Temper Tantrums and Fits

The book "What To Expect The Toddler Years" is real great. I suggest that.

Next, your baby is young... they don't even know how to communicate. Their emotions are not even fully developed yet... nor do they understand how to cope with frustration. Its hard for the baby too....

Is she napping regularly???? Some babies and kids, get like that when:
1) they are over-tired
2) they are tired
3) they are hungry
4) They are over-stimulated.

At this age... distraction and redirection is what is suggested. You cannot "lecture" a baby at this age... they are not cognitively there yet.
Jut try hugging her.... take her out when she is NOT tired or over-tired. And I never took my kids out at nap time either. That is what I did with my kids as babies. Then they were in a better mood.

Babies, when over-stimulated.... will also cry/scream... because it is their only way of "shutting-out" what is bothering them. They don't have the fully developed skills... or talking or communicating succinctly yet.
Sometimes when out... all that hussle and bussle/noises/rushing around, will sometimes tweak a baby... because its just an over-load on their senses....

So, try to figure out what her triggers are... and what tweaks her... and get to know HER 'cues' of discomfort etc.

Sometimes, just blowing gently on their face... will get them out of their "fussy" moment.
Or start blowing bubbles... that is what I did. It distracts them...

A baby this age is going through TONS of changes... cognitively and physically... AND they CANNOT do... what is in their heads. They don't have the coordination nor communication to do everything they may want. So they get frustrated. It is growing-pains... for the child. Its not easy for them.....

all the best,
Susan

I am a certified Homeopath and you might like to google the homeopathic remedy Chamomile and give her a few doses of it.

I hope you take her needs into account often during your average day. Babies and toddlers want their way, just as adults want their way. She is realizing she's not simply an extension of you, and is developing clear desires of her own.

This is a good thing; it's a normal stage, and it would be worrisome if she didn't care about anything – she'd sit there like a cute little lump and not develop physically or socially. It's her job right now to grasp everything within view and interact with it. Being denied intriguing objects or being repeatedly dragged away from things she's enjoying is going to bring a strong, frustrated response, especially before she has the language skills to describe what she wants and needs.

But there are creative ways to guide those responses, and it's often possible to prevent the situations in the first place. That's up to our adult ingenuity. Fortunately, there are people who have lots of expertise we can learn from.

Some of the best techniques to use with littles is to keep tempting no-no's out of sight and out of mind; to have a plan for those times when the child desperately wants something that she can't have anyway; to give advance notice when she'll have to stop doing something she wants and move on to another activity; to redirect her attention (this usually works well, because so many things are interesting at this age); to restrain her hands calmly and use a positive phrase like "Gentle, please," if she tries to strike others or hit herself out of frustration; and most of all, empathize sincerely with what she wants. This last point alone will help transform his experience of the world from an unfair place of constant deprivation to one of feeling cared for and understood.

I hope you'll get Dr. Harvey Karp's book, The Happiest Toddler on the Block, to learn positive, creative ways to interact with your little girl. You'll be able to keep your household so much calmer and more positive. "Yes" is a much more powerful and positive word to a little than "no," which kids quickly learn to ignore. Here's a lovely video of Dr. Karp demonstrating how he connects with whining, tantruming toddlers and convinces them it's worthwhile being on his team: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR.... .

Incidentally, after reading some of the other suggestions, there are developmental specialists who believe it's a mistake to isolate a young child in her room, close the door and walk away. At that age, separation can be a source of tremendous anxiety. The child doesn't understand the concept of having a time-out for the purpose of calming herself if that time-out leaves her feeling afraid and abandoned. And if those feelings come while she's in her crib, she may come to associate the crib with strong negative feelings. Not restful and relaxing at all.

Believe me I feel your pain. My three year old started at age one doing that and she still does it. Sometimes I let her finish her fit but I make her do it in her room. I tell her if she can't act right to go to her room and if she don't I put her there. Other times I will act sympathetic and hug her and sometimes it will work. You know, just say "What's wrong with my baby?" Stuff like that. As for public places, my husband will almost immediately leave and tell her that if she can't act right we are going bye-bye. Good luck because I think it is something they just have to grow out of. Just retain your sanity if possible.

My daughter around the same age would srawl out face-down on the floor, cry, and kick her legs and arm. You have to stop it or she could get hurt (I'm picturing her throwing her head back into a wall/table or out of your arms). Give her a *time-out*. My definition of time-out if different from most people I know.... not a punishment, but a time to recollect herself (and YOU too!). Put her in her crib, and let her calm down alone--she can have her paci or lovey or whatnot that's fine...close the door and don't come back in until she is quiet. Ask her if she feels better now and then pick her up (my personal rules are paci/lovey stay in bed). She will learn that she can't get a rise or reaction out of you and you can't give in to her wishes or she will keep doing it.

After a while it really gets on mommy's nerves, so I hope you are hiding your anger/frustration and don't yell at her, just scoop her up and sweetly tell her she can have a time-out to help her feel better. Then after she is calm and you get her up/out, try to do something nice if possible.

When I'm in public I try to preempt cranky kids by only going out when I know they are in good moods, and bringing toys/stickers/sippy cups/gerber snacks... to keep them happy if needed.

Good luck!

Don't allow her to have the tantrums. If you nip them now, she will never get in the habit. We nipped all of our kids first tantrums-including my baby who started at 8 months! Other two were around 18 months, but she started at 8 months! She tried a few more times until about 1 year, but now she only needs a warning at 16 months. The other two 3 and 5 have never thrown fits aside form the first ones they tried.

Continue to meet all her needs and be good to her all the time as I'm sure you already are, but tantrums are something pretty much every kids tries and continues (with a vengeance) if allowed. The reason for them doesn't matter. They should not be allowed. Kids are capable if impulse control and it only makes their lives better in every way to implement it as soon as possible. All my non spanking friend's kids had tantrums for years-some still do at age 5. Ours were done way before age 2.

The moment she starts an angry tantrum (obviously making sure she's not tired or hungry or sick or legitimately sad about something), give her a calm warning "no fits". As she continues, give her a firm swat-yes I said it, I have 3 kids who don't tantrum AT ALL and happily play instead-it's NOT the big deal people make of it and it's nowhere near as traumatic for you both as if you let her continue this and bend over backwards being nice about it while it escalates for years.

You need to discipline it at home to prevent it in public, and she may try it in public even after she knows better at home-that's what public restrooms are for. Either that or you can teach her that she's in charge of your family's errands and schedule by leaving if she acts up. That's also popular these days. My friend's son just throws fits when he feels like not doing something and voila, mom does his bidding and leaves.

Personally, I don't have time for that home alone with 3 while their dad travels. My schedule is tight. My kids behave in public. I swatted my oldest daughter ONCE at a department store for throwing a tantrum when it was time to leave and never again. My middle child knows from example he shouldn't try it. My baby has learned to stop a cry on a warning. I can take them all anywhere.

Time outs tend to let them relax and get comfortable after-or have a tantrum anyway, and this is not a deterrent that is nearly as quick as a sting to the butt as far as preventing the next one. Tricking her out of them with diversion to avoid a consequence also never teaches her not to have them, just puts it off until the next one tries to happen.

Keep calm, act immediately, always follow through, she'll learn very fast.