Tips on How NOT to Beat Your Kids....?

Sorry, I don't have any advice as I am just a first time mom to a 1 year old. So far I do just do the deep breathing when she is getting into everything and driving me nuts.
I just had to tell you that you are hilarious!! You had me cracking up! Good luck and I hope you get some good advice.
Hang in there mama :)

I feel your pain, I only have a 5 and 3 year old, but they do the same thing, non stop always on the go, into everything, fighting, whining, throwing fits, all that good stuff adn yes sometimes I just want to run away and hide b/c cursing someone out would feel so good, but I can not curse my kids out. I do not believe in hitting my kids, I think that only teaches them that when someone does something you do not like, go ahead and hit them, so I know where you are coming from. Recently, I have started a little "act" if you will, when my 5 year old especially gets real whiny, I tell her Mr. Whiny came to visit again ( corny I know) but then I talk calmly in her ear, like I am talking to someone and she stops, so she can hear what I am saying and I act like we are having a conversation. Then I politely ask Mr. Whiny to leave and I act like I am taking him out of her ear and throwing him out, then of course MR. Tickle has to come and visit to lighten the mood and we have a good laugh with tickling and move on, it seems to help when the situation just seems to be escalading and I feel like I am going to loose it. My 3 year old saw me do it, so she caught on to the whole thing and it works on her too. I read somewhere once, that kids sense when we are stressed adn then they get even more stresssed in their fits, so if we can lighten the mood using little tricks, then it helps. If Taylor does something like hit her little sister, she has to go to her room until she apologizes and gives a hug and she knows it is up to her, with my 3 year old, she has to do the same and they may have cry it out, if we use MR. Whiney, they still must apologize in order to get out of their room. I hope this helped and anything useful sent to you, PLEASE share!!!1
M.

You sound like my sister and I on the phone all the time. So funny, I enjoyed reading this. Personally, I squeeze something. It used to be my 2 1/2 year old that I would squeeze a little hard but the first time she said "mommy, you're hurting me", I was horrified and haven't done it since. I think guilt will keep me from beating her for at least another 6 months. I usually will get very quiet when I know I'm about to loose it and will squeeze something. My daughter fortunately now realizes what that means and lately has been changing her behavior just by seeing my reaction. My 10 month old is clueless but he's just as aggravating sometimes. It's taken me a long time now to get to the point where I can stop myself before a knee jerk reaction like screaming or grabbing something out of my kids hands roughly. Oh, occasionally I will indulge in one glass of wine but I always wait until after 3pm. I have started reading "A New Earth: Finding Your Life's Purpose" which has little to do with raising children and everything to do with keeping yourself in a more pleasant, effective state. It's helped me a lot with my short fuse on nasty days.

I have twins and two other children - and I TOTALLY understand your P A I N.......the never ending noise and tornados destroying any attempts at order in your home....sigh....my are now 12 (boy), 4 (girl) 3 (identical boys).

My mom said it first when the twins were born, "Oh, honey. What one doesn't think of, the other will." And, it is so very true.

PRESCHOOL is a very good thing. Ours started Montessori this past fall and it has been such a blessing. I observed the classroom and discovered that underneath the little Tazmanian Devils that run amock in our home, there are polite, quiet, introspective bright boys. Who knew? I took that to mean that we're not doing such a bad job. With your sense of humor and insight, I believe you're doing a great job too!!

EARLY BED TIME is our other sanity decision. We read "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child." It's by Dr. Weissbluth. I was given the book at a Moms of Multiples luncheon (which will be my next suggestion). I already had 2 children and tossed the book aside for a while, assuming I already knew what I was doing. But when I actually sat down to read it, I learned a tremendous amount about the health benefits and needs that all aged children have and how much sleep is best. I was shocked!!! Our 3 year old boys now go to bed at 6:30, rise at 6:30 and nap for at least 1-2 hours a day. And, they don't complain about it at all...Getting enough rest prepares all of us for a much more relaxed and enjoyable day.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST - consider joining a moms of mulitples group or at minimum a blog. They are a wealth of information! And, you'll get great advice on what other moms have done in the same situation.

Sending you a high-five and a giant bag of Starbucks!

Good grief it sounds like my house! But you forgot the part where your friend, whom you haven't seen in, oh say a year, drops in unannounced. This is the friend that is completely dressed (not in jeans and her pajama shirt!), has her hair and make-up done and has just come from her immaculate child-free home!!
I have four kids - ages 10 1/2, 9, 2 1/2(the oopsy baby), and 11 mos (the why not at this point baby!)
I also babysit my 7 month old nephew during the week.
The days that are crazy like yours, say Monday thru Sunday, make me want to run away sometimes! I tell my husband that I'm going to start twitching soon. We are also on lockdown. I swear my 2 1/2 yr old is has latent super hero genes - how does he move so fast? We have hooks on interior doors, storm doors, you name it!
My mother (to whom I apologize on a daily basis for any number of annoying, dumb, unsafe things I did growing up)used to say she understood why some animals ate their young. It makes sense to me too. Advice? Let's see - can't lock yourself in the bathroom for 10 minutes - the chaos rendered by under twos in that time is amazing and probably dangerous. Drinking and drugs are out for the same reason. That doesn't leave much, does it? Seriously though, just when I think I will self combust I can usually count on at least one of the little whelps to say/do something so sweet or funny that the pressure valve releases (a little!). Good luck to you and I offer you a toast about 7pm tonight!

OK, I am sorry but this got me seriously laughing! Not at you dear, with you! Oh so been there, done that..HEY..wait...AM there, doing it AGAINNN!! WAH! You wonder how the heck you are supposed to do this day after day, when do you get to go home cause you are permanently stuck at work!
Well, like I posted to another mom who was working and wondering if she should stay home, your kids will appreciate it! Being a stay at home mom isn't a luxury, it's a JOB! I don't sit on the couch and eat bonbons all day. I work. And guess what, I don't get to go home on Friday! I LIVE AT WORK! AHHHHH! Yes, dear, I feel ya. =) I don't drink at lunch either but I will raise a surreal glass in your general direction.
BTW, I remember before I had kids reading about people that beat their children or shook them. I thought they must be serious bad people! But now having had my own children I understand how it can happen. This does NOT mean I condone it! It just means I understand it. The difference between someone that does that and us is we take a deep breath, clean up the mess and write something on Mamasource. =)
This too shall pass...thank GOD!
Find some other moms that you can spend time with, that is the biggest stress relief!
Every child is different when it comes to "punishment". Maybe time out will work on girl twin but a *gasp* spank on the rear works on your son. Or, if you have a child like my Asperger's son, nothing really works and you have to slide through your 18 years looking for SOMETHING! I could have beat my son blue and he would look at me with the "bring it on" look. We were all blessed/cursed with free will and our kids will test us with theirs daily. Get yourself a 16 year calendar and tick the days off :P. Believe me, when they are 18 you will look backwards and MISS this age. =)

Well you are two up on me with the little people but I can tell you what I do with my dragon when he puffs fire into my face...

I kneel down to his level, talk real low, so low that it's a whisper and I ask him why he's so mad. Or what can I do to help him be happy. I try to put him in control because thats what this is all about - they want control!

If that trick is not working, I talk to myself about fun things I'm going to do - Oh, I think I'm going to get a few paint brushes and paint a picture. Oh, I can get my shoes on and find sticks or cool looking rocks outside. This distraction works almost everytime.

Timeouts for the parent: When misbehavior starts and it looks like it’s a power struggle, stop whatever you’re doing and walk out of the room - put your ego aside; it’s not about winning, it’s about extinguishing the behavior (from Children: the Challenge). “There is no show without an audience.” I have gone in the bathroom and shut the door. If it’s the car, I have pulled over and gotten out. I have reading material for myself EVERYWHERE to distract me and pass the few minutes of time I need to regroup!

Ask for a hug. Get down low, make a sad face if necessary and explain that you NEED a hug.

Question the child: (“What did I ask you to do?”; Should you do this or that?; and to redirect: “Would you like to do this or that?”; “How do we use the ___________?” fork, pen, etc.)

Review what happened at a later time in the day. Point out the good things about the day, point out one area you would like the child to work on. Remind them of the consequence as well (i.e. “I like the way you”…statements, but then discuss for example, whining/temper tantrums and the consequence that goes along with it).

I would recommend books but I can't imagine you have enough free time to read!

Good luck,
H.

Oh, honey. I'm right there with you. My son is a very high maintenance child, and I swear he wakes up in the mornings sometimes and schemes on how best to drive me insane. We do timeouts, but if he's just wailing or throwing one his infamous tantrums, I leave the room. If I'm at home alone, I'll just go in the bathroom and leave him wailing outside. If my husband is home, I just say, "See ya" and walk out the door. You have an awesome sense of humor which I imagine comes in very handy when you're on the brink of wanting to run away from home. My best friend and I like to joke about sending the kids off to an island so we can sip margaritas all day on the beach. Sometimes it helps to have your little delusions. Best of luck. I can't imagine how difficult it is to have more than one child; I greatly admire anyone who can do it.

Hi, A.!

I have 2 children, DS who just turned 3 in October and DD who is now one as of February. I'm new to the site and recently, I've been going through this thing where she is screaming to get my attention and I have to go out into the garage sometimes just to get my head cleared, count to ten and try again (she's too young for time out's and wouldn't understand my words if I tried). I've tried doing the "shhh, it's to loud" thing to practically popping her mouth,,, of course I don't, but my hand gets this close (picture my hand THIS CLOSE)... and then I touch her lips gently and say, SHUSH!!! It doesn't work usually! I came on here this evening to get advise on what other moms have done. I've tried ignoring it too. Nope.

I'm the one who disciplines the most and I am also a stay at home mom. As far as time outs go (which I learned from watching Supernanny - I take some advise that I think is worthy of trying and leave the rest), DS will get 3 minutes in the hall way - I get down to his level and explain to him why I'm putting him in time out - he usually stays, but he does test me. When he does, the first time, I tell him that I put him in a time out spot for this reason, if he gets up again I have to go back there with out saying anything and put him back there (over and over again). It can be a long process (sometimes 15 minutes), but he is learning that when I say something I mean it. He has learned that I don't tolerate bad behavior anywhere and I will put his little rear right down on the restarant floor if he is misbehaving (of coarse he gets a warning 1st)! I'm not sure how that would work with the 22 month olds, but they seem to be close enough to age two that you could try doing a 2 minute time out (1 minute for every year they are is what I've heard from other moms - correct me if I'm wrong, ladies). It can be, okay it usually is, very tiring at 1st because they are learing that what you say, goes, and that you mean business. I believe they'll give in eventually and wear down. When they are finished with their time out take them to another spot (I usually have him come to the couch and have him sit next to me or in front of me {eye contact is important for the both of you - showing that you are listening to what he/she is communicating to you and vise versa and ask them if they remember why you put them in that time out. My son like to just say because I didn't listen to mommy. But, I make him say why he didn't listen to me and give him a few lead words depending on what he had done like push his sister or throw something. I make him appologize to me or whom ever and give him hugs afterwards and let him know that I love him.

Do you have any support from family in the area? A mom's group for yourself or playgroup for the kids?

I wish you and your little ones many blessings. I hope this helps a bit.

M.

Days like these, I call my best friend and we laugh for hours on how horrifying our children are!! It really seems to lighten the mood and for some reason, doesn't make it as bad knowing she is in the same situation. Then I plan a girls night out for sipping wine and a true "bitch" session on kids and life in general. Those get you through to the next episode.

Good luck!!

Hilarious A.! I think you and everyone else who has multiples must have the patience of a Saint! I have a 9 month old and a 3 year old AND I work from home 3 days a week so it can be a challenge. I wish I had advice for you, I am learning myself from the posts to your question so thank you for that And hey, vodka at noon may not be an option but wine at 7 after a day filled with little terrors is definitely allowed, heck, encouraged. Good luck!

A.,
I have raise 4 children all healthy well adjusted grown ups now. I never beat them either but I didn't spare the rod. I do believe in spanking when needed. My best advise would be use your best judgement, say what you mean and mean what you say.All children need structure and to know who is in charge. Shower them with love when they are doing what is expected, praise good behavior and when they cross the line let them know you mean business.
K. W

You'll have me laughing all afternoon as I keep thinking about your post, thanks for that.

When my son is trowing a tantrum, I do a few things - first, I usually ignore it and leave the room - no audience, no show and it helps me to refocus on something other than the issue which allows me to calm down and remove myself from the stress.

Other times, when he's really worked himself up, I'll hold him and rock back and forth while singing to him softly in his ear after reminding myself that as much of a big boy he is (at 21 months) he's still a baby, my baby. It's comforting to him (although with my horrible singing voice, I have no idea how!) and he'll usually settle down.

As for your "tornado twins" (LOL!!) do they help you clean up? My guy loves dumping blocks on the floor to see what happens, listen to the sound, find what he's looking for, whatever. He's in the helping stage so asking him to "help mommy pick up blocks" usually gets about 20 percent picked up - and he's learning that he made the mess, he'll have to help pick it up.

Otherwise, look for storage solutions where you can just dump it all to hide it knowing your kids will enjoy ransacking it tomorrow!

Good luck, this too shall pass.

That just made me laugh. Thanks for that, no advice, but thanks!

:-)LOL
I feel you girl...