Poll on What You Think About Repaying Parents

Always repay on a timely basis no matter who you borrow from. And repay without having to be asked.

We've always repaid any money we borrowed from my parents, plus interest and/or an expensive meal out. You should always repay money you borrow. If it was a gift, that's another story, but if it is truly borrowed money, then, yes, you should repay it. A loan is a loan, no matter the lender.

What are you looking for? People to tell you that you don't have to pay back parents for money you borrowed. It won't happen. Be honorable. You borrowed...pay it back. It is as simple as that.

If the money was given with the stipulation that it be paid back, then absolutely yes, without a doubt, no-questions-asked, that money should be repaid and in a timely manner. A person's parents are more important than any credit card company, lending institution or loan shark. These are people that should always be held in the highest regard.

And I'll add that once a person turns 18 their parents don't owe them, nor are they obligated, to give them one red cent for the rest of their lives. I've told my own mother many times that as long as she doesn't leave me debt that I will have to deal with when she's gone....I want her to enjoy what she has...she did her part for me while I lived under her roof.

I've never asked her for anything and I certainly do not expect her to give me anything from here on out. And when she's at the age where she needs someone to care for her, then she is more than welcome in my home.

Parents should be the first people that anyone pays back. Often people take advantage of their family because they think love is unconditional. Not sure why a parent should be generous, but a child can waffle when it comes to paying back loans???? Why is a parent's love questioned when they won't give money or loan money, but a child's love isn't questioned when they decide they can't pay back a debt?

My FIL loaned us some money and I can assure you that our debt to him is paid right after the tithes to the church....then the rest of the bills. Our desires and frivolous spending (like eating out or buying new clothes) comes last.

I have borrowed money from my parents from time to time...the key phrase is "borrowed"...when I ask I always tell them exactly when I will repay them...and I do...ususally they say just keep it for the kids or only take back part of what I owe them.
so not only have they helped me out in a difficult financial time, I have repaid them when I said I would and then occasionally the kids get a nice deposit from their grand parents into their savings account.
If your parents can afford to help out then ask..if they cant then dont ask...but always always repay when you say you will.

We borrowed money from my husbands parents to buy our house, and we are repaying them with the same interest that we have on the mortgage. They didn't ask for it to be repayed but it is the right thing to do. It was their money that they very generously gave to us, and we would not feel right not paying them back.

If it was understood to be a loan it should be paid back.

I will put my 2 cents in. I feel that have in fact asked to borrow money, it should be repaid. You can start out with a gradual payment and increase it as your finances improve. Doing it this way will also relieve your parents that things are leveling out for you so they feel comfortable to spend money, save for their lives, retirement. Also most children feel they know exactly where their parents are financially, never assume, what may look good to everyone else may be the night conversations no one else hears. Never assume someone is doing well due to the house they live in, the things they buy or even the money they offer. So pay them back, even if they tell you not to. Tell them you need to do it for yourself. This way they don't ever have to say anything. One day you may help out your kids and want to know that they are soon okay when they pay you back. Good luck.

(Keep in mind I mean "you" generically; not necessarily "you" as the person who posted the request.)

You absolutely should repay money that was loaned to you. Parents are your parents, not your personal bank account. If you took the money with the understanding that it would be repaid then you need to do just that. It is highly likely that they gave the money, fully expecting that it would be returned. Just because they are your parents does not excuse you from your obligation to repay.

Hi C. M of course you should, you pay everone else back when you borrow why you think you should not pay your parents my daughter pays me back all the time unlast I tell her she don't have too. It's the right thing to do.At least make an attempt and let them decide if they want to take it or not. Good Luck from C. Mc

If it was in fact a case of borrowing money then they should be paid back. Just because they are your parents doesn't mean they didn't expect the money to be repaid. What were the conditions you both placed on the situation? That is very important. I recently loaned my brother a load of money to invest in his business. I did it because I am his sister and could live without it for a while so he could build his business. However, if he then turned around and didn't pay it back that would impact my life significantly since I did expect it back at some point. If you are unsure ask your parents what their expectations were. Good luck

With all due respect, C., why would you NOT honor your debts to your parents? The only time that I can think of is if they insisted that you not. And in that case, you'd find other ways to do so...dinners, taking them with you on outings/vacations, thoughtful gifts....I'm very perplexed by your question.

Just like Jennifer said, if they tell you it's a loan, yes you need to pay it back.

When they give you the money, it should be understood right then if it's a gift or a loan. If it's a loan I would clarify how and when it should be paid back.

Just because it's your parents loaning you the money and not the bank, doesn't mean you don't have to pay it back.

ABSOLUTELY! If you are responsible working adult, then I think paying back money that you BORROWED from your parents should most definitely be paid back. No question.

Absolutely, 100% yes. If I "borrowed" money from ANYONE, I would pay it back 100% - plus interest if it was a large enough sum. I would insist on paying it back. If my Mom told me I didn't need to, there would be a compromise made where we were both happy.

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is possibly the first time in mamasource history that everyone agrees :)

Did you agree to repay? If so, it's your word and so it doesn't matter who you borrowed it from unless they have made it explicitly clear they no longer need the money.

You most definitely pay back- regardless of the situation

When someone is kind enough to lend money, it should always be paid back, regardless of who it is or what their financial situation. Why? Because it is the right thing to do, otherwise it is taking advantage of the other person/people.

If the money is borrowed - as you state in your question - then it is a loan that should be repaid.

If it's a gift, then it's not necessary to repay.

But, these types of things should be worked out when one receives the money. If you ask for it, then it should be repaid. "Mom, dad, can I borrow some money?" = loan that should be repaid.

Mom and Dad: "Here is a check for you for your birthday" = gift - not necessary to be repaid.

If you borrowed money that implies intent to repay. A gift is not repaid, a loan is. In the future I would work out a repayment plan that could be changed in needs arise. All three of my children owe my husband and I money for college. This is a loan and absolutely needs to be repaid for their sake as well as ours. Responsible adults need to take responsibility.

The question itself answers your question, "Borrow", you have to pay it back.

Yes, you should pay them back. They earned their money just like you earn your money and it is the only correct thing to do. Now if they say you do not need to pay us back that is a different story. If you are struggling financially ask if you could set up a payment plan that is only a few dollars a month. Most parents will say that is fine but I do know parents will go as far as to sue their children for the money they loaned them so I think I would talk with your parents about this subject.

S.

Yes, unless they told you it was a gift. Parents need money to retire. They worked hard for the money. They were kind enough to lend it. They have done a lot for you to get you where you are today, and they made sacrifices to give it to you. They have their future to consider as well.

Also, if you don't pay it back, and a situation arises sometime in the future, they may be more reluctant to help out. If you pay it back, it shows your respect, your appreciation, and they will more than likely lend again.

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I cannot see a reason why someone would borrow from anyone, no less someone’s parents, and not repay them. I’m one of those people that if someone lends me even $1, I make sure to return it or the favor. I think if there’s anyone who needs to be repaid, it’s someone’s parents. So yes, absolutely they should be paid back. Even if you they are swimming in money and you are not, it’s the principle. I could not imagine borrowing money from my parents, even a miniscule amount, and not repaying them.

Yes, I feel you should pay money back that you have borrowed from anyone if it originated as borrowing and not a gift. Even if you have to do it a little at a time for your parents. It always gives me a sense that I have been responsible by doing so.

If it was NOT specifically called a "gift" then by all means I think you should make the effort to repay the parents. In the current economy, many 55+ couples are wondering how they will survive retirement! My 401K and IRA funds are currently worth 1/2 of what they were just 5yrs ago....it has forced me to rethink when (or even if) I can retire. My children are pretty much grown, but right now, if I loaned them money, it would be just that a loan.....I can't afford to give away my long term security....but I would certainly "mortgage" it for my children's current needs.

Loans should be documented in writing and signed by both parties clearly spelling out the amount borrowed and when it is expected to be paid back. I agree with the earlier post that its wise to get together and ask if you can pay it back at a different speed based on your financial situation. Loans and gifts are DIFFERENT.

Hi, I think that when you are an adult and need to borrow money from another adult, even your parents, you need to pay them back. You borrow it, you pay it back.

Yes, you should repay anyone you borrow from.

We borrowed money from my parents for a down payment on our first house and paid with back. You should pay back any loan. My sister-in-law, on the other hand, has taken several significant cash "gifts" from her in-laws and she and her husband are expected to do whatever they say. If they're buying carpet with the money, they run the color choices past the in-laws to see if it meets their approval. Also, the in-laws are watching how they spend their own money. Not a way I'd want to live. Pay back your parents' loan.

(written after your update)

It sounds like you are doing the right thing-being VERY clear about when you can repay and the reasoning why-sorry to hear about your husband's job.

Good luck with everything!

hmmmm, I think the main word in your entry is, "borrow." Dictionary.com has this to offer as a definition: to take or obtain with the promise to return the same or an equivalent:(such as)Our neighbor borrowed my lawn mower. I think that if children have borrowed from their parents and the agreement was that they would be paid it back then it should be paid back. There are so many variables. Do the parents want the money back because they feel they they need to teach a lesson or make point? Do they want the money back because they really can't afford not to get it back? Etc. etc. Family stuff and money stuff is tricky. I have two grown kids and have borrowed a bit (wish I could afford to do more!) and have forgiven the loan telling them to keep it, but I also have at times felt it was best to say you need to pay this back.

Absoultely. Your parents had to earn that money that they lent you. They were doing what all parents try to do, help their kids.

S. T

Wow, you got a lot of responses on this (already) but I wanted to respond to your update.

Your parents gave you the money despite your circumstances. While it sounds like they aren't pleased with the circumstances, they knew in advance that it wouldn't be possible for you to pay them back for awhile. If for no other reason, it's vital that you pay them back (or at least start paying them back) on the date that you said you would. IF you still can't, you guys should come up with a plan (together) to work out another date. Times are hard but it's commendable to fufill your agreements...to anyone and everyone, even if they make you mad, hurt your feelings, etc.

Hope this helps. I do hope that your hubby finds a job soon and that you guys get back on your feet soon.

Kind regards,
N.

If the money was borrowed with the agreement of it being repaid, then yes, it should be repaid. If it was a gift, then no.

I have borrowed from parents (& in-law) and always paid back, with a low % (lower than I could get) interest rate if it was a longer term loan. If your parents offer to give you a gift or $, then I would accept the gift. If you need to ask to borrow or hint you are needing $, most definitely pay it back. It is the responsible and morally correct thing to do.

I'm going to go against the grain here because I have had personal experience with this. My husband lost his job in January, but recently found another one. We've had to lean on my MIL and my parents for support in helping us during the time he was unemployed. My MIL has given us money ~ her thought is that if your children are struggling, the parents should help them out no matter how old they are. She does not want to be repaid. My parents, on the other hand, have such a hard time with us even asking to borrow money. It's like pulling teeth. My husband had to do work for them over the summer to "earn" his money, which was fine with us. What is not fine with us is that my dad gave us some extra money for the work he did, but now is telling us that he wants it either repaid back or my husband has to go and do more work for them. I never went to college and they didn't pay for my wedding so I feel that there shouldn't be a question about this extra money that he "gave" to my husband.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that it all depends on the circumstances. I personally feel that if you are struggling, then yes, your parents should help you out IF they have the money.

Hi C.,

Get enough responses on this one yet? If you are not able to pay your parents back soon, just make sure that they are aware of it. If you know it will be difficult to do, ask them if you can work off part of the loan. I have done that with my parents. I pay back about two thirds of what I borrow and work off the rest. They "pay" me $10 per hour of labor. Yard work, cleaning, washing windows, etc. These things help my parents a lot and helps me out too. See if this is agreeable to your parents. They will feel as though you are making an effort and you don't have to feel quite as stressed out about such a large number. Good luck!

I know I'm a little late on this but thought I'd add to the mix. We have borrowed money from my parents a couple of times and also my grandmother. Not huge amounts of money, but at the time we had credit card debt, etc and had not spent our money wisely. We did pay them back-very slowly. When i was paying back my grandmother, we had agreed upon an interest rate and I paid a set amount each month. We then hit some hard times, my husband lost his job, etc. We talked to her about it and told her payments would resume asap. As soon as we were able we paid her, less each month but something and eventually got it all paid back. With my parents, they ended up "forgiving" some of the loan and gave my brother an equal amount in the form of a gift. But we were willing (no matter how many thousands of years :) ) to pay them back. My mother did say to us to pay the debt we had with interest accruing 1st and then to pay her-she knew where we lived- but I think the important thing is to pay them back as soon as you can- even if it's only $10 a month. Make a statement form in word showing what you owe and what you've paid back to date.
Hopefully we've gotten through our bad patch and won't have to ask again, but if we do, I know that we've been responsible about the money we were loaned and would probably be loaned money again. Good Luck K

You use the term "borrow." When you borrow something, that indicates you intend to return it at some point, so I think a good faith effort to pay the money back should be made. It's okay if not all of the money can be paid back at one time, but an effort should be made. It will help the relationship on both sides.

i guess i may be the odd one out on this post but i would think circumstances have a lot to do with it. for example, many years ago when i was going to college on my own dime my parents went through a divorce. at this time, my father needed an ally and so he proceeded to tell me if i ever needed any money to go to college to let him know. very peculiar since i had been going slowly on my own for 2 years already! i told him thank you and that on a waitress's wages i would have a hard time paying him back. he said that paying him back would not be necessary and that he just wanted to help out his daughtert. pretty sweet of him right? well, some months later it just so happened that i needed to take him up on his offer. he agreed to help me and i thanked him and told him again i didn't know when i would be able to pay him back and he again said to not worry about it. he wanted to help. well, wouldn't you know it, until the day i moved out, if anything he didn't like was going on the money always came up!! i never did pay him back for the estimated $1000 that i used for that semester but i see it as the child support i didn't receive. it may be crappy of me to have done that but hey, i was 19 with a dad who was having an affair, again, and he needed someone on his side and i was too naive to see the big picture. this may not help your plight but i just thought i could at least put in my 2cents on why not paying someone back can be justified. im not saying that what i did was right, i can just justify why i did it. good luck.

Hi C. It depends on how much money you borrowed. But if you borrow large sums of money from your parents you should pay them back. In this day and age money is tight for pretty much everyone. Unless your're wealthy. Besides nothing in life is free. And don't feel just because you're their daughter that they owe you something.

Of course you should, that's what borrowing means. If you ask to specifically borrow some money from someone, then they give it to you, then you need to repay it because that is what borrowing is. If they tell you that you don't need to pay them back or it's a gift, then you don't need to pay them back. I would still give them a little gift or I would pay for something for them in the future to make up for them being generous enough to give me some money.

I think it depends on what was the original agreement.

If it was taken as a lone then pay it back. You are a grownup and responsible for your own financial decisions. They worked hard for that money and it should be their right to use it how they see fit. Now that being said if you can not afford to pay it back then set up a payment schedual. If it was a gift then it is not necessary to pay it back. If you are unsure than do the right thing and ask what the terms of the loan/gift were.

Always repay. I think they expect it, even if they don't ask for it. Also, it makes the borrower feel better to pay the debt back.

I think that a loan should be repaid. If a parent is able and willing to make an outright gift when an adult child needs help, that's lovely; but if the money was clearly a loan, I don't think that there's much justification for failure to repay, other than outright inability, in which case some kind of arrangement acceptable to both parties should be made.

I have once accepted an outright gift from my father in a time of need, and many years later, accepted and repaid a loan. I repaid the loan as quickly as I could and was grateful for the flexible, no-interest help.

My sister, on the other hand, has frequently borrowed money from our father, and taken months, sometimes years, to pay it back, always resentfully, always making it clear that she feels she should not have to do so. This has really strained their relationship. Even though our father is comfortable, he is on a fixed budget and it's unfair and unrealistic to expect him to give us large amounts of money, especially since we are all employed and functional adults.

To be honest, I don't really understand why an adult child would expect "loan" to be code for "gift." It's one or the other.

Seems like a no-brainer. Why would you not repay anyone money you had borrowed from them?

I think that you should. However, it is somewhat an individual situation: are you very hard off and paying them off will create a big problem for you while they are very well off and do not need the money? Or is it the opposite, are they retired on a fixed income and could really use the money and you are on your feet now? do they want to be paid back? will they be upset about your paying them back and you are only doing it out of a sense of duty ?

We've been expected to repay every single cent.
Do I feel that I should have to repay the small sums of money that we've borrowed? Not really. But it's expected and I appreciated the help. So we repay every penny.

If you borrow money, you pay it back. The source of the money is immaterial.

I think that you should repay your parents if you borrowed money and it was not given as a gift. If you borrowed the money from a bank would you question whether or not you should pay the loan back? Probably not. You should make repayments unless your parents decide otherwise, but I do not think it is up to you as the borrower to decide whether or not you should repay them. Don't default on your parents. What if doing so somehow impacts your relationship? It's not worth it.

We borrowed money for a down payment from my in laws and paid it back with a small amount of interest i think like three percent and i wanted to pay it back as soon as possible but my husband did not as long as you owe them money they can comment on how you spend you money and i did not like that but i told my husband as long as we owe them money i can see that they have some interest in how we spend our money because we had not paid them back yet only borrow if you really have to and pay back as soon as possible to keep things comfortable.