Teenagers - Midlothian,IL

Yes, I know you don't want moms with young kids to respond but I also come with the experience of working with high school aged kids for 15 years and have had to deal with a LOT of crying teen girls and drama.

I know that you meant well, but please...keep this conversation between you and your daughter and let YOUR DAUGHTER work this one out. Now not only is she the one who was intentionally and hurtfully left out of the movie, she is also the poor, mortified girl whose mommy called and told on the ring leader. Yikes! Don't get me wrong; I don't think what the girls did was very nice (excluded others and lied about their plans) but this sort of thing happens and the best thing you can do as a parent is to help your daughter learn to negotiate through times like this.

One of the best things you can do is sit down with your daughter and ask her, even though they've been friends for a long time, does she really want to continue to be friends with people who are going to be hurtful and exclude her? Are those really 'true friends'? Help her role play with you as practice before talking to the girls, using questions such as "I thought we were friends. Have I done something wrong to upset you or make you not want to be friends with me anymore?" Here's the tough part though - over time friendships change and evolve, and she might not be happy with the answer she gets, but at least it gives her a chance to have a conversation with the girls and find out what's going on.

Maybe this friendship is salvageable and maybe it isn't, but at 15 years old she needs to be the one to confront her friends and negotiate. Your role is to be there to support her and help her figure out how SHE is going to handle this situation.

I have four teens (2 boys, 2 stepdaughters) and have worked in middle and high schools for years. I have seen, mostly in girls, changes that occur as they get older and can become seemingly different people. It is likely that the circle of friends will change often and will be very hard to keep it like it was when they were little and involving everyone in everything. Your daughter has a good heart, but in high school these kind of things happen all the time, right or wrong. In high school, people are coming into their own, and unfortunately sometimes not the same sweet kid they used to be. These girls may have changed for the worse, and your daughter does not fit in anymore. It could be a phase with some new friend or friends they have latched on to. A lot happens at that age to form who they are and to grow into the people they are. Sometimes not for the better. I agree your daughter has to work this out on her own, with guidance on the sidelines from you, but not directly involving you. I think what you did could be just the ice breaker the girls need to get into that conversation and for your daughter to be heard and ask questions. As one poster said, she might not like the answers, but at least she will know where she stands and can move on if need be. Forced friendships will not work. Or, it could just be a phase, or an outside influence, or a simple misunderstanding. I know you want the best for your daughter, and I have been upset by this teenage stuff with my teens as well, but the best thing is to let your daughter find her own way through this and for you to support her. A sad lesson we all learn someday is that sometimes people take a bad road and sometimes friends move on, but it is a part of life that we have to learn to deal with. Continue to teach your daughter the values you have been teaching her and you will help her grow into a kind and giving person, but help her understand not all people will have the same manners and loyalty she does but at least she will be able to take comfort in the fact that she has done the right thing even though some people will still be negative regardless.

Dear Mama,
I have a 14 year old and an almost 16 year old,
I know it is hard to see your child suffer from this.
I went through it myself, and my niece had a very nasty situation like that,too,so I explained to my daughter very early in life, this is what can happen to you,best friends
can turn on you,exclude you,be nasty,all kind of things....
It will feel really bad, but it will not be the end of the world.Sometimes, your best friends, get to know other girls and want to explore new things, and don't want you around.
It's hard, but I told my daughter, to get to know some other girls with different interests herself.
So, she was in a slighltly different situation, but after about a month, everything turned back to " normal".
I told my daughter to talk it out,talk about,what went wrong,alternatives, feelings,all that stuff to help them cope for the future,and it will help them, very important I think with later, boy relationships as well.
I never get involved directly with the girls,I can help my child to deal with it,but I stay out of it.
You can't take the call back,but you are human,too.
Just talk to your daughters friend,could be in her kitchen,
and tell her, I'm sorry, I'm new at that,I overreacted,in the future I will not do that again.
There is nothing wrong with admitting a mistake.
It's all life experiences, good luck

I don't think MR could have said it any better. I have a 2.5 year old and 9 month old but I also have a 15 and a 19 year old stepsons. I personally think that after a certain age it is the responsibility of the child to work things out for themselves. Yes, it is completely crappy what these girls have done but like MR said, mommy is running to the rescue and for whatever reason they are acting this way to her, your actions are more than likely going to complicate the matter.

But what's done is done. You cannot take back time so I think what's important is approaching your daughter and helping her get through the situation that's ahead of her now. Does she still want to even be friends with them because maybe they've known each other for a long time but honestly, do real friends treat each other like that? No. They're not little girls anymore, they're teenagers and there's a chance they're not going to stay close forever. It would be wondeful if they did but like many relationships, people grow and change. It seems these girls have changed and obviously not for the better.

I think helping your daughter come up with a plan for dealing with them is going to be the best idea - teach her to be the bigger person. Even if she still does want to be friends with them, you don't want to teach her to beg for their friendship either. Basically, if they want to be friends with her, they need to approach her themselves. She just needs to go to school and put her best face forward, to be strong and not let these 2 get her down.