group testing situations where a child goes from calmly coloring to raging or weeping, mere minutes after being exposed to some of the common chemicals in our homes. In addition to breathing problems and sleep disturbances, I find that I also experience mood swings when I breathe other people's colognes or can't avoid the air "freshener" in a public restroom. You might look into reducing the use of scented products around your son and see whether he manages his moods better. Fabric softeners, scented candles, new carpeting, bedding and clothing, dry-cleaned items, newly-photocopied papers, etc. – anything you can do to reduce the chemical load may help. And even if this doesn't improve his mood, he will probably be healthier over time.

The "Terrible Two's" are real in that your kiddo starts using their mind and can't express to you what it is they want to do, have, play with, eat, etc. FRUSTRATING!!! This is where signing comes in really handy (I *highly* recommend Signing Time dvd's - check them out at the library if yours have them, if not, ask them to get the series! it's way better than anything else out there (and I say this as a Deaf sign language teacher & mom of a Deaf kid))

My son was pretty good through his 2's because he could tell me basic things, what he wanted, etc by signing to me. But the 3's came along and THAT was when we had the "Terrible T's" because he wanted to cut the food himself "NO you cannot use the knife!" or go outside "NO I can't let you go outside now" or stuff like that. It became an issue of doing what he wanted to do when it wasn't ok, and not so much an issue of communicating what he wanted or how he felt.

And, mom, now that you have a 2 year old, what do YOU think about "terrible two's" being a real thing or not?? :-) I do agree we as moms need to be careful and not automatically assume all our toddlers or teens are going to be "terrible" once they hit a certain age number, because that is bunk. It all depends on the child, and yes, on your perspective as well, and it is more pronounced in some than others, but generally speaking... yes, lots of toddlers and teens do go thru phases, be assured you're not alone!!!

(And whoever said boys roll with the punches while girls are moody and dramatic hasn't met my son! (but then I don't have a girl and maybe they really are more dramatic than my emotionally dramatic son?!))

My 22 mo. old daughter acts similarly. For us, I think part of it may be her molars coming in. Has your son gotten his? When I've given her motrin, she is a different kid (calm, happy). Although I hate to medicate her too often, it does help from time to time. And I find mine gets bored very easily (and thus cranky) and if she is involved in some new activity, she becomes very calm. It's a challange to find new things for her to do that she finds enthralling however.

If my kids fell and scraped a knee or just simply fell, I didn't react. I'd say Oh oh! or I'd wait to see how badly they'd been hurt before I did anything. If it was nothing, I'd tell them they were fine and to go play. If you reacted - even once - you've taught him how to get attention. If he's playing nicely - praise him. If he starts to whine, tell him that you can't understand a thing he says unless he speaks without whining.
If he's cranky for no reason, ask him why he is angry. If he can't come up with a rational explanation, tell him you'd rather not speak with him when he's like this. My mom used to tell us to go to our rooms until we could be nice...
YMMV
LBC

Ok, I would love to meet the person who told you the terrible twos aren't real! Oh, ha ha ha, I could laugh so hard I might fall off my chair! If only it were so, and the teenage years are just a myth too, right? Ok, on to business. Your son is definitely going through the terrible twos. It does affect children differently so I would not be concerned if he isn't doing the textbook routine of tantrums and screaming. I would recommend giving him comfort and then moving on in order to encourage his self soothing skills. There is no magic formula there, just try to encourage him to work through it a little more independently that you would a baby. Distraction also works well with some kids. If nothing is going on in his world to explain the whininess (some change that he doesn't like - a new day care, new sibling, etc) then the terrible twos is the best explanation. Don't worry, it will pass and all parents can appreciate what you are going through. My son is about to turn 13 so wish me luck with negotiating the teen years!

How do you respond to his whining and crying? Seriously. Do you stop whatever you are doing to try to end the whining and crying? Then he has learned that these are the things he should do for more attention. Does he tend to do this most when you are distracted with something besides him?

Also... yes, he is learning how to manage and control his world. You are part of his world, lol. Help him learn the appropriate words to express himself. If he falls... you can say to/for him "wow. That looked like it really hurt. Do you want to do something else now?" "Gosh, that floor just really is slick sometimes, isn't it? We have to be careful running on it, or accidents can happen. Did it scare you?" or.. "OUchie! Where were you going in such a hurry? (make a guess -'looking for treasures in your toybox?)" Let him nod his head, give him a quick hug (assuming no blood spurting, lol) and move on... say... "why don't we go find a story to read?" (or some other activity that you can do with him for a few minutes). That way he can get some attention without the whining/crying... and also be distracted from the boo-boo.

As for just whining generally... let him know that it is hard for YOU to understand what he needs when he doesn't use his words... then help him find the words he needs. For some people, when the kids are older, the phrase "I can't understand whining" repeated over and over works well. Your son is a little young for that. He needs help expressing himself with words... whining is so much easier than words!!! :))

Hang in there. There is also the terrible 3's yet to come. :)

I think your question is a general question about the start of the terribly two's... though the response you've received was far and beyond what you're asking. I have a 2 yr old boy as well, and what I am learning is the need to have a change of pace...constantly! My son wants to do things, learn things, for oh about 5 minutes, and then he's off to something else. If I'm busy and cannot meet his needs right away, he gets very mad and can stay mad for a long time, and he also does word for word what you mentioned about the knee. When he gets hurt, it's OVER! He wants to run from me, doesn't want to be comforted, and stays mad for an hour. I try to either to take him upstairs to play, go outside, start a show, or entertain him as much as I can. Luckily, I have a 5 yr old, and she is a big help and keeping him entertained!

I would work on figuring out what it is that he wants. Also see if he does the same with your husband or other adults. He may think he's got control over you, and when you don't meet his needs, he's angry! And yes, the terrible two's are real!