That's a big one.
Children need to feel control and have power over things. How will they ever learn to use it properly if they don't experience it.
Seems like it's time for a family plan. Working together, you lay out expectations and what can happen after the expectations are met.
In our house, school work (old classwork, homework, and daily reading....and Kumon)and chores are done before any play, play dates, TV, drawing, games, etc. I never waiver. At times, I do decide that some piece of HW is too large for one day and help divide it up over the week, so it is manageable.
We have chores that need to be done. We sat down as a family with the list of jobs that need to be done. Then we picked. My daughter dusts the stairs, collects trash from upstairs once a week, clears her dishes after every meal, clears the entire table once a week, sets the table 3x a week (days decided upon based on her schedule), and cleans up her room, toys from other rooms, and playroom EACH WEEK. Certain jobs have days assigned, so they happen before play.
Work together as a family to create the expectations and he'll buy in to it.
In another posting a mom said she does not tie allowance to chores. But if she has to do her child's chore, she charges him for it and deducts it from his allowance. Sounds great to me. I'm adding that into our routine.
Stephanie