I have a remarkable almost 6 year old boy. He is an only child, but very well adjusted. He is not spoiled by any means, very kind, generous, and mature for his age. He is an old soul. He is also a social butterfly. He loves people but tends to get along better with and prefers adults and babies over kids his age.
He often asks for a sibling, and I am torn. I want him to have a brother or sister, but I am hesitant for a few reasons. The financial implications, the attention divide, and just going through the baby stage at this point feels somewhat daunting. I am just getting a little more freedom back now that he is getting a little more independent as time goes on.
I will have to worry about two children rather than one. I am also concerned about the age gap since he would be almost 7 if/when a baby arrives. Will they be close at some point or will if drive them apart? I am the middle of 3 girls and I am only close to one, so I am afraid he might not get along with another for whatever reason.
But I also feel I may regret not having another. I want my son to have someone to bond with and grow up, and old with. I want to have a a bigger family, and for him to get to have an extended family and be an Uncle. I don't want to leave him alone once his Dad and I are gone. My hubby and I talk about it and some days we are gung ho, and others we aren't.
I know if it happens I will be happy to take it on, and if it doesn't I may come to terms with it at some point, but given the choice I just don't know. Any Advice?
I say go for it! You only have one life. One chance. One family. My sister and I are 7 years apart. I'm almost 39 and my sister is one of my best friends!
IMO, you would never regret having another child, but you could easily find yourself regretting not having another child. I would not worry about the age difference! My husband is 16 years younger than his oldest brother and they are very close. Heck, my mom is my best friend and she's 30 years older than me! :)
I'm 46 and an only child and hate it. It's all great when you are young and spoiled, but when you get older and everyone starts dying and its only you and your mom left, not so fun. I think more than 6 years apart defeats the purpose of having a sibling. I mean, they won't have the same interest or play well together. Mine are 3 years apart and I think too much more than that and it's like having 2 kids by themselves. I have a cousin who is 37 and another who is 19. I am in touch with them but they live out of state so our kids don't see each other enough to really be "friends". JMO. Good luck on what you decide to do.
My concerns from reading your question is you seem to completely focus on an additional child being there for your son (so he can be an uncle, not to be alone, etc). If your primary reasoning for having another baby is so your current son has a playmate and sibling rather then you and your husband wanting another child than I would probably sit down and think about it without using your son as the starting point. Do you and your husband want another child because YOU feel your family is not complete or just because your son says he wants one and society says only children need siblings?
I vote for expand :) The reasons you listed both yay & nay seems to tilt the scale thus way.
Ultimately it is a decision for you and your family; there is no right or wrong answer. If you want to, then do it; I think that your concerns, while sound, are not enough to keep you from it. It is always a scary decision to bring in a new person, but as others have said, I doubt you'll regret it.
Like others, I have a sibling (brother) who is 6.5 years younger than I, and while I remember being annoyed at the little tag along kid, I also played well with him and love him to death as an adult. He is a friend and I can't imagine lie without him. It is a big reason why I am in the process of adopting a second myself.
Good luck!
S.
My sister is 7 years older than I am. WE were not close growing up, but we are close now.
I really can relate to your question. My son just turned 3 and my husband and I often feel the same (some days gung ho and others not so much). I think DS would be a great big brother. He is a great kid overall. I always swore I would NEVER have an only child, but due to sibling rivalry with my own brother (2 years younger than me), I wanted a little more space between. I thought 3 or more years would be a good fit, but now we are where we are and I am not sure how I feel about adding a NB into the mix...things, for the most part, seem pretty smooth. But, like you, I don't want to someday regret not having more.
With all of that said - hubby and I haven't been taking any "precautions" and have come to the conclusion that whatever will be, will be. :-) Good luck with your decision! :-)
My best friend is 18 months younger than her sister, 3 years younger than her older brother, and 15 years older than her little brother. Her older brother died very unexpectedly 8 years ago. Her sister, who had previously been very close with her, now wants nothing to do with her. Her much younger little brother is incredibly close with her, as if she's his second mother.
My next door neighbors have a 11 year old daughter and a 3.5 yr old son. They seem very close right now. Sure, the girl could brush him off, but she doesn't. When she goes to play at her friend's house (on the other side of me), she brings him with. He idolizes her.
When a child asks for a sibling, I find it very hard to deny them that sibling, barring any grave reasons.
Seems like you have thought it through pretty well.
With the exception of the possibility of a child with special needs, which could happen. I have seen sibs that far apart that bond really well.
It is a blessing to have someone to trade off taking care of parents when they are older.
You could try Foster parenting. There are plenty of kids out there that need a loving home. You seem very capable of giving that to them.
Good luck!
