16 Year Old Son Wants Car

My feeling having had teenagers myself is their first car should be an older car in good shape. Let him buy his new car after he gets older and is more experienced with driving. Not a bad idea if you can afford it to help him out with the car expense... maybe pay half for it and he can pay the rest... teaches him responsibility for large items.

I know things are different now than when my kids were teens... but I still feel that a good older car is the way to go.

If you don't want him to drive, why do you lend him your car? Just tell him you think he should wait until he's older, and tell him why. My son is 19, and he still doesn't have a license or a car. I told him if he wanted to drive my car, he would have to pay the increased cost of my car insurance with a teenage male driver in the house. And I told him that he can get his own car, whatever he wants and can afford, when he has enough money to pay the car note, the gas, and the insurance and repair costs. So, he bought himself a really nice bike, learned all the bus and BART routes, and I try to give him rides as often as possible. It's worked out fine.

Making him wait is perfectly reasonable. I am not a fan of new cars for new drivers. Your first car is a learning car--learning about the care and maintenance and learning to appreciate the fact that you have wheels at all!

My husband's family buys their kids new or "cool" cars, whereas in my family, you get access to the family car for a while before getting a car with no cool factor whatsoever.
Their kids get into wrecks and demand new cars, our kids baby their beater cars until they can afford to buy one for themselves.

Stay strong! Especially on the brink of adulthood, it's a good lesson that just because you want it doesn't mean you get it just the WAY you want it.

Greetings R.,
Your son sounds very selfish. I have 5 children. We never bought any of the boys a car, my husband did finance a car for one child without my knowledge wich when I found out I threw a fit.
All of our children had to buy their own so that they would appreciate it and treat it with more respect & they have thanked me several times for doing this & teaching them responsibility.
We had an agreement about insurance as well. If they were helping do the family driving, not smoking or drinkng, then we helped with insurance. The minuet that that changed, or stopped then at that minuet the insureance was cancelled and they all knew that if they drove w/o insurance I would turn them in myself!
If at any time I had a child approach me with this then to say the least I would have made sure they didn't drive at all, why??? Becasue I would fear that they would be irresponsible drivers as well.
Good Luck, Nana Glenda

You've generously offered to get him a car at 17 - something you definitely don't have to do. If he wants a car now, then HE has to pay for it and the expenses that go along with it. Just because you turn 16 doesn't mean your parents buy you a car - they don't have to at any age.

Sticky to your guns, mom! You're the parent ...

MORE INPUT REGARDING THE PURCHASE OF A USED CAR:

Your teen should not be able to purchase a car that does not have your's and dad's STAMP OF APPROVAL.

Dear R., I WANT TO PREFACE MY ORIGINAL POST WITH A NEW CAR STORY.

Guess what mamas, my mother surprised me with a new car one Christmas. My old car had 253,000 miles finally broke down for good and went to junk yard heaven. (I loved that little car—it took me many, many miles and was PAID for by ME). I had a few thousand saved and asked my brother-in-law, (who loves to look for, research car fax etc., and make deals on cars for family members). He said he would have it by Christmas Eve.

Unbeknownst to me, he gave my mom and my son a call and asks if they wanted to chip in so he might find a better used car. They both said yes and my mom went a little further to say, buy my daughter a new car and I will pay what ever is needed. My son chipped in too.

Surrounded by my family, I was lead to the garage there was the cutest, brand new PT Cruiser. I was raised by my grandmother, so this was the nicest gift my mom had ever given me. It was a very touching moment in my life….BUT at the time I was 58 and my mom was 77!

I would go with your gut and say NO, wait until he is 17 and/or has saved enough money to pay his OWN car insurance, make a down payment on a USED car and keep up his grades while he is working....since he is just starting a new job. Nothing wrong with helping on a USED car, but he needs to be envolved paying his share.

That you would even consider a NEW car for a 16 year old, tells me that your folks must be doing OK...Congratulations!

Your NOT the BAD guy for wanting to keep you kid safe....even the most intelligent and responsible teenagers get into accidents when they are new drivers. Let him get more experience by using the family car from time to time. Make sure he knows driving is a priviledge and NOT a right.

P.S. I think a new car would be a great gift for a college graduate getting ready to start off as an adult in this world.

Too much too soon....not a good thing. I would try to get dad on board and make a united front.

Blessings.....

No to all things related to "his car". He should buy a clunker himself with the money he earned with the sweat of his brow, or he will continue to expect all things given to him by you or the world. That is not how you want your son to live.

My parents always said that unless you had a good reason, there was no reason to have a car the first year you have your license. So unless you're not able to take him or allow him to use your car to get to work and back, I'd say no. My Dad and brother got a clunker for him and redid it and it was great experience for both of them, but back then, cars were much simpler, now you need a specialized computer etc. My experience is that teens respect the law more in Mom's car than they do in a little honda... every teen I've seen who has their own little car has a handful of tickets. Not all, but most. The ones who have to drive Mom's car... on the other hand, know they have something to prove... they want to show they're responsible enough to have their own car. I've coached high schools swimming for four years and I see a lot of teens driving... especially with the boys, the tendency to show off is high... and in Mom's car it's not so bad... unless, of course, your car of choice is a sports car ;) but I doubt that because then he wouldn't be putting up a fuss!!!!! Stick to your guns, a year of experience and understanding the responsibility of being a safe driver make a big difference. If you're a state farm customer, as your agent if they can schedule a time to watch the safe driving video... it will show some gory stuff and scare them a little... I still remember it!
Good luck!

I am so glad we are past that stage with our kids. Im not sure how we lived thru it! Our son was a good student, was in music classes and sports at school, had a job, and wanted a car at 16. Here are a few things we went thru with him. We rode with him enough times to know he was a really good driver, altho experience and time mean a lot. We let him take our car now and then, but I was then stuck at home and couldnt take our daughter where she needed to be or go pick her up, shop or run errands without my car. He wanted to buy his own car and we thought it would be a good idea and told him he would have to pay for it and all the expence that went with it. As soon as he had $100 he started looking and we were horrified at the type of car he was willing to buy. We didnt want him in some rusted out beat up $100 death trap that would drain every penny he had in repairs, if he could even afford the repairs. We decided to help buy a decent running car. As I remember it, we paid for the car. We paid for the insurance, he paid for gas, and we ended up paying for repairs anyway. One day it was in the shop and needed more than we could afford in repairs. We said no. He sold the car for the cost of repairs. He bought a motorcycle. The story goes on and on. My advice is, dont co-sign for anything , dont pay for anything, make it very clear HE has to pay all the expenses, and you wont loan your car when his is in the shop. He has friends, and there's a bus or bycyle he can use instead. He can walk when he needs. Learn to say NO early and say it often. We didnt and the pattern was hard to break as he grew up. Driving is a grown up priveledge and if he wants to do adult things, he needs to be adult about it and pay his own way. Christmas and birthdays are great times to lighten his payment a bit and "gift" him a car payment, a tank of gas or a months worth of insurance. They appriciate that a lot more than when we just start paying for everything.

here is my two cents worth.

He should definitely help pay for the car. It is well documented that people take better care of something they have actually had to earn.

secondly, it should not necessarily be a clunker, but for heavens sakes, don't give him a NEW car! It would be ideal if he could pay half, so something like 2,000 on a 4,000 dollar car seems resonable depending on your own resources...

I think if you make him earn the money to buy the car, and let him have some input when shopping for the car, than by the time he can afford his half of the wheels, he ought to be nearly 17 anyway...

I think you should tell him how much you are willing to contribute to the car purchase price ($1K, $5K, $10K, etc). The rest of the money should be up to him. That way, he determines what kind of car he gets. He could wait and save up to get a nicer car or could buy a car now that isn't as nice. It puts the responsibility on him. Kids who have nice cars bought outright for them by their parents often don't take appreciate the car or take responsibility for keeping it in good condition.

If you can afford it, I think that covering or helping with the cost of the insurance is fair provided he does not get into any accidents or get any tickets. If he does, then there needs to be consequences.

All other expenses should be his responsibility -- in part or entirely: Car repair, registration, etc.

Kids need to have "skin in the game" in order to take care of the vehicles and take care of themselves while driving the vehicles.

IMHO. :o)

You would be doing him and you a disservice to buy him a new car.

He should earn the money to buy his own, USED car. He should pay for his own gas and insurance. Do NOT co-sign on a car and put it partially in your name or you will be held responsible if he gets in an accident- at least I think it used to be like that when I was a teen.

I don't know about you, but I crunched up a few cars in my younger days. Doing stupid things, like taking my eyes off the road and paying attention to tuning the radio instead, talking and laughing with people instead of focusing on driving, LOOKY LOOING at others in cars-(looking for the opposite sex), rather than 100% focus on driving. For boys, you can add speeding and racing to the list. How bad would you feel if he crunched up a new car? Also, the insurance on a new car is going to be MUCH higher. He won't be able to afford that. Lower insurance payments mean more money to save for buying a house. New cars depreciate thousands of dollars the moment you drive it off the lot!And keep depreciating. Not so with a house. In general a house will appreciate. Buying a new car is like throwing half that money away.

My advice WAIT till they are 18. Then get them a good solid Clunker. Don't be swayed by peer pressure or guilt. Look at the accident statistics for 16 to 18 year olds. Very high as is the insurance as they have so many accidents. Talk to your insurance agent he will give you the statistics. They just don't have the experience to avert accidents. My kids all waited till they were 18.

My friend did not wait. Her 16 year old totaled the 85 Volvo (a very sturdy old Clunker) car two months into her driving. Didn't get hurt luckily thanks to the sturdiness of the old klunker. Just did not know how to avert the accident.
My kids survived the no car till 18 just fine. So can yours. Just think of this, could you survive the crash if your child got seriously hurt from driving too early?
Good Luck.

PS I happily picked up my son from work at midnight from his restaurant shift 4 times a week because I know he was safe. He got there by the bus as I was in work.

In my opinion, a 16 year old who feels he is too good for his mom's car, shouldn't be too picky about the kind of car he ends up with. I say this as the mother of a 15 year old, so if I sound harsh, it's because I'm gearing myself up for my own battles! :) That being said, I watched with interest, my sister-in-law (single mom) go through this with my niece. My neice was told that if she wanted a car, she had to pay for it herself. She reqested cash gifts for birthdays and Christmas and then my m/f-in-law sold her their car (pretty nice, but a few years old) car. She also has to help pay for insurance. You would be shocked to see how much this helps keep them safe and even keeps the grades up. They can see how a clean record and good grades keep the premiums down. Then she had an accident and totaled the car. She decided to use the insurance money to buy a clunker because with her premiums going up, she realized that a clunker has cheaper insurance. There are so many lessons to learn if you do this right. Good luck...and please post an update!

R.,
Well here is some food for thought. I had my first child practice for 1.5 years before getting her liscense. She is a much better driver than my second one who only practiced for 6 months. The second thing is that if the car is newer and has a loan out on it, then the insurance will be much higher. Have you thought of making a deal with your son. Like if he keeps the job for 3-4 months then he can get his own car, that way he can pay for his gas and at least half the insurance. Insurance for a teenager runs around 125 a month. Just some things to think about.
W. M.

When I was 16, my parents provided me with a "clunker" - it was an Isuzu pup diesel truck....but it got me around! I had a job and was responsible for my insurance and my gas, and I still had to let them know where I would be, what I was doing, and when I would be home, and follow all the normal curfew rules.....I don't think him having a car is a bad thing, but I think it is good to give him some responsibility for the car. My parents of course paid for any repairs or services that needed to be done for the car. I think it taught me to appreciate what I've got, and it also showed me how quickly my paycheck went bye bye and I was just paying for a small amount of the actual cost of living. It was a real eye opener! Good Luck with whatever you decide! It would be nice if you and your husband could have a conversation without your son present and get on the same page and have a united front instead of you being the bad guy....maybe that would be a good first step! If the two of you can compromise and come to an agreement I think things would go better.

We chose to have our kids wait until later to even get their licenses. But what I recommend you do is to give him a goal. Have him begin to put aside his money toward buying his own car. If you want to make a deal with him that for so much he saves you'll add a certain amount to it, that's fine.. but this is a perfect opportunity for you to help him learn the all important lesson of delayed gratification, and earning his own way.

Hi R.,

I would tell him I would match whatever he saved. If he saves two thousand - I would give him two thousand - he can buy a very reliable older Honda for that. I would not allow him to buy a brand new car unless he could pay for it in full - because if he falls behind on his payments the co-signer (presumably you) will have to pick them up. I would also sit down with him now and walk through the costs of owning a vehicle - its not just the gas and the car payment, but also regular maintenance, insurance, registration. Call the insurance company and ask to run price quotes for a young man his age and a couple of the types of cars he is interested in - not to scare him off but to help him get prepared for the actual costs ahead of him. There is also some class that teaches kids beyond regular drivers ed how to be safe in a car - I think it is offered through the sheriffs dept.
I totally understand your concern. Best of luck,

Here's why responsible kids should be able to drive early: because if they can't drive, they will be driven by friends who may not be so responsible, and who you may not know. That is MUCH scarier.

However, your son should not get a new car. His car doesn't have to be "old," it should be a reasonably functioning car, but I think it gives kids the wrong impression about life when they are gifted a new car at 16. Life is not like that. Usually people have to work hard to get expensive things. I didn't get my first new car till I was 25, and I paid for it all. And there's no reason your son can't share your car (if it's not too much of a hassle for you) until he gets a car of his own.

Kids are SUPPOSED to be poor when they're young. They are supposed to be in college scraping by. It's not healthy to be given the world and then have nothing to strive for.

Stick to your guns. You are right. Let your kid be mad, he'll get over it.

I pay my daughter's insurance, and she gets to use a car, but it is not "her" car. If she wants a car, she's going to have to save up her money and buy one.

You keep talking about "his" car like you already bought it and gave it to him. A car is a privilege, not a right. Turning sixteen only allows a teen to get a drivers license, it does NOT mandate that they be given a car too.

I got my first car during my first year of college after I'd been working for the past couple of years and saved up for a nice used car. I bought the car and had to pay for the gas but my parents put me on their insurance since I was a full time student and still living with them, so I was covered. I finally replaced that car about a year ago. I kept it for about eleven years and it was seven years old when I bought it. Because I know the long effort that I put in at my jobs to save for that car I took very good care of it and it took good care of me.

You should allow him to get a car when he can show he's responsible enough to be able to support it. If you just hand him the car, he'll respect it less than if he had to front his own money for it. Ever heard of the expression "easy come, easy go"?

I got my license at 16 and I drove my mother's car when she allowed me to use it until I saved up enough to buy my own.

Does your son work or have a bank account? Has he done the research on what it will cost him to own a vehicle? Ask him how he plans to pay for the up keep, insurance and gas for the car? I would also suggest that if he wants the car that he needs to save the money to buy it and he will need to have the money to pay his insurance. More than likely he's going to be on your policy and find out what it will cost. Then show him how much he needs to pay. If you are in a financial position where you can help him purchas the car, offer to match what he can save (within reason of course).
Good luck.

R.,
The thing that sticks out to me is that it seems like your son is trying to make the rules and you feel bad for telling him that is still your job. And it IS still your job, tell him he can ask the DMV who gave him a provisional license which you have every right to revoke until he turns 18, they will agree that it is still YOUR RIGHT to decide in this matter. I think the first thing you need to do is talk to your husband and make sure you are on the same page on this (and he needs to back you up) teenagers can't handle mixed messages any more than toddlers can (well, they will try to take advantage of the message that is convenient to them with more skill!).

When you decide that your son can have a car and how much you are going to help him get it is up to you. But, you need to set a firm policy and stick with it. I'm the type who would put in my policy that everytime you pressure me your time line goes back a week, hehe.

You may find with the start of this job that it would be more convenient for you if your son has his own car. That is how my parents felt after I started working. It was a lot of work coordinating schedules to get me to and from (the didn't want me taking the bus home at 9pm).

I was given my first car (a USED car). The deal was that the first year's insurance and registration would be paid for me, but after that they were my responsibility. I had to pay the gas. Dad actually paid my registration for as long as I had the car "because it was in his name", but I never expected it. Later, when I had some money and a year round job (at about 21) dad gave me a couple thousand dollars toward the down payment of my NEW car which I still have 10 years later (the old one was on it's last legs).
I had some very clear rules. No one besides me or my parents could drive my car. No tickets. No accidents where I was at fault. If I didn't stick with this dad would take my car (it WAS in his name and my mom signed saying she had sole custody so he couldn't take my license).
If he REALLY wants a new car consider setting a budget. I am willing to pay x amount for a car at x time, if you want a more expensive (new) car then you will have to save your money and pay the rest. Unless rules have drastically changed he can't buy a car without your help until he is 18! The dealerships won't sell to him.

Good luck momma, get your husband on board and then stick with whatever YOU decide is best!

This is a tough one and you've gots lots of good advice. No one, however, has stated the obvious. Driving is a priviledge NOT a right. Turning a certain age doesn't give you the right to drive, only makes it legal if your parents think it's appropriate. My youngest seemed to think he was entitled at 16, just as your son. He wanted me to buy him a new mustang (which is what I purchased for myself in 1994). His grades were a "C" average at that point so we gave him the ground rules. As stated abovem it's a priviledge not a right. To earn the priviledge in our home, grades had to be "B" average or better. Also, he had to save up enough money for insurance (we called our agent and got the price which was around $800-$900 per year) and he had to be able to handle the cost of gas, oil, tires, etc, and prove to us he was a conscientious driver. Having agreed to all of the above, we agreed to buy him a USED car and not a mustang. At 17, after spending a week at a scholastic symposium in Santa Cruz, we presented him with a used VW GLC (4 door, can't remember the year) which we purchased from "Wheels & Deals" for about $2300. He loved that car! By this point, of course, he had a "B" average in school and had saved up the money for insurance as well as a little extra for the surprises that come with life. He drove accident free for a couple of years, then made an unsafe left turn which totaled his car and did several thousand dollars of damage to the BMW he hit. I was extremely glad that we made him pay for full coverage insurance, which gave him $2000 for his car and paid all the repairs on the car he hit. Whatever you and your husband decide is appropriate for your son, stick to it. In the end, he'll respect you more and appreciate having earned the priviledge.
Good luck!

R.,
hard decisions to make I know I would since you don't want him to have a car yet is drive him to and from work let him save his money ALL OF IT for the car he wants for lets give it 6 months and see where he's at. if he doing great has a job I would help out that hes taking something on like he has never before that's what were doing with our son let him earn money that way the car means more to him than just handing him a car its something he has earned and worked really hard for

You are the parent so you make the rules. When I was 16 I wanted a car and hated using my parents. But they made me wait until 17 because they wanted to make sure I was driving responsibly before I got my own car. Did I hate it? Of course. Did it really make a huge difference in the spectrum of my life, absolutely not. I'm 30 now and I don't even have think about the difference those 8 months or so made. It feels like a big deal right now but I say go with your gut. My parents did and who knows, it could have saved me from getting myself into an accident or something because I was allowed to drive freely prematurely. Your a good mama, and don't you forget it!

The things I have to look forward to when my kids get older!!! I will be brief -
1. There is more to buying a car than just the purchase. Get him to start research on 1) type of carm, 2) insurance rates and shopping around 3)planning his annual expenses for the car, and then get him to work it out in his "new" budget. That way he will see his weekly car expenses. Get dad involved by helping him figure out the cost of oil changes (2x year) and other necessaries for the running and miantence of the car. It is now that he needs to appreciate how to maintan a car, and dads are good at that, right? Give him your car's maintenance schedule so he can price out the annual expenses. Now factor in a small crash, and ask him to work out the expenses for that. That is money he will need to sock away "just in case" it ever happens. If he becomes dependent on his car, then ghe won't want to be without it, but you might end up footing the bill if it ever happens. Get him to undertand the terms of the insurance, what does 100/50/100 actuall mean? Get dad to show him how to change a spare tyre, and have himpractice someowhere (supervised). You can't drive a car if you can't understand how it works.

Next have him figure out how he will finance the car - commercial loan vs. mom& dad loan (with lower interest, but do charge interest).

Lastly about the cvar itself, DON'T buy a clunker. His life is way to important. Get him as new a car as he can afford because the new ones have got great anti-skid control, less maintenance, gets good mileage so that he doesn't have to pay too much for gas always. Look at the new features, take him to Toyota and Subaru, Volvo and VW to look at the new cars, and what they come equipped with. Let him drool, and he will come up with his own list of safety features too.

My line of reasoning here is that you are helping your son become independent by making his first big financial decision. He needs all your help, and dad's help that he can get. Support him by making the decison objective, not just a screaming affair. He needs to appreciate the full weight of his decison, so let him at it, and until he does all his homework, then don't rush the decision. You know that he will get a care, so its not a matter of IF but WHEN.

After all of that research, the question is not does he want a car NOW, but can he afford one?

Regards, P.

I agree, he should not be given a new car. If he wants to use the money from his new job to save up for a new car then that is great but that should be the only way he gets one. When we were teenagers, my parents gave us each $2,000 towards a car and if we wanted to spend more then we had to come up with the rest. That was enough to get us a reliable used car but nothing new or fancy. They were nice enough to pay insurance but you may want to consider having your son pay at least part of the insurance so he can realize just how much a car really costs. I also agree with other posts that said you need to make sure that you and your husband are on the same page and that he backs you up. Good luck.

I think it's dangerous for kids to drive at 16 because they are young and immature but having said that I think you should get him a car and let him drive. Impose rules. Don't buy him a new car (sense of entitlement) that is safe and reliable. Not a clunker. You dont' want him breaking down somewhere unsafe. Teach him to drive abiding by all the rules (tell him why it's for his safety) in a parking lot and take him on the road and the freeway. Let him pay for his gas and you pay for his insurance. Having a job is a good thing (will teach him responsibility) as long as he keeps his grades up. Good luck

Make him do the research on the cost of the car, save X amount as a down payment, research cost of insurance, when he can pay his half, pay for gas, can keep his grades up and stick to a curfew, SURE! At some point you have to be willing to let him try. If you have to, take him yourself to his work but let him drive. See how he does.

Think of how you felt when you were 16. I personally think that if he is a good responsible hard working teenager then you should reward him. And he has a job lined up...you don't find that in many teens now a days!!! I wouldn't get him a new car, but check the paper. People have pretty nice cars in there for reasonable prices. You can get him something sporty yet safe at the same time without having to buy brand new. Just let him know that if your going to get him a car and let him drive at 16 then he's going to get what you give him! You said that it's not safe for him to drive at 16??? What is safe anymore? He's safer in a car then walking down the street in some cases. As for the car expenses...for now you can pay the insurance, but he is responsible for the gas. And if he doesn't have gas to get to school because he ran around all weekend, then he gets his car taken away. I hope this helps! Drop me a line if you ever want to talk. Venting is good for the soul!!! LOL!
~S.~

I was given the keys to our old family clunker on my 16th birthday, with rules ( that I did adhere to). I was responsible for gas. My father did the maintainence and paid insurance. I had to be the daytime taxi for my younger siblings (it was a long time ago) and to help out my mom with errands. I did have a job and good grades. I had a curfew. And the biggest rule: I could only drive in the city I lived in unless I had special permission from my folks. I never had an accident or got a ticket; of which I would have been financially responsible for. Trust your intuition; you know your son. Set down your ground rules, like expect him to be available to help out the family and to let you know his destinations ahead of time, and guide him in making his own decisions and becoming a responsible man. It worked for me and my family. I felt a lot more grown up and responsible with their trust behind me, and proved it to myself and them. The best of luck to your family.

I say wait. I was given an older car (91 Corolla) on my sixteenth birthday, and I was in 7 accidents between my sixteenth and eighteenth birthday. Only 2 were my fault, but, most could have been avoided I'm sure. I was responsible, got good grades, was in a school sport and had a job. My parents rule was that as long as we were in a school sport they paid all expenses and gas money for the car. Then, when it was time for college if we went to a 4 year university they would continue paying for all of the above. Then, when I started college they doubled whatever I saved, and with that money I got my own car (well, 2/3 theirs, but who's counting?)

I went to a high school where kids were given brand new Corvette's and Land Rover's on their sixteenth birthday, so driving a Corolla was unimaginable, but, somehow I survived.

If he is responsible then I would let him drive. Both of my boys had cars and were driving at 16. You are just being too paranoid like we all get when our kids start to drive. I wasn't any different, but I chose to let them drive and it turned out fine. It is usually the first one that makes you more nervous than the next one.

My boys both had jobs and the only thing I did for them was they were on my insurance. If they needed extra money and I had it for gas or whatever I gave it to them.

We never stop worrying about them.......ever, but if it were my decision I would say "yes".

R.

If you feel strongly about this, than as the mom, you should do what your gut tells you. Of course he wants a car NOW! Kids dont think past what they want in the moment. `Just because' is a good enough reason He will be driving the rest of his life.......at least you are lending him your car. Then, let him buy his own car. He will appreciate it so much more. Also, he should be grateful you are letting him use your car....if he hates it, then let him wait till he can afford to buy his own. Driving is a huge responsibility . Dont give in just because you are tired of arguing. My son tries to wear me down too.

have you every seen how expensive insurance is for teenagers and they don't have enough experience so guarantee there will be tickets an accidents, probably minors ones in that 1st year, if I could do it over I wouldn't got my daughter a car til she had more experience and she would've bought her own 1st car, they take better care of them when they buy it and appreciate it more. Don't do it, make him wait, you are the boss and that should be enough of a reason, but of course I know how it is, been there, done that but wish I hadn't.

When I was that age, my mom told me that if I wanted to drive, I needed to buy my own car and insure it myself. Driving is a privilege and not a right! And if I wanted to learn how to drive on her car, I had to insure myself on her car insurance! Yes, I was a little jealous of friends that were handed keys, but I worked hard, and bought the car that I wanted, and paid for my own insurance. You can bet I took better care of my car than my friends did, because I worked hard to earn it myself! I don't think my mom was unreasonable, and I will probably do the same with my kids when the time comes.

My oldest is only 8, so we have not walked this road yet but I remember what my parents did and it was very reasonable. In order to get and keep a dirver's liscense we had to maintain good grades and behavior. Once we had our liscense we were welcome to drive their cars when available or we coudl with our own money purchase our own car. When we drove thier cars they made maintenance and insurance and gave us a small gas allowance about $3 a week (in the mid 90s) to get to and from school. The rest of the gas was on us. However it was made very clear to us that if we chose the route of car ownership that we would be responsible for insurance and maintenance. Upon high school graduation if we so chose my parents would give us $1000 towards the purchase of a car or computer, our choice.

R.,

Allow him to buy a car-- but make it his full responsibility. If he wants to drive, he needs to earn the money for the car, insurance etc. No new car--- he should have a few years under his belt before taking on that kind of debt.

Good luck!

Molly

If he has a job help him purchase it and have him make the car payments. This is what I did and I treated my car a lot better since I was paying for it myself. My parents payed my car insurance as long as I kept a B average in school. I would get him a decently priced reliable car- not a clunker.

Dear R.,

If your son gets good grades and is responsible, then letting him drive at 16 years old seems reasonable to me. But just because he wants a new car of his own does not mean you have to give in to his demands. I think a good compromise would be to offer to help him buy a car with however much you would have paid for an older model. Then, if he wants a new one he will have to make up the difference with his own earnings. Don't forget to have him pay for gas, registration and insurance. (If he sticks to his guns about the new car idea it will probably take him a year to earn the money anyway!) When I was a kid I was given the old family car and I paid for all the operating expenses. (I can't remember if I paid for insurance, or if that was from my parents.) My parents reimbursed me for any gas I used running errands for them or chauffering my younger sisters. It was fair, and was a good lesson in responsibility.

Oh what fun you are having.....My daughter is 19.......we ended up getting her a junker, but my husband is very handy........it was $600.....she paid half of car insurance & she paid all of her gas.....she also had to pay for half of maintenance.......your right driving is VERY dangerous for kids especially boys......however if this is the only reason you wont let him have his own car then I personally say rethink your position......there are plenty of things you as a mom should do to instill good sense into your son....also call your insurance co for pointers on what to discuss with him.....i refused to get my dghtr a newer car cause of her age but also because she was going away to college & didnt want to pay car ins on a sitting vehicle.......hope i have helped.....good luck

I am the youngest in my family. Before I came of driving age, my cousin (who lived with us since 12) totaled the family car, my sister got in an accident and my parents were sued, and then my brother got into an accident (in his own car)....each one before the age of 18. When it was my turn to get my license, my parents didn't hesitate one second telling me NO WAY. I negotiated with them, reminding them of my near 4.0 GPA and my participation in SADD (Students Against Driving Drunk), and they still made me wait until I was 17 before I could even take my first driving class. Then, they made me take a class at a private driving school and extra weeks of on-the-road instruction with a teacher. When I got my license, I was still only allowed to drive my mom's car and with restrictions about with whom and when (but those are laws now, about not having other minors in the car), and I had to contribute gas money each week. No contribution, no driving privileges that week. When I turned 18 and was ready to attend college, my parents allowed me to buy their old car from them. They agreed to pay for insurance until such time that I moved out, but I had to cover everything else. From 16 to 18, I bitched and complained and whined and begged, but they simply reminded me that as my parents, they were free to pull my license any time they wished, so I should just enjoy whatever driving they let me do. It was a pain, but I was a better driver for it. Not one ticket, even now. And only one accident a few years ago on Hwy 17 when some guy came around a corner too fast on a rainy night and didn't realize traffic was at a dead stop. He slid right into the back of me; not my fault.
Boys, I hate to say this, are more impulsive and reckless drivers. That's why insurance companies charge more for minor male drivers. My brother was a good student, had a job, got great reviews at work, belonged to several record/CD clubs (remember those?) and paid all his bills on time, was a responsible babysitter to me, and was a heck of a nice kid. But behind the wheel, he became a stunt driver. After he turned 18 and my parents gave him back his license, he got into 5 accidents in one year, and then was killed while riding his motorcycle. He was 19 years old. If you feel your son should wait, make him wait. Be the bad guy. Who cares. He'll live to thank you for it one day, even if he does mutter under his breath about you now. And when he does buy a car, make it a good, solid, reliable, boring used one. Make it one HE can buy with HIS own money, and pay cash out-the-door for. Cover his insurance, and make him pay the rest. The more responsible he is FOR his car, the more responsible he'll be WITH his car.
Anyway, that's my two cents, for what it's worth...Good luck!

I'm a firm believer in kids buying their own cars. I think you could easily come up with a compromise. Tell him that he will have to use your car for X months to save up so that he can purchase his own car. Then make him buy his own car. It should be something that is reliable, but not brand new since kids tend to not really take care of their cars. Plus he's not going to be able to afford a brand new car on his own anyway. I also believe that children should be paying their own insurance and gas. This teaches them to be responsible adults later in life. You have to also consider how much of an inconvience for you it is going to be once he starts his job. He will have your car while he's at work and you won't be able to use it. Yes driving is dangerous, but I believe that it really doesn't matter at what age kids start driving, 16 or 18, there is still that time of learning that takes place and I really don't think much changes in those two years to make kids anymore responsible drivers from 16 to 18. Ultimatley he needs to be the one responsible for this vehicle entirely, it is really his first experience with adult responsiblity and I think that you would do him a diservice by taking care of it for him.

If he is going to drive your car anyway, you might as well get him an older, reliable car. I made a deal with my kids that as long as they kept a B average and didn't get into any trouble, I would pay for insurance. I pay for some of my daughter's gas because I would have to drive her to her functions if she did not have a car.

that's my 2 cents.
S.

i don't personally know anyone whose parents bought them a car, at 16 or at any age. let him get a car when he can pay for at least half of it himself. that will buy you a year!

and in the meantime, if he's too embarrassed to drive your car, then i guess he doesn't really want to drive. he should be kissing your feet that you are offering him your vehicle. it is a tremendous privilege, not a right.

good luck mama!

My 16 yr old son also is crazy for a car, more because he just really, really likes cars than because he has any place to go. Once he finishes the online class for a learner's permit, we have agreed to get a car with an automatic transmission so he can learn to drive more easily in San Francisco. We will share the car, and his use of it will depend on his following our rules. One of the reasons we decided to live in a city in the first place was public transportation! We have talked a lot about the added expense of his driving, but it really doesn't sink in. When he heads to college, he will have the option of purchasing the car from us and we will go back to a manual transmission car or try a greener vehicle. Good luck! A.

You are so wise to see huge red flags. You are going to have to make this decision with your husband. You know your son. Some kids are just so mature and responsible and handle it well. Others, who may also be responsible and mature, don't. A hot car can change friends, actions, the way one spends time... It is a big deal. What does he need it for? What is your motivation for giving him the car you choose? Are you teaching it is transportation, an image, a reward for good choices and hard work... My experiences as a teen with a cool car, a teacher watching kids get cool cars, and a parent now, has taught me it is not a good idea to give them expensive wheels. But there are kids who have handled it well. These kids usually have their minds on academics, world affairs, sports... not too much time for the car. That's my two cents. And not knowing you, it really is just two cents.

I would decide how much you want to contribute to the car fund. If he wants a better car than you are willing to pay for, he can make up the difference. I also feel he should be paying for fuel and insurance. Both of those costs are dependent on the choices he makes so he should be the one to pay for any consequences. Wheather it be spending his whole paycheck on gas cruising around town or an increased insurance premium due to a fender bender.
If your son is responsible enough to get good grades and work part time while in school I think he should be able to start driving now. If you buy him the car though, you may be able to put more limits on his driving, like not at night or only to/ from work/ school.

When I was his age, I was told I would be buying my own car and paying my own auto related bills. My uncle gave me a retired truck from his fleet and I paid the bills, but my parents limited when I could drive it.

R.,
We purchased an older car that needed a lil work. This way he got the satisfaction of fixing it up himself, he learned more about how cars work(not that this was a problem for our son he was crawling under them at a young age).
He seemed to appreciate it more. Not that we could afford a NEW car anyway. I understand wanting something new, so that it is more reliable...but it doesn't have to be a CLunker either.
Our son was required to have a part time job to help pay insurance & gas. This also was for the fact that we wanted him to prove his responsiblilty....If he couldn't keep a part time job & keep his grades up then he didn't need to be driving...just my philsophy anyway.It just proved some responsibility.Life should not be given away, or they won't understand how to do things for themselves when they are on their own.
Our 14 yr old daughter has her first car already. It's an old 1969 Volswagen Bug. Which she loves. Of course she is not able to drive it yet but helped Dad change her first flat tire over the weekend. She WILL NOT BE HELPLESS, when it comes to knowing about cars....again, just my philosphy.....
Good Luck, I'm sure you will find the right answer for you. Every family is different....maybe a happy medium? Not brand new but only a couple years old??

I am a femily therapist who specializes in teens, and I would say: let him get his own car, once h can afford it. He should pay the insurance, maintenance, etc., unless he does a lot of driving for the family.
As for clunker vs. new, etc, that should be up to him and what he wants to sheel out, as long as it meets minimal safety standards (has seat belts, brakes, etc).