I just turned 45 and am in an amazing relationship with a loving man who is 10 years younger than me. At one point he told me that finding that someone special to be a partner with was the most important thing to him and he was not concerned with having children. After seeing him around kids I realized he'd be an amazing father and that I really want to consider starting a family with him if everything continues as well as it has been. He has admitted that just recently he realized it is very important for him to be a dad with a very special partner.
I have to be honest as exciting as this sounds to finally start another phase of my life...I am scared. I assume all doctors are going to tell me I am a high risk. I workout and don't smoke so am in pretty good shape. I thought about talking to an obgyn. Does anyone have any info for me. If I choose not to proceed I believe in my heart I have to end this relationship but I really love this man and believe in my heart we could be an amazing family. I do not want my age to stand in the way.
HELP!
*It seems that some people may have read my message wrong or me not have explained myself well. I very much want to have a child with my man and have always wanted to have children but it was never in the cards. I just want to make sure I do it wisely and safely.
Please keep the info coming. I really appreciate it! Somehow I was able to get a obgyn appt and am talking to them today. I am excited to see what they have to say.
How about adopting? I have a birth child and an adopted child and I can tell you that either way of creating a family is amazing.
Hi, D.:
It is about loving your man and he loving you. It is not about having children to make a life complete. The completeness is in the love that each has for the other.
Talk to each other in loving and caring ways and nurture each other as if you are each other's baby.
Good luck. D.
First you need to make sure that you are married FOR LIFE. Your relationship with your husband should and must be in first place. One should never pin an issue as serious as the marriage future on whether one can have a child or not. A child should come into a secure and loving environment, not be the deciding factor if the parent stays together or not. I seriously suggest you examine and make sure that you are willing to stay "married" whether or not there is a child involved. A child needs BOTH parents at least until he/she is 18-21 years old, but more like the Good Book says--forever.
As long as you are (for the most part) in good health & you take good care of yourself during your pregnancy, you'd be fine. You'll really need to watch your diet & make sure that you limit junk & load up on protien. You may need to follow the "Brewer Diet" to ward off high BP, etc... if that becomes a problem.
Also, finding a midwife would likely reduce many of your risks. Especially a homebirth midwife, but any good midwife would do!
Good luck!
Also, don't forget that adoption is always an option too!
What about adoption? There are tons of kids out there who need loving parents. Why not adopt and save your body from the stress of a high-risk pregnancy? If you think your hubby is wonderful with kids--adopt an older child or siblings. They are the most left out in adoptions- everyone wants a baby- but you could truely make a wonderful family with siblings or an older child. Just my 2cents. Good luck in whatever you choose.
Molly
Any time that you are over 40 you really increase your risks. I had my son when I was 38. Just realize there are risks which increase such as downs syndrome. If you are in good physical shape and don't smoke I think that will make a difference. If you really want a kid and want to take the chance then go for it. I pray you will have a happy and healthy child. Make sure to get a doctor that specializes in high risk pregnancies. God bless and good luck.
I had my daughter at 34 and my son at 37, I am now almost 40 and currently single. I always wanted a big family and if I am ever in a good healthy relationship with opportunity to have more children I will do it. I suspect I won't be in any relationship for a few years so I will likely be at least 45 or over before having any more kids. I don't think the risks are huge, mostly the risk of birth defects increases. I would not hesitate if I were you to go ahead and try. And if you run into any difficulty, there are many options(fertility/adoption, etc.). Good luck!
Lots of people gave had babies at your age. I'd say talk to your ob about it. Maybe look on line. It's probably risky, but you have to see what feels best to you. I wouldn't even consider ending your relationship over this. Love is hard to find. You are worthy. Cherrish it. If u feel u are too old, consider adoption!!! It's a beautiful gift to everyone involved. Take some
Tome
And feel it all out... You will know what is right for you!! Best of lick!
My only advice is to speak to a high-risk OBGYN and talk about IF you'll be able to conceive. Plenty of women in their 40s do -many by accident -so you may be able to although fertility sharply declines after age 40. Please go into it willing to have all the testing done that will be recommended to you. If you're healthy, open to tests and willing to closely follow a doctor's orders, you should be fine as long as you can get pregnant!
Don't waste any time trying to get pregnant 'on your own.' Go immediately to a Fertility Specialist and have a serious conversation. S/he'll probably suggest Ovarian Stimulation, and I'd go with that recommendation. I did that when I struggled getting pregnant with my 2nd. I was 37. There are risks of birth defects with any pregnancy, esp as we get into our 40s. Your doc can also review these and you can discuss with your man. I turn 43 next month, have three kids, and if I didn't need fertility to get pregnant and have difficult pregnancies, I'd do it again tomorrow. Your eggs are 'old' but you are not and should have the energy and ability to be a great mom. It doesn't sound romantic in the least to jump right into fertility, but seriously, if you genuinely want a baby that's what I'd do.
I have two friends who have had healthy children in their 40's. trust your gut if your are a healthy person and still have regular periods you can conceive on your own. Yes you would be high risk at your age but so is every female over 35. I am have my 6th at the end of the year I am 40. Good luck to you.
J.
You are being responsible by trying to put the big picture on your plate for a decision, but the only decision you need to make right away is having a baby.
No relationship is guaranteed to last. You two could split up in ten years no matter what. Would you want a child even if you were single?
The answer for me was yes. I got started a bit late too, and my relationship was new and not a guarantee, but I knew I wanted kids even if I was a single mom. I knew I could provide a loving happy life for them. So voila. So far so good, we are a happily married set of parents who both live for the kids. But even if we become divorced one day, we both love our amazing kids.
Or maybe, if you and he don't last, you'd much rather be back to having your life to yourself. There can always be future relationships, step kids etc. if you feel you would not want a child on your own.
Think of it that way, and don't lay the immediate necessary break up out there right now. If you want to have a child with him, make your feelings known and proceed, you dont' have the luxury of mulling it over too long.
Your biggest risk is not being able to have a baby, less eggs, etc, and the small risk of down syndrome etc. But I have several friends having children in their 40s and no one has had an issue. My dad's mom had him at 43 and he's a brilliant lawyer. A lot of hard core pro life members of my family on my mom's side find them selves pregnant in their 40-s-even after having tons of kids and thinking they're "done", and their kids have been healthy. Your obgyn is going to make it sound ominous most likely, because it is more risky.
Decide how you feel about the odds. If you are healthy, you'll be physically fine-it will just take harder work to bounce back, but you can!
Best to you in your decision, and congrats on your great man!
I heard no one so far has address your relationship with this young man...yeah it is harder to get pregnant over 35/45...yeah I am a 41 year old mom of a three yr old and even at 38 it was a hard journey to get her here after having my son who is ten years older than her...you sound almost (I repeat almost) like you are doing this because you are afraid to lose this relationship. Think long and hard is this man you want to deal with regardless to how your relationship works out tp have this child with...trying to get pregnant in itself with your age factor (also not knowing weather you can even get pregnant and if so carry it to term) is going to be stressful and do you think your relationship hand hold up to that...Why don't try and talk with you partner/boyfriend to really see where his head is at and see if you can't have a child will the relationship still exist. Having a child and being a parent is two different things because if you two break up it is at least 18 years to have to possibly co-parent with him. Please before you make this very serious and life change thing, make sure YOU really want this even if there was no HIM in the picture.Then if truly so that talk to the doctors about your steps to be a mom. Good Luck and God Bless
