Temper Tantrum - New York,NY

However you chose to handle him (sitting in chair, etc.) you must
persevere and be consistent. Always follow through on whatever you
say. He will eventually get the idea that you are serious. Good luck.

First, know that you can't reason with a child this age, or with a child having a tantrum. Be consistent with your disciplilne. If you're saying he will "hit back" it sounds like he is being hit. Hitting kids can teach them to hit, so if that's what you're doing for punishment, you may want to rethink that. If he's having a tantrum, walk away and leave him to scream/cry alone. Ignore the behavior. If he doesn't get attention for it, it's likely to stop. At this age, they don't understand why they can't have their way, they get frustrated and this is often how they voice their frustration - they don't have the vocabulary to discuss it and they don't have the control of the situation to change things to how they want, the bigger person is always in charge. Don't get into a power struggle with your child. Don't give in to letting him have his way and don't pay attention to him when he has the tantrum.

Ahhh, we just went through about 4 weeks of this with my now 2 1/2 year old. You will get a million answers to this and you need to figure out what works for you. Whatever you try, stick with it long enough to see if it works.

I would first recommend having a few rules. A few.....not a lot and very very simple ones. Discuss them when he is calm, maybe in the bathtub. "The rule is no hitting" is a good one. Simple. You can also, when he's calm, discuss how these tantrums make you feel (I don't know if he's 24 months or 30 months...that makes a difference). "Mommy feels frustrated/sad/etc when you hit/scream. When you hit/scream mommy....(fill in whatever your consequence is)". It is important to discuss this when he's CALM and listening and he will know what consequence he will face when he breaks your rule.

So, what we do. First, if it's just one of those kinda wild, I'm tired tantrums, I just redirect and try to move along. If he's hitting or screaming, then state your rule, "no hitting" and a natural consequence. "The rule is no hitting. We have to leave the store". Then FOLLOW THROUGH!

What REALLY worked for me was telling my son that it was obvious he needed some time to himself so I would set the timer for 2 minutes and let him spend some time away from me. I would then leave the room. Of course, he would sometimes follow me, but I would make no eye contact and not speak to him. At the end of 2 minutes, I would go on like nothing happened and not even acknowledge the tantrum. You can acknowledge it and talk about it when he's calm.

I think what's most important is having a natural consequence and under no circumstances should you get into a power struggle. Pick your battles. Sometimes if my son is just done and needs to sleep, I will allow some level of inappropriate behavior just to break the tantrum and get ready to nap.

Also at that age I've found that giving them them a heads up before switching gears helps. I do a 5 minute countdown before we leave a playground for example and my son will go willingly 95% of the time because he thinks it's his decision. I also give him the opportunity to do "the right thing". I will tell him that I'm counting to 3 and then he can choose to do it or I wil do it for him. This works well for us too.

I think this is where you pick your battles. When my son is tired and losing it, everything sets him off. I walk into the room and turn on the light. He screams "Carter do it!!!!" Rather than picking a battle and telling him no, I let him turn the light off and then on just to break the dynamic.

At this age they are really flexing their independence and need to be given some. Even if you think you are losing the battle...you choose which battles you want to let them win.

I really believe in natural consequences. We did try time outs for hitting our baby brother, but they didn't work well for us and I don't know that I would recommend them.

Good luck! Tantrums are rough...but this too shall pass! :)

Remember that this is developmental and his way of learning about the world and how he fits into it.

ALL behavior is a means to get our needs met. Defiance, whining, pouting, tantrums – also affection, snuggling, humor. Any particular behavior may not be a good strategy, and for little ones, it's often a bad strategy. Children throw tantrums, hit and kick – not as a deliberate, planned manipulation (at least, not those first tantrums), but as an intuitive way to try to meet their own needs, one of which is to let out frustration when it becomes too much for them. Depending on the results they get, tantrums may stick around or eventually go away.

If your son senses that he has hooked you emotionally, he feels more powerful. Even a negative reaction from you tells him he's had an affect. Because he is feeling very little power, it's very, very attractive. He'll gratefully take power and control in whatever form he can find it.

So before deciding how to deal with his new behaviors, I'd try this: stand in his shoes and consider life from his angle. Notice all the frustrating, controlling, maddening and discouraging situations for a new little person with little choice and limited language. From there, you might find creative ways to reduce as many of those frustrations as possible. This in turn should reduce his negative strategies to deal with his own frustration.
I hope you will NOT to think of your son's feelings as "wrong." He really doesn't choose them, any more than you "choose" to feel angry if someone cuts you off in traffic. Anger and frustration are natural, and completely legitimate. If you discourage them by shaming or punishing him, the feelings won't go away, they'll just go underground and emerge in some other way.

There are tricks you can use to reduce your son's frustration level, and his tantrums will gradually happen less often. This reduces your own frustration as he feels more cheerful and cooperative. Things that have really helped my 4yo grandson are:

… 1. Making the tasks we need from him become a game, or pleasant. For example, can he teach spiderman or rubber ducky to swim in the bathtub? Can he find the small toy you planted inside one of his sleeves (make it the second sleeve, of course). Will you help me pick out the bedtime story you'd like to hear?

… 2. Participating in a task, like picking up toys, alongside him, with a cheerful attitude. This is really important. It keeps him from experiencing the task as joyless and lonely and too big to accomplish by himself. (And you know yourself that when you have negative feelings about a job, it becomes much bigger.)

… 3. Giving advance notice that you'll need to have X done pretty soon. Then notice again that X will need to happen in one more minute. Then time for X arrives, at which point, I move into steps 1 and/or 2. Transitions tend to be hard for young children, and this helps them prepare.

… 4. When something really must happen now, be as inevitable as the tides. The ocean doesn't get hung up on judgement, resistance, drama or anger. It just rises, calmly and implacably. If my grandson won't get his jacket on, or come to the table, or pick up the toy cars after my final request, I get the jacket, or guide him to the table, or bring him back to the toys and make a game of picking them up. All gently, with a smile. My attitude can make the difference between a long, drawn out episode or the satisfaction of having done what's necessary.

Watch Supernanny on TV.

time for time outs to start. if he gets up put him back in the chair or room which ever you use. screaming is in the bedroom with door shut till he stops. I use a corner for time out. I don't follow the 2 min rule My rule is till you quit crying screaming or whatever. the shorter you cry the shorter the time out. they pick it up fast.

Well. You just need to negociate with him/her. Ask how can you help him/her be a better person. Tell him/her that their behavior is making you very unhappy, and that you love him/her very much.

Temper tantrums should be ignored after telling him that you will not talk with him while he is screaming. Then walk away. If he hits you, he should get an immediate time out after being told firmly no hitting, hitting hurts! Keep calm and keep doing it and he'll get it rather quickly.

Sounds like my 2 yr old daughter,good luck :)