This Is Really Mean...

Replace "Middle Eastern" with "Italian" and you have nearly every Italian family, like... ever. I can relate. Do you ever watch Everybody Loves Raymond? If not, you should.

Not mean. Just honest.

And very funny!

(But then the holidays bring that out in ALL of us!)

;)

Honey Chile... that's just family. Particularly living with family. You'll annoy your kids no end, as well.

It doesn't matter WHAT we are like, we annoy our children. We're either too loud, or too reserved. Too helpful (never lets me do it on my own) or too hands off (never helps). Too strict or too uncaring. Too this, too that, to the other thing.

I think you have issues that are causing you to be annoyed by this. It just isn't normal to be that annoyed with something you grew up with.

My family is Sicilian heritage. I am third generation I am loud, I talk fast and my hands are always moving when I talk even if I am on a phone. When I have people from outside my family around we say, oh this is normal, we love each other but I have never felt I needed to explain that to my children. Probably because they are right there with me explaining it to their friends.

This is just how we are but there is so much love no one cares. Heck most people say they wish their family was more like ours, the passion is palpable, ya know?

So I guess I am saying figure out why you hate it so much because it kind of sounds like you think it is beneath you. My kids are fourth generation and they are mutts, half Sicilian half damn near everything else, yet it is the Sicilian side they embrace. So it would seem it isn't that you are half arian (who talks like that) that is causing these issues.
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Oh I don't think you are mean, just being honest. I hope you didn't consider my response mean.
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Interesting answers, I am very sensitive to loud noises. If you yell at me I will shut down, my kids do the same. Although our voices are elevated it isn't the same as yelling, trust me.

No, you aren't being a B***** ....... some people just don't tolerate noise very well.

You also may be more introverted, rather than extroverted, and are emotionally and physically drained by being around so much noise and commotion.

Extroverts find themselves being "recharged" by being around lots of people. Introverts can do that, but after a while, they need the quiet and alone time to "recharge their batteries", so to speak.

Unfortunately, the past experiences are constantly being brought up in your mind any time they are around....... they start yelling or talking in a loud voice, and you are brought right back to that childhood time.

I like the suggestion of ear plugs, or ear buds...... put in the ear buds, even if you AREN'T listening to something else... they will think you are.

I don't see what this has to do with heritage or culture. Plenty of families have people who are loud, angry, rude and pushy.
Shall I introduce you to mine, born and bred in the American midwest and as white as can be?
So they get on your nerves. Limit your time with them as much as possible and try not to dwell on it during the times you're not around them (like now.)
If I avoided every family member that got on my nerves I'd never show up at any family function, ever!

Arian looking? That's an interesting term.

Some families are just loud. I don't know that it's necessarily a cultural thing.

I come from a fairly quiet family. I admit I can't put up with loud people for very long. I have excused myself to leave or to hang up on the phone because I can't handle the whole damn family trying to out "loud" each other.

Just so you know, some of the people I'm referring to were born and raised and never even been out of the state of California. Loud is normal to them.
It has nothing to do with race.

You don't do loud well and you're not going to change them.

It's not being mean if you can only take it in small doses.

Just my opinion.

Oh my gosh no! And it;s not really MEAN. It is part of families. In my case my husband's family is LOUD. So loud that makes me nuts. They scream when they talk. They don't listen to eachother.

Now we aren't loud and we are from another culture than his. He thinks our women are snotty and B words. go figure...

Of course I am lovely all the time.

NJD: I understand-- I actually have a hard time thinking when someone is being loud in my midst.

Like other posters, I don't think it has anything to do with one specific race, per se. I think that this is *one aspect* of your family's culture that bothers you, and I think we all have that to some degree. (In other words, I am sure that some caucasians do things that generally peeve you too.)

You may have some sensitivity to noise, which does stress our bodies out and make us tense. When my son is getting loud, I have to kick him out of the kitchen so I can finish making dinner-- I literally cannot think. It's like a huge mental block goes up. Likewise, going out with friends to a place that has too much/loud background noise always sends me home early. I cannot concentrate on any of the conversations at my own table.

Do see if earplugs can help. I used those a lot when I worked with babies, just to take the shrill edge off of the crying. However, if you are fine around other loud noises and still have some problems with your aunties (I'm assuming), then maybe talk to someone to find out if there's something underlying that feeling.

is it possible that they need their hearing checked? :)

when you are around them, put earbuds in. they will help deafen the noise, also, people will think you are listening to music and not them. amazing what you hear that way.

when someone asks you a question, answer with your normal tone. When people around us are loud talkers, when tend to answer loud. If you talk normal, it WILL bring the volume down and help them realize how loud they are being.

start a history project. give each member of the family some paper and ask them to write down an event from their past. this will buy you about 30 mins of quietness.

I don't have an answer, but your post made me laugh.

I think there are 2 issues here.

One is, they are very loud, and you find it annoying. I get that.

But you have spent a lot of time talking about them being middle eastern and dark, while you grew up "normal" and "American" and "white Aryan". So there is a disdain for those you view as being "other" - those who are not "normal" and "not American" and not, with an unfortunate choice of words, "Aryan".

You've confused cultural differences with a question of inferiority, and you want them to be more superior, more "normal". Until you get past your disregard for those whom you perceive as different from you (rather than seeing yourself as one of them, which you are, at least halfway), you really cannot appreciate their culture and their customs.

Being "American" is a whole mix of cultures, colors and customs. The original Americans were distinctly "un-white" for example. A tapestry is beautiful because of all the different colors and stitches involved. There is a new distrust of the "other" since 9/11, which I think you should examine in terms of your fears of being identified as "one of them". But there is also a tremendous recognition of what makes us stronger, and a celebration of the diversity that has always been in this country. I think if you open your heart and open your mind more, perhaps by working this through with a family counselor who specializes in ethnic differences or conflicts, you might find some terrific strategies for coping.

Life's too short to go through it hating and dreading half your heritage.

There's nothing wrong with them.
And there's nothing wrong with you.
It's just incompatible social/communication styles.

As I get older I find noise just irritates me more than it use to.
My husband likes to play the radio on the boat and at times it drives me nuts - but he's entitled to listen to music!
So - I bring ear plugs - they muffle noise and I feel better, and my husband gets to enjoy!
This is fixable.

When I first met my husband , I found his family to be rather loud. In particular his mom. They are Italian and that is how they roll........

At first, all that yelling (especially over the dinner table) would drive me nuts... this too , with the t.v. blaring in the background...

Now, scroll forward... I have come to appreciate all that yelling and nowadays, I sit back and watch. It's actually rather funny to me the conversations that take place ... All that high spirited talking and everyone all at once trying to get their point across. It's just all so comical...

Try and take into account that they aren't doing it to personally hurt you... Next time you visit, go into it without expectations of them being more quiet. Instead, try and go with the flow...

Parents/family can be very dramatic at times, but if they aren't really abusive and you know they love you, then know that they are just being themselves. My MIL is 86 and she still speaks louder than most..... and despite many hushing her (which by the way only causes her to become louder) she is not going to change.. and I highly doubt your parents will either..

what's that saying.. when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change..

try and be a little more light-hearted about it.. :)

Cultural differences.
Differences in ethos.
Differences in everything.
Even if you were highly close to that culture, you might still find those ladies too loud and obnoxious.
You are probably, just as a person, more quiet and/or more sensitive to noises and volume. Irregardless of culture.
You just find those ladies, obnoxiously loud.

Me: I grew up in a loud family... normal dialogue and speaking was loud and may be taken as "argumentative." But well for me growing up in that, it was what I was used to.
My Husband: is from a different culture. He grew up in a QUIET home and with quiet parents. Irregardless of his culture, he is just a more quiet... person. It is just him. Even if he is culturally open and open minded... he finds *me* and my family, too loud. Fine. I don't take is personally nor am I insulted by it. That is just him. He is a more quiet person. I always joke with him that he must've grown up in a museum or library. LOL!

Then, in life, we don't have to "like" everyone, even if they are family. All family members, no matter what culture they are from... there will be some loud individuals and some more reserved or quiet. Fine.
That is something that will occur, in any culture.

What if you just nicely tell those loud ladies in your family, if they can keep their voices, lower?????
I mean, they are loud and cause a disturbance. Can't you just tell them, to lower their voices????

Those ladies, who happen to be your relatives, are just not your cup of tea. Their voices/their style of talking/their way of socializing etc. Fine.
And it really causes you, anguish. They irk you. At least you can admit it.

And, likewise, many people find "Americans" to be SO LOUD, too, and obnoxious and materialistic and snobby.
I'm American, that doesn't mean that I am that way.

The issue here is: you have a different style than those loud lady relatives of yours, and a different set of values. It is not just about culture differences, but who you are as a person, and who they are as a person.
That would happen, NO matter, what culture a person is from, and no matter what country a person is from.

Then, you just don't like them. And I guarantee you... there are MANY people, who do not like their relatives or certain relatives. Regardless of what culture or color they are.
I have relatives that I do not like. And others that I do like.
Fine.
But I don't tell them to their face that I don't like them. I just limit my interaction with them.

No, you are not a "B-word."

My Husband, he always tells me I am loud. Its the running joke in our family. But I learned not to take it personally. He just is the opposite. But so I tell him "Why'd you marry me then? You KNOW I am louder.... than you..." and he just laughs and says "Well that is what I like about you, you are expressive! Which I am not." So, there.
Oh, and my kids??? They are loud too. They take after me! LOL

I just want to tell you that my dad grew up in a loud, urban household. His aunt lived upstairs with her family. His grandmother lived up on the 3rd floor. They all yelled up and down to each other, all day long. Grandma loved to eat burnt, and I mean BURNT toast. All day long. The entire building smelled like burnt toast all the time! When my mom married my dad, she moved in with him for a while after the first baby was born. She could barely breastfeed, she was so stressed out by the yelling. The doctor told her to go in the bedroom, turn on some soft music and lay down on the bed to nurse, with the door SHUT. He knew...

My mom grew up in a quiet family. This was a shocker. My mom and dad are both the same race and lived in the same area of the country. So it's not always about race and creed. It's often about family dynamics.

Don't feel bad, and no, you're not a beotch!

Dawn

Oh boy, lol! I was engaged to an Iranian! Loved his family, LOVED the food even more :) But yes, when you say loud.. you are definitely right :) A lot of my friends are from different cultures, italian, Greek... that's how many of them are. And really, my distant relatives, are pure stock, "American" and they are some crazy loud and 'interesting' people.. so those cultural differences effect people everywhere. ...

Soooo, what to do about it? Take some Tylenol to help with the headaches that will inevitable come. Talk about the things that you have in common. Bow out gracefully when you feel like you have had enough. Don't feel bad!

Not seeing how this is a race issue.
And it's "Aryan."
I think all families have members that are louder & more annoying.
It doesn't make most people want to "do bad things to them" in our imagination.
Can you study at the library?
After all, we can't change other people, only our response to them.

loud?
eh my people can be described as loud, but i prefer 'lively.' really, out my family sitting alongside my husband's family (foreigners and americans) you could see a huge difference. my husband's family could be taken as stuck up as no words or barely any words get exchanged while my family walks and talks with emotions abundant, which i love.
wish you'd embrace both sides of family. my kids are first generation mixed cultures, and they have traits of me and my husband, and yes, they are loud. love it. it never gets quiet around here.

This is interesting. I can understand loud family members becuz I see a lot of this on my husband side...yet I welcome it and find it amusing. I, however was not raised around a lot of loud drama so I can understand being taken back by the drama.

One...I would embrace it IF possible.

Two...have u tried talking to your family and expressing your feelings. Some times in life it's better to express you feelings verbally to the individual than keeping it bottled inside.

If you have not done so already, try writing down your likes and dislikes and why. It may or may not be as bad as it is.

The important thing is you are your own person and if you don't like something or find someone pushy, bossy, disrespectful to you let them know. There is nothing wrong doing that....evenif they are family. Just do it in a respectful way because they are your elders therefore in spite of your dislike of how they are, they still deserve respect.

Good luck and God bless!

I'm sure others have said this, but there are plenty of materialistic, shallow, diet-crazy Americans too. And when I lived in France in the late 80's, I always heard about "obnoxious, loud Americans" :) Culturally it's sad you couldn't continue school with your dad's support, but many people have no school support for various reasons. Hopefully if you were doing well and it's your passion, you'll find a way to finish what you started. For other "family issues"-they come in all shapes and sizes. My relatives are all pretty insane, but as of age 17 I really didn't see any of them much as I was out working and living my own life by then. You have to just live your life, accept people you want to be close with and distance others. As you get older, you'll analyze it all less and less-which is very freeing :)