We live in a VERY small town with a graduating class of around 75 kids. So far, I have received 15 or so invites to grad parties starting next week - I expect to see another 30 or so invites in the next couple of weeks! Obviously, we aren't attending some of these parties, but our son will attend many - we will attend some. The ones that we don't attend will be only because of a conflict that time/day, and not because we don't want to stop by and visit and congratulate the graduate.
I purchased a large stack of congrats to grad cards and I am trying to decide what to put in each one (if anything). For the close buddies, I am doing the $20.16 amount, but I am talking more about acquaintances - how much to give? Does $5 seem too low? I was thinking $5 to the ones I have to mail, $5 plus a candy bar or treat to the ones we go to, and the $20.16 to the close buddies. Obviously this could get out of hand really quickly so I want to figure out what to do in advance.
Please know that in a school this small, everyone REALLY does know everyone. These aren't folks looking for a handout by sending a card (I know that does happen). We are a close town and have had a tragedy strike this graduating class with the loss of a loved classmate several years ago, which brought these kids even closer together.
Thanks in advance for your thoughts on this!
I would do cards only for that many people.
$5 is really low. A card with congratulations is good.
My kids got gifts for their good friends and those they didn't know as well they had a stack of scratchers lotto tickets on hand. All the parties we had were for their friends and then another for family so I am not really sure what I would have done if I were invited to their friend's graduation parties.
I also think that $5 is too small. Can you just purchase a movie ticket pass (perhaps in a small town that might be $7 or $8) and include that in a card? Just one per card.
S.,
Yeah - $5 seems too low to me...but when you have 75 grads it's tough. I understand how it could get out of control.
I would do what I could afford. Tough decision!!! Maybe gift cards to subway or some other place if they are headed off to college?? I don't know...
Luckily, in our graduating class this year we are only close to 4 kids. One is like a nephew to me....to have to choose between 75?? I am not sure I could do it. I'm sorry - I'm not much help - am I?
For acquaintances - they just get a congratulatory card.
There's no need to shell out cash to every body - and besides - who could afford to do that?
For my own graduation - even a lot of my own relatives just gave a simple card.
There was no expectation of any gift grabbing.
We really NEED to get away from that mindset.
Acknowledging an accomplishment does not/should not give anyone automatic access to my wallet.
I can't imagine giving gifts to 75 people. I really can't. Or anything close to that.
I really think you should just send cards. The $5 thing isn't enough - it doesn't even seem appropriate. Just a card IS appropriate.
Only give the $20 to people who you are close to.
If your son wants to give something to the friends whose parties he's attending, here's an idea that kids did in my older son's graduating class. They went to the Dollar Store and bought gift bags, playdoh, blow bubbles or other funny joke things and made that into a gift. The kids thought they were hysterical. My son got some of those and had fun with them.
Good luck on this. Just remember that it will never end - next year you'll get invitations too...
I have no idea, except to say you have to do what you can afford. Our son graduates this week, and his class is large (over 550 graduates). He is 1 of 4 family members graduating (one from college) within about a 12 day span. All different towns. And one super close family friend also graduating (makes 5). Aside from hosting a cookout to feed everyone the day after (most of the family has to travel from out of town to come), and something special for our own son, we have family gifts to do. I'm thinking $50 each? Hurts the pocketbook, with college expenses already rolling in... but, I feel cheap doing any less. As for acquaintances? Ugh.. I don't even know. We did $20 in years past. This year, there aren't a lot of those kids. (Pet sitters, church member graduates, neighborhood kids, etc)
When my son graduated, everyone went to each other's parties, and none of them gave gifts to each other. Parents didn't give gifts either if they just went to the family BBQ and had a burger. They gave verbal congrats. We gave the $20.16 idea to those very close but that's it. The decision seemed to be among the parents that they didn't all want to get into a basic cash exchange, and they just put the money into the party and the close friends. I think kids will be thrilled with a card from you with a few personal words. If you can afford and really want to do $5 each, I think that's more than fine. Be careful about mailing cash - stuff gets stolen from mailboxes at this time of year. I would not give more under the circumstances, which will include making everyone else feel bad for giving nothing. If they are looking for cash, they aren't the classy kids you hope for. A candy bar is more than fine but pay attention to the outdoor parties in the sun! And if they have faced tragedy, hopefully they have risen above the petty stuff and really understand what "community" means. Congrats on your kid's graduation!
I graduated with a class of 52 so I totally understand where you are coming from! Most of us had been in school together since kindergarten. I knew everyone!! There were lots of graduation parties that families did, but invites were more word of mouth. I stopped by a few of them, but I didn't even give a card. To my knowledge, neither did my parents. The only ones that I gave cards/gifts to were very close friends (and none of them had gone to my high school). I didn't get gifts from anyone except very close friends. If I were you, I'd only give a card to acquaintances and only give gifts to his closest friends.
One thought would be to talk with the school administration and see if it would be possible to plant a tree or put in a bench in memory of their classmate who died. Or if that student was a member of an athletic team or music group you could give a sizable donation to that team/group as a memorial. You could put a note in the cards that says your family is giving money towards the memorial tree/bench in their honor.
As a side note, we went to a graduation party last year for the daughter of one of my husband's coworkers. We gave her a monetary gift. Her mom told me later that they had not intended for people to bring gifts. They just wanted to share in the celebration with family and friends.
When I graduated, also in a small town with a graduating class undere 80 people, my friends/aquaintances and I did not give gifts to eachother whether or not we attended the parties. That would basically just be shuffling money around and pointless.
A card with no cash between graduates is just fine. Save the gifts from your family for the kids of other families with whom you (the parents) are close to.
$5 is too low...for cash at least. You could do small gift cards for coffee, movie, Subway, etc. There you could get away with less for more.
I think most people know that when this situation arrives they won't get a lot of local gifts. Obviously my kids will get great gifts when they graduate, their close friends will get something decent, and other than that, my kids can give what they want from their pots of money to other people. At least that's my plan when I am 5 years out.
You can get graduation cards at the dollar store, that will free up a bit of budget. They hardly look at the card anyway, and a fancy card can cost $5! Then contact your local movie theatre, Subway, Pizza But, whatever and see what kind of deal you can get on bulk gift cards. You may be able to get movie passes for $6ish or a $10 gift card for $7.50 or so with a discount, plus $1 for a card. Whatever you don't give out you can send to school with your kids.
Would it be possible to have the graduates come to a get-together of some sort where they can be congratulated and enjoy some sort of party together? If you guys combined efforts, you could have a REALLY nice party (maybe rent a house at the lake and have everyone contribute to food, a few boats, a few jet ski's)!! Or some similar place that could be fun for all??
I don't really have a suggestion. I just find the whole graduation thing down there really strange. We don't have all those grad parties and grad gifts up here. The school puts on a big party (organized by school staff, student committee and a parent committee) that everyone goes to and nobody gives gifts or holds parties aside from the official party.
Just pick two or three to go to and give them a card with $20 inside. All of these people are just inviting everyone they know. I don't think they expect every single person they invite to come to their party and give a gift. Going to 15 to 30 parites would be crazy. I think mailing cards to the others is fine...if you want to put in $5 that is fine but you don't even need to do that. Just go to a few of the parties and have fun celebrating with all these graduates!!
