Three Year Old Will Not Eat

Hi K.,
I'll tell you the same thing my pediatrician told me about my 3 and 5 yr olds when they went through not eating...DON'T WORRY...THEY'LL EAT WHAT YOU GIVE THEM WHEN THEY ARE HUNGRY. She is not loosing weight nor gaining so she will be ok NO don't cook seperate meals for her, she will eventually see that she doesn't get her way. HANG IN THERE!!

Good luck,
M.

When you do have an assortment of things that she can eat, freeze small portions and nuke them in a minute, to fill out her meals. Without vitamins, minerals, and protein, especially, she cannot attain her best growth, physically and mentally.
It probably needs to be discussed with her pediatrician that her weight has not changed. S. B.

I am in the same boat as you, My 3 1/2 year old does not eat either. I have tried several things like putting cheese on her veggies, or not making her eat just one bite, and I am at my wits end. She has a mindset that if it doesn't look good, that it won't taste good. Sorry I have no advice for you. But I am sympathizing with you.

You need to make stuff that she likes. I would hate for someone to make me all the foods I hate and make me eat it. That's just wrong. At my house we make what we like. There are quick foods that can be made even for tired parents. Quick foods that are healthy. Maybe you should alter your schedule to make more time. There is always a way to make more time in your life, you just have to figure out what your priorities are. I hope I am not being harsh but in this day and age you have to plan ahead. It may take time to get used to it but you can. Just don't force her to eat things she doesn't like. My 3rd grade teacher tried that with me and I threw up on her. It's good to introduce new foods but don't make them eat it if they don't want to. I hope you all the best.

The fact that you get her down from the table when she doesn't want to eat is making her receive the wrong message. If you have time, read this book: Poor Eaters: Helping Children Who Refuse To Eat, by Ph.d., Joel Macht (Author). I recommend this book. I am pretty sure I read a case like yours in the book.

Just keep doing what you are doing. She will be fine.

Well Hello K.,
My name is J. and I am a nutritionist specializing in Pregnancy and Childhood Nutrition. I counsel many moms on this exact topic. I congratulate you on "sticking to your guns" and not bending as many moms do to accomodate the child. Don't stress, there is not a huge growth spurt until 4, and my little boy only gained 2 pounds in between 3 and 4 (and he's a great eater).
What is her child care situation like? Examine the outside influences that may be sticking in her mind. (example- other children's picky eating, caregivers bending, taste and texture factors) If she is just being stubborn, maybe you can examine receipes that can incorporate more nutrition in the food- (example- pureed carrots and fiber powder into the spaghetti sauce). I completely understand your time constraint, as I am a working Mom as well. There are alot of quick tips I have learned and would be more than willing to share. Feel free to email me directly with other questions. Hope this gives you some encouragement that you are doing the right thing, and I commend you on wanting a healthy child!
J.

My son was in that stage at that age. If she doesn't want to finish her food give her a pedisure drink that has the nutrients in it that she would be missing from her meal.

Hi K., my daughter did the same thing and the pediatritian said that she will eat when she is hungry. There were some days when she would only eat a bananna. I know it doesn't help with getting her to eat but it does get better, my daughter is 20 now. Also, I have a great way to supplement your daughters diet if you are interested. It is great for bridging the gap with what she eats and what she doesn't eat.It is fruits and veggies in a gummie form and it has great research to back it up. Check out my website. www.juliesnutrition.com or feel free to eamai me ____@____.com Hope this helps

I wouldn't worry ! I think all kids go through this. Just make sure she eats a muli-vitamin and let her eat what she wants.

Hi K.,
I agree with those who have said to make her what she likes. Not a separate meal, but meals that include foods she likes. I would not send a three year old to bed hungry. What does your pediatrician say about her weight gain? It may or may not be normal for her. And I also want to recommend the Ellyn Satter books as mentioned by another mom. Two that are great are CHILD OF MINE: FEEDING WITH LOVE AND GOOD SENSE, and HOW TO GET YOUR CHILD TO EAT BUT NOT TOO MUCH. They are very easy to read and full of sound, helpful, practical advice. Good luck.

This must be very frustrating for you. I was so lucky that my 2 biological kids were not fussy eaters. But my adopted son was when we got him. Here are some things that worked for us.
1> Let him help pick what to have for dinner. Options did not always include his favorites. At 3 kids want to start having some control in their life, so when given options they tend to do better.
2> Use reverse physcology. We had some food on the table that was just for the big kids. Little guy could not eat. With the help of the older children talking about how good the big kid food was, the baby demanded to try some. I made him wait before giving in to him. Then he learned to love stuff he would usually avoid.
3> I made dinner for the group, anyone not wanting to eat what I fixed had to 'fend for themselves'. 3 may be a little young for this. You could have babyfood available if he did not like big boy food.
4> if you did not like what was on the table, you still had to sit politely at the table while we ate. No whinning allowed. No yucky faces at the food I prepared. You can eat it or not but you still maintain polite table manners.

Don't worry so much. The best way to MAKE a picky eater is to fuss over what they eat. If she gets hungry she will start eating. Does your doctor think she is underweight? Lots of 3 don't gain weight as they are more active and losing the baby fat.

Hope this helps,
K.

K.,

My son has been a picky eater since around 2. There were only a handful of things he liked and no veggies. But he did like all types of fruit. He just turned 5 and this past year he has been trying new things, steak, chicken (not in nugget form), rice and a few others. We're still working on veggies but we're getting there. He is discovering he likes other things. This past year Max gained 4 pounds and grew 3 inches. Kids do come around....eventually. Be patient, you've got a lot of great ideas here from the other Moms.

Good Luck

K.,
I would feed her what she likes (without junk food). You absolutly want to add in some pedisure or at least a really good vitamin (whole food one, health food store). Children will go thru stages like this. She will eventually get tired of eating mac and cheese, ect. everyday but let her eat it! It is critical that you supplement with something. If she will take the pedisure then thats fine for awhile, let her have it everyday if she wants. She needs her omega's and vitamins some way. What does she drink? You may have to crush her vit. and mix it with her favorite milk, juice, etc... I"ve found that crushing spinach leaves and putting it in a shaker with larger holes is wonderful too. Then you can throw a spinkle in here and there and she'll never know it. Of course she will with the mac and cheese but you can say ' I want you to try the fun sprinkles "are something like that. Hope this helps. Good luck!

If she was really hungry, she would eat. My son did this at the same age. I tried everything, but even when I would make things he really liked he would barely eat. Like you, I was not willing to make my child a separate meal just because he wanted to be picky. I stood firm on that, and when he finally got hungry he started to eat the things we were eating. He's four now, and is a great eater - loves veggies, and will try almost anything. I have to help him quite a bit, especially if it's something like soup, but he will clean his plate if I help feed him. I know that seems rediculous, but from 3-4 years they have a hard time focusing, so they need a little direction even at the table. Another thing to try - if you just can't take it anymore - get the book Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld. It shows you how to sneak healthy food in the form of puree's into child friendly recipes that taste great. Good Luck!

My 3 1/2 year old would go all day and night without eating or drinking unless we forced it. People say they will eat when they are hungry. Not True for us. One busy weekend we didn't force it too much and by Monday he was limp with his eyes rolling back and complaining of a headache, which at 3 is scary. We ended up at Scottish Rite and he was diagnosed with being dehydrated. He had to have 8 hours worth of fluids. Now at 6years he remembers that and when he doesn't want to eat or drink we remind him of the hospital visit and it works. I did get to the point where I would let him have whatever he wanted to eat just so that he would eat something. For me it was better to give him mac and cheese at every meal rather than to end up in the hospital. Hope it doesn't get that bad for you. He still could care less about eating and it almost seems like punishment for him. I'm waiting for the day he is that bottemless pit teenager!

Dear K., sometimes we have to chose our battles careffully. Sometimes is all about the texture of foods for little ones. with one side dish that she perfers let her think she is winning the battle but the big picture would be she is eating at least. try and encourage three bites of all on her plate and then leave it alone. mealtimes are meant to be pleasant for the most.parents are tired by the end of the day but our kids cannot understand nor should they be expected to/ LOL

I always preface this with the fact we all come from our own experiences! My son was exactly the same way and limited his food more and more until I figured it out. Mac N Cheese and peanut butter were my sons. I got busy looking beyond the behavioral aspect. I had my son tested with a food sensitivity test (called an IGG test) which many docs pooh-pooh. Well, he was severely sensitive (i.e. digestive allergy) to peanuts, milk, and to a less extent, wheat.
It took about 1 year of real strict diet to change these habits all together, but two weeks off peanuts, he was a different child. No more fighting, he ate! He did not eat everything then, but he ate willingly from a variety of foods.
After three years, we have returned to a more normal, but way more healthy diet and he eats like he is eating chocolate at every meal (except with wonderful heathly after effects!). I think stopping the milk and wheat are as much about what they are eating instead in addition to what they are not eating (thus, lowering gut inflamation that causes actual irritation and a whole host of "not feeling good" , "melting down" type behaviors).
Either try the GFCF diet or get her tested. It is way easier than going through what you are going through now, and you will teach her a wonderful introspective way to treat her health. Email me or search GFCF online to get ideas and direction.
Hang in there, J

Ah yes, you have described my life. We have often said "This kid defies all laws of physics!" because he has BOUNDLESS energy and yet hardly ever seems to eat. The air-plant - he survives on air. The Ten Calorie kid. "What, three bites? Well, I guess it'll keep him alive until tomorrow morning at least, and we can try again." Mine also tends to not eat much at mealtimes, then suddenly he's STARVING and needs to snack on something RIGHT AWAY, and I don't have anything except maybe oyster crackers or applesauce cups.

So one thing I do is to have lots of healthy snacks on hand. He loves Larabars (those energy bars that are made from dates and nuts), organic yogurt, oat bran sesame sticks, apple slices, Kashi TLC crackers with peanut butter, applesauce, fresh fruit, HUMMUS with crackers or blue corn chips. That kind of thing.(It took a LONG time and a lot of exposure to get him interested in hummus, and he still only likes the Sabra Luscious Lemon one, but hummus is an extremely healthy food. So for a long time, I would set out hummus and pita chips on the dinner table to snack on while he's waiting for dinner. No pressure, I just put it there for anyone who was interested, and eventually he got curious and tried it out.) They're also big on presentation - they're more willing to eat cheeese dip than a cube of cheese, even a spinach dip more than spinach, more willing to eat fruit off a bamboo skewer than from a bowl.

Sometimes kids like to do "taste tests" if the item isn't too foreign. Like put out several cubes of cheese, or several different kinds of fruit, (make sure she likes at least one of them) and then rate which ones she likes.
They also like to help cook sometimes. There are lots of healthy muffin recipes and I sometimes make healthy muffins on the weekend. Or carrot raisin nut balls or oatmeal crunch balls or some other kid-friendly recipe like that.

I understand about have no time, (2 kids, full-time job, and other family crises that I won't delve into - let's just say I'm stretched thin.) I'll admit that I've changed a lot of my eating habits to accomodate my kids and make tortellini and ravioli a lot more than I did before the kids. When I make dishes that I know my kid loves, like black beans and rice, risotto, or split pea soup, (we're vegetarian) I make sure there is plenty of leftovers. Then if I make something for dinner that he doesn't care for, I can serve him something different in about 30 seconds. Things like PBJ, soup, chili, microwave scrambled eggs, leftovers, or making a quesadilla take practically no time to make.

If I'm making something that they are unfamiliar with, I encourage the older one to at least try the new thing, and sometimes he does with an open mind, sometimes he reluctantly agrees to try it but he's already decided he WON'T like it, so even if it were to taste like ice cream, he would say he hated it, which ends up being worse than not trying it at all, because he won't try it next time. So if he just isn't willing to try it, I no longer make an issue of it. He's more likely to try it the next time if I don't lecture him.

Also, Trader Joes has lots of kid-friendly and super convenient foods, especially in the freezer section. They have veggie burger patties, and risotto and pastas in freezer bags. 30-45 seconds in the microwave and that's it.

And don't forget places like Sweet Tomatoes and buffets where they can try things out at their own pace. I seem to recall when my oldest was 3, he would eat a lot of the pickled beets at Sweet Tomatoes, but no other vegetables.

Three is a notoriously finicky age - remember she's not being a pain, she's hardwired that way at a biological level, literally. Early humans couldn't always watch their 3 year olds every minute, and the ones who would eat any old thing were more likely to eat something dangerous. The toddlers that would only eat very very familar foods were more likely to survive. (I swear I'm not making up that last part - it's based on scientific research. See Meredith Small.)

Good luck!

I too have a 3 year old who used food as her source of power. Not eating what was fixed, only wanting certain things. I resorted to everything to get her to eat, withholding sweets, bribery, literally putting the food on the fork for her, praising her older brother who is a wonderful eater, etc. At a dr apt for my son, something came up and the pediatrician asked me a bunch of questions and without holding back, told me I was going to have an eating disorder on my hands if I did not change how we were doing things. He told me that with holding sweets just encourages over eating, that by saying if you eat your broccoli you can have ice cream that you are associating broccoli as a negative and ice cream as a positive, etc. He told me to immediately read : HOW TO GET YOUR CHILD TO EAT BUT NOT TOO MUCH. I read the toddler section and preschool and it REALLY helped. I bought it for less than $5 off Amazon used. It took all the pressure of of me (and husband) Basically the idea is as a parent YOU get to decide 2 things only. What and When. You fix what your child is going to eat and set it before them at the time you decide. A healthy meal with protein, veg ,fruit, bread, whatever (even dessert if you are going to have it) The rest is up to them. They eat what they eat. Dinner time is over and food goes in the trash. No waking up at 9 to eat a banana, milk, etc as mine did. You decide what food and when. After a while they get the picture. Take food off the table as a conversation. No more, take one more bite, aren't you going to finish, etc. No more praising good eating. It took a few days to get used to but has saved my sanity. I am not saying things are perfect and she is eating Sushi with my son, but she eats better, eats more and it totally took her "tool" away that she was using to get a rise out of us. She totally knew what she was doing by not eating and manipulating us, hard to believe a 3 yr old is that smart, but they are! Forgot to mention the Author of the book is Ellyn Satter. For less than $5, I highly recommend. It is so freeing to have that weight off my shoulders and know we are doing the right thing now. It also shows that basically everything "our" parents did to get us to eat, no dessert unless you finish, clean plate club, etc was all wrong, but this is not a blame game. They did the best they could with what they knew at the time. You also have to re-train her caretakers. They all have to be on board with the new system or it will not work. Best of luck, I hope you have the success we had.
C. in Alpharetta/Johns Creek

I trust that all is well.

If your child is not eating other food or treats, she will eat when she is hungry, unless there is an underlying reason. Talk with your pediatrician to rule out any medical problem and to ensure that your child is weight appropriate.

You nmay want to consult a nutritionist about proper foods. Mac and cheese may not be the best item in your diet especially if it comes out of the box.

Good luck!!!!!!!

Don't stress about it and don't turn it into a huge battle. Keep trying new stuff, if she like smoothies or milkshakes make those with the meals she only picks at, or for snacks. You can put amazing stuff in them for protein and vitamins. "This too shall pass", At meals you fix at least one thing you know she wll like and tell her she has to eat just one bite of the others then go on. About her weight, remember she is very active at this age and may not gain the pounds like she used to.

Hi, I have a daughter that has recently turned four. Her appetite had decreased and she has been 28 lbs for a whole year. Everything you're going through is normal. As far as making her eat... We are the parents and we know what is best for them. Give her two choices eat what you have prepared for dinner or don't eat and let's get ready for bed. Sometimes you may ask her if she wants you to feed it to her. If that still doesn't work just say, "Okay, this is all we have. Let's get ready for bed." Eventually, she will begin to eat what you have prepared because her appetite will come back.

K.:
I had the same problem with my son. His pediatrician said that he would eat when he was hungry. He was right, his appetite increased when he was five years old. Your daughter's appetite will probably pick up in a year or two.
P. S

Check with your pediatrician to make sure she is ok, and remember when she is hungry she will eat. My 5 & 7 year old boys don't eat hot (warm or spicy hot) food and don't like certain foods which is ok (green olives and liver). But they eat what is in front of them if they are hungry enough (I just avoid olives and liver for them, which is reasonable enough!)

Good luck.

I am the mother of two healthy Boys who really don't have any problem with eating their veggies or meat. They are very active, so they appetites are good. But I can relate to you because i have a nephew who i keep often who also eats like a bird. When ever he comes to my house he knows that he is going to eat what ever we eat as a family. I truely believe sitting at the kitchen table and having a family dinner, everynight will help alot. Not letting the little one have her way is another way of getting her to eat. Explain that she has to eat and if she dosen't she will not feel good and be sick, and being sick means no playtime. Sometimes we as mothers have to do things that we don't want to do to make a point accross. But you really have to be pesistant in teaching your child how to eat and what to eat. I hope i have helped you in some way.

the best way to get her to eat is to make something she likes. if you've been doing this for 6 months then having nothing on her plate that she likes isnt working. And shes 3 , eating mac and cheese everyday isnt bad for her, you've got carbs and dairy. I've got 2 kids and if there's one thing I know is that you won't win the food battle. It going on as long as it has say's she not going to cave in. So make at least one thing that she likes everynight put it on her plate with the rest of dinner and tell her she has to eat all her dinner if she wants dessert or something, and dessert dosn't have to be a sweet , at our house its a little can of fruit.If she eats she eats if she doesn't oh well, she's not going to starve. Don't make a bid deal about it, the bigger you make it the harder she's going to resist.