Terrible Twos?? - San Diego,CA

I have always been a parent who doesn't yell at my child and uses positive discipline and all that so I know when my daughter hit "terrible 2s" it was not because I'm an irresponsible parent. You WILL know when it happens. With my daughter it was literally like night and day. One day she was a great listener and was an "easy" child. She didn't throw many tantrums or anything. The next day she would not listen, started having time-outs, throwing tantrums in stores and at home, and would yell. It subsides as you guide them and teach them, but you WILL know when it happens lol. The day it happens you will be like oh she's just grumpy today and then it will happen the next day and the next and the next lol. It just means their attitudes and listening skills drastically change in a very short period of time... my daughter hit hers around 27 months old. They are testing boundaries and pushing that line
I totally agree with Hazel. While I am giving an example of the behavior as I have seen the drastic change people consider terrible twos, I don't like the phrase and don't think only twos are "terrible", it's just different than the compliant baby and takes a patience adjustment with parent/s.

I hate this term because it implies that all 2 yo are brats, when in reallity, it is the parents job to guide and teach the kids and the childs behavior is a reflection on mom and dad. It is easier for parents to blame it in the terrible twos instead of taking responsibilty for their kids behavior.

Updated

I hate this term because it implies that all 2 yo are brats, when in reallity, it is the parents job to guide and teach the kids and the childs behavior is a reflection on mom and dad. It is easier for parents to blame it in the terrible twos instead of taking responsibilty for their kids behavior.

As someone who works with young children, I really, really dislike this phrase. When people start complaining about their children's Terrible Twos I always want to tell them "Well, guess what? This is only a preview of Three!"

Some parents are offended by "two/toddler" behavior simply because the baby is no longer as controllable as they once were. The child is developing their own sense of autonomy. Children were not put on the earth for the primary purpose of doing exactly what we say or having only "pleasant" emotions for the parents. Their personality is coming to the fore, and boy, do they flex it. Just as you stated in your question, Krys, toddlers are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing for the healthy development of their own person. This involves testing adult-imposed boundaries, letting their feelings be known, and even having tantrums.

Some people feel that tantrums are not appropriate at any age. My feeling is this: tantrums are a very lower-brain, primitive response to frustration, and from a human development standpoint, this is very appropriate and normal. We cannot physiologically make the brain develop any faster. We can decide to distract/help our little ones when they have tantrums, either by offering them something they "can" do (most toddler tantrums are about frustration, not with a manipulative motive, as some would think), or by providing them a safe place to let that anger out. I don't hold their hands during tantrums, or tend to a child who is tantruming, but I don't punish either. At the point that a child is tantruming, they have lost control of themselves. Punishing them for this inability to contain their emotions at such a young age seems very parent-centric, and may cause emotional problems for the child later on in life. They may feel that expressing their anger is unsafe or detrimental to their person. This can have lifelong consequences for people as they develop their adult relationships and their own families. Many people have a difficult time being in touch with their feelings because of this sort of squelching.

Sorry, off on a tangent, there. I believe that a lot of people who do consider two "terrible" had NO IDEA what they were getting into when they decided to create another independent human being! It's a challenge, for sure. But terrible? I've worked with a couple extrememly challenging kids, and this isn't even close. :)

I think its just a term for all of us to lump our toddlers rotten behavior into a category that we can all relate to, and feel better that other parents are suffering along w/ us :)

It's them coming into their independence. testing the waters, and seeing how far they can pushus before we snap. But SOME are lucky enough to have that mellow little child, who is sweet and compliant all the time.......

Yes, the term "terrible twos" refers to the time when your sweet adorable baby who wanted only to be with you and smile at you all day, all of a sudden turns into a willful, curious, toddler who seems to challenge your every move.
And yes, it is all those things they are "supposed" to be doing - totally normal behavior :) Of course that doesn't mean you have to let them rule the roost! This is when discipline and understanding, direction and love become the most sought after thing in your household :)
In my experience the terrible two actually happen a couple of times, around 19 months old and then again around three years old... but I prefer to label my children as terrific instead of terrible.

It's that magical age when kids start to realize that they have their own wants and needs and start to assert themselves, regardless of what mom and dad say or do. It's quite the challenge but I don't think it's right to call it "terrible" when it's in fact a normal part of childhood development, and it doesn't necessarily happen right when the child turns 2 (for me it was more like when DD was around 18 months - she is now almost 4 and we are STILL dealing with it!). I would strongly suggest you check out some books on toddler development (like Happiest Toddler on the Block and Toddler 411) so you'll have some idea what to expect.

It's an easy catch phrase that's been used to describe developmentally accurate behavior in toddler's that we, as adults, find challenging. It can happen earlier or later than two but it's most common to start around two because that's when they start flexing their independence muscles and trying to communicate without having all of the verbal skills.

Hi. It's exactly what you described. It's the point where your toddler discovers he/she can do things for themselves and becomes more independent and "tests" the boundaries we parents set. None of my children have gone through the "terrible twos". I called it the "terrific twos". :) Instead, they reached that point at about 3 yrs. old. In fact, I'm having one of those days as I type this response! lol They figure out that they have their own mind and their own ways of wanting to do things. It's totally normal and to be expected. Some parents are lucky to not have it happen at all.

Our daughter turned two and we said, "we don't know what people are even talking about!". Within two months we were eating our words. In a nutshell- defiance.

My daughter turned 2 in March, and within a week had turned into a different person! That's not to say that she's terrible at all...just her behavior can be very frustrating! She really is a good girl, but is now learning to push the boundaries, assert her newly realized independence, and developing her personality. All those things are totally normal, but tiring nonetheless...you just have to pick your battles and realize that they are just "acting their age". It seems like she will sometimes just fight me for the hell of it: a battle over going to the park, or eating waffles for breakfast, which she loves. I've heard that 3 is tougher...I just try to remember that I am raising a strong, independent little girl!

Hi Krys, I have been a mom for 27 years and I believe the terrible two's is what some parent made up to explain away their childs bad behavior. Not all toddlers throw tantrums, and there are toddlers who do listen and who don't climb on things that they are not suppose to, BUT you have the other ones who son't behave well so it's a way for a parent to make excusses for their child's bad behavior and they call it the "Terrible Two's" the reason it;s around the age of two is because most parents in this genenration do not believe in early discipline, so by two thwie child is so set in their ways they display terrible behavior. My husband and I had 3, we did early discipline and didn't really have any of the behavior issues that moms write in about today. So don't put to much stock in this term, it's an excusses that caught on. J.

Kathleen R has it right on.

The "terrible Twos" can stretch into the teens if you don't use enough disipline and establish boundries and most importantly show (SHOW!) enough love for your newly becoming-independent-I-want-to-do-it-myself child.

Good luck to you and yours.

Hello, The "terrible twos" start at around 18 months, but it varies with each child. This is when a child realizes he/she can control the world around them. They will test your patience and try to be a big boy/girl without the self-control they need. When they can't do something or they aren't allowed to do something, they become frustrated and this is when the "tantrums" start to come out. Their minds are growing so fast, but their bodies are not always growing as fast.
K. K.

If your 2 year old is a "model citizen" just be thankful! :) There's no such thing as "normal" when it comes to raising kids! :) The main reason why 2 yr olds have the reputation for being "terrible" is because this is the stage when they usually test their boundaries, love to use the word "no" against any "authority figure" and are totally fearless (therefore a danger to themselves). In what seems like the blink of an eye, your cute little baby who would just blissfully stare at a mobile and coo, turns into this little dynamo who wants to do what he/she wants to do, when he/she wants to do it, with absolute disregard for anyone else on the planet! To say 2 year olds are "self-centered" is an understatement! We need to "pick our battles" and be consistent. This is the time to start teaching them consequences for their actions. It can also be one of the most wonderful times, if you are willing to pack away all your precious breakables, are willing to let them "win little battles" (like what to wear) and stand firm on the important ones (like always strapping the child into a car seat, whether they like it or not)! It's like seeing a butterfly emerge from its cocoon - until age 2 most kids are pretty similar, their "true nature" starts emerging at age 2 and you basically have until around age 6 to lay the foundation for a good relationship between you and your child. With lots of patience, the "terrible twos" need not be terrible at all! :) Enjoy this special time with your child.

I found this book to be a most fascinating look into the toddler mind: http://www.amazon.com/Making-Terrible-Twos-Terrific-Rosem...

You're not missing anything. ;)

"not listening, climbing on things, having tantrums over everything, screaming, etc etc?" Doesn't that sound terrible to you??? Just because it's what they are supposed to be doing at that age, doesn't mean it's not terrible for us moms (and dads too). I'm sick of it already!

To me the terrible twos always meant tantrums. Since my 2.5 year old son rarely has tantrums, and if he does have one it only lasts a minute or so, I consider terrible twos to be whining and not listening. As someone else said it relates to independence. All kids are different, although I think around two they all act up a bit. Also, I have heard it was named poorly, and that three is actually the really bad time. I don't know since we haven't hit 3.

My daughter is terrible one!!! nah she's a good girl but every once in awhile she'll turn on you. kiss you one moment and scratch you in the next. I think it was just a phase I'm glad it has passed.

its actually the terrible 3's. for me it appears later in the 2's and then, so far, well into the threes. they are an angel one minute and an alien the next. totally unpredictable.

Three is worse than 2, and you will know when it happens to you.