To Baby or Not to Baby?

Here's a thought of how to see if you can afford having another one in daycare or not. Find out how much it will cost to have two in daycare at a time, then minus off the "extra kid" rate and daily living costs. Put it into a savings account and see how hard it will be to live life for 6 months or so with the added expense. Meanwhile, financially you have been spending with two kids without actually having the second expense. Then when you do decide to get pregnant, you have a little extra money to where you don't have to go back to work right away or use the saved money to cover the cost the second child's daycare. Hope this is helpful info.

We have 2 kiddos, and we've made this plan:

We set a goal list, where we would reach a certain financial status before getting pregnant again. We want the majority of our debt paid off and our house's projects finished. This gives us an attainable goal that we can work toward, instead of just saying... "one day..."

Our plan to achieve this financial status includes me working from home (I teach music students from home, it's pretty good money, and I don't have daycare or gas expenses), and next year when both of my kids are in school I'll spend one year working as a substitute teacher in addition to teaching from home in order to kick the rest of the debt in the butt. So... our goal is essentially preggo in approximately 2 years.

If you'd like to be at a certain place when you get pregnant again, write it down, put "Operation Baby" on the top, post it on your fridge as a constant reminder of your goals, and watch them get checked off faster than you know!

Good luck!

Let me assure you that God is MORE than capable of providing all you will need. Yes, we have to use good judgement when it comes to HOW we spend our money, but the world makes us think that we have to have "this or that."

When God guided us to China to adopt, we had NO MONEY to do it with. He provided the entire way. Our daughter just turned 9 yrs old this month. When we were led to adopt two other children (bringing our total to 4), God also told me to leave my job. I was terrified. We had always depended on my income. (In fact, I made more than my husband at the time.) Here's the scripture He gave me to calm my fear:

"Do I not feed the sparrows, who neither sow nor reap, and adorn the lillies of the valley, who are more radiant than King Solomon's finest array? All this I will give to you and more?" We have done without nothing. Work has been provided along the way to help us financially, all four of our children attend private Christian schools, I now work at the same school... etc., etc., etc.

If money is the only reason you don't want to get pregnant,please think again. The joy they bring is PRICELESS. (smile!)

Blessings and prayers for God's guidance,
M. S.

I would work out a budget with you not working. Put everything on paper, all of your current bills and see if you really can afford it. It might be that you compromise with hubby and spend 18 months or so paying off some of your debt so that it isn't so painful financially for you to stop working. I agree that finances shouldn't dictate your life, but they ARE a reality of it and should be considered because money problems can cause alot of marital problems. You'll be much more relaxed if you go into a second baby without a money concern.

While finances are a legitimate concern, you're right when you say that they shouldn't dictate your life. In my house it's the other way around. My husband is the one concerned about the money, and I'm usually telling him to step out on faith. Each perspective is valid and valuable. Search your soul and pray about what you really want. If money is the only thing holding you back, choose not to let it have that kind of control in your life. It's easier to say than to do, but my attitude toward money keeps it flowing through my hands.

J.;

If you are so worried you are asking this advice, then you are not ready to have another baby yet. You need to explain your worries, fears, etc to your husband and let him know you are not apposed to another child, you just are not ready to get pregnant and have it now.

Enjoy the time with the family you have. Some of us don't or didn't have the luxury to wait until finances were ready, or timing was better due to health concerns or unplanned pregnancies. So do not feel guilty about telling your husband it's not time.

You do not wish to set yourself up to resent a child because the timing was wrong. When you are ready all of your questions won't necessarily fall away, but you will be able to figure out the answers that are right for you easily, because it's what you really want and you will know how to go about making want you want a reality. ;-)

Good Luck!!!!

You won't regret having one. You'll love him to death too. You might regret not having one. But at the same time - You really wouldn't know the difference. But, there might be that "longing and yet too late" feeling. The reasons you give are worth considering - but not deal breakers, in my opinion. Sounds like it's time for another. I didn't think I could stay at home either. We saved some money and did a trial run for 1 year. Turned into 2 years before I went back to work. Then #3 came and I'm back at home with part-time jobs. We're surviving and my kids are thriving! Don't worry so much about things that haven't happened yet - it's just in your mind, not reality. Plan and have a back-up plan and hope for the best but prepare for the worst. You'll probably fall right in the middle. My grandma used to say - if all it costs you is money, then it is a cheap experience. Take the plunge - have fun in your new adventure!

I have a 14 month old who also attends daycare full time because both my husband and I work full time. I didn't realize it, but I too just reached the size I was before having my baby girl. I too am financially concerned when it comes to a lot of things, but I didn't let it stop me from becoming pregnant again. Before getting pregnant with my daughter, my husband discussed having our babies 2 years apart. I just recently found out that I am about 6-7 weeks pregnant. The second that I found out I was even more excited about it than the first time around. Not that I wasn't happy the first time, but I was just excited that my baby girl would have a permanent play mate and that the joy that my first baby brought would now be doubled.
I am planning on staying home for the reason that I will be paying double at daycare, not to mention gas in going to work and back. I don't know that this is an option for you or something that you'd want to do, but I'm sure that you are planning on eventually having another baby, and the longer you wait, the more hesitations you're going to have. on the other hand, if you're not ready, then definitely wait until you are.
Lastly, we have been struggling a bit in adjusting our lifestyle to the current economy, but haven't things always worked out? And that's because they have to, so that's what I live by. Sure you want to be set before another baby comes, but you'll figure it out once it happens.
Good Luck in your decision!!

I've been exactly where you are. I remember when my first dd was born, I wanted more than anything to have another within 18 months. Due to a few medical reasons I couldn't, but after about a year, I really talked myself out of the second. We waited until my dd was almost 2 before trying. So she is now 2yrs 8 months older than her sister. But we both worked full time and I knew we wouldn't be able to afford daycare for both. I was always told to quit waiting for the right time, because there never is a right time, there is always something that comes up. So getting pregnant because you want another baby is the only reason.

When I chose to stay home, our income was litterally cut in half. It was a huge change. But honestly we made it work. To tell the truth if my mom hadn't passed away at the same time and left me a little life insurance, we wouldn't have made it. But it was enough to pay off the car, so we didn't have that payment anymore.
We cut back cable, phones, extras, we stay home a lot, we enjoy free stuff (beach, boardwalk, parks, etc).

My best advice would be to start trying to cut back your spending now. Try living on a reduced budget and putting the extra money into a savings account. Work all the way through your pregnancy if possible and just keep adding to that savings. So when you do stay home without income, you will have a cushion to get you over the hump. It took about 4 months maybe 6, but we finally got it worked out and I've been home every since. Going on 4 years now.

I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Good luck.

Hi J.,
Its been a few years but I also made the decision to stay home when my second baby was born. At times it was hard getting by on just one income but we did it. We cut back on alot of the little extras like going out to eat & we only had basic cable for a long time. It can be done - you just need to decide what your priorities are, set a budget & make sure you stick to it. You can also find something to do from home so that you will still be bringing in an income & finances won't be so tight. Basically though, what it comes down to is doing what you feel is right for you & your family. Good luck with whatever you decide.

C.
Independent Distributor for Mia Bella Candles
www.candlesarelove.com

I went through a similar situation and can only say Im glad I finally had my second child and I wish I had done it earlier. My children are seven years apart. While they are best friends I really do wish they had been closer in age mainly for their activities and interests. We were just starting medical school when our son was born, so I know the financial worries you mention. The money will always take care of itself. If you really are worried about the money, you can find work from home type jobs. You also said that you are back to the size you were before, so now you know how to be healthy while you are pregnant (I elephanted out the first time, but was much more cautious the second time)so that shouldnt be an issue. I would not trade my kids for the world but I do wish I had them closer together. If you know you want another child then relax and enjoy all that goes with it... namely the anticipation of a new life. In the end, we all can only offer you thoughts into our own lives and you must chose what is right for you. For that decision, I wish you peace.

Hey J.,
I know you are worried about money with a new baby but if you and your husband want another child, go for it. You do need to do it when you are ready though. If you are waiting for money, it will never happen. Howerver, I work from home with a great group of moms and I would love to share with you how you can earn an income along with working your other job. Give me a call and I would like to get you all the details on how I work from home with my son.

B.
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Hi J.,
My daughter is almost 2 not and we've been married for almost 3 years as well! I think our similarities is what prompted me to respond more than anything. We've always been open to more children. we don't believe in birth control nor do we pull out the calender to really try. We leave it up to the Lord. That doesn't always mean 20 children. I've had a couple miscarriages in the past year. But the Lord will bless us when he sees fit. I'd love to have another baby soon especially for my little girl. I know that financially it wouldn't be easy but I know if the Lord gives a baby (what a miracle right!?) He can provide. Your son will be over 3 years even if you get pregnant right away!
Hope the best for you

I think only YOU can answer this question......talk to your husband and decide what ya'll are comfortable with. Sit down and really review your financial situation with him.....discuss what both of you would have to give up (material wise) in order to be comfortable to have another baby.

Best wishes to you whatever decision you make!

My three children were each born two and a half years apart. They grew up loving, playing, and yes, fighting with each other, and are very close as adults. They defended each other with bullies on the schoolbus, and truly took care of each other. I believe it was the perfect age gap. My husband is five years and six years from his siblings, and he said they never did anything together except fight when he was growing up. If you want to have more children, I'd advise doing it now.

Also, as for you staying home, if you can cut some expenses and make it work, it would be the best thing that ever happened to your child. Obviously, it would be good for a newborn, but your older child would benefit greatly, too.

The questions is very simple... do you want another baby?

The answer to this question will reveal how to proceed. If yes, then go for it! You'll never have enough money...the time will never be perfect (this is life remember). But if you don't want another baby...then you know you need to work through that. Decide first if you want to have a baby. Your husband's right...the details will get figured out. Good luck.

Well my son just turned one and I am having some baby thoughts as well. Maybe in a few months :) Like you we have some financial stuff we want to accomplish before getting pregnant. But if it happens before then, we will just roll with it of course! You know the decision is so personal, but I say go for it! I have seen moms get less and less comfortable with the idea of another baby the more time goes on. For many reasons of course, baby weight, money, "starting over" etc. I know, I am thinking of those things too! So for me, I think I will go for another baby sooner rather than later just so that it will be easier mentally to switch into baby mode again. Children are a blessing and if you and your hubby both want more kids, why not?? ;) But, I know whatever decision you guys make will be the right one for you :)

Hi J.-

I was in the same position that you are in about 5 years ago. My son had just turned 1 and we started to discuss having #2. Although I still would have been bringing home some money after paying for daycare for 2, it would not have been much and we decided that it would be best for me to stay at home if we did get pregnant again. It was a very scary time for me even though I was absolutely sure that I did want a second child. I had a good job and was actively working with my manager to gain a promotion in the near future. At the same time, the industry that my husband was in was not doing well and we were fearing layoffs. In the end we simply decided that we absolutely wanted more than one child and we did want them to be close in age. We stopped using birth control and assumed that it would take several months to get pregnant but of course we got pregnant right away. :-) We ended up selling our house and moving to a smaller, less expensive house to help with the finances. We now have 3 children and although I do love staying at home with them and I am very thankful that I have the opportunity to be at home there are days when I miss the adult conversation and structure of the office.

Anyway, I don't know if any of that helps you but I wish you well with your decision. If you need anyone to talk to feel free to send a note.

Also, don't spend too much time thinking about people like Terri H. Anyone who is that certain that their way is the only right way, is usually wrong......

Good Luck!
K.

As my sister in law always told me, if you wait for the money to be right, you'll never have kids. This is an emotional decision, not a rational one. Do you want another baby? Do you think you and your family can handle having another baby? My son is now 4-1/2 years and my daughter is 4-1/2 months. I didn't intend to wait that long, but like you, we got "distracted" having fun with the first one. I can tell you it is incredibly stressful but incredibly rewarding having two kids. If you really can't decide, maybe you become a little more relaxed about your birth control methods and let God make the decision for you. If you have to think through it rationally, put pen to paper. Can you afford your current bills if you quit work and took baby #1 out of daycare? Are there other things you could do out of the home or part time to help supplement the income - pampered chef or candlelight hostess or something like that. Ultimately this is what your heart wants, not what anybody else has to say. Best of luck.

Neither one of my kids were conceived on a plan, it just happened with absolutely no regrets. I also wound up being a stay at home mom after my second was born. I kinda agree with your hubby that things will work out also, but that is my personality. You have to be ready also. Give yourself a few months to think about it. We found ways to cut our budget such as not replacing a car after 4 yrs, not eating out much, etc.