Thanks for Your Help

I adopted my daughter at age 44, and can't imagine loving any child more. Since you have 3 bio kiddos, I might consider giving a non-bio one a wonderful life!

S.

A.,

My advice would be to speak with an OB/GYN that specializes in high risk pregnancy. This may help you decide whether having another child would be safe for you and the infant.

If you really want to have another child, consult with an ob that specializes in high-risk pregnancies. That doctor could give you more info than what you'll receive here.

Another option is adoption.

Good luck to you in whatever you decide!

Here is some advice for you~~~~~be blessed with what you have!
It seems like you have children around you all day (being a nanny) and you have given birth to 2 children and you have a step-child, right?
Your children are at a great age so enjoy!!
Don't put you and your family at risk!!

Don't try it. Leave well enough alone and be thankful that you have the healthy children you have. I believe it would be truly selfish on your part to even attempt one more child. Why in the world would you risk your health or risk another child being born stillborn. If you truly want another child, by all means, adopt. There are plenty of children out there who would be lucky to have a child advocate (as you say that you are) adopt them. Honestly, do not risk widowing your husband and leaving your children without a mother because of your desire for "just one more child."

I totally understand. I had complications with my first pregancy. My daughter was born premature as well. She weighed only 2lbs and 13oz, she is doing great! I would just tell you to pray because sometimes what we want is not what God desire is for us. We will go to extremes sometimes for what we want, but pray and see if that is what God wants. Wait and listen to God and he will surely direct your path.

All of your children need a healthy mommy! I had two complicated, high-risk pregnancies. The second one was a planned c-section and the doctors at that time told me it was best if I didn't have any more children. My sweet husband decided to take care of things with a little operation. He said I had been through enough.

It is really up to you! There are plenty of unwanted children of all colors, ages, and challenges. You sound like a wonderful mother who would perhaps consider adoption. Good Luck!!!

A.,

After reading the other responses, I know that a lot of the other moms have suggested adoption. I am an adoption professional going on 14 years. If you would like some one to talk to about this possibility I would be happy to! It is a wonderful thing, but is something that is inundated with a lot of myths and false information, mainly due to the media. Please contact me, and I would be happy to talk to you in depth about your adoption options if this is something that you want to consider. I can also connect you with agencies that you would have the most success with. Best wishes!

J.

A.,
I personally would feel that if I was putting my life on the line, I would decide not to have another child, you need to be here for the ones you have, they need their mother. I would look into adoption. I know you may yearn for another baby, but try to look in other areas, you don't have too many years where Grandchildren could be coming into your life!

Here's my story. Once was enough for me. I was pregnant for the first time at 33 and went through a high-risk pregnancy that was riddled with diabetes, low platelets, insulin and heparin shots. After five weeks of bedrest I had to go under general anesthesia for my daughter's birth because my doctors wanted to control the siuation. My platelets were dangerously low, even after months of shots and weeks of bedrest. Today I'm 38 and diabetic because of the pregnancy (mostly) and my daughter is 4 and perfectly healthy, thank God. I would never go through it again. My husband had his vasectomy when our girl was 2. After I told my gyno that we were considering a vasectomy, she said solemnly, "I think it's a good idea. Your body seems to fight pregnancy." That was enough for us.

The thing is, there are some issues that the doctors can't control. My pregnancy was a doubly high risk due to early diabetes and low platelets, and my doctors had no idea why or how to stem the situation. I had ultrasounds every week to make sure everything was OK. I almost had a C-section at 24 weeks, but thank God the doctors were able to delay it.

Only you can decide what is best for you and your family. Me personally, I was terrified that I would lose the baby or my own life just trying to have a baby. Now as a mother I would never risk my life again. My family needs me.

It is, of course, up to you. But medical science has NOT "evolved tremendously" over ten years. Methods of keeping premature babies alive, yes. But I've had two premature babies in the last two years, the result of high-risk pregnancies (pre-eclampsia the first time, growth restriction the second) that I would never, ever risk doing it again. I very easily could have died either time, so that does color my response to you. You had a very early preemie despite frequent doctor visits and monitoring, and you got very *lucky* that she didn't have further health problems. Let me repeat that: You got LUCKY. There is no guarantee this will turn out well again for either you or another baby. What happens if your blood pressure and/or blood sugar go out of control, and you have to deliver a living baby that won't survive (this has happened to people I know), or deliver a living baby with severe developmental or physical issues, like needing oxygen the rest of their lives (this happened to a 32-weeker I know, a child born at the same point as my son, who does not need oxygen.)

I think eight pregnancies and one premature baby is telling you something: your body reacts badly to pregnancy. My body is the same way. I (and this is my opinion) would accept the limitation, not take another risk with your life or a future child's life. Think about your other children who are here and who do need you. If you must have another child, consider adopting one who wouldn't have a chance otherwise.

Save your health and save a child by adopting.

Having children over the age of 35 has risks in itself let alone you have such high risk pregnancies to begin with. Being a woman and mother I understand that desire to want more chilren but you have to look at the facts of the matter. You already have 3 healthy children and although having another baby would be wonderful, is it worth risking not being around for any of them? I would seriously consider not having another baby. I know some other mothers mentioned adoption. I also agree this is a good option to weigh. Or since you're a children's advocate and community activist, have you considered being a foster parent? I personally believe being a foster parent is an amazing gift you can give a little life that would may have never been the same had they not known you. I have met some amazing women who are foster parents and who have made an incredible difference for children who come from circumstances that we will never truly understand. One woman I know well had 2 children of her own, adopted 4 and fostered 6 over the course of 30 years. She has to be near 50 and her youngest who's adopted is probably near 7 if I could guess. So there are other options that won't put you, your family or the life of your unborn child at risk. I wish you much luck in making this decision and that you're led to make the right one, which ever that may be for you.

I wouldn't risk it. First of all, you are over 35 which is a higher risk to begin with and secondly, your pregnancies don't sound like they were exactly smooth, you do not want to put your health or life in danger like that. I would just be thankful for the ones that I do have.

A.,

You already have 7 angels in heaven, what are you trying to do, end up there with them? Think about your children that are with you now, they need their M.. If you really want another baby, consider adopting, there are so many children out there that needs a mothers love. I am sorry if I am harsh, but I just do not understand why you would put your life in danger even death in order to have another child which would then possibly leave your earthly children motherless.

I will pray you make the best decision for you and your family.

Barb

I think it's unfair to your other children, not to mention you and your husband, if you intentionally get pregnant again. Why not adopt if having another child is vital to you? The baby I'm raising now isn't my biological child, and no way do I love her less.

Why not adopt? There are so many children who need someone to love them unconditionally.

Perhaps consult a high-risk specialist and also consider adoption. Dr. Jimmy Collins at Northwestern/Children's Memorial is a great high risk obstetrician. Children's has a great high risk practice as does Northwestern, Univ of Chicago and Rush. At Rush, Dr. Howard T. Strassner is head of Obstetrics and is great. the cradle in Evanston and Adoption Link in oak Park are great resources on adoption. Adoption Link has a particular specialty in special needs children.

The high risk doctors at Rush were great when my mom ended up pregnant at 40 with crazy risk factors...

Please think of your other children - you are blessed with 3 already and they need their mother. Adoption is always an option!

It doesn't sound as though biological children are your best option. There are so many children out there that would be blessed by your unconditional love!
Have you considered adoption or being a foster parent?

Based upon your comments, it sounds as if you are putting an enormous amount of stress on your body when you become pregnant. I am not sure how to softly, easily, or politically correctly state this next point, but are you willing to accept the ultimate consequences if things go horribly wrong? Are you willing to risk your life and leave your current children motherless and your husband partnerless just to have another baby? Is the risk worth the reward?

I would have to agree with some of the other posters on this board and recommend that if you have your heart set on having another child that you consider adoption. There are many, many infants, babies, and children out there who would love to be a part of a stable, caring family. The Cradle in Evanston (www.cradle.org) as many others have mentioned is outstanding.

Ultimately it is your decision, you body, your health, your child's health, and your family's well-being.

Another child is only putting you and the child at risk. I'm confused! Why are either of you risking the pain of another stillborn or your own health. You could adopt and give another child all the love you have. And please don't be so sure that the last baby is o.k. Chances are, that child will probably struggle and be behind everyone else in school all of his/her life because it was so far behind in development during you carrying it. Please, think. What would your husband or children do without you in their lives???

Would you consider adoption? You sound like a great a Mom and it doesn't take a pregnancy to be one? I would not get pregnant if I was in your shoes. Best of wishes you and for your family.

I'm with the others that it seems like an awful risk to you as well as your baby. I have three wonderful, adopted children. There are plenty of already born children that could use your love. Maybe adopting, even an older child could be an option.

This is a difficult topic to comment on. I would definitely consult with a couple of high risk pregnancy OB/GYN's. Seek multiple opinions before trying since you are past the age of 35 in addition to your health problems. I would recommend Lakeshore OB/GYN (affiliated with Northwestern) or the Women's Group of Northwestern. They each have physicians on staff who work with high risk. If you are open to it, you could also look into using a surrogate mother or adoption. This is a decision that will impact your entire family, so it is important that you consider the opinions of and make this decision with your husband and your children.

I wish you all the best!

I had my third child at age 39. I was in great health and had no medical problems myself when I got pregnant, but still ended up being high risk for neural tube defects according to some of my tests. My pregnancy was high risk and scary, and at times I wished I would not have gotten pregnant and just have been satisfied with the two beautiful, healthy children I had. Luckily everything worked out okay and my little guy was born healthy.

Sounds like you have gone through so much health wise. Why not consider adoption? Then you don't have to endanger yourself or even worse, risk having a baby with serious complications. As a mother, community activist and child advocate, you have all of the tools you need to be an awesome mother to an adopted child.

Sorry, but I have to agree with the other posts about thinking about adoption instead. It is more difficult on a woman's body after 30, let alone without the extra complications. Why set yourself up for a high possibility of another heartbreak? The damage to your body and mental health could be devastating, even more so than before. I understand you love children. There are many children out there who need loving parents like you. If you're ready again for another child, it seems a perfect option, but that will be up to you and your husband. Please choose for the right reasons, not to defy the odds, or test fate... I wish you the best in what you decide.

As a woman in her late thirties, wife and new Mom, I found your story truly amazing. I wish you the very best in which ever decision you decide is best for you and your family.

A.,

The decision to have another child is yours and yours alone. Please do not let anyone else discourage you due to your age. 37 IS NOT TOO OLD. Yes, the risk for certain defects increases - educate yourself. Plese do not allow the stigma of being an 'older mama' sway your decision.

However, health risks are another topic entirely and you should discuss that part in detail with a doctor (or 2). You have already gone through the heartbreak of what can happen, so you know what to expect should the worst occur - are you sure you are emotionally strong enough to endure losing a child if that should happen? Is your husband prepared to care for you and your family should you become incapacitated during or after the pregnancy? Please be sure you ask yourself that question at the deepest possible level.

I had my last baby at age 44, it was high-risk due to my age, but uneventful really as far as problems - she is now 5, beautiful and healthy and the center of my universe. I was, however, so worried about having a 'healthy' pregnancy and delivery I honestly did not stop to think about the future - like going to "Kindergarten roundup" at age 50 ;-D or going to playdates and the other Moms think I'm her Gramma... Things have to be planned out differently (college, who will care for her should something happen to us etc...) but I do not regret it for a second.

As far as people telling you to adopt - it's not like you can just go out to WalMart and adopt a baby (not as far as I know anyway) :-) Adoption is a very huge step and involves an entirely different set of emotions - it is not for everyone, my middle child came to me by adoption. The cost of adopting an infant (esp when you are over 35 can be huge). Adopting an older child is not to be done lightly - lots of things come along with adopting an older child that cannot possibly be anticipated - I know this from personal experience.

check out a message board out on iVillage - "trying to conceive over 35" and even 'pregnant after 35' and see how those ladies are doing, it might help you with your decision. Whatever you decide will be the right thing.

hugs,

W.

Hi A.,
I am sure you know this, but this is really a question for your doctor.
High risk pregnancies are all I know. I am now 40, had child #6 at 39. She is 9 months old now. I had one fetal demise at 4.5 months in January of '07. They did multiple tests and found nothing wrong with him. We gave birth to a daughter 10.5 months after we had that loss. I am hypertensive and a diabetic. I am insulin resistant and have been labled 'brittle' by a few of my doctors. I have had issues with my blood pressure during every pregnancy. It was treated with bp medication in some and monitored in others. I went on bedrest in a couple of pregnancies for the elevated bp. I tried my best to keep my blood sugar levels even also. All 6 were c-sections as well. My doctor's never told me not to have any more. Some doctor's might have, even because of the multiple c-sections. I am glad they didn't. If they had I would have stopped because I definitely wanted to be here to raise the children I had. I would urge you to discuss this with your doctor. I am also wondering if you live somewhere where you can get excellent health care. With blood sugar issues you should be seeing a maternal fetal medicine doctor. I am amazed that you have gone through 7 fetal demise/still births? One was so difficult for us and, unintentionally, I got pregnant quickly after that happened so my grieving was softened as we foccused on that pregnancy. I love babies and children and If I had the room and money would take in more. I look at my #6 every day in awe that we were allowed one more precious soul to share our lives with. I wish you the best and hope that your doctors can help you make the decision that is best for you.

M. SAHM of 6, 9 months to 13 years.

(My earliest baby was born at 35 weeks because my pre-eclampsia had become somewhat dangerous for the baby and the doctor (after an amnio to check on lung maturity) felt he would be safer on the outside of me than inside. He was, he spent 8 days in the hospital between nicu and peds.)