Terrified to Tear

I was terrified too, but had an episiotomy and it was no biggie. It was sort of sore for a bit, but like I said, no biggie. I didn't feel it at all when it happened.

Just to letcha know... 10lb baby & no episiotomy & no tearing.

My nurse midwife massaged the opening with oil during the birth to help it stretch evenly (kind of life putting vaseline on chapped lips).

Another thing (grossness warning)... I didn't just push ask hard as I could while he was crowning (even though everyone was yelling push). Instead I treated it kind of like a big BM. Little bit, wait, little bit more, wait. Every time I felt the "limit" coming up I just kind of paused for a second. <laughing> Actually growled at some people to be quiet I was pushing as I wanted to push.

Look up Kegels on any pregnancy website--they are exercises that use your pelvic floor muscles (like starting and stopping with urination). I honestly meant to do them and just never did but had the most superficial tearing with both of my children--I had a couple of stitches but they weren't really necessary. Most tearing is worsened by having an episiotomy, so make sure you get plenty of information about that from your doctor and let him or her know if you do NOT want one. They probably also have some good information for you on kegel exercises.

U can google it or search on yahoo for exercizes! With my first child thr dr cut me first before having her and the second child I did tear when she was born but didn't feel it. And were it tore at the doc didn't stitch it. And the 3rd my epidural didn't work and streched with him but didn't feel it. The worse part was the lil bit to push him out. But nothing to worry bout! Nothing to be scared of. Good luck! Hope everything turns out good. And congrats on the baby!

I was afraid of this too. And my boyfriend and I read about the oil massage to the perineum. We were both reluctant so we never did it. I did a ton of Kegel exercises though. During the labor the ob/gyn will place his/her fingers in between the baby's head and your vaginal opening, and sort of follow it around adding pressure. He is stretching you lightly as you push. I only tore a little bit, and I didn't even feel it (only needed 2 stitches). Once she was out I didn't really feel anything down there except the poke from the numbing needle. So i'm not sure if it helped or not, but I plan on doing kegels again when I get pregnant with the next one. Hang in there!

There are a few major factors to prevent tearing badly:
- go without an epidural and you will have more control over the pushing. Riley described it exactly right, but in order to push in a controlled way you must have sensation, which is gone if you have an epi.
- don't get a routine episiotomy. There have been several large studies that show that they do not prevent large tears and they do not heal better than natural tears. Actually quite the opposite, an episiotomy is more likely to "tear out" and have a worse birth injury and if you tore naturally in the first place.
- stay off your back. Pushing on your back is THE WORST position you can be in. The only person it is beneficial for is your doctor, because he doesn't have to bend over or squat and has a nice field of vision. Here again, if you have an epidural, it will be hard to be in any other position but on your back...
Just as you I was terrified of tearing as well.
I had a natural non-medicated birth and only a tiny labial tear that I couldn't even feel anymore after a day or two. I do have a little scar, which I actually think is pretty cool! It really wasn't that bad at all...
Good luck!

You can do kegel exercises and perineum massage with oil leading up to the birth to help your area "down there." However, as someone who has never had an episiotomy but was allowed to tear, I will tell you I NEVER felt it! I did have epidurals, but during the first birth it was given too late and didn't really "take." When it was time to be stitched up I told the doctor to give me a shot of lidocaine or something, because I could feel everything, but I never felt the tear. When you're giving birth, the pressure on your perineum and vagina kind of cuts off the feeling there. You may feel a burning sensation, but most likely you will just feel an amazingly intense pressure -compared to the biggest, craziest BM you've ever taken times 20! It's okay - you'll be fine, and if it seems you're going to tear badly, they will give you an episiotomy. I was really scared of this too, but it's suprisingly okay! Look into the kegels and the perineum massage -it does help condition the area.

I love Riley's response...where were you for my second birth, lol.
I had an episiotomy with my first, no big deal afterwards.
My second...I was in pain, didn't like my nurse (she didn't like me also), my epidural fell out, and the nurse kept saying 'he's almost there' over and over! So finally I said 'what do you mean he's almost there' and the response was '2 maybe 3 pushes.' Well, that's all it took, but in the process of listening to her advice I caught the doctor off guard and I ripped. I knew I ripped, but I didn't feel pain and the healing wasn't any worse than #1. Maybe because I knew what to expect with healing after childbirth. Now I know what I did wrong...should have taken it slower. Oh well, at least the intense pain was gone.

My midwife also used massage, which really helped, and she didn't have me start pushing until quite late in the game so the baby was pretty low in the birth canal and I had to push for less than 30 minutes. I did still tear a little, but not bad. I did have an epidural and I was sitting, not lying down.

Just do your kegels and it will help..

The doctor will do a sort of massage to help stretch you out as the baby is coming, the skin thins out a lot and if you do tear, it is not what you feel.. It is the pressure of the baby (feels like really strong Menstrual cramps + a few degrees more).

I did not even feel the tearing and only needed 2 stitches..

I had an ob that lightly stretched me, hard to explain. I am pretty sure he was doing it as the head came out. I was one of the fortunate.. and i think rare...and never needed and episotomy or tore. (i had 4 kids) If you do tear... make sure you ask for a numbing needle before they stitch. My girlfriend and sister were stitched without one and they said it was terrible.

I do not have specific advice other than to reassure you that tearing is not the end of the world. :)
It is not comfortable, but your focus at that time is getting the baby out, not exactly what is going on.
I tore with both of mine, and if you do, I suggest witch hazel pads that you can put there that help with the pain/discomfort.
(I actually found that the tears were not as bad as the 'skid marks' or just small scratches (for lack of a better description) that also happened.)
Anyway. Good luck with the birth - and maybe someone else has some better info on what you can do to prepare.... I think sometimes seeing someone else experience something is worse than doing it yourself. Try not to worry. :)

I didn't tear with either one of my kids but I did have to be cut. The first time wasn't all that fun but the second time I had a great OB and while I was in labor (and I think you can do this when you start to dilate too) is to message the area right there. Run your fingers along it making a circle pushing outwards. This helps relax the outer area and helps it stretch more. After my OB and the nurse did this, I only had a few stitches and I swear my recovery time was cut in more than half!!!

http://www.ivillage.com/perineal-massage-your-how-guide/6...

And if you google perineal massage, you'll find some videos too.

Good luck and Congrats!!
S.

Most women will not tear or will have a minor tear just into the skin.

That said, it is always better to tear than to have an episiotomy (cut). Tearing occurs along a natural weak spot and is usually shallow. An episiotomy cuts into skin and muscle. An epis is also more likely to tear further- women who have very severe (3th and 4th "degree") tears into their bottom are usually women who had already had an episiotomy, either with the current delivery or a previous one. Women with episiotomies are more likely to have future problems with incontinence of urine and stool and pain. The only valid reason to perform an episiotomy is for severe fetal distress.

That said, one method to avoid tearing is performing prenatal perineal massage. This has to be done weeks before your due date. Google it for specific instructions. Research has found this to be effective. Massaging your perineum at delivery like some people described actually increases your risk of tears in some cases because it causes the area to become swollen and irritated.

I am a nurse midwife and I recommend prenatal perineal massage and do not touch the perineum during delivery (except to provide a little support).

Good luck with your delivery and remember that epidural or not, you are unlikely to feel a tear at the time of delivery due to everything that is going on. Giving birth is amazing so try to let yourself enjoy and let the worries go:)

Well, I only scanned the posts, but I have had three kids, and two episiotomies, which healed great, quick, easy, and no problems.

With my third, the doctor just let me tear. It was terrible, took forever to heal, and made the whole next three weeks miserable. It was far bigger than either episiotomy was and took a few years before it felt right.

I would just have to disagree with the people who think tearing is better, unless you like pain!

I would talk to your doctor, and if they say tearing is best, well, then there you go. If it were me though, and it did not look like massage was going to work, I would get the clean cut and easy healing every time.

M.

I am a first time mom, with my newborn being just 7 weeks old. Although this was my first delivery, and I really didn't know what to expect, I believe that my tearing was pretty severe.
Now, here's the good part... the delivery nurse told me to ask for a product called "epifoam" when I went to my recovery room. I don't think a lot of people have heard of it, because I've asked all of my friends that have had children and they hadn't. Anyway, it dispenses just like a hair "mouse" with the same texture and look. It is a numbing foam that you apply to the area that will not only numb, but it cools it as well. This is by far the best stuff I had throughout the healing process! I went through two small canisters in my 48hr stay and another once I got home. There was a day when I did not have it (b/c of pharmacy issues) and I tried the tucks pads out of desperation and also sitz baths. IMO they don't hold a candle to the prescription epifoam, which only cost $11.
By the way, my doctor and all of the nurses new that I was breastfeeding my newborn but check with your doctor to make sure if that's the course you take.

http://www.drugs.com/mtm/epifoam.html

HTH!

One of the best ways to prevent this is massaging the perineum. In the long run though, tearing is much safer, and heals better than women who have episiotomies. Also, there is less long term damage.
Simple tell your provider you do NOT consent to an episiotomy. They are just outdated procedures that have no benefit.

I had 3rd-degree tearing during my first pregnancy. Was it pleasant? No. Was recovery-time longer? Yes. Did I recover completely? Yes. Witchhazel pads and sitz-baths got me through the first couple of months! ^_^ My doctors and nurses tried to massage the area, but I had an area that just refused to stretch. I'm not sure you can know whether that is the case in advance, although the doctor knew during labor and told me I had an area that was refusing to stretch.

I am now in my 3rd-trimester of my second pregnancy, with the knowledge that I will probably tear again (usually those who tear once have a higher likelihood of tearing again), but it's all worth it. Besides, I can't imagine watching someone tear - I think that experience might damage me more than actually going through it! My doctor has recommended rubbing my vaginal area with baby oil to help soften the skin (and scar tissue), and of course we will avoid an episiotomy. The reasoning for this, according to my doctor, is because if you try to rip paper, well, there is some resistance. But if you put a little cut in the paper and then try to rip, the paper rips at the cut, always. They are necessary sometimes, but usually should be avoided.

As a final note, I did have an epidural, but I don't believe this was the cause. At the end, I was able to feel everything. Completely. Powerfully. I easily felt every contraction, all the pressure, and I absolutely knew when to push without anyone telling me. If an epidural is done correctly, you can feel all of that. Also, since the doctor told me during labor that I had some skin that wasn't stretching, I think it's quite bold to blame it on the epidural.

Please don't worry about things like this going into your birth. It is a crazy, unpredictable experience, and at the end of it, you'll have your baby. Don't worry about what's going to happen or stress out. What will be will be, and there is little you can do to change it, so worrying about it just causes additional stress. Good luck.