Temper Tantrums - Wrightstown,NJ

Two book I recently read that helped me to transform my attitude in the middle of a tantrum is, "How to Have A New Kid by Friday." and "On Becoming Toddler Wise". I no longer feel helpless and angry when my child is demanding and screaming, I remind myself that I am the parent, and that I don't have to plead, beg, demand or scream myself. A couple of weeks of this attitude and I saw a difference in the way my 22 month old related to me. Obviously I had to go though several dicipline techiniques (time out, a little pop on the leg, removal of a favorite toy) to find one that was most effective and not get too stuck on any one method, and different times and places call for different action. My suggestion is check out those books, and remember you are the parent.

I know what you mean. My son will be three in July. I have issues with my son having temper tantrums. It is normal at that age. when i am getting ready for work and I need to leave I say ok bye and grab my coat. I go to the door and say bye. My son quickly follows me and course is in tears saying mommy. I have started walking to car without his coat on and once he said I am cold, I put his coat on and asked him if he was going to behave and he will then say yes. I think he figured out that I was not going to deal with his behavior. I have had to force him in the car seat also. I know that is hard when they are mad and arching up at the back. I pull his arms through the harness and buckle him in. I usually look him in the eye and tell him to cut it out. I wish my son would want to go the potty but I know boys are harder to train. I wish you luck. I know they try our paitience but hang in there.

There are two kinds of advice out there-the most popular right now is how to put up with tantrums or manage them in creative ways so you feel industrious and kind hearted, but they still continue. There is also a way to stop them with very firm discipline.
You have to deliver firm consequences after one calm warning every time a tantrum is first beginning. Don't let it escalate (it will escalate after you address it, and she will scream louder at first out of anger that you are taking charge, but eventually, she'll decide not to do it-you want her crying form discipline, not from her own desire to freak out) and never let it slide. If you can't be absolutely consistent, don't bother, she'll gamble for the times you ignore it or do cushy consequences.

Don't let it get to the point where you want to pull your hair out. Act at the very beginning of the tantrums. You need a calm teaching tone of voice, because you are teaching not to have tantrums-not that you are disciplining her because you're angry. This will set the lesson in much faster when she learns you are confident doing your job, and she's the only one causing strife.

If you do not EVER slack off, she will learn to control herself after you warn her because she won't want the consequences, and once that sets in for a while, she will forget the wrong behavior and act nicely because it's all she knows. You will have a much happier child. It takes only a few sessions of this if you nip the very first tantrums, but having read all the books that basically tell you NOT to stop tantrums by ignoring etc, you've lost A LOT of ground, and it will be a pretty hard fight. But it can be done.

People tell you that no matter what you do consistently it will work. Untrue, and some things take waaaaaaaaaaay longer-like friends I know who have 6 year olds still tantruming despite their consistency. My kids, 2 and 4, don't have tantrums-if you need any details, let me know. You can teach her she's not allowed to tantrum before getting in the car seat. You don't have to live like this. Good work understanding that even though it's normal it's not OK.

I've found, with a 3.5 year old and a 22 month old, there are a few primary causes of their temper tantrums.

1. exerting their independence - in which case it's our job to bring them back to reality in terms of who makes the rules and runs the roost.
2. being overly tired
3. needing attention but not knowing how to tell us.
4. Desperately needing to get energy out of their systems

My husband and I are very authoritative. Our kids, though we get on the ground and play with them like kids, know we're the parents, it's our house, and we get to make the rules. But, they get to act like kids when appropriate and get treated when they're exceptionally good. Last night, it was 4 peanut M&Ms at the end of dinner for trying all the food on his plate and asking politely to be excused.

Sometimes, when our son's being a complete brat, I'll just stop, look him in the eyes and ask what he wants. Usually, he wants Mommy to spend some special time with him. Sometimes, he needs to run around like crazy and burn off steam. When it's inappropriate (publicly, etc), we have set expectations for behavior, and when they've met those expectations, we make sure they get to blow off their steam when we get home by doing something they want to do.

As for the potty training. Did you praise her when she went on her own? Our son was completely disinterested in getting potty trained. We started forcing the issue after his 3rd birthday. When he would go, we'd make a BIG deal about it. We set daily goals (maybe trying 5 times, then having to go 3 times/day, then moving that to 5 times/day) until he was consistent with it. Now, he's a champ. But, we did have to bribe him in the process. He didn't want stickers or to play "Sink the Cheerios". He wanted Cars. So, my husband spent a bunch of money on them, and when he hit his goals, he'd get one. If he didn't - no car, and we'd try again the next day.

I found this age to be the most challenging because they're smart, capable and trying to be independent.

Good luck. I hear it gets better - we just haven't totally gotten there yet.

For the temper tantrums in the car i would turn the music up. It would at first make the tantrum a little worse but then they would stop. After a while of doing this they would stop immediatly... they knew it wasn't worth it ;)

Have you tried an m&m for everytime she goes potty? That is about all i can think of right now.

p.s. if you are going to be late and she is throwing a tantrum... how about dressing her without speaking or eye contact and putting her in the car in silence? i think she would not like that and get the hint pretty fast??

I would love to see responses to this! I have a daughter who will be 3 in May and she fights me every step of the way, especially when we need to get out the door, etc. She is also pretty aggressive towards her little 11 month old baby brother. I've tried time outs, ignoring, etc and nothing is working! Just wanted you to know that you are not the only one! :)