"Time Out" Not Working!!

I do time out in the high chair so they can't run away and I put it in front of the stove and put the timer on so they can see when it beeps - time is up. Good luck1

Charles Fay is a wonderful and insightful author. He puts out many helpful books on tackling all sorts of problems.
His books are called love and logic. There is one for toddler years. I have 3 different books. I love them. They are very easy reading and gives situations and verbal answers you may want to use and really will use. Sometimes they seems to be very "WOW" that makes sense and sometimes "WOW" that answer is tough. BUT LET me tell you It works.
I think these books are for the parent who in not afraid to be "the parent."
Research it out it is so worth it.
Good Luck
Dawn

Hi M.-
I'm in the same boat as you. I just finished reading the book "Ask The SuperNanny" You should continue to place her on a "TimeOut" step or chair. If she gets up, put her back on the step/chair but say nothing to her. As many times as she gets up is as many times as you put her back until her two minutes are up. I didn't believe this method would work until I tried it and it does work. While she is sitting there explain to her why she was put there in the first place. It's also important to get her to say she's sorry, it shows her responsibility after her two minutes are up.
Hope this helps
K.

M.-

Been there. Don't use the 1,2,3 - I did and it allows the child to misbehave and not listen until you get to three. Because I trained my children with the 1,2,3 - I had to undo this slowly so that they respond immediately. Still working on it at times but they are down to 1 then timeout. I realized it was my mistake of training them with a 1,2, 3,

As for time-out, a 2 yr old is going to give you a hard time, so pick a designated spot or chair. It has should be the same spot or chair in the house. Then start with 10-15 secs. Yes, they are going to get up and out after 1-2 sec,but pick them up and bring her back to the spot. You may have to do it 10X the first time and then 8X then next time you use "timeout". Dont say anything after the first time of letting her know that you are putting her in time-out. As she yells, screams and kicks, just ignore and continue to bring her back to her time-out spot. She will get it- meaning that you mean business and that she is going to listen to you. My daughter was good at this and after a few tantrums and time outs, I would just pull the chair out and make her sit for 1-2 minutes. My son was a kicker and screamer and runner. Though it was tough the first few weeks and I used a shorter time to get him use to it,he eventually learned and now I have to just bring him to the chair and he cries, I walk away and then check back in a few minutes and he waits until I say he can get out.

Afterwards, I explain why they are in time-out and give a kiss and hugs and off they go to play.

I have learned that if I let it go the first few times it only gets worse throughout the day. So I usually only have to give 1 time-out if necessary, in the morning and boy does it helpout alot. they know mom means it and that they cant get away with it.

Probably laughing at the 1,2,3 doesnt help, dont worry though, we all think its cute and laugh, sometimes my husband and I have to walk out of the room or turn our backs when we need to laugh at what they are doing, becuase kids are so darn cute. But like you we learned the hard way of laughing in front of our daughter and then had to make quick behavior changes to her because it reinforced that negative behavior by laughing.

Best Advice- Be patient, take a few deep breathes when she pushing your buttons and ask the husband to help with the timeout. If she has you frustrated, get the husband to help. My husband and I are good at tag teaming when we each reach our limit and just switch.It also makes the kids know mom and dad are on the same page and that cant get away with either parent.

Your daughter sounds very intelligent. I had a similar time with my daughter. At two she thought she knew best. Heh timeouts same thing. Explanation and conversation. One thing that worked well was saying to her we are a family, a team. and we all work together to make a happy home. No one gets what they want all the time. You are not the center of the universe. We all must do our jobs to make the family work. Then define what her job is. You dont want to encourage negative attention if she is feeling a lack

There are 2 great books out there that were recommended to me and come highly recommended--Babywise and Childwise (2 different books, depending on the child's age), both by Ezzo and Bucknam. Fantastic parenting and discipline techniques--they will help you deal with your daughter in the long run.
Good luck!
C.

Hi M.! You are not alone when it comes to disciplining your child. There are so many schools of thought on this. When you do try a time-out is it because she has not listened to you? thrown an object? hit something/one? Generally 2 year olds just love to be in control and on their own time table. If you are trying to have Olyvia pay attention to you instead of a toy but she won't, try getting down to her level, gently explaining to her that her toy is distracting her from listening to mommy...something you know she wants to do, and explain that that particular toy is going into a timeout for 2 minutes. Another idea instead of time-outs are something called time-ins. If your child is overwhelmed with the current situation and is behaving poorly because of it, change the situation. Have a time-in...try taking her to the table and have her finger paint or color instead. This will help her quiet down and have a moment to catch her breath. You'll find that if you are helping with the project you and your daughter will make some great memories.
I would highly recommend the book Creative Corrections by Lisa Whelchel (http://www.lisawhelchel.com/ccreatbk.htm). It gives you every imaginative way to discipline your child in a loving manner. It hits on all age levels too. I was amazed at all the different ideas. Best of luck!

M.,
This is definitely a complex problem with no specific solution. You have gotten a lot of great advice. Consistency is very important, for sure.
My son is now 4years old, and he started using the "time out" place when he was 2 years old. Many people told me that I was starting too soon, and he was too young to understand or learn from it. In hindsight, I think that I started too late, and you are doing the right thing by starting now.

Now, for my 4yr old, the time outs are not creating the impact that I want them to be having. He does at times laugh at me about being upset by his behavior and not long after his time out is done, he goes back to doing what I don't want him to do. So... he also loses one of his Thomas the train friends. The double whammy is making the message take more of an effect. He can earn his trains back from the top of the fridge when he listens to Mommy and Daddy for the rest of the afternoon, or during bed time ritual (which can be a trying time).
M., remember this: When you put Olyvia in time out and she cries, don't let youself feel as though it is your fault. Olyvia made the choice that caused her to be there. Olyvia may think that you are a mean person by putting her there, but the conversation that you have with her after the time out is over should make it clear to her that her choice of action is what really put her there.

The only thing I do a little different, is make time out more a "time to think" and I repeat the offense telling him "that is 'not okay' we don't (insert offense here)" and on occasion have him sit on my lap. I speak gently but firm reminding him why he needs to sit still. I read an article about time out being a negative sort of strategy and doing the same the essentially but referring to it as a time to be quiet and center, cause it's not until the reign in on their emotions that they will stop and think. The article went so far as to say, hmm I think it was "cuddle corner" where they stop all activity, after a couple minutes maybe grab a book, and quietly make their way back into play time. It's cute and I think he gets it, cause now he gives me time out (randomly) and offers me 'time to think' He has the most amazing amount of energy as well, with quite the streak of defiance, he's 2.5. When we're done after I tell him why he needed to sit with me, I look at him, and ask him to look at me, and repeat "no hitting" "no climb on couch" etc... whatever it is. Give him a kiss and he's on his way. He will at random times repeat the different rules to me as he thinks of them. So I feel encouraged that he is learning and thinking about those experiences. and Yes, he still occasionally repeats offenses and we just repeat the whole process, reminding myself that he is only 2. It's a natural part of development to test limits and see what happens as long as we're consistent we will prevail. Good Luck. I hope that helps.

Pop her on her butt, she does have pants on and it won't hurt her. This will get her attention. She will find out that you mean business.

D.

I'm 60 years old, been married to the same man for 38 years and have two grown sons.

I agree w/continuing to put her back (for example, on the step), which is what I've been doing w/my son who also doesn't like to sit still. In fact, I sit him on the step and stand at the bottom (and sit him back down each time he gets up) until his time-out is over. I'm certainly not an expert at this but it seems to be working. Now when I ask him if he wants a time-out I always get an emphatic "NO!" Best of luck!

The time outs will work. You just have to keep putting her back until she stays there. We have a "naughty stair" that my son my sit on when in time out. I once had to keep putting him back on it for 45 mins. Every time he'd get up I'd put him back. After 45 mins of this he stayed. It's a test of the wills, make sure you let her know that yours is stronger then hers. Now we don't even need to do that he stays on his own. Good luck.

Hello,

When I started "time outs" with my son (at 1 1/2), he would stand against the door/in his spot and laugh. So I chose to make him go to the next room, and slightly close the door, while telling him "when you are ready to be nice, come out". It usually takes a moment or two, until he is ready to come out, and we always make up with a hug. It allows him to get out of his current situation and come back when he is ready, instead of after a "prescribed" time.

Good luck!

Hi!
You could have been writing my story it sounded so familiar! I was having the same exact problem with my now 4 year old son. What finally worked for me was to reduce the things I was putting him in time out for. I got to the point where I was putting him in a time out for everything. So I decided that time out is for really serious misbehaviors like hitting and talking back. Things like jumping on the couch or making a mess or not sharing (which I was putting him in time out for) I decided to discipline differently like distract him with something else, taking a toy away or no cookie for snack. The second part is when he had a time out I had to invest in it. I was getting so tired from all the time outs so reducing them helped me stand my ground on the ones I now gave him. It was also really important to stop interaction during time out and if he got up put him right back without speaking (or tell them you will speak again when time out is over). Using a timer that they can listen for the beep helps too (I use my microwave timer). I would also stop the timer till he went back over to the chair he caught on quickly that it was making his time outs longer and would then tend to sit still. Hope this helps! Don't forget-motherhood is a work in progress. Good luck!

Be consistent. Remember your the boss not her. I never thought the counting method was very effective. Its giving them to many changes for improper behavior.
Tell her in terms that she can understand what is excepted of her.

Use the steps for time out. She is 2 yrs so it would be a full 2 min. Yes she will scream and try to get off. Stay calm and probably the first 20 times of so you will have to remind her to stay on the step.

After she is done. Praise her tell her how proud you are of her she obeyed her mama. Give her a hug for her good behavior.

Also diet has alot to do hyper activity. Give her more veggies and fruit to snack on.

Its not easy being consistent. It pays off in the long run. You could give in to her behavior and for the short run it may work.
She will be happier with herself she will know she is acting better.

Have a great day. Denise mom to Emily 2 yrs, Thomas 4 yrs and Eric 8 1/2yrs

my son is not so great with time out either-he talks to me the whole time! i now put him in his crib with no toys. blankets etc. they say 1 minute for each year old they are. i usually put him in there and tell him he can come out when he calms down. he is removed from the fun and it seems to work. i know the experts say do not put him in the crib, but i am limited as to where i can put him.

Well the fact that you said "it was cute at first", leads me to believe she is looking for that reaction of laughter...and put her somewhere where she can't move...a pack-n-play, buckled in highchair or booster...and just keep stern and consistent...eventually she will get it...it usually takes awhile. hope this helped!

Hi M., Most 2 year olds can be quite exasperating! They have a lot more energy that mom or dad. Trust me after raising 5 they can wear you out. I have no new methods as my children are grown. Don't lose the battle. You must remain the parent. You CAN choose your battles so you don't feel like you are saying "no" all day. It is also hard to keep a straight face when they are so cute. I will pray that you can get through this. Grandma Mary

What was really effective for my kids was for me to put them on the stair and the turn my back on them and stand there with my back to them. It was awful for me, but really got them to know I was angry. Also, if they even started to move, I would just turn my head around and very sternly say sit back down and add more time.

2 year olds are 'terrible' because they are developing wnats and needs, but dont have the language to communicate their wants. So they rebel, scream, whine,cry or pout. Olyvia doesnt want time out (can you blame her?) so she refuses. You have to put her in her chair over and over until she figures out she has to stay there. And yes she will scream at first, but if she knows you are serious she will eventually stay. Once you have mastered the time out..the counting WILL work. She will not like the time out and will (most of the time) stop her behavior.
Just like you thought she would never ever sleep the night and she does (I hope)..this too will pass as soon as she is able to say WHY??? Then you will have another problem. "WHY cant I stay out all night mom??" YIKES!! It really never ends, but you will fondly look back to the terrible twos.

Keep your sense of humor..you will need it.

The best disciplining advice I got was from the book "Unconditional parenting". it's a short read and very worthwhile. before you decide on anything else, give the book a try and keep your mind open. it also helps when you look at things from your daughter's perspective. every time you have a conflict, put yourself in her shoes and try to imagine how her 2 year old mind reacts to what you are saying and doing.

Hi...I know how frustrating this can be, and sometimes you need to try several things before you figure out what works for you and your child. As a preschool teacher and a mom, I know time-outs rarely work for strong minded toddlers. Besides, they do not have the cognitive development to "think" about what has been done wrong. Even if the child sits still for two minutes, they certainly aren't contemplating what "got them into that mess!" :)
Redirecting your daughter towards another activity that is acceptable is best, while at the same time providing her with the language of why. For example, if your daughter keeps taking all her stuffed animals off her bed and throwing them at breakable things or another child, you can stop her and firmly say, "We don't throw the animals. If you throw, something can be hurt. I can't let you hurt." Then you redirect her to something she can do. "Here is a ball, throw, the ball to mommy and I will catch it." After a while she will begin to understand there are good and bad choices. But remember, NOT TOO MANY RULES. Pick three non-breakable rules (usually regarding respect and safety) and be consistant. As he gets older, you could add more rules one at a time, so not to overwhelm her. Make sense?
Redirecting at age two and three really is the best fix. Good luck and keep us poated.
Barb

Yup, same with me!

I used a timer - when it beeps, she can get up.

Also, if she did something that she wasn't supposed to do like throw a toy or take something, I put the item into "time-out."

Make sure if you put your kid in timeout, that it's somewhere that she doesn't like. I put mine on the stairs or in the mudroom/laundry area. She HATES it because she's a social person and she likes to be near all the action.

Sometimes you need to be creative. Once she refused to get dressed and we were late to go to Grandma's house. So, I put her in the carseat with no clothes - she realized that she was cold and needed clothes...so we went right back to the house and put an outfit on. You know your daughter best - find out what makes her tick... :)

one thing works for awhile, then something else will pop up and you need to do something else...

my daughter is really verbal, so i sometimes need to listen to what she has to say then go from there...if she can get her point across, then tantrum averted. :)

time outs work, but you need to be consistent

no laughing, and no giving up

just pick her up and put her to bed,

if she gets up 50 times put her back 50 times.

eventually she will stop, then set the egg timer for 2 minutes, when she hears it go off ,
you go in there and tell her to tell you she is sorry,
then remind her why she is in there, and then tell her what not to do

and last kiss and hug,

commence to playing.

I am no expert on discipline - I have my own issues with my almost 8 year old son - but, based on what you wrote, "at first it was funny..." she might be trying to get a laugh again. If you encouraged her in the early stages with a positive response, that might be why she continues the behavior. Time out should work - warnings are important, but always follow through with the timeout. Extend the time if she isn't truly having a timeout - laughing, getting up, continuing the behavior. A timer works well - an objective, visual tool she can pay attention to. Good luck!

I have two kids that went through the same thing. I found that they weremore effected if I put whatever they are playing with or is keeping them busy in time out, whether it be a cup, snack, toy or movie. My kids seemed more bothered by me taking away whatever they were playing with. I think that at 2 years old they don't understand why they are sitting down. I found that taking something away from them "hurt" them more.

M.,
My kids all did the same thing and yes it was funny when they started counting with you, but you have to admit they are smart to do so. What she is doing is looking for attention and she is getting it, be it negative, but attention is attention to a kid. But all in all I found that consistancy works best. Seeing as you work outside of the home, find out what who ever watches her does when she is doing something wrong, then do the same thing at home with her. I hate to be tell you more news, but the terrible 3's are worse. On the plus side when she gets older she will be your best friend for life, mine is and she is 25 now.
Hugs,
T.

Hi M.,

Have you tried putting your daughter in a pack n play for the two minutes, with no toys and then you walk away. My second daughter wouldn't sit for anything, including time outs and this seemed to do the trick. Also, they're safe while throwing a tantrum etc. It will pass, trust me!!!!

PS. Try not to punish Olyvia to a spot such as her bed or bedroom, advice I'd been given by a sister in law who's also a child psychologist. They may start to associate the timeouts with bad places and will not want to be in their bedroom. We use a corner in the living room where I can see my kids and they're safe.

My two-year-old is the same way. I started counting down fro three to one, and he knows by the time I get to two, he'd better be doing what I tell him to. This is hard period. They'd better grow out of it!

Well what ends up happening is that she can walk, she can talk and she can run. So the more you try to tame her the more she is challenged, because for her that may mean attention. If you are working full time then the time with her is not the same as when she was younger.. The best way to know how to reach the little people at this age is to read the books that respond exactly to her age and then you will have a better understanding to her actions and then less anxiety which in turn will hopefully have her to be less rambuncious ( hope I spelled that right:) anywho they also go through a stronger growth of what I remember as 6 months on 6 months off.. so basically all seems to move along smoothly for 6 months .. and then it's like help!!! so in knowing that alone then you will know that not only is it a phase but it will also pass...