Thank You! - Savannah, GA

I am so sorry to hear about your pain.
I pray the Lord will help you in this time. I hope that you can turn to Him and find comfort.
Losing someone is so painful. I know you're hurting and that nothing anyone can say will take the pain away.
I also know I have felt that pain and wanting to die seemed the best way to relieve it.
God will help you through it. He loves you and your sweet girl so much. You are beautiful to Him. You are so lovely.
I would love to encourage you to read a book called Captivating. It has helped me a lot.
May the Lord ease the pain you feel.
May you be able to overcome this and face the day and do all that is set before you. Your daughter needs you now more than ever.
I pray that you have the strength to face each moment and friends to help you in times of great need.
In His love.
Thank you Lord Jesus
Amen

There is nothing you can do or not do that will make someone love you. That's his problem of being unable to love another person. There are people in this world that are incapable of loving another person or even themselves. I understand that premature babies that are kept in the hopital for several months many times have this "attachment" disorder. My daughter's first husband was like this. He was born 3 mos premature and I don't think he could form an attachment to another. He did not care about her or the 2 children. Walks away from relationships and never looks back. In time the hurt you are feeling will gradually disappear. Get counseling if you can or find a divorce group if possible. I know many churches do have divorce support groups. Do something to help another person. Try to stay busy. It is normal to grieve a lost relationship so you are not different from anyone else. V.

Oh M., please be encouraged. Things will get better and your heart will mend. You're trying to figure out what you did wrong, but you've done nothing. When you begin to accept the fact that he made his decisions on his own you will be able to move forward and feel whole again. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. God loves you M., and so do I. Be blessed.

Your husband will never admit it, but he does miss you and your daughter deep down. But for some reason, this other stuff is more important to him. So he has his priorities screwed up. My first husband left me after 5 years with our 3 year old daughter and I grieved for him for about 2 years. I finally went out and made friends and had fun on my own. Just remember that your daughter is #1 priority, but you also need time for you to be a good mommy. Concentrate on God and all he can do for you. I never understood how I got through all my depression after he left, but it was after all that I was being carried through it...Footprints...

Best of Luck to you. You are doing the right thing, just stay away from him.

Your pain is a very personal thing and, for you, the whole world seems unreal and lonely. It's a universal feeling when someone you love does a 180 in life and, all of a sudden, you mean nothing.

Seemingly.

M., you're so special. Your little girl thinks so. Your family thinks so. All of us here think so. One day really soon, YOU will think so.

In the meantime, cry if you want. We'll be here to hold your hand and help you keep your head up. Honey, it hurts some of us, too, because your pain is so close to what some of us went through and it might still be fresh for a few. For me, it's been so long ago that I don't think about him so much anymore. I don't remind myself of the pain of rejection because I know deep in my heart that I gave it my absolute best shot to make it work. I've moved on and moved forward and, eventually, you will, too.

Your husband is the way he is. You cannot and will not change him no matter what. He has to make the first step to recovery and you cannot do it for him. Leave him be and let him live his own life. You take the miracle God has given you and love her silly. Give back to God and watch what happens. *big huge hug*

Hi M.,

My husband has told me MANY times that men compartmentalize their emotions. They can go long periods of time without even opening the box that they have placed their feelings in. I'm sure there are times that it hurts him too but he probably won't ever show it.

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this and I will pray for your healing. It can be done.

God bless!

M.

M., don't blame yourself. It wasn't anything you did or didn't do. I went thru somewhat of a similar situation and I hurt just like you. I didn't have a child by my husband but we had 8 years together and he just decided that he wasn't in love with me anymore and one day he just left and didn't look back. He doesn't help me financially and could care if I lived or died. But it gets a little easier as time go by and you start to see things that you never noticed before about him and your relationship. You are probably better off without him. If he were the one for you, he would never have hurt you. The right person is out there that deserves you for who you are.

Dear M., I know you hurt very much you can get through this one day at a time. As for him well this maybe harsh but you said he's cheated and he's been at bars and drinks I can tell you this drinking makes people do stupid this and he may have a drinking and drug problem. It's not you his mind is so clouded he cannot respond as someones else would say that isn't drinking. Now don't get me wrong I don't think every person that has a drink at all has a problem, I know for a fact if a person has to drink to have fun or has to put it before his own family there's a problem. I had a husband that beat on me he drank he did any and every kind of drug he could he's again serving time and I never could understand why I wasn't important enough for him to stop. I'll tell you why, because a person has to want to stop for themselves first then and only then can they allow life to fall into place where it effects others in a manner that they stop for their family. You will get through this your little star (daughter) will give you the strength you need to over come anything, you can do this, in fact you can do anything..why? because you know how to love. I'm still praying for you...remember you are strong!

You are not tne only one that has gone thru this You are going to jurt and a lot But time cures everything I went thru something similiar and I survive and became a stronger person for it If you ever need to talk I am here for you

I think you shouldn't hold onto your past so tightly i'm not saying forget completely just let go a little bit I think that will really help

M.,
Trust me when I say, time heals all pain. Also, everything happens for a reason. We need to be careful to hold on to a person, when they don't show love and respect for us. There is a hidden message and lesson in this pain. Please identify what it is, so you will not have to experience unnecessary pain again. We as women have a tendency of not being true to ourselves. So when the man reveals his true color, it is not a poor reflection on us, they were like that in the beginning and most cases then not, we as women chose to disregard.

Obtain and maintain your faith in God. Trust me, he will pull you through. And one day you will wake up without feeling like your heart has been broken. If you need to cry, it is okay. I just pray that you learn, learn, learn, so you will not have to visit this test of pain again. You will be fine. Many of us have been through it, so you are not alone. Just have faith, pray and learn from the pain. LJB

M.,
You will be stronger, believe me! keep your faith up. You have a daughter right? well, she is your inspiration to keep going. Smile even if you don't feel like it, it will make you feel better. Best wishes!!!

First thing is to put blame where blame is due,on him.And there is no reason to try and understand his reason,hell...he may not even know.He clearly feels different about you than you do him.And it's clear that his feelings happened over time and he never told you until it was too late.Now it's time for you to be s selfish as he is.Start thinking only about yourself and your daughter and leave him and start fresh if you haven't already left.I can imagine it's painful..me and my husbandhave been together 11 yrs now and it would def hurt if he just up and wanted to leave.But beating yourself up is just giving him all the control.If anyone should feel this bad it's him.And since he doesn't you need to drop the baggage and take the positive from this.You never know it but you could meet a guy later on that is 10 times better than the one you have now.

M.,

I'm reading what you've written, and looking at all the words of encouragement you've received, and I know that it probably helps you. A little. And I know the pain you feel is way bigger right now than all these kind words to you are. And my heart is in my throat for you right now.

Faith is a verrrrrrrrrrrrry hard thing to come by right about now. And because of another person's actions, or lack thereof, you are on the floor.

Here's a suggestion. Now I don't know you, M., and I would never profess to have any kind of magic bullet to take your pain away, but I do know something else: Sometimes laughter is the best medicine. Pure, irreverant humor. There are quite a few books out that have made me laugh out loud just in reading the previews, and they are all by Carrie Fisher. She's Debbie Reynolds' daughter, and has written some real gems. If you know much about her, she has dealt with, anong many other things -- her partner and father of her teenaged daughter leaving her for a man -- heartbreaking to most -- and definitely to her -- but once she wrote about it in her books, somehow her biting wit always shines through.

When you can, try to get to a bookstore and at least check her out.

And failing that, I too send you all the hope and good wishes that can be sent your way.

E.

I am glad that things are better for you physically but am sorry to hear you are so sad. I pray that God will send the comforter, the Holy Spirit to you to heal you at this time in your life. Keep busy! Every minute that you stay busy is another that you do not think of him. I will pray that the Lord sends you the person meant for you into your life. Just keep talking about your feelings and we as a group are all here for you and you have my email if you need me.

Dear M.,

This wound will take time to heal. You've already recieved my messages about my past relationship that was very similar to yours. That was only a little over 5 years long (yours was 10) and it still took me more than 2 years to be truely happy again. It is likely that it might take you longer. You have your daughter, fill your life with her for now.

I remember for weeks after my breakup, I thought about him constantly. How could I think of anything else? I had let my entire life revolve around him and his happiness. I wasn't even sure what made me happy anymore. Maybe you feel this way, and I know I don't have to tell you it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, especially when he doesn't seem to care at all and you still care so much. (BTW same reaction with mine, his life didn't change at all). But after some time has passed, and you find yourself able to concentrate on other things, I urge you to work on yourself for a while. I noticed after my break up, I seemed to keep meeting the same kind of guy, with the same warning signs I already knew to look for. I finally decided that there must be something about me that was attracting this kind of person. I knew I wasn't happy with myself, (my self-esteem was soo low, I thought I'd never have a love like I had once had with him) I pretty much condemned myself to a life of lonliness and solitude. But once I decided it might be something about me, something that allows myself to get into these twisted relationships where I am never happy, I decided to work on myself for a while. I focused on my career, (you will be able to focus on raising your daughter as well) and I started doing things I liked. I got back in touch with some old friends and went out to dinner once in a while. I picked up some books I had been interested in.

Take a class (cooking, sewing, even belly dancing might be a good one:) Go to the movies with a girl-friend. Re-build your relationship with your family (I don't know about you but even though I never lost touch with my family, I had blown them off to make him happy so many times, that they no longer had any faith in my coming over when they invited me.)

This wound will heal M.. I know it's hard to hear right now when you're hurting so much, but this wound WILL heal. Look to the future because that is where all our hopes lie. My very best wishes.

M., I've just sent you a personal email. I hope I will hear from you.

You must believe what caring people are telling you. Your husband does hurt, he just cannot show that in the way you think he should. He is fighting his own demons and you can't do anything about it. It has nothing to do with you as hard as that might be to accept. He is lost and you cannot save him from himself. He'll have to come to his senses on his own. The worst thing you can do, for you and for him, is to allow his to have any control over your life. Control is a monster, it consumes lives and it's a terrible delusion. He is in a control state right now, threatening you, thinking he can manipulate you and keep you shattered and frail, so that you will stay where he needs you for his own suffering. It's a trap for you both and the best thing you can do is to break it. There'll never be any healing, changing, or happy future for either of you as long as you stay connected in this control trap. This isn't to say there is no hope for you and your husband to forge a new, healthier relationship down the road, I believe all things are possible, but you cannot do it from the way you are connnected right now. Find the strength through family, friends and programs and community to shore up all of your own self-esteem and be the model you want your daughter to learn from. Show her how a woman can be self-sufficient and strong. There's help for you here, accept that help and start breathing easier one day at a time. Please answer my private message M.. I feel God's hand on you and on me too, to offer support as that is the heart he has given me.

I know what you are going through, I've been through it too, with two small children, one of which has special needs. I learned these lessons. I once was so sad and in such pain I didn't want to live, but I chose to keep going for my kids. I got strong and I fought and kept my kids and became a very active advocate for single parents. I started a website for single parents at About.com and ran it for 5 years. I now own my own accessories design company and have married my high school sweetheart who is the best husband and father in the world to me me and my kids. I also still run a free, safe and private single parents forum. Someone else wrote to you encouraging you to join a divorce support group. That is great advice. I worked in children's ministry part time before my divorce and when it all started happening, my boss encouraged me to take the DivorceCare class. I didn't want to, I didn't think I needed it or that it would help, but I did it to appease my boss and I have to say it was the best gift I ever gave myself. I found my strength there and the ability to forgive and move forward in a positive way. My ex is now a more responsible father and while he still has his own demons and is still basically selfish and immature, he does love the kids and he has a role in their life that is 1000 times better than it ever would have been if we'd stayed together.

Life does go on. You will heal and find your strength and yes, even happiness will come back into your life. I'd love to be there for you, to listen and support you, because from this side of the mountain, I know you can do it.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I will never understand how a man can leave his family. Relationships are so difficult and they always will be, no matter who you're with but we'll never understand. As they say "this too shall pass." You will continue on with your life and things will change from day to day. Pray for guidance and strength and He will be there to protect you and your little one. Life's not fair but you can always find a way to turn the lemons into lemonade...it's so difficult but you will find a way...stay determined to remain on top of this situation and not allow it to bury you. You will be in my prayers.