Thank You Notes - Landenberg,PA

I LOATHE when people EXPECT thank you notes. We call my MIL to thank her for the kids gifts. We have never been good at thank you notes, ever. We always thank people, but normally it's personally and not in a written card. They are so nice to receive and send, but we are way too disorganized for that. I would never expect a thank you card from anyone. Ever.

Good response! No one has the right to demand a "Thank You" no matter weather it is deserved or not!

Wow Sis! You must be stressed or something because your reaction in this email is WAY out of line. The kids didn't open the presents until Christmas Day (just last week!) and of course we've been busy with holiday stuff too. As it just so happens, yesterday we set aside time and the kids made Thank You cards for several family members (you included) and it's in the mail to you! Of course I expect my children to write Thank You notes and I know a text message is not enough. The text was just to let you know that they had got here safe and sound.

Hope this clears everything up for you. We are all VERY appreciative of the presents!!!

Dear Sis,

Sorry that you feel that way. The kids actually sat down ??, and did them. I'm sure you can understand with the craziness of the holidays that it can take sometime to get Thanks-you's done.

End of story.

I think that you should email her back that the kids had already written them and you had already mailed them today when the mailman came, and now you hope that she will just not give your kids presents anymore if all she cares about is receiving notes through the mail within a week of opening the gifts.

You should tell her that you are very hurt.

Shame on her for what she said. Yeah, she may not believe that you already mailed them, but too bad.

NO present is worth receiving her remarks.

Dawn

When the Thank You notes arrive... Please destroy them. As we are no longer grateful for the presents, that we shall also be returning, due to your INTOLERABLE RUDENESS.

... But then, Im cranky like that. When people start getting nasty... I take away their hostage / ability for emotional blackmail. Sorry. $5, $50, $500, $5,000... I don't car what the amount is. There isn't enough money on the planet that makes being rude to me okay. If someone thinks buying me dinner means I owe them sex, or buying me a present means I have to put up with their temper, they have another think coming.

Well we are doing our thank you cards today.
The holidays and busyness is now over, I think.
To me, this is still "prompt" enough.
Its only been about 1 week since Christmas day.

Your sister, is being a bit bossy about it all.
She is not your kids' parent.
Some people.... use gifts and their ability to gift "expensive" things... as a power trip over other people.
They are the ones... that "chooses" the expensive gifts they are gifting to someone... but then, they "attach" their own "rules" about it and expectations about it and upon the recipient. So then, their "gift" becomes not a pleasant situation. And they use it as a way to criticize, the recipient. Passive aggressive and bully like actions, results upon... the gift recipient. Then, it puts the recipient in a bad position, of having to.... "please" the gift giver. Of that expensive present etc.
Vicious cycle ensues.

Perhaps, instead of texting her yourself, the kids, could have called her to thank her, too. But again, you wouldn't know to do this... because no one can read... your sister's mind and know what HER expectations are, that she attached to those gifts she gave your children.
So again, this turns into a misunderstanding and an unpleasant, thing.
Then, your sister will probably hang it over your heads, and bring it up again and again about what bad manners they have etc. and how you are not teaching them well etc.

I hope you told her you had already mailed the thank you cards to her??????????
It is just not according to HER timeline of when it should have been done.
And then again, no one can please... people like this, perfectly enough.
They are NEVER, pleased.
They are controlling and on a power trip.

I have a sibling like that.

Call her. Don't text or e-mail, but call and tell her how hurt you are. She needs to know how this has affected you. Tell her, calmly, that the kids opened their presents on the 25th and they sent the thank you's out today and that you are so hurt by her e-mail that you wish that she had never even sent the gifts.

Your sister has horrible manners! Does she often give gifts for her own gratification? My friend was that way. She would be upset if you didn't thank her a certain number of times! I finally told her that it was unkind to make someone grovel for a gift and that her gifts weren't given in kindness if she was only doing it to stroke her own ego. *sigh* Sorry you have to defend yourself against your sister!

Added- Your note to her was VERY gracious! Great job!

Wow, talk about rude. Your sister, that is...

If it were me, I'd keep the reply short. "I had texted you to let you know that we had received the presents. That said, we did work on thank yous and they are waiting to go out in today's mail. I apologize for any confusion.It was not anyone's intention to slight you in the least."

I would leave it at that. In fact, I wouldn't even bring it up again unless she does. Are her kids *always* perfect, and is she *always* the perfect parent? Not likely. I don't think you owe her anything other than a short explanation. Let her fume if she needs to... life is too short.

With the holidays, I really don't even hope to see thank yous until late January or even February. I have my son do the most important ones (to grandparents) within a week or so, because I *know* my MIL gets hung up on this stuff, but most people are fine with a bit later. In fact, most of the time I don't receive thank yous from people, and I've kind of let it go. I believe in teaching my son to do this, and doing it myself, because it is about caring for our relationships with others and showing gratitude, but I would never berate someone else or their kids over it. How sad-- and how *rude*!

Wait until you calm down and then just say, the notes are in the mail and sorry you're so upset. I wouldn't make excuses or try to explain anything. Just sorry you're upset. And then let it go.

I agree that she's being so rude and thoughtless. If she's not usually like this I would wonder if her holidays weren't so good and she's cranky as a result. My reaction would be similar to yours.

Depending on my relationship with her, I might, much later, ask her why she was so quick to take offense and express about how her comments affected me. I'd only do that if I thought doing so would improve our relationship. Otherwise it's probably best to just let the whole thing go.

My son will do his this week, so youre ahead of me! Lol

I would look for guidelines on the Emily Post website & copy & paste for your reply. Geez, she sounds wrapped a little tight!

Hello S.,

I am not sure if/how I would address your sister but just to give you some input, my DS always writes his notes before school resumes after the holiday break; this year they're back on the 7th.

I don't think your text message really stands in place of them sending a formal thank you note, but as an acknowledgement that the gifts arrived so she wouldn't think they were lost somewhere in shipping; a point she may have misinterpreted.

My 11 year old will be writing his notes today and tomorrow and they will be sent by the end of the week. I don't think your timeline is at all unrealistic and commend you for teaching and encouraging your kids to engage in this part of the social contract.

I feel like I'm kind of all over the place with this response but I think I would simply wait for the thank you notes to arrive and see if/what her response is. Perhaps she will feel out of line for her premature email?? Just my 2 cents. Happy Holidays and New Year... S.

Some people give freely as an expression of love. But some people gift because they feel obligated to, or because they want appreciation or admiration for their generosity, or even because they want to obligate others. I really don't consider those tranactions "gifts."

My mom was big on being proper and looking good to others, and she'd make me and my sisters write thank-you notes immediately, often the same day the gifts were received. This task was made SO unpleasant, with yelling, threats and punishment from my mother, that we usually wished we had never received the gifts in the first place. Some years became so ugly that I put those gifts away and never looked at them again. To this day, at age 65, I don't want ANYBODY to give me "gifts" with all those messy strings attached.

I love your note to your sis. Tactful!

I think that you got the kids to write them and post them in about a week and she shouldn't be so quick to rant about it.

My SD received her gifts when she dropped in the other day to get the car and go out for NYE/see her mom/etc. She will probably write her thank yous sometime this week for the things she received. I am frankly happy if she writes and mails them with in 2 weeks, given how much she bounces houses.

Hopefully your sis chills out after your note.

Sounds like she is wound a bit tightly.

I am all for Thank you notes and we do them like clockwork around here but I don't waste my time waiting on a thank you note from anyone because so many people just don't do it anymore. Poor manners, Oh yes... but not worth my time to watch the mailbox for a thank you note. A thank you note is very appreciated because it lets me know a gift was received and the receipient is thankful. I d o ont keep track of how many days it takes someone to get a note in the mail. GEESH.

I think your sister is a little too rigid to be expecting a thank you note and acting the way she did.

For the record... our notes went out today. My daughter's birthday is 12/27 so she is doing double duty on cards.

Send your sister a bottle of wine to calm her down a bit.

ETA... I love the response to your sister!!

Well I am probably totally socially incorrect here, but this is my take. A gift is a gift. I give a gift to see the joy or their faces, or because I love or care about them or just because I know they could use it, but mostly I give a gift because I want to and it makes me feel good to give it. I don't even have to be there and I certainly don't expect or need or even want a thank you. My gift giving is enough thanks for me and satisfies me enough. I expect nothing in return as this is a gift and my happiness from giving it is all I need. And having this attitude, when we receive gifts in the presence of others we do immediately say thank you give a hug or kiss or whatever, however if the person is not present, I will thank them when I see them or talk to them but if enough time time has gone by I don't, and never send thank you cards. Now I did after my baby shower, and I have done it after something special like that. but just for Christmas gifts, or birthday gifts or random gifts, no I say thank you if they are here or soon after if I talk to them, but I almost never send thank you cards. Honestly in my opinion I get enough reward knowing I gave a gift, and yes I do say say thank you if they are there because it is natural and feels right to me, or if it is soon after and feels natural or right, but again I don't send cards out, and I figure others are like me and expect nothing in return for their gifts because like me, I assume they already received the reward of giving and that is all they need. Now I know I am wrong in assuming this as many people do not give gifts with the attitude I do. I find it hard to understand their attitude and so don't work hard to appease them. And I understand my actions could cut down on ever receiving a gift from those people again, but again in my opinion, I really would rather not receive those gifts if they expect something in return. I would rather just get gifts from those like myself who find the joy in giving. Otherwise to me it isn't worth it, and I am happy to not receive gifts from them. Having said all this I do understand my attitude is not the socially acceptable attitude and I understand why others don't follow what I do. But if I were in your position, I would honestly write and say you don't want gifts where something is expected in return. i would tell her gift giving is enough thanks and if she doesn't feel that way then perhaps she shouldn't be sending gifts at all. I do think your note to her was a good response.

Wow, you took the high road so well :)

My little ones have been coloring and writing their thanks over the last few days (they are six, so it takes a while to get them done). Anyone who thinks that they "deserve" an immediate note needs to re-evaluate their priorities. As a mom, I feel that it's perfectly OK for my angels to PLAY with their toys before putting pen to paper. Since I am very traditional, I insist that they do write PAPER thanks. That, it seems, is unusual enough these days :(

Glad you didn't fire back what we all would have wanted to tell her. It's too bad she can't stumble onto this post to realize the error of her ways...

Updated

Wow, you took the high road so well :)

My little ones have been coloring and writing their thanks over the last few days (they are six, so it takes a while to get them done). Anyone who thinks that they "deserve" an immediate note needs to re-evaluate their priorities. As a mom, I feel that it's perfectly OK for my angels to PLAY with their toys before putting pen to paper. Since I am very traditional, I insist that they do write PAPER thanks. That, it seems, is unusual enough these days :(

Glad you didn't fire back what we all would have wanted to tell her. It's too bad she can't stumble onto this post to realize the error of her ways...