Thank You notes...a Do or a Don't Bother?

This is something that does teach them manners and does make the adults feel that the gift that they spent their money and time getting was appreciated, by both the parents and child do it. Plus this helps them learn to write letters. This is almost a forgotten thing, Grand parents will keep them for a very long time, keep copies for them to read when they are older also. They will get a kick out of them when they are older.

A.,
I'd have to say it depends on the age of the child and the occasion,,,but if it was a mailed gift i think it is nice for them to recieve a ty note at least they know the child got there gift no matter the age
thank you ;L.

I always INTEND to write them, however in truth, it all depends on my available bandwidth. I'm a working mom.... There are days I'm lucky I've got clean underwear! For my daughter's 2nd birthday I specifically said for 'no gifts' on the invitation--and that was primarily because I knew, with the various work deadlines on me at that time of year, I'd have to be up to 1 am to get them done. Needless to say, 20 people still brought a gift... And no, I did not do thank you's--I bought the 3 packages of cards and meant to! And to this day, it bothers me that I didn't get them out... But I also remind myself that I really tried to avoid being put in this situation by asking for no presents in the first place.

You are going to get a lot of responses on this :)

I agree with Heather. My mother always made me call relatives to thank them for gifts and I hated getting on the phone as a child but I did it and now I make my daughter do thank you cards. Yes, it is one more thing to do but it's more about teaching your child to appreciate and good manners. Give them the choice, call or write.

Now, the kids send thank you cards after their b-day parties to thank all the kids who attended. Pretty standard these days.

My brother's kids NEVER sent thank you notes or called and they live out of state. I never knew if they received the gifts or $$ I had sent.

My (ex) MIL always tells me how proud she is of my daughter b/c I always have her send thank you cards. It's a big deal to a lot of people.

Here's a time saver for you....for very young kids who don't really write too much or it takes them a really long time to write (6 yr. olds, etc.), I have purchased cards that have just a few blank spaces for the child to fill in on the thank you. For example, the card will read:

"Dear_________,
Thank you for the _________. I really love it!
Love, _______"

Your child just fills in the blanks and is done. The last time I bought these it was one of those school fundraiser catalogs but I am sure a stationary or card store would carry them. If you can't find them, you could get some decorative letter size paper and make up a template yourself.

YES! YES! YES! I think this is a lost art and is much needed to teach kids to show gratitude and appreciation.

I think it depends on if you want your children to be courteous. If you dont start now, it wont be become the habit it should. It's almost as important as the verbal thank you, but it shows your sincerity to follow up with a small written thank you note.

Of course , they are wonderful ! If u teach a child to do this when they are young as they mature , they will do this as an adult . U know what the bible says "Train up a chil in the way they should go when they are old , they will not depart from it " . Thanks , G.

I always did send them on my child behalf.
K.
www.FreeGasAtLast.com/id

I say do them!!!!

I think it is very rude when I give a gift and don't get a thank you note.

I went to a wedding in March and just got the thank you note last week and I was insulted!

If someone goes out of there way to purchase a gift (even if it is for a child) the least you could do is put a quick thank you note in the mail.

Besides it's teaching your child good manners!

Just my opinion!

There is not a better time than now to start teaching manners and proper etiquette. Your children may not be old enough to write themselves so it is your job to write the "Thank You", making sure your children are present and included in the process. Let them help put the stamps on.

HTH

Dear A.,

I am from the old school. We were taught to write thank you notes for gifts received.
Many times I have wondered if something arrived safely. Cancelled checks from graduation cards were an indicator that my money had made its way; but, that's kind of impersonal, don't you think ?
Checks are in themself impersonal; but, nowadays people have themes or specific items they want to purchase, and the check helps with that.

There are lots of cute cards at the Dollar stores, some come with a saying or verse, others are blank. That might be an option for the kids, especially the younger ones. They might only need to sign their name to say thank you.

Hope this has been helpful. Best wishes and have a great week.

MUST!!
Both for your children's sake and the gift givers sake.

I feel that they are a must, even if you have to write them out for them. I always write the note and then help them sign their name. I started with my 5 year old, my 3 year old does it, and my 1 year old does it. In fact the 3 year old learned to write her name all by herself because her sister could do it and she wanted to do it too. Obviously, people know that you wrote the note, but you are teaching your child a life lesson to be thankful for all things and to recognize the person that has given them a gift. This summer, my 5 year old writes 1 note a week to a friend or cousin to tell them she is thankful for them.

Hi A.,

My personal opionion on Thank you notes from children is YES!! I was brought up writing Thank you notes for birthday gifts, etc. My parents also allowed us to call family members and thank them over the phone (grandma/grandpa, etc.) but we ALWAYS had to thank people for gifts.
I require my children to do the same thing. To me it teaches proper ettiquette (spelling?) and also that we are to be thankful for what we have and receive. When they were too young to "write" I would write them and have them draw a picture to send with the "thank you".

Just my 2 cents!
M., Tomball, TX

A.,
First let me say that I am NOT a snob, nor am I judgemental, but I do think that things in life have become so rushed to the point that manors ~ poor manors ~ are being excused as the norm and cool. It is always kind to send a thank you note and the person receiving it, especially in this day and age, really appreciates, remembers and verbalizes the guesture. This will make your child feel appreciated and also it will teach them that it is always important to acknowledge something someone did for them. That person took their time, now we should take ours to properly thank them. The good feeling this will give your child will help form them to be a better person.
Just my opinion and it is from my experience with this. Take care!
D.

You will have very thoughtful kids because of you teaching them the discipline to sit down and do this. So yes when they get big enough start having them write them, when they grow up they will always be thoughtful of the giver. To be politically correct isn't always the best ticket because the knewest editions of Ms Manners and also Etiquette for the new Millenium tells us that a card is not neccessary if we said thankyou in person. Like I said though I think my kids are more appreciative that I taught them to sit and write thankyou cards. When my daughter graduated she wrote some really sweet ones it was not like your regular thankyou for blank it will really come in handy. She actually got personal and thanked them for things thru the years.

I too, think it is important. The person who sent/gave the gift put effort into selecting the gift as well as time and money. The hardest part of "thank you" notes is trying to figure out how to make them fun instead of a miserable task. In desperation last week I had my oldest grandson (10 yrs) use sort of a "my space" technique. I had him take his own picture w/ the digital camera, import the picture into a Word or Publisher document and then "blog" a short note for each gift. He then saved them as pdf documents and then emailed them which may not be as acceptable as mailing but they did get done. He had to "think" and he learned a few more computer skills...

Lots of younger children love to color. I have a 6 year old granddaughter who is learning to write so she writes letters to everyone. Let them use whatever technique works best for them.

Good manners never go out of style.

I send thank you notes and so does my son (14 yrs. old). It it polite and respectful to send thank you notes. I used to have to make my son sit down to write them, and now he does it without being asked. I don't think it's old fashioned but is good manners.

A must!! That being said, a letter isn't necessary, just a sentance or too, thank you notes don't have to be elaborate. Also, just reserve them for gifts and when you need to give extra thanks, they aren't needed for every box of hand-me-downs your sister-in-law gives you or that watermelon from your neighbor's garden.

I encourage my children to write thank you notes, even if it is scribble on paper at an earlier age. However, you should be reasonable about it, as well. If they recieve a ton of presents for a birthday, for example, then they can write a thank you note to a subset of the party guests rather than to everyone. They can write one or two each day. At first you are just teaching them the concept of manners and gratitude. Their guest took the time, money and effort to pick something out for them, and it is nice to take a couple of minutes to say a personal thank you on paper.

My rule for my daughter, now that she is old enough to understand the concept, is that before she plays with a toy she has to write the thank you note. If you get a note from her early on, you know your gift was one of her favorites.

I would have to say DEFINITELY YES!! This teaches them young appreciation and professionalism. It amazes me as a business woman, how the common courtesies of business and manners have been left by the wasteside. PLEASE start this young with the understanding of "why" to the children. It DOES make a difference! Look at our current society & the lack of respect and appreciation!

Do them. Not only does it tell gift-givers that you appreciate their gift, but it shows children that you can't just receive a gift and go on your way. You can try to make it more fun for them by having them pick out their own thank-you notes, or by drawing a picture (or scribbling) on a piece of paper. My cousin has 5 and 3-year old boys, and she had them color us a picture and she simply wrote, "Thanks for ___. Love, __ and ___. I thought that was perfect--the kids did most of the work, and mom only had a write a few words. When they can actually write more, they should say something nice about the gift, but the picture/drawing idea is great for little ones. When my daughter was a baby, I would take a picture of her with the gift, print it out on my computer, and send it to relatives. They eat that up, and because there's a picture showing that the kid enjoys it, you can write something very brief.

I think a definite do! We just recently had my son's 1st birthday and he did not quite make it to the gift opening. After the cake he was spent. I opened the gifts with him after the party and then had photo-thank you cards made of him eating his cake and sent a hand-written thank you card to everyone from him. I don't know that when he is older and can actually say "Thank you" to everyone that I will keep doing it, but until then I will definitely write a note.

If your child is old enough to write, I have seen thank you cards at Target that are fill-in the blank. Those would be easier for a kid to do and it would still be personal.

Saying "thank you" is always appropriate. Teaching your children to appreciate taking time to express thanks pays for itself one hundred times over. It teaches more than just telling someone thanks for a gift. It teaches graciousness and class and gratefulness.... If they just say, "thank you", then they won't "get it".

Hi,
I have always been a thank you note writer. I have raised my daughter the same way. Since she was 4 months old she was "writing" thank you notes. I would write the note as if I were her and the I would you an ink pad, coat her hand and use that as her signature. To this day (she is now 2) when she gets a gift she goes to the craft drawer and gets the note cards and ink pad. She loves to do them. She has started to scribble her name now too. It's great to see that the connection has been made. Hope that helps!

I think its simply good manners and teaches kids proper etiquette. Plus it makes them think about the giving process and become more concious of the fact that someone spent time and money to give them something. I don't know if they'll appreciate it more but at least they'll think about it.

With that said, I wouldn't do it for every single present they are given... but for birthdays, you bet, at least to the adult relatives that don't have kids they are bringing that you are paying to entertain. Christmas, not so much as the child is giving in return.

to be honest, i mail my godkids birthday and christmas presents every year and i've never once even had them call to thank me let alone send a thank you note. their mom thanks me in an email, but the kids don't, and to me its rude and hurts my feelings.... but i keep sending them anyway.

There are so many pluses to having your child write a thank you note. The reciever is thrilled to get mail; its a good way for the chold writing the note to practice writing at any age, signing their name only when they are young. Practice from home b/c they are taught the basics in school. It's proper for adults to write a thank you note to friends as well as in business so this is just practice in a small way that builds to how we should all be as adults. Yes, it is becoming a lost art. Have fun with it when you teach your child.

I have been a little lacks on this from time to time, but not any longer. We need to teach our children to appreciate what is given to them, or else they may think they just "deserve it!"

If your kids are little, have them dictate to you what they want to say (or) write it for them and trace their hand on the card. They can even try to write their name... even if it's just scribble at that point.

Blessings,
M. S.

Everyone is so different. Honestly, I have never bothered. At my kids' b-day parties we of course say thank you and everyone gets a goody bag before leaving. I feel that we have plenty of time for all that not to mention it's not really a thank you from the child anyway.

IF you do decide to do thank you notes try to make it a happy experience instead of a chore. " Alright! Now we get to make some thankyou cards for all these G-R-E-A-T gifts!" Yeah make it as happy and exciting as you can for them because if not it will seem like a chore forever!

A must! It teaches your child to be appreciative and the giver feels appreciated.

I hate thank you notes, I understand the purpose but it adds one more thing on an already long list of to do's. I don't understand why they mean so much to people when that is why you get a little favor when you attend something, as a 'thanks for coming.' Then I feel like I have to say thanks for the thank you card. I just say thanks again for the gift when I see the person again! I am sure most won't agree with me though, but when I give something to someone I don't expect anything in return I certainly wouldn't be insulted.

I have a 14 year old son- and I have always had him make phone calls to express thanks for gifts that he has received. For me, it seemed to have more of an impact when the gift giver could actually hear the gratitude in my son's voice- as opposed to a forced handwritten note sent via mail.

If the child is old enough to understand the reason behind the thank you note (and they're never too young to start learning) by all means send them. It teaches them respect not only for the gift giver, but them selves as well. I believe manners are being slowly eliminated from our society and it's time we put them back in. Mine started when they about 5, they just graduated high school in June and they've always done thank you cards.

I personally think they are a MUST. If they don't do them as kids, they won't do them as adults. It is appropriate to thank someone for a gift, a kind gesture or kind word. Not only to adult gift givers, but to peers as well.

Teach them now about a beautiful handwritten thank you note! It will serve them well in the future!

Thankfulness never goes out of style!

Having the kids write thank you notes is a great lesson about being thankful - that sometimes we go out of our way to show that we appreciate someone else and/or their gifts. It's sad that people feel they can't be bothered with it - what does that teach their children about being thankful?

Now, if you just do it for them and send it yourself without using it as a teaching lesson, then you've just added stuff to your to-do-list and no real benefit comes from it except for the receiver. Even if your kiddos are small though, you can tell them, "We're sending this note to grandma to tell her 'thank you so much' for the really cool book she sent you. Let's draw a picture to add to the card!"

My sister used to add my nieces little stamped handprint to the inside of the card, which was a nice touch!

I like the other poster's suggestion of the phone call. I've never thought of that and its great for little kids who can't write yet, but who LOVE to talk on the phone. I'd probably follow it up with a card though.

I'm a big believer in thank-yous. You don't mention the age of the child.

I don't particularly like to write, but I always make sure that I acknowledge the gift giver and say thank you, whether it is by note or phone or email.

I think that it's important to teach our children to be appreciative and to thank someone for any kind of thoughtfulness, remembrance, kindness, etc.

Hi A.! I think thank you notes are a nice gesture....just to tell your friends and family that you appreciate their thoughtfulness and it gives you an opportunity to tell them how much they mean to you and your family.

One word of advice.....if you are going to do a thank you note.....do it the right way. Take the time to either write it out or have your child (depending on age) do a fill out thank you note. Do not do a generic message to send to everyone.....I think that is tacky and hardly even worth the time you spend on it. That's just my opinion. I recently received one of those generic kind and it's just so impersonal....you might as well send it to strangers.

Thanks for asking this question. I keep seeing the matching thank you notes with the birthday party invitations. If you thank someone in person, there is no need for a note(according to Emily Post). Of course, its not a terrible thing to make your kids do, but its sort of etiquette overkill and I think it smacks of 'mommy showing off how polite her kids are.'

I think that Thank you's should be encouraged. So many times these days kids just expect things and are not willing to take the time to say thanks.

Personnaly, I think thank you notes are a bother to do, but they are nice to get. So it is probably the better choice to send them. Especially to the grandparents. It makes them feel appreciated.

My children know that part of having a birthday party is writing the thank you notes for the gifts they have received. It is a lot of work for the parent, but it is the right thing to do. Just like so many other things, you must lay the foundation now so that they become responsible adults. If you do not teach them to do it when they are young, they will not do it later. Yes, it is "old school", but that is not necessarily a bad thing. Not every thing we have come to accept in this society is an improvement over the past.

I think it sets a good example to the children by sending out thank you notes etc. It teaches responsibility, manners, and etequit (sp?)

OK, looks like I'm the odd duck on this.

If my child accepts an invitation to a birthday party, I am going to send him with a gift. I know that technically he is not obligated to take one, but I also know that the party givers are going to go to a lot of trouble and shell out quite a bit of cash to feed/entertain my son. The gift is kind of a "Thank You for inviting me to your party" & so I don't expect a Thank You for a Thank You. We hardly ever get a Thank You for a birthday party gift & I really didn't realize, until I read your post, that anyone would expect one.

Glad I stopped giving parties a while ago. I'd hate to spend all the time, money & worry trying to ensure that everyone had a good time, only to have them think that I was rude later because I didn't send out cards.

I once received a Thank You card from a co-worker's child for supporting a school fundraiser. I was so touched that I now have my own son do the same.

Wow I see you have gotten lots of responses but I couldn't help myself since I am sort of different in my opinion than a lot of the moms. Of course I totally respect everyone's opinion on here!! :) I am not a thank you note girl. I never think of if I got a thank you note when I give, so it is hard for me to send them. In fact once I give a gift, I almost immediately forget about it because I am so into the party! I am a very in the moment person, but if something is meaningful and special and I sincerely feel in my heart to send a card, I will. I will get a special card for no reason at all just because someone crossed my mind and I think they could use a boost. Plus to me sometimes thank you notes are just a formality, even if you returned the gift you must thank the person for exactly what they gave you and you really don't have to put thought into what you say, you just have to say it. However, they did go to the trouble to give you something, so I do see that they can be a good thing. I just wanted to say that some people who don't send them are not mannerless, they may just be the sort of person who is whimsical and thoughtful in other ways. They may be the very person who surprises you with a loving letter at just the moment you need it ;) Have a great day!!

Although many of our rules of etiquette are antiquated, the thank you note is as timely today as it was hundreds of years ago. It is a matter of civility that must be cultivated EARLY. Kids who do not learn to be gracious and appreciative grow up to be crude and selfish. Furthermore, when someone has taken her time and money to bestowe a gift upon your child, a note of thanks implies that you have reflected on the gift and want to reiterate your gratitude (assuming you verbally said thank you and made your child say thank you, too). If you are so busy that writing and sending a note by traditional means is impossible to achieve, try using e-greeting cards available at all the major greeting card company websites. I am busy, too. My thank you notes are sometimes two to three months late, but I send them anyhow knowing that it is the thought that counts.

absolutely! this very important communication has fallen by the wayside. when my daughter was little, we would help her "write" the note and then her signature was an outline of her little hand. this simple gesture was so cute and appreciated by the recipients and it showed her how important it is to let people know you appreciate the gift, which has carried on today.

I think they are nice to get. But I dont get upset if I dont get one. I hate doing them but it is a good idea to make kids at least call and say thank you.

I do believe in thank you notes. Not only for gifts, but for just about anything someone does for you. If they help you move, help with a garage sale, take you boating, send flowers, visit you in the hospital, come to a funeral, anything.
I always wanted my children to send them in a timely manner, but sometimes all their other activities get in the way for the moment....BUT THEY DO GO OUT, EVEN IF IT IS A MONTH LATER.
My children are older now and they go and buy their own thank you cards. The 18 year old just graduated from high school and she ordered all her graduation announcements herself and even included the thank you notes in her order!!! I was very proud of her.
Even when they were small, I helped them hold the pen/pencil and we wrote them together.

DO!!! My mother taught my brother and I early that we must send a thank-you before we could play/use with our gifts. It really made an impact in our lives. We have had many people come up and thank us for the thank-you note and tell us how much it meant to them.

I have done the same thing with my 5 year old. I used to write the notes for him and have him sign his name (or scribble on the card). Now he tells me what to say and I write it and then he signs his name. My cousin has her son type the note on the computer (he is 9).

It is amazing how many gifts we give each year and don't get a note for. It really is a habit that should be taught early. We make it fun at our house, because we make all of the cards we send.