Three Year Old Complaining of Kids Not Liking Her

Hi M.,
I feel for you as I went through the same thing with my son when he was three at daycare. This little boy was a bully, or in my eyes he was, and it would break my heart that he would leave my son out. When I would bring my son to school this little boy would yell at him that he could not play and that he was not his friend. I was more upset with the teachers that they would not reprimand him for his behavior. This child's parents were getting divorced and the teachers would allow him to get away with more since they felt bad for him. Are you kidding? Why should that effect my son? This child was just very bitter and had issues and he needed to have a few people that he followed and then would not allow other children to play with 'his friends'. I was so fed up as i felt terrible for my son and he often would say the things your daughter says to you. Like your daughter, my son gets along with everyone, has a ton of cousins and is very inclusive of other children...he is kind to other children and empathetic (his teacher's words, not mine) so this made it more difficult. When I spoke to the director of the school she said that I should be happy as he will not give up easily and will constantly try to play with this group and will not take no for an answer. My point was that I did not even want him to play with this kid yet that is what he wanted. I would have been very content with him playing on his own..actually his little girl cousin does this and I think she has a wonderful sense of self and is just comfortable. Anyway, I would talk to him about feelings and that the issue was not with him it was with the insecurities of this little boy and to rise above it and i asked him not to treat other people like that as he knows that it hurts feelings. I just tried to turn it in to a learning lesson. This bully child left the school for the summer and things were so much better! The class got along beautifully. Now that they are in the four year old class the little boy has returned yet the difference is in the teachers. They do not let him get away with treating other children poorly and no one gets left out. They have to parter with someone different on every project and they sit boy-girl during circle time. That is fine that they say that your daughter is fine paying on her own yet it is unacceptable that the bully girl first of all bullies at the age of three and that she is allowed to talk to other children the way she does. I wish I has spoken up more last year!

Best of luck!
Oh, and I was walking in to school behind this boy and his mother and she let the door close right in front of me...apple does not fall far..yet something we will all encounter throughout life! My main concern is that my son treats people the right way!

This is exactly the type of behavior I do not allow at my daycare. Children will play with everyone who wants to play, or they will play by themselves. Cliques begin early. I would talk with the teacher and ask her what she does to discourage this type of hurtful behavior.

K.

Good Morning M., Robin is full of wisdom and right on.
Bullying No matter the age should be STOPPED as soon as it happens! Very unacceptable at any age. We as adults know who we get along with and those we don't, so we make a decision early on to either get along or stay away.

We just had Conferences at school last week. We have been concerned for Corbin 4, he is very verbal, articulate, a do it myself child. He will let you help after a fashion, but most of the time he is very independent. He loves helping the other kids in class and knows just about everyone's names again ( he was the only one in his other preschool who did know all the names of the kids) We took him out of that preschool as he was supposedly the only one in class who talked to much, was to busy telling the other kids what the teacher said, he was the gravel kicker, THEY had to HIRE extra workers JUST because of Him. Then he was accused of biting another boy. We never were allowed to see the child or talk to the parents. He had never ever bitten even himself or his brother. We figured she was suffering from burn out having been in this pre-school for 14 yrs and said SHE never had a child like him. BOLOGNA.

He is in regular school in Pre-K and is doing wonderfully well. He is kind, well behaved ( most of the time still a talker) lol Loves to tell stories to the teachers, made up ones etc.. He gives the kids hugs before class starts and gives the teachers hugs when leaving. His teacher told his mama he is blossoming and is a sweet kid, and she wasn't about to call her or any parent and tell them each time he had a time out or had to sit out of a part of a lesson. She said if she did that she would spend alot of time in the office with her phone book ...lol they all act up occasionally. They have a little girl in class who is autistic and he has learned how to talk to her gently.
Bullying is NOT allowed in any of the classes in this school. I hate for any child to be left out cause they feel unloved. Our 5 yr old gr son is terrible at times telling Corbin to Leave him alone, will stomp off with a frown and arms across his chest and do some whining to get his way. Nana takes charge of this situation and we have a nice little visit. I ask him how he would feel if Corbin told him to get away and leave him alone?

I would talk to your little girls teacher AGAIN, and let her know this is really a concern for you and you really need them to get to the bottom of it ASAP. Or this little girl will be a bully for a very long time. We don't want our kids to turn into themselves all the time, they need that interaction (good kind) of other children their age.

God Bless you and your little girl M., your doing right by being concerned.
K. Nana of 5
Yup I am a proud Nana for sure, all the gr kids are doing great this year in school. Especially Tia, 10, she hated reading now she sees me reading and reads almost as much as I do. Her vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds.

Hi M.,

I have found in my experience that usually groups of kids at that age that have a following is because the parents are usually friends and the children play together often so that is all they know. My suggestion is to see if there is any of the girls that your daughter might like to have a play date with and invite one of them over. Then you can see how your daughter and the new playmate play together you can get a better understanding of how to handle certain situations. Also if they do get along during their playdate the new friend will be more likely to play with her during preschool. At this age playdates are a wonderful way to see what is really going on with other childrens behavior. I would also suggest that you tell your daughter that if that girl says things like that to her again she should immediately tell her teacher what is going on so the teacher can talk to the kids about the proper way they should treat others.

Best of luck.
J.

Are you committed to this preschool? I would find out where Kandy's school is and talk to her!

My greatest concern is the lack of response from the teachers. You know that they know this is going on, and yet they look the other way...

See if you can call a conference with the teachers. Tell them that you are at a loss as to how to handle this situation and you need their help. Your daughter is way too young to put up with this, and she should be enjoying preschool, this may leave her with a bad taste for school in general.

Good luck, I'm so sorry that your daughter is going through this. Hope it all works out!

I first have to say is that pre school is where we learn our social skills, kids are not born with them. I think that as unfortunate as it is that this is happening its a normal part of kids learning to be in a social setting together and they are going to push the limits with their peers to see what they can or cannot get away with. Just as all adults do not like each other, we have learned the social skills to interact either way, this little girl may not to play with your daughter because your daughter might not let her push her around (bossy ones dont seem to like those who dont follw suit with what they want to do) which in my opinon is a good thing bad behaviors seem to rub off on one another. I would most definitely speak with your daughters teachers, they should be able to help the girls play appropriate with each other and if you do not get satisfaction with the teachers speak to the director it is ultimately her job to run the pre school and do her best to keep the kids and parents happy. Just remember that it probably wont be a quick change but it will get better.

unfortunately, cliques do happen at all ages. In our small town, they're well in place by KG.....starting in preschool. This is such a destructive phenomenon that I just can't begin to imagine how the "old-timers" here in town....never/ever see the issue.

I have actually had teachers (at all levels) say, "well, you know, their families have known each other for generations". OMGosh, & this makes it OK to emotionally hurt other children??? All of which made us realize that it was up to us to make the changes.

To that end, I gathered both books & videos about social skills. I was firm in my approach with both my children, taught them to recognize the appropriate skills in others, & addressed the issue with the teachers. There were many times when my sons complained about others' actions, but most importantly were able to "shake it off" rather than stress over it. Sometimes, the teachers joined in... sometimes not. But regardless, my children were happier!