When I was pregnant my husband and I asked our friends to be our daughters god parents. We told them that if something happend to us our daughter would go to them. They readily agreed. We chose them because they were the best candidates at the time. My sister told me she never wanted children, my dad is in terrible health and mom couldn't support a baby is something happened to him, my husbands parents had their other delinquent son living with them. It was a tough descision to make but we did what we thought was best for our daughter (even though we hurt some feelings along the way). Lo and behold my sister got pregnant and she is a GREAT mom. She went from this surly negative person to a happy and warm one. The change in her has been dramatic and wonderful. Back to the godparents, they never really made an effort to know our daughter. She is two and a half and they have seen her maybe four times. We did move far away but not once have they ever called, or even sent an email to see how she is doing. I don't expect nor do I want to give weekly update or anything like that, but they have taken ZERO interest in her. When my husband and I made our wills we put in that our daughter was to go to my sister. My question is should I tell the godparents? The fact is that it is highly unlikely that anything will happen to both of us, I know that. But sometimes I wonder, what if? What would you do? If you told what would you say?
Ok, looks like I am off the hook! It was a conversation that I really didn't want to have. We did tell them at one point that we were putting them in a will, but never got around to it. By some of these posts I think maybe I take my Godparent duties WAY to serious. LOL My goddaughters mother and I are still good friends and we talk quite often. I send gifts for her birthday and christmas, and when we go back home to visit, I usually try and see her. I don't know if I would be her legal guardian or not if my friend and her husband pass on. They had talked about it, but I think they settled on her sister. But, if something horrific happens and she does end up in my home, I don't want to be a stranger to her. I guess that's why I was so disappointed with these friends. :(
I have the same question as the same situation has happened to us. I am very glad you asked this question and interested in the answers.
The Godparents are there to help guide her spiritually not be her parents in the event you two "go to God" ... so, it does not matter.
I wouldn't say anything to the godparents. If you've drifted apart, you can just leave it at that.
No need to say anything. Just give a copy of your will to your sister (or tell her where she can find the original). We also changed our will and did not tell the "old" guardians.
Godparents are the spiritual "guardians" and have nothing to do with your will. A lot of people assume that they do, but just because a person chooses godparents for their child, unless they have a will naming them as legal guardians in case of death, it doesn't mean anything. So I wouldn't bother. You didn't ask them to be in your will, so it doesn't matter.
No, I would not tell them. We had a similar situation happen with our second child and we just changed our Will to reflect our wishes. If something does happen, they won't be any wiser and probably would not care. do what is best for you and your family. Our children's Godparents were asked to be Godparents but not to take our children in that sort of situation. It is usually understood but we asked best friends who live near us, have children our kids age, have enough space in their home, have our same beliefs and lastly, have their own money and would not mooch into our children's other than what is needed for our children. I wouldn't mention it, why bring it up when it has probably long since been forgotten by them.
Well isn't the title of "god parents" kinda more for show?? I mean it isn't legal in any sense.... It in no way meant they had to be super involved in the kids life and be there 24/7. Nor would I imagine it means checking in on said child from time to time. To me god parents are just in your lives in general and thus why you would choose them- Best friends, siblings or relatives... if simply moving away took these people out of your lives, then perhaps they weren't as close as you thought.
With that being said, I think if you put your sis in the will, then just be done with it. I think you are caring way more then they will or would.
If something were to happen to you both and your friends found out your sis was the gaurdian, I doubt they would freak out. And if they do, so what! I mean you will be gone, so what can they do?? Yell at you from beyond?
Just be glad you have someone in line to take care of your little one and move on.
don't waste your time and energy on this anymore!
God parent is really just a symbolic title for the baptism and to assist with teh child's religious up bringing if you were to die. If you also told them that they would have custody too, as many have said they probably have forgotten it.
We have my brother as guardians and we've given them a copy of our will... do that w/ you sis and be done with it. To be honest, if you did contact them they would probably be a bit dumbfounded and then relieved :)
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I wouldn't say anything. I wouldn't really see the point seeing how things have evolved. Unless they happen to contact you and ask or bring it up, I'd just let things lie and be happy that you've come with a good plan for your daughter's care in the event something happens.
Nah, don't tell them. It doesn't matter. They're not interested, obviously.
I am a godmother to a wonderful little boy, but I am not his legal guardian if something were to happen to his parents. I think a godparent, in most cases, is just a symbolic designation. I wouldn't notify them if I were you.
a similar situation happened to me and my dh. when we had our 1st ds 6 years ago we told his brother he would look after them if something happened to us. Since then my sisters have gotten older and started their own families and we're closer to them. So we changed the will to one of my sisters. My dh made the mistake of telling his brother (who barely knows our kids) and it was super awkward. he seemed quite offended:( anyway, if nothing happens to you they will never know and if something does happen you won't be around to see their reaction. hth:)
Life is difficult.
Circumstances change.
Relationships drift apart.
You moved away....Sister grew up :)
Just make the necessary changes in your will that reflect your current state of affairs. I was on the fence about telling the 'god parents'...but from the advice you have rec'd it looks like the majority say let it go. Which is the path of least resistance. IF the topic ever does arise, I would recommend you run through how you will naturally and comfortably respond with as little emotion as possible.
I wouldn't say anything. In the event if something happened to you both, legally your daughter would go to your sister (as stated in your Will)...it will be sorted out then, and you wouldn't be there to deal with it.
Not trying to pass the buck or anything but if they don't keep in constant contant with you, they probably wouldn't even know if something happened and wouldn't be able to rush to take care of your daughter. So don't worry about it now...the most important thing is that your sister is a great mom and you know in your heart you would want her to take care of your little one.
Hope this Helps! =)
I say leave it alone.
The will is legally binding - standing at the baptism isn't.
I see no need to notify them.
I would certainly tell them just to avoid the potential mess of them showing up to claim the child only to be told that they were replaced without their knowledge. We are in the same boat. Many years ago we asked friends in another state to take our kids if the worst should happen. Since then, they have had two children of their own and live in a tiny house. They also both travel extensively for work and are often not home. We just can't see giving them our two on top of that. We have selected replacements for the task and we will certainly tell the previous couple when all the legalities are settled. I think it would be hugely embarrassing for them to show up to get the kids for no reason.
PS - I just read all of the other answers and see that I am very much in the minority on this one. However, I still stick by my answer. True, you would not be around to deal with any fallout or drama but your kids and the rest of your family would be here and dealing with it. At a time when they are all grieving I would think this would just be too much. I believe that as children grow and change the people you think might best care for them can also change. It is something that I would re-evaluate from time to time and change as needed. Think of this, what would you do should your sister pass before you? That could change everything. I would do anything I could to keep these people from innocently showing up on the doorstep with suitcases and cardboard boxes and freaking my kids out and making them feel insecure about where they belong. Just my two cents worth.
The Godparents of our kids are different than the guardians we set out in our Wills. Don't worry about it. IF the Wills ever have to be read, the "Godparents" will find out and since they have taken no interest up to this point, I doubt they would petition your sister for custody. You are definitely "off the hook" :)
The job of the godparents is to pass along your faith, whatever that may be, to your children. They do not legally have any rights to your child if anything should happen to you & your husband. Growing up I mistakenly believed that my aunt on my mom's side & my uncle on my dad's side (who was married with his own family) would somehow be passing me back & forth if my parents died! I was so confused & completely misunderstood! Evidently it is often more of a kind of favoritism thing... It shouldn't be a problem at all to let the godparents know that your sister is named as the potential legal guardian - you can express to them the importance of having them be the ones whom you'd like to continue to teach your children your religious beliefs (if that's really the kind of role they play). You probably don't need to worry too much about it if they aren't very invested in her regular day-to-day goings-on.
let's just say that something did happen to you and your husband. How long would it even take for your godparent friends to find out? Do they talk to you every week via email? Do they call once every couple of weeks? If they don't even talk to you guys often, then I say just leave it alone. Perhaps this relationship with them will dissolve anyways and you won't have to possibly hurt their feelings.
Perhaps they don't know the real legalities of being 'godparents.' This might sound bad, but I think I am the godparent to one of my friend's kids. She asked me a few years back, I said yes. I don't know if my name is in a will of hers or not. I didn't attend some ceremony or anything. So maybe a little email that said "we're writing a will.....remember about y'all being godparents? ...... we changed it now...... since we're so far away from y'all..... family sticking together especially now that my sis is a mom.... the cousins love to play together......"
Honestly, if you want to keep them as friends, then don't tell them. You can explain it any way you want, but your friends' feelings will be hurt. If you and your husband should both happen to die then they'll find out the hard way. You can always leave a letter in your will for them explaining the change.
J.,
I say don't even bring it up to your daughters godparents. They aren't around. And if something happened to you & your husband, she'll go to your sister. They might get upset, but you'll be gone. Why stir the pot? When we decided who would get our children if something happened to us, we only spoke to my sister about it....she is who will take them. It isn't anybody's business. It's a very personal & private issue.
H.
Nah. No reason to tell. You drifted apart for this time in your life, who knows, you may lose touch altogether or you may end up becoming best friends again. Relationships do that sometimes. Noone would be "upset" that your family is listed in your will to take care of your children should something happen. Just make sure you do list someone in your will; verbal communication doesn't really mean anything at all when legal decisions are being made. It could be "he said / she said" and that's messy, and not what anyone that is grieving should have to deal with. Write up what you want, get it notarized (we used legalzoom and it was ridiculously easy), and then you're done and don't have to think about it again.
