Tips for Terrible Two's

My son is 6 now and did the same thing, he went to daycare. He only acted this way towards me & sometimes my sister the people close to him. I even went to a parenting class he was out of control, even pulling down kitchen chairs, couch cushions. She is learning independance and her own emotions, just not how to handle them. May sound funny but she needs choices, shopping ask her if she wants to sit in the seat or the basket, bath time ask her if she wants to take it before or after dinner or in morning. Does she want juice or water, big cup or little cup, to wear a dress or shorts, etc. That way she thinks she is a big girl and making her own decisions, but she is still doing what you want her to do. I am not say make her boss thats why i am saying choices, kids hate to be told what to do. Give it a try!make it a game, for you, lol. I was amazed something so simple could make such a big difference. I even started the 1,2,3 method didnt work so much at 2. But at 3 till now it works. Just have to be consistant, which is easier said than done. Gotta start now before baby comes, it will get more complicated, more trying. I was also a single parent till he was 4. Write me if you need!

I think some sort of daycare would be good for her. You can at least try it and you might be surprised. She could totally act the opposite of how you think she will. She might thrive on the routine and socialization. I am going to have our second sometime in the next two weeks and I am so thankful my son goes to school. He has been going there since he was 2.5 and I think it is going to be a realy savior for him and me when the new baby comes. I know that if he was at home by himself all the time he would act just like you described. You are so busy and her going to a school environment would take a lot of stress off you. The second baby coming isn't the only reason, her age is the main culprit. My son has gone through some crazy phases! Get her out of the house any second you can, even just in the yard or driveway to play with chalk. Good luck to you! I have no idea how having a second will go. I'm excited and terrified!

Please feel confident that it's not the new baby at all. It's simply her AGE. Almost all two yr. olds go through the same exact thing.

I am a mother of two, moved here from OH...and love making new friends. I babysit in my home, and have lots of experience with the "terrible two's". If you ever want a play date for her...come on over!

I wish you the best!

C.

Her tantrums are totally age-appropriate! It is scary and embarassing at times but this is how they learn. You have to socialize her. She will love to be around the other children and this will help her with sharing and her tantrums. Try some Mom's Day Out's. Good luck!!

I think her increased tantrums are just her way of showing that she is frustrated and needs another appropriate outlet. If she isn't getting out to burn her physical and mental energy, she has to let it out somewhere. Give her LOTS of exercise (one way or another) and LOTS of mental stimulation. I would recommend taking her somewhere (or having someone else take her if you cant) that she can run, play, climb, jump, swim....whatever activities she likes. Maybe set p a small kiddie pool in your yard? Put a small plastic slide into it? Get a few squirt guns or bubble blowers? A slip-n-slide? A tricycle or wagon for walks around the block? Sure, going to the park or pool would be great for her, but these other options are less stressful for you and could be done from home.

In the house you could build blocks, sort shapes, indoor bowling, make-believe dress-up, puppet shows....anything (other than TV!) that can stimulate her mentally and wear her out! Usually kids that are tuckered out do not act out, or not nearly so much. If she is given the right outlets for her pent-up energy she may be an entirely different child, and YOU will be the one that she enjoys all these things with. If you don't think you could do it with the pregnancy then a second option could be a daycare setting, but I'm not a fan. I personally would opt for sharing those times with her myself rather than givning those precious moments to a stranger :-)

Try to cope and be understanding. SHe is just acting out due to frustration and her normal toddler changes/developments and she probably senses that you are more tired and less tolerant as well :-) Hang in there and best wishes!

Hi Alecia,
You do have a really busy schedule and so I can undestand why you have little time for playdates. Ans I certiantly understand your concern for the other children!
Your Daughters temper fits & biting ect MAY be because she is trying fir more if your time & attention. You might try to fit in more interaction & see what happens.
Also I have often seen that the biting ect is because the child doesn't know how it feels. If you do let her get w/ other kids you might make it kids whi are known tl stand up for themselves. They will most likely give it right back to her & that may take care of the while matter. But I think I would talk w/ the Mothers first. It might not even show up when she gets w/ other kids.

Good Luck on this & let me know how it goes.

S.

My sister (who is well educated in the child zone) says "kids a barometer of the home". Your child may feel the stress of the life changes coming your way. I have an 9 week old and 4 year old and I know firsthand that my attention is spread thin right now and she feels it and is begging for it inadvertantly. Even so, tantrums shouldn't be tolerated. I take "privileges" away like TV, the pool, dessert, use time outs like crazy if you have to til she gets the point, I take toys and put them in time out, I even give a pop once in a while if I have to. I learned the hard way and realize now that I have to discipline at the onset of the bad behavior instead of giving warnings--especially w/ a newborn around, I don't have time to give out several warnings.

Yes, she's two (almost), but with all that's going on in your own life, it's probably more attention-seeking than anything. You work, you go to school, and you're pregnant. You're probably exhausted. What is your daughter doing during that time, if she's not around other kids? I'm sure like all moms, you react (most likely over-react at times when you're very tired) when she behaves this way. She's probably thinking: "YES! I'm getting mommy's attention!" She hasn't learned to verbally communicate and she can't control her emotions yet,either. The best things you can do for her are these:

Make sure she is getting plenty of sleep. Studies have proven not getting enough sleep will emerge as behavior issues with children of any age.

Make sure she is getting lots of little meals/snacks. My son was a total monster when he was hungry at that age.

Make sure YOU are giving her your time with POSITIVE experiences as often as you can: trips to the park, reading a story, painting together.

Start your discipline plan now and stick to it. Every single time she acts out violently, have a safe place you can put her in time out, such as a playpen that's only used when she's doing that, or a rug by a door away from everything.

Also give her the words in your calmest (boy is THIS hard) voice: "Yes, you are mad. We use nice hands. We use nice mouths. Teeth don't bite..etc." Then put her in time out. "You need to calm down." Then completely ignore her. She'll rage and scream and do all kinds of things in time-out. Pretend you see/hear nothing. She'll likely wear herself out within a few minutes and begin calming down.

My friend puts her 23 month old daughter in time out (she acts similiarly: hitting, throwing things, screaming, but not biting thankfully), and it's amazing how she's calm within 30 seconds or so after going to time-out. Good luck!

Your toddler is dealing with a lot - the twos, new baby, busy mom. So tantrums are not unusual. MOm is dealing with a lot too. Is there any way you can get some extra help?

She needs to be around other children, to get outside and work off her energy. She needs playdates, or a good daycare, or some way to get out.

Biting is sometimes a way of expressing verbal frustration. She wants to communicate, she knows her mouth is supposed to help - but she doesn't know how to say it. If you watch closely, you may be able to grab her before she bites, either hod her so she can't bite or put her own arm in a position to block the bite and try to give her the words she needs (you want the ball now you didn't like so-and-so yelling at you, whatever fits the situation. even, 'you're so frustrated now')

If she doesn't start to feel better and act better after the baby comes, or with more activity/help with her feelings, then you may want to ask your pediatrician for advice. Better safe than sorry on behavior problems.

E.