Tips for Coping with Tragic Stories

My very good friend had this same problem. She has found that watching these type of stories less often has helped her.

I so get what you are saying. I wrote a blog post about this very thing;

http://brihoopes.blogspot.com/2010/02/random-thoughts.html

It really is so hard. I have to be very careful.

I finally quit watching the news, movies that make you cry or are violent.........so I understand. What I finally figured out was this.........everything happens for a reason.......I may not like it, I may not understand it, but I have to believe there is a reason...........and what happens from that tragedy tells the story. Like someone who has lost a child to SIDS is now a great supporter of the SIDS foundation, and she is on the radio, so she can help bring more awareness to this terrible thing.....and she is helping so many people........

So, as hard as it seems, try to understand that there is a reason..........even if we don't see it.......I believe everyone has a path to be on, and yes, that path can change, but it's up to us to deal with the life we are dealt and to carry on as best we can.........

Good Luck, take care and hang in there.

Just recently I was sitting at my computer and accidently read about a mom who died shielding her children with her body during a storm and I sat there crying for several minutes--couldn't talk for crying--then went and held my little boys for a while (they had no idea what was wrong with me). I do not usually walk around worrying or fearing, but those stories make me pause and pray and thank God that I have my children and that we are all well and together. I also pray that if something ever takes me away, or takes them from me, that everyone left will have strength to be okay. I go from those stories with a renewed sense of the importance of motherhood and raising my children as well as I am able so that their memories will be positive and their identities secure. I pray that my husband and I would draw strength from each other as well if we ever have to deal with the loss of a child. If you are not religious, you might simply focus on feeling thankful that you are all well and together and the little things you can do that are important now and that will have meaning to your children down the road. I don't think I could ever not be brought to tears by some of the things that happen in the world.

I stopped reading thoes stories as like all the other people who posted. i think it is normal when you hear thoes stories to think of your own children. I just today heard an awful story and went up to touch my sleeping baby. Then i went back to cleaning.

It's okay to ask people not to tell a story, or to politely step away. Turn the news off and don't read these types of stories on the internet. It really is okay to protect yourself.

But when you do hear or see a story do your best to remind yourself that this is an unusual situation and unlikely to happen to someone you know. Remember that the media combs the world looking for a heart wrenching story! Use this tool to kind of "talk yourself down."

I used to be like you, but then I realized how much is out of my control and I learned to let go a bit.......a bit. I suspect this will get better when your children are older and the burden of their well being doesn't fall squarely on your shoulders.

All that said you may be what is called an Empath. You might do some googling and see if that sounds like you. If it is maybe understanding will help you cope and let go.

Stay Well,

P.

Interestingly, I now have the opposite reaction.

Pre-children and even during pregnancy, I was very emotional. Don't put A Baby Story on TV unless you want me to be a bumbling fool.

After the birth of my second child, I was diagnosed with cancer and went through 5 months of chemo. I thought I'd have a monumental meltdown - I cried for about 10 minutes after my diagnosis and only 1 or two times after it. I kept waiting and waiting and waiting for the emotions to surface, and they never did. Almost 2 years later, I still haven't found those emotions.

I've learned that tragedy is part of life, and none of us knows what tomorrow will hold for us. Personally, reading your story, I think it's perfectly fine to react the way you do because it's instinctive - you're a mom now (you may still have excess hormones in your system as well), you're nurturing and protective of your family.

As a cancer survivor, it's hard for me to see kids going through chemo. But, they're probably the single greatest source of strength and encouragement because they're so resilient and untouched by a lifetime of fear that we've acquired.

My best advice is to let yourself feel what you do and work on changing it only if it really bothers you. I personally wouldn't advise to stop watching the news or reading the paper. Our children learn how to react from us, and I'd rather have children affected by tragedy and to want it to be a call to action to help and be neighborly than to be unmoved by it.

Good luck!

What you're experiencing is empathy for other parents, now that you have a child.
You may also feel like a schmuck for being insensitive in the past to people's situations concerning their children.
It's normal.
And, yes, sometimes it feels like almost all you can bear.....it's OK to shield yourself from the news a little bit...

Funny, I made a post very similar to this just after I had my son 2 yrs ago. It seems to resonate so much more when you have a real life little person to apply that tragedy to.

I have to agree with the other poster, stop reading those stories. Sometimes you can't avoid it. And sadly, you will become numb to it again over time. Especially when you can hold them in your arms close to you.
I find that I'm most sesnsitive to horrible news when I'm pregnant - just a hormonal thing. So I just avoid reading any kind of story where a child is hurt or neglected. It's really the easiest course of action.

Hi A.,
I'm getting chills reading your post as I consider myself in recovery (mourning?) from a couple tragic stories in my community concerning children. I have two young children and am crippled by stories I hear of loss. Reoccurring for me is the difference between worrying about all that can happen, and hearing the heartbreaking details of events that actually did happen to people I know. Imagined fears are incomplete. I cannot possibly conceive of the devastating sequence of events that follow the loss of a child. So when I hear the details (and it seems to be the details that set me over the edge) of the aftermath of a loss, it just brings me to my knees. It seems more real, more possible, in closer proximity to me and my family and it is absolutely terrifying.
What to do with all that? I can’t say. I just try sit with it and not be afraid of feeling the pain because pain is a natural human emotion. I try to be ok with not knowing why it happened or why it is affecting me so much. Trying to explain or intellectualize these emotions minimizes them somehow.
The only thing that seems to help is time.
Sorry I cannot be more helpful.
Peace to you.

I completely understand how you feel. Since having my son 7 years ago, I react the same way to tragic stories, especially those involving children. I'll sometimes obsess over them to make sure that the same thing doesn't happen to my child. If I watch any TV show where a child is hurt or orphaned, I start crying - even though I know it's not real. My husband thinks I'm crazy and said I can't watch TV anymore.

I don't want to avoid the bad stories because I believe if you are educated about the bad things, you can help prevent them or be prepared and know what to do if they occur again. You just have to take the lesson learned from them and put the bad details out of your mind.

Hope this helps. Over time it will get easier.

I felt these same feelings when my kids were little. Forget about local newscasts/headlines for a while. They sensationalize. Tragedies occur, sure... but they don't happen to everybody, all the time, and as parents all we can do is our best to keep our loved ones safe. Sometimes you have to give it up to the universe--we can't control everything, but what we can do is dig in to things like gardening, drawing, painting, singing-- with our children and without...things that enrich our lives with goodness and beauty and life. Volunteer for a helping organization, give yourself purpose and control to help others. It makes us stronger. Another thing is breathe (seriously), breathe deeply and meaningfully. Get oxygen into your lungs and avoid the shallow breathing of anxiety and panic. You're a mom, so it is natural to worry, but not at the expense of your present relationships and peace of mind. Talk to your friends and family members when it gets overwhelming (try to spread it out among them). Remind yourself that you and your children must find the joys of life and celebrate them. Mourn the tragedies, but remember that we are well and able to do good things, and then do them. And again... breathe and smile and love and hope for the best. If it seems out of control, go visit a counselor or doctor... sometimes we need help gaining balance, especially when we have young children. Look up and be thankful for what you have today and try not to project into the future - my husband always says "don't borrow trouble!" and he's right!

Just don't read about it. Most of the time, the news is all garbage anyway and has no impact on your life, so why bother? I don't have time to watch or read daily news stuff usually until the kids are in bed, and, seriously, I get my News from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert on the Comedy Channel. They usually cover the important stories, but in a sarcastic and comedic way. If I hear a story from them that I feel I need to know more about, then I will google it to learn more. Seriously, they are my filter - sad but true. Just shut yourself off for a while. Someday, you will want to hear about "stuff" but you will find better avenues to get your information.

You know I went through the very same thing. It was very, very hard for me after both my daughter and son were born. We are hyper sensitive overload. We are so concerned about everything, everyone, and are very, very empathetic. After my daughter was born, I had a bout of depression for around 6 months. Post pardum is what I come to understand that it was. I was able to overcome it from a great best friend who spent a lot of time with me and my daughter, as it also helped her post partum too. With my son it was very different. Any kind of news about children or families would throw me over the edge. I was terribly concerned about him being taken. I would have dreams, check on him several times a night. I had a friend (there were about 6 of us pregnant at the same time) who had a still born. My son had already been born, but I was so terribly saddened that I cried for 2 weeks every time I thought about it. I just kept thinking it could have been me. I know that I was being irrational, but at the same time I couldn't control the feelings. When my son was about 18 months I completely broke down. I was having panic attacks and heart palpitations. I went through a complete colapse. I stopped having a period for almost a year and I felt like things were caving in on me. Well I found out that I had an anxiety disorder. I refused help from the medical field. I only wanted to take natural homeopathic remedies. I had a great vitamin guy that lived and had a store in our neighborhood. He directed me on the path I should take. After the good supplements, a change in my eating habits and more exercise things got much better and I was able to control the swings, till they finally disappeared. They only resurface when I am extremely tired or rundown, but I really try not to let that happen. I do get a little anxiety ridden when I have to drive someplace unfamiliar (I don't like to get lost!), but other than that I haven't had any problems in years. My son is now 10, my daughter is 16 and life is good. Maybe this will help, maybe it won't. I wish you the best.

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I agree with Dawn. It's okay and a good thing to feel empathy toward others, but there are times in your life that you may be more vulnerable. You need to protect yourself and your emotions. Turn the TV off and shield yourself from things that may upset you. It won't last forever and you don't want to be ignorant from what's happening in the world but you need to take care of yourself first. And it's okay to be selfish... :+)