Teenager Advise - Cincinnati,OH

If you do not feel that he is responsible - then go with your gut! Yup - lots of kids go. My oldest has taken the florida trip. There is no way in Heck I would let my son (16) take a trip like this at this point in his life. Each kids is different.

I think if he is threatening you - he probably is too immature to handle the trip. I say put the car up for sale. Let him buy his own car and get his own insurance is that is what he needs to do. I bet you will see a change in attitude when you put that for sale sign on the car and an ad in the paper!

If your (or your husband's) name is on the car title or car loan, then you are perfectly within your legal rights to say "No" to the road trip or call the police if he takes the car anyway.

My advice would be to get rid of the car. Sell it. Donate it. Just get rid of it. A child who threatens his parents with court action is too immature to have the responsibility of a car.

i guess it depends on the child. when i graduated from high school and was 18, my father let me take his car and 3 friends and i took our senior trip to daytona beach, fl from ohio. we drove through the night. i'm sure my parents were worried, but i was mature and responsible enough as were my friends. i'm a high school coach now and know of many students who do trips like this before they even graduate. i just think it depends on the kid and their maturity, etc.

Tough one. If the car is in your name (even as a co-signer) and on your insurance, I wouldn't let him go, and legally you can stop him, esp. if he will still be 17 at the time of the trip. I have been to Tenn., through the mountains, and there is no way I would ever let my child go at that age. Plus, if he will have friends with him (which I am sure he will) an even bigger no no. I think if he is in your house, not paying rent, bills, etc., you have every right to say no. I know I wouldn't have been allowed to get away with it if I were 17. If I even would have threatened my parents with taking them to court, oh boy, that would have been the end of me. Let him pout and threaten. I mean, if he goes and gets an older car, let him, then also let him figure out his own insurance (definitely won't be easy for a 17/18 male with already an accident and ticket on his record.) Just because he has made payments for 4 months, doesn't mean anything. He should be grateful he even has a car and that you guys put your neck out to help him. I had to save for my first car, which was a complete junker, plus find my own insurance. It wasnt easy, but I am so glad I learned responsibility early on. I also had to pay rent when I turned 18, until I could afford to move out, and there was no money for college, had to pay for that. So, your son has it pretty good lol. If he stops making payments, get rid of the car, and tell him you'll take HIM to court for the remainder of the balance. Just because he doesn't like something, he has to learn he can't get away with being irresponsible (not making payments). I am sure you both put your neck on the line signing for him for a car, and he is essentially blackmailing you now and I wouldn't tolerate it at all.

You have a right to worry, but you also have to let him make his own decisions. He seems to have been very responsible up until now, so put the responsibility in his hands. My 2 best friends and I took a road trip to north carolina when we were 18. It was a 10-12 hour drive. We called every 4 hours or so on the way down and every day while we were down there, and then only twice on the way back. I can't begin to imagine how hard this time of my sons life will be for me, but on the other than I hope that I can say what my mom always said "You only raise children to a point, and then you hope they make the right decision until then." At least he is making his own car and insurance payments. I was grateful enough to have an old car (as in older than myself) that was totally paid for given to me for my 16th birthday. My parents agree to pay my car insurance as long as I am going to school and bringing home adequate grades. Each of my other siblings (there are 4 of us) had the same treatment. Whatever car was available for us to have we got (we come from a HUGE family) and as long as we are in school they pay insurance. We each drove on a big road after high school, which my sister was only 17 when she went on hers. All of us went 10+ hours away, my brother went 16 hours. Did my mom worry? LIKE CRAZY!
Unless he has done something seriously wronge that you can't trust him, I don't see why you should stop him from going...

Just my opinion:

As long as he is living under your roof and you're providing food, shelter, and other basic necessities, then "my home, my rules".

If you have to take the car away, do it. If he's going to be so resistant, then make HIM buy his own car, insurance, gas, etc. If he wants to live off of mom and dad's generosity (with the car) then he has to follow the rules that go along with them.

I know this won't make you feel better now, but someday he's going to have a teenager too and he'll freak out about his child. Although it is well into the future, wait until then and bring this issue up again.

My parents did the same thing for my brother, and here we are 5 yrs. later, almost, and the car is broken down, sitting in my parents drive-way, unable to be driven. It's in "storage" according to the insurance, so it's cheaper. He barely makes the payments to them, often times missing the payments, so that my parents have to make up the difference. It's been a headache since day 1.
Now for your situation, if the car is in his name, he has the right to take the car, once he's 18, if he so chooses. It doesn't matter if you're a co-signer, that doesn't have anything to do with the actual ownership of the car. So even if you report him to the police, it doesn't matter. The car is his. I know you are uneasy about letting him take the trip, but he's going to do what he wants once he turns 18. And legally, he can. All you can do is patiently and calmly explain to him how you feel about him going, that you have an uneasy feeling about it and that you're worried about him. Then you need to let him make his own decisions. That's part of entering the adult world, no matter how much, we as parents, hate the idea. You're going to have to loosen the rope, just a bit, and let him explore things for himself, and let him make his own mistakes. It's all a part of becoming a responsible, mature adult. I'm sure there are things you butted heads with your parents about to, at his age. And in retrospect, you might think, man I wish I'd had listened to my parents. And he might think the same thing some day. But that's his mistake to make, ya know? Just pray for him, that he goes in God's hands. Sometimes that's all we can do.

Is it yours and your husbands name on the title of the car? Then by all means tell him to take you to court, they will laugh him out of there because he wont have a leg to stand on..... in my opinion if my child threatened to take me to court over a car that I helped them get the car would be gone the next week. DO NOT go back on what you have said to him. If you said no then stick with it or things will on go down hill VERY fast from there. If he had been responsible before now I would say to maybe give him a chance for the trip but not with his past history. Good Luck and my prayers are with you.
~~~ S.

Are his friends 18 and are their parents agreeing to let them go? Not that you have to do what their other parents are doing by any means…..why are they going? Are there girls involved? How long will they be gone? Is he a drinker? There are so many factors on the situation. All 18 yr olds want to be treated like adults but few are ready to handle the responsibility. Did you make him pay for the speeding ticket, repairs from the wreck? Fear will always be there for their safety but if you TRUST your son then id let him go…if you don’t then you still have the deciding factor of saying NO. If you say no and he goes then you need to stick to your guns and report the car stolen. If you decide to let him go, you have a right to know…what route they will take, where they are staying, check in calls, always the ~what why and when! ;-) Good luck!

I have four boys and believe me have been through this two times and have two more times to still go through. Your son is trying to control you. If you have to take over car payments because he buys an older car, fine! Sell it. First off, no one will sell him a car at 18 especially if he can't fork up the money up front and doesn't have credit to get a loan anywhere.
He is testing youto see if he takes the car, what will be your reaction. Stick with it if you say it. That is my best advice ever. Say what you mean and mean what you say. You cave and it's all over. (call the cops if he takes the car) First off, it's a liability if he wrecks and has someone else in the car with him and you take the chance of losing everything.
Secondly, he can threaten to call anyone he wants because he's made payments since February and they are going to say so..... that was the agreement. If he choses to give it up and give an older one, that's his choice!!
You are not wrong and at 18, Dr. Phil says their brains are not fully developed so they still don't make rational decisions. My oldest got a speeding ticket and two wrecks. He couldn't afford the insurance and he was ruining our reputation with the insurance company. We ended up signing off on him with our insurance company just to keep our own!
He moved out during his senior year so we sold his car and he went two years without one. He did fine and managed to get where he had to go. Today he is 21 and so appreciative of how he was raised and says he brags to all of his friends that his dad and I are the best parents ever. (so nice to hear after such tough years). Anyway, we helped him get a $4000 used car and it's not perfect, is now without hub caps but he's been responsible for his own insurance, had the electric system worked on which cost him $700 but it runs and he is appreciative just to have a car. He also has chosen to work more and find a job that pays more.
Just whatever you decide, stick with it and don't say anything you don't mean. He'll hate you for it now but he will eventually thank you later. Good luck, I still think kids should come with instructions:)

I understand you concern in this situation. But truth of the matter is he is going to be 18 and the unfortunate part to parenting is when they turn 18 we no longer have much say in the things they do. He is getting to the age where you can only hope the things you taught him and the way you raised him will define how he turns out as an adult. It seems to me this trip may happen regardless of wether he gets to take the car or not. At least if he takes the car you will have piece of mind he will have a car that can handle the trip. Accidents can't be predicted. But the risk of problems are increased if they take a vehicle that is older with any problems. Don't make the car a way to still have control of his decisions it will only make a bigger gap in your relationship. I tell you this as a perso who at one time was in this same situation with my parents. You apparently felt he was responsable enough get the car. If he has been responsable enough to make the payments and keep up maintenece. Then already you have a somewhat responsable teenager. Which is more than most of us can say. I suggest sitting down with him and talk to him not as your child but as a young adult. Get the details of the trip. Get the info of the trip. The route they will be taking and the hotel where they are staying. Give him this opportunity to show to you guys that he is worth trusting and pass on your own safety measures that you take on a road trip. Have piece of mind that he will take this trip with your approval, your trust and in a safe car you know will get hin there and back. Trust me if he finds a way to go without the car you will worry more because you won't know if he is in a car that won't break down on the way there, while their there or on their way back. Being stranded in the side of the road escpecially in the mountains is way more dangerous than the actual driving part. I hope this might help a little for you. You mat disagree with me. But know I tell you this as an adult who at 18 always found away to do what I wanted when I wanted wether my parents agreed or not. I now know why they were the way they were. BUt it took a hard and rough road to get here. I am 29 now with an 11 year old and a 2 month old. I also have step kids who are teenagers and I understand the hell...lol