Should We Try for #2 When We Owe Parents Money?

If I had to borrow money from my parents and could not afford to pay them back immediately, I would look at that as meaning that I can't afford a second child right now. Most women go through baby fever etc but as a parent you need to be completely responsible for the child that you bring into the world..and that means financially responsible as well. Perhaps in a few more months, you will be in a better financial position. Good luck.

If you decide to move forward with having another, be prepared for their reaction. If they weren't delighted with you having #1, they certainly are not going to be delighted with you having another while you're not financially straight. They will most likely have something to say about it, so if you're prepared to deal with the fall out, go ahead, but if you don't want to rock the boat -wait. Children cost a lot of money, so perhaps you should wait until you've paid them back, because how on earth will you do it with another child to pay for if it's already hard right now?

Your little guy doesn't "need" a little brother or sister. You do need to be responsible and pay back the debts you owe to your parents. Then you are free to go right ahead and try for another baby if you can afford it. Your parents were kind enough to help you our in an unexpected emergency, you should pay them back.

Definitely aim to pay them back before you have a second child. It's not so much about pleasing your parents, but doing the right thing. If you can't afford to pay them back, then you can't afford the second child, either.

Pay them back as fast as you can and THEN try for a second. It's rarely a good idea to borrow money from family because, as you can, see the "borrower is slave to the lender" in SO many ways. Get to a position where you pay your own way and don't have to worry about what anyone says about your decisions: right, wrong or indifferent!
Watching the Dave Ramsay show is a good place to start digging out of debt.

Rather than saving to pay them back in one lump sum can you make payments to them so they see you are making an effort? I would be mad if someone owed me $$ and it appeared they were making no effort. If I were in your shoes I'd probably wait until they could be paid back before the baby arrived.

I would pay them back first and then start trying. Sorry just my opinion but you now know how much a child costs and you dont want to owe someone money and encure newborn expenses at the same time, that can be very overwelming.

I don't think having another child and owing in-laws money are related. (just my opinion - i was trying to think of myself in that situation and how i'd feel) I do not believe people can plan to afford children. I am a stay at home mom of 3 girls. We do struggle financially from time to time but we know we made the right decision in having children when we did. We make the sacrifices for ourselves and we provide as much as we can for our girls. They've never not eaten or not had clothes to wear or a place to sleep. It is you and your husband's decision....not your in-laws. Whether or not you owe them money, they should not be involved in your decision to have children or how many to have.....unless they are providing your living space or feeding your family. Again, just my opinion. Good luck to you. Maybe making payments, as others suggested, might be a good idea. That shows good intentions of paying them back, possibly easing some of the tension or their concerns about your decisions. But, in the end, unless they are providing the food or home for these children, why do they need to decide?

This is an excellent question, with so many parts!
I am a former financial counselor and residential mortgage lender and have spent countless hours seeing the joy and devastation that financial choices can create. That said, I am now a stay at home mom and my husband and I have a tremendous amount of debt, largely college loans, but we are paying the price for bad financial choices too. We put off having children for the first 5 years of our marriage partially because we felt we should be financially ready. But the truth is, you can never be completely ready, doesn't mean you shouldn't consider your obligations though.

I think making an effort to pay back your parents is the right thing to do, regardless of what else is happening in your life. If you truly want to have another child and you both agree on the that, no one, but you and your spouse should have a say in that. Just because someone, family or not extends help to you doesn't give them say of the decisions in your life. Whether you want 1 child or 10, you shouldn't have to justify that to anyone as long as your children are loved and provided for, no matter how basic that might be. Allowing parents or friends to have that much say in your marriage relationship is recipe for disaster. Look at your finances and make a plan that works for you and your spouse, explain to your parents that you appreciate their help, and best wishes with baby #2.

I agree with the previous poster, it oyu can have them paid back before the baby comes then go for it. If not then I would recommend paying back before you start trying.

Having children is not cheap -- we are all in debt, in some form or another. Some are wiser than others about how they manage money. Can u really afford another child? A lot of families thrive with little income, but is that the lifestyle you want for your family? In this day and age, althought very important -- love is not the only thing that a child needs. Plus, many marriages and partnerships have fallen due to financial stress. Just weight the pros and cons, hope things will work out for you and our family.

Owing money to any one be it a credit card bill, cable bill or to your parents has no bearing on having kids. It is living within your means, being financially responsible. Why save money to give it back to your parents?? If you have it, give it then they'll at least know you are making an attempt at paying them back instead of giving it one lump some. Even if it's 20 bucks here or 20 bucks there.

If my husband and I weren't able to keep money in savings for an emergency and owed one of our families money, I don't think we would have more children until we were in a better place to take care of ourselves and the child we already had. Kids don't 'need' a sibling. They need parents that can take care of business and teach them how to do the same! I wanted my kids to be close together in age and they are 6yrs apart and we are all just as happy.

That is just my personal opinion and you and your hubby have to do what you feel is right for your family.

Good luck!
S.

Is it doable to pay them off in nine months or more? If so, go ahead and try to get pregnant (never know how long it may take) but plan on having them paid off before baby arrives.

I know this isn't part of your question, just an observation. Why would you be saving to pay them back? It just seems completely ridiculous to me. If you have some money, why don't you give it to them?

Deciding to have a child is a decision that you and hubby need to make together, the opinions of others don't matter. Of course, if you're depending or planning on your parents for babysitting or bailing you out of another emergency you may want to consider their thoughts.

Just another thought, if you don't have any savings for emergencies and you're in debt, is now the best time to have a child?????

eek. Considering their attitude, I would pay them back before I got pregnant with #2. If they were the kind of "pay us whenever" and loved your growing family, I'd say it might be okay. But we're in a lousy time financially and the last thing you need is to put yourself in a bad way with money and especially with family that is willing to lend you the stuff. Kids are reeeeeally expensive as you well know. Make sure you have all your ducks in a row before you leap. Good luck!!! (and don't worry too much about timing. If you end up having #2 when your first is 5, they'll still be siblings and they'll still be yours and the world will still be a better place for their existence. Just don't run head first into financial difficulty because of an urge -- difficult advice to take -- I know from experience. But it really is good advice.

Hi there, Lindsey: Sounds like you're not in a financial position to be having another child - I mean with being indebt to your family with a loan you are unable to pay at this time. Definitely pay off this loan and get some emergency funds in place so you are financially able to provide for 2 children and not get into this position again.

L.,
If you and your husband desire another child, go for it. Pay your parents what you can now. Don't wait until you have it all saved up. Give them a bit each month to pay it off as you go, like a bill. But, never make your decisions about having more children based on owing money. And, you are now married to your husband. Although you should honor your parents, in not being rude to them, you are not under their whims about your life. It might be good to seek their counsel if they are wise, but it sounds like their priorities do not line up with you and your husband's. Follow your husband. :)

It sounds like your parents wanted from you what you would want from your children, so don't fault them for that. Having children before you have established a firm foundation for supporting yourself can derail your life so much that it can takes years to recouperate. I am sure you already get that.

If you have a finacial plan on how you will cope with two children that is sound and doable, go for it. I think you should pay your parents back the money you owe them first. Otherwise, once the new baby comes, the added expenses will make it difficult to save money or to repay the loan. Beleive me, they won't ever forget that you borrowed money from them and never paid it back. I know you and your hubby don't want to be a dead beat. My MIL told me once that, You should always make sure that the person you borrow money from is kept happy. You never know when you might need them again.

So try to speed up the pace you are saving to repay the loan. That way you can get on with planning your family and not have that to worry about.

Give your parents what you can, and if you want another baby, that's up to you. Your parents are not raising the child, and you are presumably an adult. This decision is solely based on you and your husband's wishes. Obviously if you're in heavy debt it would be irresponsible to have, say, six more kids, but if you want one more child, it's not your parents' decision. It's really none of their business.

Because of the debt, your parents would have a say in things like purchasing a new car, a house, or taking an expensive vacation. A child is a bit more personal. :) Also, I would not let people who weren't thrilled about my child's existence have a say in it! You don't owe your parents your whole life. It's just money.

Pay your parents what you already have accumulated and show them you are trying to be financially responsible. Consider that you may need to ask for another "loan" for something else unexpected and they would be more amenable to helping if you start paying them now. Ask their opinion about another child, even if you think you know their answer. If you think ahead, your children should be at least 4 years apart because of college expenses for them. What about 5 years apart so you could attend college classes while your 4-year-old is in kindergarten. Working toward the degree would be fulfilling for you and impress your parents. Most of all, NEVER start your children in school early. You've allready had one "emergency" and could have more, so seriously think about providng for 2 children as you make these decisions. Good luck & God bless you.

What a guilt trip... and I mean that in the nicest way possible!

Have the child if you wish and can afford to clothe and feed it, because you obviously have the other gear you need (I'm assuming you kept your #1 package of stuff?)... diapers (not if you did cloth), wipes (not if you use moist Viva paper towels or soft moist cloths), formula (not if you're breastfeeding), childcare (not if you're already at home)... you get the picture:)

Have the child now, because of the additional time it will take out of your potential earnings without overlap. For ex: Your 3 yr old goes to school in 1-2 years and you have the potential to work part-time, but you waited to have #2 and start the cycle of SAHM again for another 4 years. Versus: you have your child during/near overlap, and have around 3-4 years more of potential part-time employment, paying your parents sooner. Also: how old are you and will you be physically capable of getting pregnant?

So, bottom line: do the math for all scenarios, projecting 3-5 year goals. If you can afford those added costs while SAHM and either put payoff on minimal or hold, you might net more income long-term than if you wait short term. PLUS, why only look at what's going out -- look at what you can get coming in or what you can cut/rig/revamp to get more coming in:)

Best of luck to your family!