Teenagers and Stealing

Since you can't remember ifyou loaned them or not simply say. "Hey You have my head phones could I please have them back?" After that you can even "mention" that you don't remember loaning them to him but then leave it at that. A.

As you don't remember if you let him use them, you cannot accuse him of stealing. Tell him that you believed that you said he could borrow them, but that it didn't mean he could take them with him. Then, just ask for them back. Hope ths helped. - S.
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I'm with Elizabeth, you're seriously over-reacting! I assume you're asking us this because you want them back so just ask him to give them back. If he gives you the typical teenager "aw, man! But I really like them" response then tell him you do too, that's why you bought them for yourself and if he really wants a pair he can either buy his own or remind you when christmas gets closer and you'll get them for him.

Tell him u need your headphones back. Maybe ask what he likes about them and offer to get him a set of his own.tell him never to take w/out asking but if he asks he can borrow.

Hi M.,

Whether or not you let your grandson borrow your headphones while he was in your home, they are yours and that is stealing. This is a good opportunity for you to reinforce that lesson with him before he thinks its okay to borrow elsewhere. He is fifteen (I was working full-time in the summers when I was fifteen, and that was just ten years ago). I don't know how well you know him or how close you are, but you can probably keep it between the two of you--if he really does not realize that this is stealing, you can keep things kind and loving and not bring his parents into it. I remember being easily humiliated when I was young, especially if I did something unintentionally. We were taught that even "borrowing" from our siblings was stealing and absolutely not tolerated (nothing is too small to be considered this). I disagree with the posts suggesting you buy him his own set. If he is not working and does not have his own spending money AND he wants a pair for himself, you might consider it as a holiday or birthday gift idea OR offer to let him do a set amount of work for you, chores or otherwise, and earn a pair. This might sound harsh, but this is a great opportunity for a respected, older family member to help him learn to be a good man when he grows up. Once it is settled, though, I would not bring it up again. He needs to know after the fact that you are satisfied that he has learned not to do such things (that they are, by definition, stealing, and will not be tolerated), and that you forgive him and can move on with your relationship as grandma. Good luck!

Do you have any reason to think he's stealing??? If not, just ask him - say hey - aren't those my headphones? etc. He's your grandson, not a stranger. You shouldn't need to stress so much about approaching him.

I think if I were you I would ask him something like "Did you buy the same headphones as grandma?" If he say's no they are yours then you can simply say I don't remember lending them to you. See what his response is and then you could simply say that you would appreciate it that in the future he ask before he borrows something of yours and them ask for them back. If it happens again then I think you may have to go further. I don't think I would accuse him at first give him the benefit of the doubt.

Kids these days beieve whats your is mine and dont think twice when using other people things. He probablythinks it's grandma's headphones and beleives that it is ok to "borrow" them.

I would nonchalanlty ask him if they are yours and that you need them. If it is a set that he really like you can probably offer to get him his own pair...maybe for the upcoming holidays

As his grandparent, why not say
"I need my headphones back. You can use them at my house, but please remember to leave in my room before you leave."
Unless you know he has a problem and has 'stolen' before, I would consider this an oversight when he left your home.

Hi,
I have two teenagers myself, and between my siblings and I we have 8 teenagers in total. One neice, who was about the same age as your grandson is now, developed a habit of helpin herself to others belongings and thinking nothing of it. I didn't want to cause friction between myself and my sibling when a bottle of parfume went missing and later turned up at my sisters house. I decided to play it cool, I calmly brought it up to my sister who confronted her daughter. It took a while before my item was returned and when it was it was clear she must have been bathing in it! I decided instead to purchase her a bottle of her own for her birthday. She was a little embarassed, which of course I wanted her to be, but I reached a solution without causing a war in the family. You could try speaking with him, tell him you have been looking for your headphones and ask if he has them. If he denighs it then tell him "If you come across them let me know, and if you need a set just tell me and I can buy them as a gift for (x mas or B day etc).

Better to try not to get too upset but dont let it go un-mentioned...good luck, how ever you decide to handle this!

J.

He's your grandson. He probably thought he had a close enough relationship with you that he could use them and it would mean only that. If he knew you thought he stole them he would probably be really hurt. Especially if he was using them around you. If he truly stole them you wouldn't know he had them at all because he would be hiding them from you. Since there is uncertainty whether you said it was okay or he just helped himself to it I would definately approach him about it. Then you have the opportunity to tell him you would like him to ask before using certain things that belong to you.

Dear M., If you think they are your headphones, just come out and ask him. This is a good opportunity to speak to him about stealing and how wrong it is. The only way our children can learn is through our teaching them. My best, Grandma Mary

Jeez - "stealing" seems a bit harsh. Just say, "Nice headphones. I guess that's why I bought them for myself."

If you can't remember allowing him to use them...or can't remember if you gave them to him, either way you can't assume he stole them from you and accusing him of stealing them wouldn't be the right thing to do unless you want to do damage to your relationship with him and his parents....

When you accuse a child of stealing, you need to be very sure the child committed the crime..

His parents should know how he got the headphones so while they are in the same room with him, simply announce you miss having your headphones a lot... ask if the ones he's been using are yours...and if so ask for them back.

He might at that point remind you how it came about that he had them in the first place and return them...
Or if he tells you the one he has belongs to him, or belongs to one of his friends, assume it's the truth and ask them to come over to help you find yours....saying you look all over but can't seem to find them.
Let it go at that point and see how the child and his parents deal with it all....the headphones just might turn up...and if they were stolen from you, his parents will deal with it I'm sure.

Hi M.,
If you think you may have loaned them to him, then he did not steal them and I would not accuse him of doing so. If he has parents (as in, you are not raising him), I would ask them if they remember you giving him the headphones. If you don't remember, perhaps he asked to borrow them and you allowed it. That isn't stealing. Maybe you didn't give a deadline for their return or did not intend for him to keep them permanently, but again, not stealing.
Your signature says that you're a busy working woman with lots of stress - stress can make us forgetful sometimes!

I would talk to his parents and tell them to tell him to return them because you need them back now...or...find odd jobs around your house to do and make him earn the headphones.