Time Outs - Bristow, VA

Hi L.,

Here is a web site: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080326225

Hope this helps. If not: call supernanny.

Good luck. D.

My daughter is 18m. She's doing the same thing. When she hits I correct her. If she continues, I remove her from the situation. My daycare provider tells them to use their words to show they are unhappy, not their hands. When she throws a temper tantrum, I let her just cry/kick it out, as long as she's just kicking air. After a few moments of 'ignoring her', she usually stops.
M.

I personally don't use "timeouts." I simply remove my daughter from a situation, take a toy away, take my attention away, etc. I focus on getting her to be calm, take a deep breath, use nice words, then apologize stating what she did wrong. Sometimes, I tell her that her behavior is making me angry, and I need some quiet time by myself to calm down.

I found that timeouts were harder on me at that age then on her. Now that I have a four year old, I can tell her to go sit quietly until she calms down or is ready to talk and so on. But at age 2, it it was hard to get her to sit still, not talk, etc. And timeouts seemed very unconnected to the "crime." I prefer to use punishments directly related to what she was doing. Hit a friend, the playdate is over. Throw a toy, no more toy.

Here is what I have heard works for timeouts. Base the number of minutes on the age - 2 years is a 2 minute timeout. If she gets up or screams, you add a minute. Send them to a spot devoid of entertainment - tv, toys, books, you. Explain in concise simple language before - "You are getting a timeout because you threw a toy." And afterward "makeup" - don't stay angry, start with a clean slate.

Good luck. Two is a fun age :) On one hand, what you start now will carry over into future discipline. On the other hand, don't be afraid to change things up and do what works for your child. There are no real rules as long as you are consistent with your child and she has a clear expectation of consequences.

I am not a big fan of Nanny 911. It doesn't focus on teaching the child what to do instead, it focuses on the negative behavior.

Discipline does not have to be negative in order to teach the child. Discipline actually means 'to teach', it does not mean 'to punish'.

I did a lot of reading when time outs didn't work for us... 'Time-ins' was the first thing I read, it was OK but for me, hard to understand and apply.

Some helpful books... How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and How To Listen So Kids Will Talk (that's the whole title).. same author puts out Siblings Without Rivalry... I highly recommend this book even if there is not a sibling issue, since it helps teach them to deal with other kids too.

More books: Positive Discipline for preschoolers, Kid Cooperation, Parenting with Love and Logic, and Kids are Worth It.

Our time outs are not on a stool. They are on a comfy chair with a bin of soothing toys (favorite blanket, paci, stuffed animal, drawing pad, anything that helps them calm down...bubble wrap is excellent)

When there is an 'out of control' behavior, we state that their hands are out of control (or voices, or body, or feet, etc) and they need to get them under control. THEY decide when to come out, because it is THIER body and THEY need to learn what it feels like when they are ready to come back with better behavior choices. If their behavior continues, they go back. I feel this is important because using time for their age has nothing to do with WHY they are in a time out. Sometimes it takes 15 min to calm down. Sometimes they 'get it' in 30 seconds and come back to the situation and apologize, and the behavior is calm.

One good thing for biting or hitting is making a sign (let them help with stickers) to put on you saying 'Mommies aren't for hitting' even if they can't read, you read it to them, they remember what it says, and when they have trouble with impulse control (since they are of that age), they are reminded quickly, you can even point it out.

When you try to look at EVERYTHING as a learning opportunity, it gets a little less frustrating for you.

Good luck!

I have a 2 1/2 year old son who does the same thing. I also have an 8 almost 9 year old daughter. I was watching Super Nanny and saw a method that I have been using for my son. Whenever he acts out, hits, kicks, tantrums or other undesirable behavior. We put him in the "Naughty Chair" for time out. It is a chair in the dining room. I set the timer on the microwave and he sits there until the time goes off. The rule is also that he can not get up until he stops screaming or crying and agrees to behave. I always tell him why he is being put in the "Naughty Chair" so he is not confused and knows that his behavior was unacceptable. It seems to work pretty well. When he his calm, he always apologizes for his negative behavior and gets a big hug. Of course, there are days when he goes in the "Naughty Chair" several times. If you don't have a dining room, a chair in another room will do just fine. It just needs to be in a place where your child does not play and relax with the family. We have "Naughty Chairs" at every member of the family's house, that way, he knows good behavior is expected no matter where he is and that he can't escape punishment for his behavior because we are not at home. With my daughter I used a similar method, which was standing her in a corner. I would get down on her level, place both hands on her shoulders, look her in the eyes and calmly explain that she was not being very nice, etc. then I would put her nose in a corner, head facing the wall and stand behind her so she knew she had to stay. Eventually she would stand in the corner without me having to stand behind her. Same thing as the Naughty chair, I would set the timer, apologies and hugs. Anyway, hope these suggesstions will help.

Hi there. Typical behavior for her age. I used the "hands are not for hitting" "we dont hit each other" approach. When he would hit, I would recognize his feelings (I got this from the Happiest Toddler by Harvey Karp on the block DVD) by emphatically saying "Youre mad, mad, mad. Youre so mad that you hit mommy. But Hands are not for hitting. If youre mad then lets hit the couch or say we're mad". Quite frankly time outs are better for three year olds and two year olds are wayy too young to adequately comprehend time out. They need to be guided to the correct behavior.

I also recently read the book "time ins". Look it up on Amazon. Ive tried the techique with my 3 year old and its wonderful.

GOOD LUCK

My best advice is watch Nanny 911, we got our timeout techinque from her and it works VERY well even at a young age. As a scientist working is psychiatry I can see why. The basic idea is make a spot, I think a corner or the bottom stair is better, since it is not a place your child would normally be, you don't want time out to be in a spot you would then hang out (ie couch) because they won't make the association as quickly. The floor is best because they are less likely to hurt themselves. Then when they hit, pick them up firmly, but never forcefully, you don't want to physically hurt them. Say no hitting, hitting is very sad or whatever and walk them to the "timeout" spot. Put them down and say don't get up. Let them cry or whatever, set a timer that has a beep they can hear, like the microwave (not totally necessary, but I think it helps at this young age). Then leave them there and don't say anything to them at all, leave them for 1'/year of age, so for a 2 yr old 2', 2.5 yr old, 2.5 min. If they try to leave, without talking to them, put them back and walk away. Don't look at them, don't interact in any way. Children will repeat behavior for attention, positive or negative attention, so don't give them any attention and then try to give attention when they're good, so prompt those behaviors. We started using this when my son was about 18 months old, for hitting, by 2 he would say sorry when the microwave timer went off. After the time is up, we always go over, make him look at us, tell him why what he did was wrong (they don't have long memories, so this reminder can help with association of behavior and consequence). Hitting is naughty and hurts us. Then make them say sorry, then we always give a hug and kiss and say I love you, so they know you'll always love them. Good luck!!

1 thing that worked for me and my son (who is a little over 2yrs.) is I sat with him in my lap held him tight to me and talked to him firmly about why he had to sit for a minute with me. I started that pretty early because I had the same issue that you are experiencing. It's very rare that I have to do it now but, I am sure there will be more disiplinary hurdles to overcome. Hope this advice has helped. Good luck!

I use time outs for my 3 year old becuase that seems to be the only thing that works. If you go onto the Supernanny or Nanny 911 websites there should be some helpful info there for you. When you put the child in time out you should get down to their level and in a calm voice tell them what the offense is and that they are going into time out for 2 minutes to think about what they have done (or something like that.) If the child gets up walk over without saying a word and put them back into the time out spot (its helpful if you have a time out mat or a chair for time out only) repeat this until they stay in the spot for 2 minutes. At first this will make time outs take well over the alloted time per age but it will get easier as they recognize that you are serious. Once you establish the time out routine you will be able to put hte child in time out and they will sit until you tell them to come out. Also if the child screams don't respond. After time out have them apologize and give them a hug then start over fresh. Oh also it will help if you make set rules and post them somewhere where they can be seen by the child. Maybe put a picture next to the rule so your child can use that as the reminder of the rule since I assume they can't read. Put the rules in order of importance and set guidelines for them. So say no hitting was rule number 1 then you could say first offense of the day is warning then all others are a direct time out. To keep yourself sane stick to about 4 rules that get punishments and stick to it. Eventually you will have a time out routine established. Sorry to go on and on but i hope I was helpful to you. Good luck.

My daughter just turned two last week and she has been throwing the same temper tantrums as your child. The only thing that works for me is persistance. If they start to cry, throw a pillow on the floor and tell them to cry into the pillow. If they continue to try to get off the couch, put them back on it and tell them that they are not allowed to get down until they stop crying. After the tantrum I tell her to say sorry and then give me a hug and kiss. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Hope this helps.

J.

Check out the Video "One, Two, Three Magic" by Harvey Karp.

It focuses specifically on this topic and achieving immediate results.

put her in her roon for 2 minutes. Each time she comes out,put her back in,start time over.

Hi, L.. I have twin 2 yo daughters. One of them is a tantrum thrower (and she has thrown some doosies). The only thing that has effectively worked is to completely ignore them. At first, I tried consoling her and reasoning with her, etc., nothing worked until we just started ignoring her. Her tantrums have almost completely stopped and, when she does throw one, it's very minimal because she knows she's not going to get any attention as long as she's doing it. When I say completely ignore, I mean no eye contact, no talking, NOTHING. Just make sure that she's safe and won't hurt herself. Usually after about five minutes, I will ask her if she's done and would like to cuddle. Most of the time, she's ready for it to be over, but sometimes it will continue for a little longer. Good luck -- I know how frustrating this can be. Thankfully, her sister is pretty laid back and rarely has a meltdown.

L.,

When I was a toddler, I know I had terrible temper tantrums, and, of course, my parents did the wrong thing with shaking, spanking and yelling. Like that was going to make me stop.

When my daughter was 18 months, she started to have temper tantrums. I would leave her on the floor of a room where she couldn't hurt herself (oddly, the best place was the laundry room). Then I would walk away and totally ignore her. Thiry seconds later, the tantrum was over. Sometimes, you have to embrace the tantrum; my daughter would sleep or nap very well after wearing herself out with a tantrum

There is a system called 1-2-3 magic. One minute of time out for every year of their age. Set a timer. The time out cannot be anywhere there might be fun. Time out does not begin until the tantrums or behaviors stop. Criss cross applesauce is the position I've always made them sit in. Consistency is of the utmost importance. If your child comes out, send them back calmly. They learn the routine and it gives them a cool off time. "Step over" the tantrums. Good Luck!

We sit and gently hold the child in time out. Either in our lap or just sit beside.

Hi! I recently had this problem with my two year old. I bought a special stool from target (about $5) and told him it was the "Time Out Stool" and he would sit there if he was being bad. The first couple times it didn't really work because he would get down, so I set the oven timer for 2 minutes and told him he couldn't get up until the timer went off. After about a week of being consistent, he is actually sitting on his stool for time out and waiting for the timer. Now all we have to do is ask him if he needs to sit on his stool and he will be good. I would say your daughter is just testing you, but as long as you always do the same thing (like put her back in her time out spot, etc) she will get the idea. Good luck, I know what you are going through and sympathize!!!